Funny things you have heard on the radio

bobmrg said:
FCC regulations regarding call signs:

87.107 Station identification.

(a) Aircraft station. Identify by one of the following means:
(1) Aircraft radio station call sign.
(2) The type of aircraft followed by the characters of the registration marking ("N" number) of the aircraft, omitting the prefix letter "N." When communication is initiated by a ground station, an aircraft station may use the type of aircraft followed by the last three characters of the registration marking. Notwithstanding any other provision of this section, an aircraft being moved by maintenance personnel from one location in an airport to another location in that airport may be identified by a station identification consisting of the name of the company owning or operating the aircraft, followed by the word "Maintenance" and additional alphanumeric characters of the licensee's choosing.
(3) The FAA assigned radiotelephony designator of the aircraft operating organization followed by the flight identification number.

You have a radio station licence in a little plastic envelope on the sidewall together with the aircraft registration. You must follow both FCC regulations and FAA regulations. Your pilot certificate is your radio operator's license.
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Well then it must happen all the time! I mean, if it's a published regulation, everyone surely follows it! :D
 
Lowflynjack said:
Well then it must happen all the time! I mean, if it's a published regulation, everyone surely follows it! :D
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Which regulation covers meowing on guard?

3a63ec559a3dc7b312f46e8b48552d7f.jpg
 
Many years ago I was doing instrument training approaches at Utica (UCA, now closed) in early summer, when it was common for there to be many hot air balloons about on relatively calm days. One of the balloons was in the vicinity of UCA and was talking to Griffiss Approach as we were being vectored for the ILS 33, when we heard the call "Balloon XXXX, turn heading 090". We were laughing so hard we almost missed the anonymous radio call "Pffff, Pffff, Pffff", the sound of someone blowing into the microphone.
 
GaryM said:
[QUOTE="luvflyin, post: 2950508, member: 25363" I told him about the other plane and decided to get cute and described the plane he was looking for has a picture of some Eskimo looking thing on the tail. He called it, I climbed him using Visual. A few seconds later a voice pops up and says, “that’s the captains girlfriend.”
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For the longest time, I thought it was Jerry Garcia[/QUOTE]

I remember waiting for an Alaska flight at SeaTac about 20 some years ago and having the conversation "why is bob marley painted on the Alaska Airlines planes"?
 
Was flying home late on Wednesday minutes prior to Thanksgiving (Carlsbad NM to Dona Ana) with FF hand off to El Paso Class C about 50 miles east of the city. Reported level 8500 and he provided the altimeter setting ... then not another transmission for the next 30 minutes. Clearing his airspace and preparing to descend for my airport I get the usual freq change squawk VFR transmission from him. I thank him and tell him "Happy Thanksgiving" as it is now just past midnight, and I'm sure I was the first. Before he can reply, a FEDEX on the ground at KELP pipes up," I TRIED to tell him Happy Thanksgiving, but the frequency was TOO congested." We all had a good laugh ...:p
 
I told him about the other plane and decided to get cute and described the plane he was looking for has a picture of some Eskimo looking thing on the tail. He called it, I climbed him using Visual. A few seconds later a voice pops up and says, “that’s the captains girlfriend.”
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For the longest time, I thought it was Jerry Garcia
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I remember waiting for an Alaska flight at SeaTac about 20 some years ago and having the conversation "why is bob marley painted on the Alaska Airlines planes"?
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I always tell people it's Charles Manson.....

Ron Wanttaja
 
Jim K said:
Shooting the ILS this morning on tower frequency at DEC (not sure about the names, but the rest is 100% true):

D-"Uh hey Bob, this is Dick down at the cargo ramp, have you got any reports on ceilings? "

Tower had updated the ATIS based on report we gave from our first approach literally 3 min ago...

T-"Yeah, I just got a report of 500 AGL"

D-"Uh, OK, so 500 feet.... would that be VFR?"

T-"no,VFR is at least 1000 foot ceiling"

D-"Uh, ok I guess well just hang out here bit then and see if it improves...."

I was very glad to be out of there before Dick got airborne....
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thats what SHE said...
 
Shortly after the controller fell asleep cleaning his gun at KPBI, 1993, we were returning to KDAL in the middle of the night. It took several try's to get the tower controller to answer us. He recognized our tail number and we recognized him after we got a response. His response " Sorry, I was cleaning my gun and picking my feet, cleared to land 13R".

https://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/fl-xpm-1993-05-07-9302100451-story.html
 
Heard this exchange a few months ago. It went something like this:

Pilot: (young-sounding) "N1234 6 south with information Foxtrot?"
Tower: "N1234, #2 behind a Cessna on final, runway 36, report 2 mile final."
Pilot: "N1234 #2, report 2 mile final 36?"
Tower: "N1234, what type of landing?"
Pilot: (hesitantly) "Uhhh, a successful one? N1234?"
Tower: (disdainfully) "I meant will it be a full stop or a touch and go."
Pilot: "Ohhh. A full-stop? "
Tower: "N1234 cleared for a successful full-stop landing, 36."
 
Many years ago orbiting around NAS North Island trying to break into the Lindburgh Tower freq for a Class B transition to the north as they talked some cowpoke in a C182 in to the airfield. This dude was so lost it took them 15 minutes to get him pointed at the runway with clearance to land. As he was on short final he tried to get the tower to arrange a rental car from him when he landed. That did not go over very well.
 
As another urban legend has it, a British Airways pilot asked for progressive taxi instructions at Frankfurt back in the 60's. The German controller got irate and asked "have you never been to Frankfurt before?" The British pilot answered, "just once, in 1944, but we didn't stop."
 
Maybe not that funny...but my exchange the other week...

Tower: Make right traffic for the C130 traffic, flight of 2. After that you have the airport to yourself.

I make right traffic, do my TnG and then go left traffic.
More traffic calls in.

Tower: Can you make a short approach on this one? Inbound traffic. Sorry, guess I lied to you.
Me: You're forgiven. We will make a short approach.

I like the guys at my Charlie airport. They are fun to work with.
 
This happened to me Somewhere in Missouri, I believe near the vicinity of Whiteman Air Force base
Kansas City Center: Cherokee 44W traffic is at 2:00 and 5 miles, a B-2 Stealth Bomber.
Me: I am looking but I can't see the Stealth Bomber.....

I was probably the only one that thought that was funny. He had probably heard that one a few times before.
 
I'm sure this has been posted here before, but...

"There were a lot of things we couldn't do in an SR-71, but we were the fastest guys on the block and loved reminding our fellow aviators of this fact. People often asked us if, because of this fact, it was fun to fly the jet. Fun would not be the first word I would use to describe flying this plane. Intense, maybe. Even cerebral. But there was one day in our Sled experience when we would have to say that it was pure fun to be the fastest guys out there, at least for a moment.

It occurred when Walt and I were flying our final training sortie. We needed 100 hours in the jet to complete our training and attain Mission Ready status. Somewhere over Colorado we had passed the century mark. We had made the turn in Arizona and the jet was performing flawlessly. My gauges were wired in the front seat and we were starting to feel pretty good about ourselves, not only because we would soon be flying real missions but because we had gained a great deal of confidence in the plane in the past ten months. Ripping across the barren deserts 80,000 feet below us, I could already see the coast of California from the Arizona border. I was, finally, after many humbling months of simulators and study, ahead of the jet.

I was beginning to feel a bit sorry for Walter in the back seat. There he was, with no really good view of the incredible sights before us, tasked with monitoring four different radios. This was good practice for him for when we began flying real missions, when a priority transmission from headquarters could be vital. It had been difficult, too, for me to relinquish control of the radios, as during my entire flying career I had controlled my own transmissions. But it was part of the division of duties in this plane and I had adjusted to it. I still insisted on talking on the radio while we were on the ground, however. Walt was so good at many things, but he couldn't match my expertise at sounding smooth on the radios, a skill that had been honed sharply with years in fighter squadrons where the slightest radio miscue was grounds for beheading. He understood that and allowed me that luxury.

Just to get a sense of what Walt had to contend with, I pulled the radio toggle switches and monitored the frequencies along with him. The predominant radio chatter was from Los Angeles Center, far below us, controlling daily traffic in their sector. While they had us on their scope (albeit briefly), we were in uncontrolled airspace and normally would not talk to them unless we needed to descend into their airspace.

We listened as the shaky voice of a lone Cessna pilot asked Center for a readout of his ground speed. Center replied: "November Charlie 175, I'm showing you at ninety knots on the ground."

Now the thing to understand about Center controllers, was that whether they were talking to a rookie pilot in a Cessna, or to Air Force One, they always spoke in the exact same, calm, deep, professional, tone that made one feel important. I referred to it as the " Houston Center voice." I have always felt that after years of seeing documentaries on this country's space program and listening to the calm and distinct voice of the Houston controllers, that all other controllers since then wanted to sound like that, and that they basically did. And it didn't matter what sector of the country we would be flying in, it always seemed like the same guy was talking. Over the years that tone of voice had become somewhat of a comforting sound to pilots everywhere. Conversely, over the years, pilots always wanted to ensure that, when transmitting, they sounded like Chuck Yeager, or at least like John Wayne. Better to die than sound bad on the radios.

Just moments after the Cessna's inquiry, a Twin Beech piped up on frequency, in a rather superior tone, asking for his ground speed. "I have you at one hundred and twenty-five knots of ground speed." Boy, I thought, the Beechcraft really must think he is dazzling his Cessna brethren. Then out of the blue, a navy F-18 pilot out of NAS Lemoore came up on frequency. You knew right away it was a Navy jock because he sounded very cool on the radios. "Center, Dusty 52 ground speed check". Before Center could reply, I'm thinking to myself, hey, Dusty 52 has a ground speed indicator in that million-dollar cockpit, so why is he asking Center for a readout? Then I got it, ol' Dusty here is making sure that every bug smasher from Mount Whitney to the Mojave knows what true speed is. He's the fastest dude in the valley today, and he just wants everyone to know how much fun he is having in his new Hornet. And the reply, always with that same, calm, voice, with more distinct alliteration than emotion: "Dusty 52, Center, we have you at 620 on the ground."

And I thought to myself, is this a ripe situation, or what? As my hand instinctively reached for the mic button, I had to remind myself that Walt was in control of the radios. Still, I thought, it must be done - in mere seconds we'll be out of the sector and the opportunity will be lost. That Hornet must die, and die now. I thought about all of our Sim training and how important it was that we developed well as a crew and knew that to jump in on the radios now would destroy the integrity of all that we had worked toward becoming. I was torn.

Somewhere, 13 miles above Arizona, there was a pilot screaming inside his space helmet. Then, I heard it. The click of the mic button from the back seat. That was the very moment that I knew Walter and I had become a crew. Very professionally, and with no emotion, Walter spoke: "Los Angeles Center, Aspen 20, can you give us a ground speed check?" There was no hesitation, and the replay came as if was an everyday request. "Aspen 20, I show you at one thousand eight hundred and forty-two knots, across the ground."

I think it was the forty-two knots that I liked the best, so accurate and proud was Center to deliver that information without hesitation, and you just knew he was smiling. But the precise point at which I knew that Walt and I were going to be really good friends for a long time was when he keyed the mic once again to say, in his most fighter-pilot-like voice: "Ah, Center, much thanks, we're showing closer to nineteen hundred on the money."

For a moment Walter was a god. And we finally heard a little crack in the armor of the Houston Center voice, when L.A.came back with, "Roger that Aspen, Your equipment is probably more accurate than ours. You boys have a good one."

It all had lasted for just moments, but in that short, memorable sprint across the southwest, the Navy had been flamed, all mortal airplanes on freq were forced to bow before the King of Speed, and more importantly, Walter and I had crossed the threshold of being a crew. A fine day's work. We never heard another transmission on that frequency all the way to the coast.

For just one day, it truly was fun being the fastest guys out there."​
 
Van Johnston said:
but it was really a bat strike.
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A Bat Strike? Is that when Alfred insists on a raise?

Seven or eight years ago I was flying 767 freighters into Afghanistan as a contractor for DHL. The Afghanistan airspace is controlled by US Air Force controllers. Procedures and phraseology were significantly different from civilian operations in the US but you could tell you were talking to other Americans. I was flying into Bagram AB, the US's largest Air Force Base in Afghanistan. The enroute controller was Kabul Center. It just happened to be Thanksgiving day. The Kabul controller would call himself "Kabul, kabul, kabul" in a fast, high voice sounding very much like a turkey gobbling. You won't hear that from New York Center.
 
Larry in TN said:
A Bat Strike? Is that when Alfred insists on a raise?

Seven or eight years ago I was flying 767 freighters into Afghanistan as a contractor for DHL. The Afghanistan airspace is controlled by US Air Force controllers. Procedures and phraseology were significantly different from civilian operations in the US but you could tell you were talking to other Americans. I was flying into Bagram AB, the US's largest Air Force Base in Afghanistan. The enroute controller was Kabul Center. It just happened to be Thanksgiving day. The Kabul controller would call himself "Kabul, kabul, kabul" in a fast, high voice sounding very much like a turkey gobbling. You won't hear that from New York Center.
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Bagram Information November
 
We had a 767-200 that returned to Bahrain with two bullet holes. Crew had no idea. The mechanics found them when they were inspecting the airplane.
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Margy's flight instructor was flying cargo DC-8s into the the middle east somewhere and he's like "The DC-8's a great plane, you get shot in the wing, you don't even feel it."
 
Piper18O said:
This happened to me Somewhere in Missouri, I believe near the vicinity of Whiteman Air Force base
Kansas City Center: Cherokee 44W traffic is at 2:00 and 5 miles, a B-2 Stealth Bomber.
Me: I am looking but I can't see the Stealth Bomber.....

I was probably the only one that thought that was funny. He had probably heard that one a few times before.
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That reminded me of one. I’m calling traffic. The traffic is a Mirage. As I’m doing it I realize it sounds kinda absurd and must have had a ‘tone’ to my voice. The guy I was giving the traffic to kinda chuckled and said something like “it’ll probably just disappear in a minute.”
 
Larry in TN said:
A Bat Strike? Is that when Alfred insists on a raise?

Seven or eight years ago I was flying 767 freighters into Afghanistan as a contractor for DHL. The Afghanistan airspace is controlled by US Air Force controllers. Procedures and phraseology were significantly different from civilian operations in the US but you could tell you were talking to other Americans. I was flying into Bagram AB, the US's largest Air Force Base in Afghanistan. The enroute controller was Kabul Center. It just happened to be Thanksgiving day. The Kabul controller would call himself "Kabul, kabul, kabul" in a fast, high voice sounding very much like a turkey gobbling. You won't hear that from New York Center.
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I may know that guy. A controller I knew at Los Angeles Center went to Afghanistan to work Center there. That is the type of thing he would do. Ironically, his name is Tom.
 
Transitioning the MSP Bravo at the end of May, during the Minneapolis riots, I was alerted to an unidentified target climbing out of Crystal Airport. As I got closer, I could see it was a National Guard Chinook carrying a bucket for firefighting.

I responded, “Traffic in sight, a Chinook”.
ATC responds, “Mmm. That’s a big boy.”
 
Dude: “turning down wind...base...final”

me: “dude, which runway are you using?”

dude: “uh, there’s only one”

me: silent
 
ateamer said:
Yep, a real rigid frame airship. They were doing tours in the San Francisco Bay Area. I had a similar conversation with NorCal Approach.
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Yes, exactly. Photo from the web. I remember it was out there every day for while.upload_2020-7-24_17-38-2.jpeg
 
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Ground, when I was about 100 yards from the runway: Maule 026, can you take it on the roll?

Me: Affimative.

Ground: Traffic is a DC-9 in position on the parallel runway. Make your left turn as soon as able, runway 12R, cleared for takeoff. contact tower airborne.
 
Velocity173 said:
Always thought the “SAFIRE / SAM” comment on the ATIS was a bit exaggerated. In all the places I flew into there, Bagram is by far the safest.
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Probably was. We did a week of MEDEVAC flying taking folks from Bagram to Ramstein. Two of the nights when we got there the weather guys said "you just missed the rocket attack" some taxiway damage and a -130 was hit one night.

I was more worried about getting run into by an RPA on final than I was a SAM.
 
Velocity173 said:
In all the places I flew into there, Bagram is by far the safest.
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I bet it was. Lots of helicopters, A10, etc. flying around Bagram that would be on top of anyone who started firing in no time at all. I was told that the rocket attacks on the base were blind shots. They'd setup the rocket launchers at night on a timer aimed in the general direction of the base. When it fired, they would be long gone.

You know... Getting a heavy 767-300 down onto the G/S from above, in that box pattern they'd have us fly, wasn't a lot of fun when I was brand new on the airplane. In fact, my first time into Bagram was 767 IOE.
 
Sluggo63 said:
Probably was. We did a week of MEDEVAC flying taking folks from Bagram to Ramstein. Two of the nights when we got there the weather guys said "you just missed the rocket attack" some taxiway damage and a -130 was hit one night.

I was more worried about getting run into by an RPA on final than I was a SAM.
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Lol! Got that right. Missed one by maybe 100-200 ft coming out of Jbad one day. My fault though. Wasn’t keeping an eye on my copilot as he busted through the helo altitude restriction there. Just my luck a Predator/ Reaper type was inbound. Always hated those things.
 
Larry in TN said:
I bet it was. Lots of helicopters, A10, etc. flying around Bagram that would be on top of anyone who started firing in no time at all. I was told that the rocket attacks on the base were blind shots. They'd setup the rocket launchers at night on a timer aimed in the general direction of the base. When it fired, they would be long gone.

You know... Getting a heavy 767-300 down onto the G/S from above, in that box pattern they'd have us fly, wasn't a lot of fun when I was brand new on the airplane. In fact, my first time into Bagram was 767 IOE.
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I couldn’t believe we didn’t have a midair or wake turbulence accident during the year I was there. Place was a madhouse at times with everyone converging on rwy 3 approach area at once with controllers who sometimes just didn’t have it. I’ve looked up at the bellies of plenty of heavies on short final!;)
 
Velocity173 said:
Place was a madhouse at times with everyone converging on rwy 3 approach area at once with controllers who sometimes just didn’t have it. I’ve looked up at the bellies of plenty of heavies on short final!;)
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Yeah! I couldn't believe how busy it was when I first arrived. Must have been late summer 2012. Not only busy but the mix of traffic was so incredibly diverse. (I've never seen so many... things... stuck onto the outside of a King Air before! And what's up with those crazy Russian cargo planes?)

It was interesting flying that very few people ever get to do. It was also nice that, after about two hours on the ground, we'd head right back out to our nice hotel room in Bahrain (right outside the Navy base).
 
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