Blonde Jokes Thread

kimberlyanne546

kimberlyanne546

Final Approach
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Kimberly
This is the story of a blonde flying in a 2-seater airplane with just the pilot.

They are at an altitude of 14,000 feet, clear skies, full tank of fuel.

They are heading east out of Detroit, over Lake Erie.

Then tragedy hits, the pilot has a heart attack and dies.

She frantically calls a May Day:

"May Day! May Day! Help! Help! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead.

And I don't know how to fly".

All of a sudden she hears a voice over the radio saying:

"This is Detroit tower. I've received your message and I will talk you
through it. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now,
just relax.

Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position."

She says, "I'm 5'4" and I'm in the front seat."

"OoooKay." says the voice from the tower. "Repeat after me: Our Father. . . Who art in Heaven. . . "
 
Funny...

But over lake Erie, they would be talking to Detroit Approach or Cleavland Center not Tower. => I know I know jokes are no place for logic....
 
Why don't blondes bake chocolate chip cookies?






























Takes too dang long to peel all those M&Ms.
 
Well, at least she wasn't also in the pilot's seat.

Wait, that's another thread.
 
Missa said:
Funny...

But over lake Erie, they would be talking to Detroit Approach or Cleavland Center not Tower. => I know I know jokes are no place for logic....
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It was a forward sent to me. The 14,000 seemed high for a two seater (my ceiling in my 2 seater is 12,000). Like you said, jokes are no place for logic.
 
Gerhardt said:
Well, at least she wasn't also in the pilot's seat.

Wait, that's another thread.
Click to expand...

No, that's an NTSB report:


NTSB Identification: MIA92FA051.
The docket is stored on NTSB microfiche number 46312.
Accident occurred Monday, December 23, 1991 in RAINBOW LAKE, FL
Probable Cause Approval Date: 05/05/1993
Aircraft: PIPER PA-34-200T, registration: N47506
Injuries: 2 Fatal.

THE PRIVATE PILOT AND A PILOT RATED PASSENGER WERE GOING TO PRACTICE SIMULATED INSTRUMENT FLIGHT. WITNESSES OBSERVED THE AIRPLANE'S RIGHT WING FAIL IN A DIVE AND CRASH. EXAMINATION OF THE WRECKAGE AND BODIES REVEALED THAT BOTH OCCUPANTS WERE PARTIALLY CLOTHED AND THE FRONT RIGHT SEAT WAS IN THE FULL AFT RECLINING POSITION. NEITHER BODY SHOWED EVIDENCE OF SEATBELTS OR SHOULDER HARNESSES BEING WORN. EXAMINATION OF THE INDIVIDUALS' CLOTHING REVEALED NO EVIDENCE OF RIPPING OR DISTRESS TO THE ZIPPERS AND BELTS.

The National Transportation Safety Board determines the probable cause(s) of this accident as follows:

THE PILOT IN COMMAND'S IMPROPER INFLIGHT DECISION TO DIVERT HER ATTENTION TO OTHER ACTIVITIES NOT RELATED TO THE CONDUCT OF THE FLIGHT. CONTRIBUTING TO THE ACCIDENT WAS THE EXCEEDING OF THE DESIGN LIMITS OF THE AIRPLANE LEADING TO A WING FAILURE.
 
Mental note: Add 2-axis autopilot to my list of required equipment if I buy an airplane.
 
There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.
 
steingar said:
There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.
Click to expand...

OMG. Love it.
 
A cargo plane with 2 female pilots and a blonde Flight Engineer crashes in the ocean and all 3 wash up on a beach island. It's the old cartoon kind thats just a mound of dirt and a single coconut tree.

They survive for a couple weeks eating the coconuts and drinking the milk. Finally on the brink of disaster one of the pilots notices a lamp as washed ashore. She goes down to retrieve it and as soon as her hand rubs it's side a Genie comes out.

The Genie looks at the 3 women and says, 'Well, normally the deal is I give you three wishes, but as there are three of you I'll grant each of you one wish."

The Captain goes first and says, "I want to be back home with my Husband and kids...I miss them so much!" and poof! She back home with her family.

The FO says, "Thank god...I want to be home with my boy friend". And thinking quickly she adds, "on a romantic date" POOF! She's at a fancy restaurant with her boyfriend in an evening gown.

The FE looks around, sorta sad and says, "Gosh, it got awful lonely around here. I wish my friends were back..."
 
kimberlyanne546 said:
THE PILOT IN COMMAND'S IMPROPER INFLIGHT DECISION TO DIVERT HER ATTENTION TO OTHER ACTIVITIES NOT RELATED TO THE CONDUCT OF THE FLIGHT.
Click to expand...

My goodness, talk about circumspect. Could they have put it any more delicately??

BTW, my ex was/is a blonde (well, mostly gray these days) and she loved blonde jokes.

.
.
.

She just couldn't remember any of them. Ta dum.

Not really, she could. At least for a few hours. Ta dum dum.
 
alfadog said:
My goodness, talk about circumspect. Could they have put it any more delicately??

BTW, my ex was/is a blonde (well, mostly gray these days) and she loved blonde jokes.

.
.
.

She just couldn't remember any of them. Ta dum.

Not really, she could. At least for a few hours. Ta dum dum.
Click to expand...

I'm a brunette.
 
EdFred said:
You might want to look a bit closer at your pictures.
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Dude, that is not real.

Seriously, though, my hair is dark brown. The rest is hair coloring. I don't have a picture of me as a brunette since I've been dying my hair forever. I did once dye it back to brown, I can try to dig that one up, but that's cheating.
 
kimberlyanne546 said:
Dude, that is not real.

Seriously, though, my hair is dark brown. The rest is hair coloring. I don't have a picture of me as a brunette since I've been dying my hair forever. I did once dye it back to brown, I can try to dig that one up, but that's cheating.
Click to expand...

Pictures show blonde, you're blonde. That's like a bald guy saying he has x color hair because it was once x.
 
Here. Now do you believe me?

2053100085_f32607cbb1_m.jpg
 
All the blonde jokes I know aren't suitable for this forum.
 
Still red, and looks way better than the blonde to me. Cheaper too.

Once there were 3 people in an airplane, one took a bite out of an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of the plane. The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane. Then the last person took a bite out of a grenade and he thought it was too crunchy so, he threw it out of the plane. Then they landed and decided to go for a walk. They first passed a little girl who was crying and they asked, "little girl, little girl, why are you crying?" and the little girl said, "an apple came down and killed my new kitty". Next they passed a little boy who was also crying. And they again asked, "little boy, little boy, why are you crying?" and the little boy said, "a lemon came down and killed my new puppy." Then they passed a blonde sitting on the side walk laughing her butt off. They asked, "why are you laughing so hard?" and the blonde said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up!!"
 
Neither of those is you. A photo of the real you would have you looking over your shoulder.
 
Boudreaux And The Aggies

Boudreaux was sitting in the City Bar in Maurice, La. one Saturday night, and had several beers under his belt. After a while, he looks at the guy sitting next to him, and asks him, "Hey, you wanna hear a good Aggie joke, you ?" The big guy replies, "Let me tell you something. I'm an oilfield roughneck, I weigh 270 pounds, and I don't like Cajuns. My buddy here is a pro football player, weighs 300 pounds, and he doesn't like Cajuns either. His friend on his other side, is a professional wrestler, weighs 320 pounds, always has a chip on his shoulder, and he likes Cajuns even less than we do, and we are all Aggies. Do you really want to tell us an Aggie joke ?" Boudreaux, all 150 pounds of Cajun attitude, tells him, "Mais, I guess not. After all I don't want have to explain it three times !"
 
A plane is on its way to Detroit when a blonde woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class section.

The flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs the woman that she must sit in economy class because that's the type of ticket she paid for.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."

After repeated attempts and no success at convincing the woman to move, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-piolet that there's a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat. The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, "I'm blonde, I'm beatiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."

The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land. The pilot says, "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde." He goes back to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry," then quickly moves back to her seat in economy class.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.

"I told her first class isn't going to Detroit."
 
Did you hear about the blonde who bought a hat for her weak-end?
 
Considering the thread title...

and the name of the member who started the thread...

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.

.

What is the formula you use to determine how much fuel is remaining in your tank?
 
alfadog said:
Looks like a blonde pretending to be a redhead to me :D
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There's only one way to be sure. Something about carpets matching drapes.


We'll need to see a picture of your living room. :D
 
Eject...I'm outta here.
 
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