Blonde Jokes Thread

I don't get it. She posted two pictures, both looked like they might have been in the living room.

:rolleyes2:
 
Not a blonde joke, but I just heard it and thought it was funny!

A guy is sitting in the bar in departures at a busy airport.

A beautiful woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him. He decides because she's got a uniform on, she's probably an off-duty flight attendant.

So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly.

He leans across to her and says the Delta Airlines motto

'We love to fly and it shows'.

The woman looks at him blankly. He sits back and thinks up another line.

He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto

'Winning the hearts of the world'.

Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.

Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto

'Going beyond expectations'.

The woman looks at him sternly and says 'What the F-- do you want?'

'Ah!' he says, sitting back with a smile on his face – ‘Spirit Airlines’
 
AggieMike88 said:
Considering the thread title...

and the name of the member who started the thread...

.

.

.

What is the formula you use to determine how much fuel is remaining in your tank?
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How cute. You remembered. Rather than finding the thread, let me pull out my cell phone and see if it is still there in text format:

"You tank the total fuel, subtract the total weight of the aircraft, then add the last three numbers of the N-Numbers of the aircraft, and then divide that by the date - NOT USING THE YEAR."
 
"Two blondes walk into a bar .... the brunette ducked."
 
alfadog said:
Looks like a blonde pretending to be a redhead to me :D
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A blonde is sitting at home one day when she decides she's sick of hearing blonde jokes. She decides to dye her hair brown, and, to see if it works in making her more intelligent, goes to a farm where she approaches the farmer with the challenge, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?" The farmer chuckles to himself, before replying, "Sure, why not?"

The blonde pulls out a calculator and does a bunch of hugely complicated equations and comes up with a number. She says to the farmer, "There are 314 sheep out there." The farmer is astonished. "You're right!" he says. "Go take your pick".

The blonde takes a few minutes to pick a sheep, waves to the farmer, and leaves.

She's sitting at home the next day when she hears a knock on her front door. She opens it and finds the farmer standing there holding his hat. He says to her, "If I can guess your real hair colour, can I have my dog back?"
 
In the wilds of Alaska a bush plane goes down in a microburst but the pilot skillfully manages to put down without a single major injury, but the ELT fails to operate and no one has a sat phone. The group boonie -bashes for nearly a week before emerging on the banks of a roaring river. Across the rapids they see a blonde sitting on a rock fishing. Catching her attention the pilot yells:

"Hey! How do we get to the other side??"

The blonde reels in and then stands up and yells back:

"DUMMY, YOU'RE ALREADY ON THE OTHER SIDE!!!!!!"
 
kimberlyanne546 said:
PS - It is good you don't get it. The world needs more innocent people such as yourself.
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I am by no means innocent. I was trying to gently nudge the thread back from the precipice. It was getting a little indelicate.
 
Too late.

As a natural blonde, I can tell you that all of the blonde jokes are based on bleach blondes.
 
The blonde pilot climbs out of the J3 Cub, and her miniskirt flips up.

"Whoa, lady! Jeez, wear some undies!"

"Oh silly, you know I'm a bush pilot!"
 
So a blonde termite goes into a tavern. "excuse me, is the bar tender here?"
 
A blonde scientist managed to clone himself, but the clone had one major flaw - it couldn't stop swearing and behaving in a disgusting manner.

The scientist knew that although he had made one of the greatest scientific breakthroughs in history, there was no way he could present such an embarrassing example to the world's press, so he decided to kill the clone and make a less offensive replica of himself.

The blonde scientist took the clone to the top of a high cliff with the intention of pushing him over the edge.

"Where are you f-ing taking me, you silly old c**t?" asked the clone as they walked along the cliff edge.

"Just for a nice bit of fresh air" said the blonde scientist, unconvincingly.

"You're going to f-ing push me over the ******* cliff aren't you, you f-wit!" screamed the clone as he tried to run away.

Unfortunately for the clone, this proved somewhat difficult as he had his trousers around his ankles and was quickly caught by the scientist and tripped up.

Quick as a flash, the blonde scientist rolled him off the edge of the cliff and watched him fall to his death.

Several weeks went by and the blonde scientistwas wracked with guilt and decided to go to the police. Based on the fact that the clone was not officially alive, he was sure he would get away with it.

In the police station he told his story, confident that he could not be charged with anything. After much deliberation the chief inspector decided to arrest the scientist.

The blonde scientistwas shocked and asked on what charge was his arrest based on.


"Well sir, I am arresting you for making an obscene clone fall."
 
I laughed at that... and feel ever so slightly diminished for having done so. :) :) :)
 
AggieMike88 said:
A blonde scientist managed to clone himself, but the clone had one major flaw - it couldn't stop swearing and behaving in a disgusting manner.

The scientist knew that although he had made one of the greatest scientific breakthroughs in history, there was no way he could present such an embarrassing example to the world's press, so he decided to kill the clone and make a less offensive replica of himself.

The blonde scientist took the clone to the top of a high cliff with the intention of pushing him over the edge.

"Where are you f-ing taking me, you silly old c**t?" asked the clone as they walked along the cliff edge.

"Just for a nice bit of fresh air" said the blonde scientist, unconvincingly.

"You're going to f-ing push me over the ******* cliff aren't you, you f-wit!" screamed the clone as he tried to run away.

Unfortunately for the clone, this proved somewhat difficult as he had his trousers around his ankles and was quickly caught by the scientist and tripped up.

Quick as a flash, the blonde scientist rolled him off the edge of the cliff and watched him fall to his death.

Several weeks went by and the blonde scientistwas wracked with guilt and decided to go to the police. Based on the fact that the clone was not officially alive, he was sure he would get away with it.

In the police station he told his story, confident that he could not be charged with anything. After much deliberation the chief inspector decided to arrest the scientist.

The blonde scientistwas shocked and asked on what charge was his arrest based on.


"Well sir, I am arresting you for making an obscene clone fall."
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RimShotJohnnyUtah.jpg
 
Gerhardt said:
So a blonde termite goes into a tavern. "excuse me, is the bar tender here?"
Click to expand...

AggieMike88 said:
A blonde scientist managed to clone himself, but the clone had one major flaw - it couldn't stop swearing and behaving in a disgusting manner.

The scientist knew that although he had made one of the greatest scientific breakthroughs in history, there was no way he could present such an embarrassing example to the world's press, so he decided to kill the clone and make a less offensive replica of himself.

The blonde scientist took the clone to the top of a high cliff with the intention of pushing him over the edge.

"Where are you f-ing taking me, you silly old c**t?" asked the clone as they walked along the cliff edge.

"Just for a nice bit of fresh air" said the blonde scientist, unconvincingly.

"You're going to f-ing push me over the ******* cliff aren't you, you f-wit!" screamed the clone as he tried to run away.

Unfortunately for the clone, this proved somewhat difficult as he had his trousers around his ankles and was quickly caught by the scientist and tripped up.

Quick as a flash, the blonde scientist rolled him off the edge of the cliff and watched him fall to his death.

Several weeks went by and the blonde scientistwas wracked with guilt and decided to go to the police. Based on the fact that the clone was not officially alive, he was sure he would get away with it.

In the police station he told his story, confident that he could not be charged with anything. After much deliberation the chief inspector decided to arrest the scientist.

The blonde scientistwas shocked and asked on what charge was his arrest based on.


"Well sir, I am arresting you for making an obscene clone fall."
Click to expand...


Not for nuthin, but you can't just add the word 'blonde' to a joke to make it a 'blonde joke'. Those are both good jokes, I just fail to see the connection to 'blonde'.
 
So a blonde starts a joke thread....
 
This thread is eliciting appropriate groans of displeasure from my blonde companion during breakfast at Gaston's. ;)
 
denverpilot said:
This thread is eliciting appropriate groans of displeasure from my blonde companion during breakfast at Gaston's. ;)
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Does this help?

Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny, a smart blond and a dumb blond were walking down the street - at the exact same time, each noticed a $20 bill on the ground.

Who got it?








































The dumb blond.

Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny and smart blonds do not really exist.
 
A blonde teenage girl, wanting to earn some extra money for the Summer, decided to hire herself out as a 'handy-woman' and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

'Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,' he said. 'How much will you charge me?'

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, 'How about $50?'

The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, 'Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?'

He responded, 'That's a bit cynical, isn't it?'
The wife replied, 'You're right...
I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes.

Later that day, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

'You're finished already?' the startled husband asked.
'Yes, the blonde replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.'

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a ten dollar tip.

'And by the way,' the blonde added, 'it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus.'

HR (and totally illustration-unrelated to the thread, except that I hitched a ride with a blonde in a Corvette after having motor-boated into and docked at the restaurant at Mackerel Cove.)
 

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Can translate to Aggie jokes too.

Story that recently in the Bryan/College Station Eagle newspaper recently doing a follow up on the drowning deaths of 3 Aggies in the back of a pickup truck. Investigators determined the reason they drowned was because they couldn't open the tailgate.
 
Texas worst air disaster occurred yesterday when a Cessna 152 crashed in a cemetery near the campus of Taxas A&M, home of the Aggies.

Investigators report that 862 bodies have been recovered so far and more are expected as digging continues through the evening....
 
do you know why a blonde is so attractive to men when they wear a leather dress?










they smell like a new truck.
 
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