Anybody have an anorexic child?

James_Dean said:
Ok, you've missed my point because she didn't get exposed to what kids are dealing with today.
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Why is "today" somehow more important then how kids were treated "yesterday"? You have no idea what a teenage girl 15 years ago went through. Were you a teenage girl 15 years ago?

Are you just trolling at this point?
 
Caramon13 said:
Why is "today" somehow more important then how kids were treated "yesterday"? You have no idea what a teenage girl 15 years ago went through. Were you a teenage girl 15 years ago?

Are you just trolling at this point?
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Social media has changed the game.
 
Things haven't changed as much as you think. I've already said all I care to say. Carry on without me. I have airplane stuff to attend to.
 
James_Dean said:
Social media has changed the game.
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Agree. Kids could be cruel to other kids even in the "old days" but social media has made it much easier.

Anorexia was a problem even back when I was younger. It's probably been a problem for a long time, but only started to be publicized around the time of Karen Carpenter's death.

But of course it didn't hit everyone, so there are always examples of people who were thin and not anorexic.
 
James_Dean said:
I have a few thoughts -
1. A concerned father(anybody really, not trying to be exclusive) should be able to come to this community and voice a concern without being ridiculed for it. I view many people here as peers and respect their opinion even though I've never actually met them. To be blasted here for coming for advice is ludicrous and not neighborly.
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Agreed.

To those who are getting off on tangents and turning this argumentative or otherwise being unsupportive, consider this your warning.
 
Oh, on the physical thing, I just meant that maybe if she's judging her condition and form based on physical performance vs not being physical and the media or some Facebook stuff, it'll probably yield a better physical condition.
 
A girl I went you high school with died from organ failure in her mid 20's after a long battle with anorexia. Some people here don't seem to realize how serious of a problem this can be.
 
Morgan3820 said:
We are starting the facility admission process now. Fortunately they have a bed open. I have never felt so helpless and scared.
Thanks
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You have taken the right steps and are working with professionals who work with kids who struggle with this all the time. You have reason for hope, and less fear. And they also work with scared parents, too... they know they are treating you as much as they're treating your daughter.

You'll know if they're trustworthy right away, how they treat you and your gut will tell you. The vast majority are, and they will be teaching you about what's going on as the process gets going.

You did the best "dad thing" of all. You and your wife found professional help and got her there.
 
Touchy subject for me...I had a loved one who had anerexia nervosa...not bulimia..

Completely different disease.

OP...prepare yourself and your family to "become the problem" when you begin the process of confrontation.

I am glad to talk to you off line to share my insight on the difficulties faced with confrontation.

There is no easy fix.
 
Morgan3820 said:
We are starting the facility admission process now. Fortunately they have a bed open. I have never felt so helpless and scared.
Thanks
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OP update:
We have an admission date set for the in patient facility. It looks nice, good reviews, only a couple hours away. The staff has been prompt with callbacks. School administration has also been quite helpful with waiving end of year requirements. Everyone has been helpful and supportive. Things are lining up. We have not told the daughter, but I feels that she suspects something. Still working to line up someone locally for therapy support after the in patient program is complete. Stressed but feeling a little better. I didn't go flying last weekend as I felt that I did not have my head in the game. Maybe this Sunday I'll feel more focused.

Thanks for the support
 
It's going to be tough for her to hear. She may suspect something's up, but it's not the same. I'm no expert, but the trick is going to be for her to understand, and you to help her, that it isn't her fault. I wish you all the best.
 
I have my 1st child- a daughter- on the way (due 4th of July). The wife and I are beyond excited about starting a family together, however, stories like this scare the hell out of me.

@Morgan3820 good luck, my thoughts are with you and your family. It has been my experience growing up that when families get through tough times like this they end up stronger. I trust that's what will happen here.
 
neilw2 said:
I have my 1st child- a daughter- on the way (due 4th of July). The wife and I are beyond excited about starting a family together, however, stories like this scare the hell out of me.

@Morgan3820 good luck, my thoughts are with you and your family. It has been my experience growing up that when families get through tough times like this they end up stronger. I trust that's what will happen here.
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Neil, embrace the adventure. Odds of the good things outweighing the bad are very high. I fulfilled the joke and dropped my babies on their head (yes, both of them). I have been to ER's and jails, but also honor societies and championship games. It is a continuing struggle, but worth every minute, and I look forward to the continuing adventure as my children become adults. I would not trade a single moment, I am a better human being because of it all.
 
neilw2 said:
I have my 1st child- a daughter- on the way (due 4th of July). The wife and I are beyond excited about starting a family together, however, stories like this scare the hell out of me.
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And they do for all parents. Do your best not to worry about it, raise them as best you can, and help them to be independent and able to do things on their own. Just enjoy it. Yeah, teenage years are rough. I know they were the worst years of my life, and probably also hard on mom as well by proxy. But if my kids turn out like my wife and me, then they'll be alright.

Getting to take my son to the airport and have him help me work on the plane is just the most awesome experience. We've been talking about building a Zenith that we could fly off of our property. The more I think about it the more I want to do that sooner rather than later, and maybe even buy a completed one. He loves flying when I let him take the controls of the 414, but that's not something that's practical to just go buzz around in and look at cows. Being able to let him fly around to look at cows and teach him and his sisters? So awesome. The fact that my wife and I are both pilots and flight instructors make the idea all the more fun.
 
I stopped reading when James accused this concerned dad of helicopter parenting. It's not helicopter parenting to step in when you notice something is wrong with your child - especially something that can kill them.

I was a "twig" as a teen/young adult - so much so that my parents insurance threatened to kick me off the plan as they believed I was borderline anorexic. I was 5'7, 120 lbs.... BMI of 18.5 or so. But if there was one thing I was never concerned about growing up, it was my weight... I would devour a bag of cookies a day, if my parents let me. Knowing me and how I was, they laughed at the accusation and had my doctor write a note stating I was not making myself too thin.

The BMI that this guy stated his daughter is at, however, is VERY indicative of a serious problem. That would put her at a mere 90 lbs or less. Whether she's doing it consciously or not, it's her parent's duty to take care of her, keep her safe and help her to get better.

@Morgan3820 sounds like a great father. He is a "dad doing dad things" (gawd, this board... sigh) - he's loving and helping his child. If you don't consider those dad things, then you are definitely doing it wrong. His daughter is lucky to have him.
 
Cajun_Flyer said:
I was a "twig" as a teen/young adult - so much so that my parents insurance threatened to kick me off the plan as they believed I was borderline anorexic. I was 5'7, 120 lbs.... BMI of 18.5 or so. But if there was one thing I was never concerned about growing up, it was my weight... I would devour a bag of cookies a day, if my parents let me. Knowing me and how I was, they laughed at the accusation and had my doctor write a note stating I was not making myself too thin.
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I'm surprised the insurance had a cow over those numbers. When I was in HS I was nearing 6' and somewhere between 135-155 lbs. I knew plenty of girls in HS who weighed less than your 120 lbs and did not have any eating disorders, it was just how they were. I ate everything in sight, but my mom didn't keep much food in the house because she didn't like spending money on food, and thought I was eating more than I needed to. She also limited my food intake as a baby, even when I asked her for more and said I was hungry. Sigh. Good thing I didn't have an eating disorder, because she would've encouraged it.
 
Cajun_Flyer said:
Happened shortly after I turned 18. I'm guessing the insurance company was looking for a reason to boot me.
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That would make sense. They didn't really care they just wanted you to get your own policy.
 
In jr high I saw it first-hand. I moved around a lot when I was growing up, it was rare that I'd see the same kids two years in a row. A time that I did go to the same school twice I saw a girl that I remembered from the previous year - and she was nearly unrecognizable. She didn't stay in school very long, and nobody knew for sure what happened. We suspected she was pulled out for medical reasons. Yeah, there's thin, and then there's the result of anorexia and it's noticeable. It might be harder for parents to catch on because they might see it so gradually they have a hard time noticing, maybe.
 
Matthew said:
In jr high I saw it first-hand. I moved around a lot when I was growing up, it was rare that I'd see the same kids two years in a row. A time that I did go to the same school twice I saw a girl that I remembered from the previous year - and she was nearly unrecognizable. She didn't stay in school very long, and nobody knew for sure what happened. We suspected she was pulled out for medical reasons. Yeah, there's thin, and then there's the result of anorexia and it's noticeable. It might be harder for parents to catch on because they might see it so gradually they have a hard time noticing, maybe.
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Yeah, when you see someone who's truly anorexic, you can tell. I remember a girl at a summer program I went to who was. You could see all her bones.
 
Morgan3820 said:
We admitted our daughter for residential treatment today. I know it needed to be done. The house feels so empty without her. It will be a long 6 weeks for all of us.
:(
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Hang in there. It's hard but she's in the best place to be. We had to have an intervention for our son once for other issues and the professionals were compassionate and competent and helped us through it. He made it past that speed bump and these days is happy, healthy and engaged to a wonderful young woman.

We care and we're listening. Feel free to share to your comfort level on here and be sure to find someone (a pastor, a friend, or counselor) who you can talk face to face with also.
 
Morgan3820 said:
We admitted our daughter for residential treatment today. I know it needed to be done. The house feels so empty without her. It will be a long 6 weeks for all of us.
:(
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Just one comment, be sure you have an actual physician's (MD or DO) diagnosis/recommendation and oversight - not just a "counselor" or whatever. I can understand the debate in this thread, because its well known that BMI alone is not an accurate tool to diagnose anorexia in youth.

Best wishes to you and your family
 
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We have friends at church whose daughter had to go into residential treatment for anorexia. I am happy to say that (some 18 months post) she graduated from HS has concrete plans for college and seems to be doing well. Hope your's does also.
 
The best bet is to have a periodic medical exam. The doctors know exactly what to look for. As pointed out, it's not uncommon for some teenagers to get twiggy while growing. I have a niece and a wife of a close friend that went through an eating disorder. If you really suspect it, then you need to get her to a specialist.

Other than that, asking about such things here is sort of like asking your doctor if your engine is due for overhaul.
 
Morgan3820 said:
We admitted our daughter for residential treatment today. I know it needed to be done. The house feels so empty without her. It will be a long 6 weeks for all of us.
:(
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Set a personal goal for that time. Learn an instrument, reduce your time on a 3 mile run etc.

The inpatient stay is the trek to basecamp. K2 is still to come. As someone mentioned, be prepared to become 'the problem', if you do, understand that it is nothing personal.

Good luck!
 
dell30rb said:
Just one comment, be sure you have an actual physician's (MD or DO) diagnosis/recommendation and oversight - not just a "counselor" or whatever. I can understand the debate in this thread, because its well known that BMI alone is not an accurate tool to diagnose anorexia in youth.

Best wishes to you and your family
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The facility is well staffed with a psychiatrist and a MD , both with long experience in treating eating disorders. Everyone has made themselves available whenever we need them. The facility is nice, on ten acres of woods in a rural setting. My Daughter was her usual polite self at admission, much better than I would have been at her age, which made things better. I had a pleasant talk with the MD who herself had a successful struggle with a son who had an alcohol addiction. This made me feel good to know that she has been down a similar path. She feels cause for optimism as we have caught the issue relatively early. It is also helpful that my wife is a 25 yr. hospital RN, as she seems to relate well with the staff. We will be making our first family visit this Sunday.

Thanks for all of the good will, everyone.
 
Morgan3820 said:
We admitted our daughter for residential treatment today. I know it needed to be done. The house feels so empty without her. It will be a long 6 weeks for all of us.
:(
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Good luck to you and your family. You know u did the right thing.
 
Update from the OP.

My daughter has been in facility for five weeks. The first couple of visits to her were very difficult. Very emotional with a lot of crying. It was very hard to see. But since then she has come around. she has realized that she was on a destructive path and has worked with the counselors. She has gained 12 pounds, but more important is her attitude. She has taken ownership of her recovery. I credit a lot of the turn around to her. Seeing the other residents really opened her eyes. "I dont want to live like them". While she has some self esteem issues that are telling her She had to be perfect in order to be loved, a lot of the other residents were in much worse shape, Self mutilation, suicidal thoughts. I am very proud that she has turned this around.
We hope to bring her home soon where we can continue her recovery. Fortunately, we have been able to set up a team of cargivers locally. We still have concerns. There is a 50% relapse rate even after making normal weight. Full recovery can take years. As a parent, I have learned a lot. I have a better understanding of what was going on in her mind.
Thanks for the support.
 
That's great news. Glad to hear the place seems to have really helped her. Thanks for giving us the update.
 
I'm glad the OP could find professional assistance for this distressing issue. Human beings are really really complicated. Anatomically we're wildly complicated, and our psychology makes all that look like child's play. Someone trying to treat such a disorder on their own is like trying to do open heart surgery on their spawn. I truly hope the OP can find a path toward successful recovery. This is a truly big deal.
 
Morgan3820 said:
Update from the OP.

My daughter has been in facility for five weeks. The first couple of visits to her were very difficult. Very emotional with a lot of crying. It was very hard to see. But since then she has come around. she has realized that she was on a destructive path and has worked with the counselors. She has gained 12 pounds, but more important is her attitude. She has taken ownership of her recovery. I credit a lot of the turn around to her. Seeing the other residents really opened her eyes. "I dont want to live like them". While she has some self esteem issues that are telling her She had to be perfect in order to be loved, a lot of the other residents were in much worse shape, Self mutilation, suicidal thoughts. I am very proud that she has turned this around.
We hope to bring her home soon where we can continue her recovery. Fortunately, we have been able to set up a team of cargivers locally. We still have concerns. There is a 50% relapse rate even after making normal weight. Full recovery can take years. As a parent, I have learned a lot. I have a better understanding of what was going on in her mind.
Thanks for the support.
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How time passes. Glad to read that she is on a good path :fcross:
 
Thanks for the update. That's good news. But, as you said, it's a very long journey and I hope it leads to a great destination.
 
Glad to hear the good update. For some other posters, most MD's know very little about eating disorders and how to treat them. Relying on your kids' GP to diagnose and treat an eating disorder, unless she has specific training is not a great plan. Even many psychiatrists/psychologists don't have much relevant training. The OP is doing exactly the right thing by working with specialists.
 
Cajun_Flyer said:
...
I was a "twig" as a teen/young adult - so much so that my parents insurance threatened to kick me off the plan as they believed I was borderline anorexic. I was 5'7, 120 lbs...
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That's about what the weight of a 5'7" woman should be....

I know with all these human tanks we have rolling around it's easy for "normal" to get skewed, but 120 is about spot on for that height.
 
James331 said:
That's about what the weight of a 5'7" woman should be....

I know with all these human tanks we have rolling around it's easy for "normal" to get skewed, but 120 is about spot on for that height.
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That's also far from "twig." That's a BMI around 19 for an adult, which is the low end of normal. You could certainly be skinnier or heavier depending on muscle mass. But 14.5 BMI is verging on skin and bones.
 
I missed this thread on the first go around. Our daughter had problems with this, so I know how the OP feels. Our daughter is now a healthy, happy, well -adjusted, happily married 38 y.o. It was really good to read to the end of the post and read the good news about the turn-around. You are doing all you can do. It sounds like your daughter has it at least partially under control. Yay!!
 
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