Anybody have an anorexic child?

Morgan3820

Morgan3820

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My 17 yr old daughter is at 14.5 BMI.
She doesn't see a problem
I am educating myself as to treatment options.
I do not yet see evidence of bulemia.


I would like to hear you experiences.
And yes I am quite alarmed
 
Had she seen a counselor?
She's young enough that she can't really fight you on that and you could get her in to see a professional. My guess is that would be the best first step. Also of course medical doctor of sorts
 
Get professional help. Medical doctor first to evaluate any health issues and then it will be obvious what needs to be done next. The doctor will provide the necessary consults for other professional help needed and the medical necessity will likely be required for your insurance company to play along


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Not my daughters, but I've had two friends with eating disorders.

One of my really good friends is battling bulimia and anorexia currently. She's really come a long way after she started seeing a therapist who specialized in eating disorders/PTSD. She also has a very strong support system of friends, but the first step she did was going to a therapist.

She wasn't to the point where her BMI was dangerously low, so a medical doctor wouldn't have helped. She had a normal BMI but would throw up after eating, take diet pills or laxatives, etc. But the reasons she turned to eating disorders were rooted in childhood trauma, insecurity about school/grades, and anxiety/depression. Basically, it was her way to control things when things in her life seemed out of control. So therapy really helps her address the root causes of her eating disorders and her support system helps keep her on track (ensuring she knows there are people she can call whenever she's considering diet pills, people who keep her accountable and make sure she eats, etc.).

Unfortunately, this is not my first friend to battle eating disorders. My other friend (also had both bulimia and anorexia) is trying to beat both disorders without therapy (she was too afraid to ask her parents for help). Her disorders were caused by insecurities with her looks. She didn't fit in with the crowd she wanted to be in during high school, which drove her to both bulimia and anorexia. Those issues continued into college and every time she had issues in her sorority or a guy dumped or used her, she'd turn to her eating disorders for control.

I'm not a medical doctor or psychologist, but in both cases there were root causes that needed to be addressed and the eating disorders were used as a means of control.

Based on the fact her BMI is low, I second the idea of taking her to a medical doctor. Maybe let them know you have suspicions and see if they can talk to her. Both my friends were reluctant to tell their parents fearing that they would seem weak or something like that. Both of them opened up to friends. So maybe if your daughter is having issues she will open up to a medical doctor. If you're still concerned after the visit with the doctor, I'd look around for clinics or therapists that specialize in eating disorders. Ultimately, the root causes of the eating disorder must be addressed for it to go away and that will take time, support, and possibly therapy.
 
This problem often benefits from a multidisciplinary approach. Based on the location in your profile, a place like the Duke center for eating disorders may be worth the trip.

https://www.dukehealth.org/locations/duke-center-eating-disorders



My only exposure to this disease was through friends of my siblings. Both required professional help but managed to work their way through it. One of them is now a general surgeon.
 
We have been seeing a therapist but the locals have no experience with this issue, nor does our primary care physician. I am looking further afield. Duke does not have an in-patient program but they recommended some other in patient programs which look ideal. Fortunately with direct oversight we have put a few more pounds on her. But this is just working on the symptom of an underlining issue. I am hopeful but it will be a hard road. All the summer plans are on hold. Happily there are no other self destructive behaviors which often seems to be the case. I need to find a psychological professional that has the experience and will look at me a say 'I can fix this', then I will start to feel better.
Thanks for listening
 
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I would get her to a Psychiatrist. They can cover the physiological and psychological aspects of what is going on.

Not an easy path back to healthy by any means, but it is doable and she's got the advantage of involved parents.

Prayers sent.
 
Good luck with this. I've only known one person who had an issue with it, and it's a big deal. Take all available approaches to it and do whatever it takes to knock it out.
 
Morgan3820 said:
We are starting the facility admission process now. Fortunately they have a bed open. I have never felt so helpless and scared.
Thanks
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Good luck to her, you and the rest of your family.

If I may dispense one more piece of unsolicited advice: If you have any other kids, please dont forget about them because you are worried sick about the one that requires treatment at this time. In one of the cases I saw close-up, the problem was almost contagious and after one of the girls got better, the other one started having problems. I watched a similar dynamic in households where one child had cancer or was wheelchair bound. Other kids and family members still need you, even if you can't think about anything else than the one who is in the hospital or treatment.
 
weilke said:
Good luck to her, you and the rest of your family.

If I may dispense one more piece of unsolicited advice: If you have any other kids, please dont forget about them because you are worried sick about the one that requires treatment at this time. In one of the cases I saw close-up, the problem was almost contagious and after one of the girls got better, the other one started having problems. I watched a similar dynamic in households where one child had cancer or was wheelchair bound. Other kids and family members still need you, even if you can't think about anything else than the one who is in the hospital or treatment.
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She is our only one, our everything. But certainly good advice.
 
My kid was a twig at that age. She grew up just fine. Low BMI doesn't necessarily indicate an eating disorder. Heck, at 50 she'll wish she was skinny again. Tell her to enjoy her ice cream while she can!
 
Stewartb said:
My kid was a twig at that age. She grew up just fine. Low BMI doesn't necessarily indicate an eating disorder. Heck, at 50 she'll wish she was skinny again. Tell her to enjoy her ice cream while she can!
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Uhhh. Looking like a twig doesn't mean your BMI is low. Unless this is a very poor joke on a serious topic, that is by far the worse advice you can give him. I've grown up extremely skinny due to amazing genetics from my parents. People always commented on how I should eat more and were concerned because of how skinny I looked. I was at a healthy BMI of 18. That is four points higher than the OP's daughter. So I almost guarantee you, that your kid was a healthy BMI even though they were a twig at that age.
 
My comment was based on my experience with my child, whom you don't know anything about. Perhaps you should base your comments on what you do know?
 
Morgan3820 said:
My 17 yr old daughter is at 14.5 BMI.
She doesn't see a problem
I am educating myself as to treatment options.
I do not yet see evidence of bulemia.

I would like to hear you experiences.
And yes I am quite alarmed
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BMI is a poor indicator of health. See this post here. I wish people would stop freaking out when BMI is high or low because it's a very inaccurate way of measuring overall health.

You need to consider MANY factors and not just see one number as a problem. She may have a problem, but I wouldn't base my assumptions on only BMI...not a chance.
 
Is she in any sports or anything physical, that would probably help out.
 
Caramon13 said:
BMI is a poor indicator of health. See this post here. I wish people would stop freaking out when BMI is high or low because it's a very inaccurate way of measuring overall health.

You need to consider MANY factors and not just see one number as a problem. She may have a problem, but I wouldn't base my assumptions on only BMI...not a chance.
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Yeah but a BMI of 14.5 for someone who is 5' 5" (for example) is 87 lbs. Besides, how do you know the OP is basing his conclusions from BMI only? He's her father, after all, and probably has observed some of her behaviors. I also was thin when I was 17 and people kept trying to feed me, but I was nowhere near a BMI of 14.5, more like 17-18. Anorexia can be fatal. I don't blame the OP for getting his daughter checked out.
 
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Guys, I am not trying to start a debate, in fact it needs to stop in this thread, but you need to do some quick research. I am well aware that BMI is not a good indicator of health in the average person, but a BMI of 14.5 is not healthy on ANY person. This poster absolutely has a sick child, so everyone please stop. Please. OP, my heart goes out to you and your baby. I so hope that she can overcome this. Your family is in my prayers.

ETA: if you disagree with me and want to debate this, please send me a PM rather than posting it here.
 
Strong opinions with little basis. How was the BMI determined? Physician's office or internet chart? Ever known a teenage girl to report her weight accurately?

Nobody is advising against good parenting and this site is never the place to seek medical advice.
 
Stewartb said:
Ever known a teenage girl to report her weight accurately?
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Scales do exist ya know. And it's hard to tell if someone is lying when its +/-5lbs but when it's any significant amount of weight, you can tell. All of us as pilots should know this... plenty of Pax lie about their weight.
 
In this case, the OP has been involved with counselors, doctors, and in-patient clinics. He hasn't been relying solely on a scale.
 
Everskyward said:
Yeah but a BMI of 14.5 for someone who is 5' 5" (for example) is 87 lbs. Besides, how do you know the OP is basing his conclusions from BMI only? He's her father, after all, and probably has observed some of her behaviors. I also was thin when I was 17 and people kept trying to feed me, but I was nowhere near a BMI of 14.5, more like 17-18. Anorexia can be fatal. I don't blame the OP for getting his daughter checked out.
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Well because that's all they used in the original post? I don't know him, but when you start a post with BMI as a determining factor for anorexia then there's some unanswered questions.

Now if they had said what you did, maybe I'd have a bit more to go on. Why is 87 lbs immediately considered unhealthy? She might just be naturally thin, or really lean? Is 220 lbs unhealthy fat for a person that is 5'10? What if they are a body builder?

People put WAY too much emphasis on height/weight/BMI. I do agree that a doctor should be consulted, but to just go from BMI 14.5 = anorexia is ...silly.
 
I wouldn't force a teenage daughter onto a scale. Any dad of a teenager knows the more he pushes the more the daughter will push back. That's not a very good strategy. A 17 year old girl should already have a "girl" doctor. Let the doctor do the health care stuff. Dads should stick to dad stuff.
 
BMI was not a very well known measure when I was growing up if it was ever even done back then. I have never known my BMI. I'm a bit surprised that so many on here seem to have so much knowledge about it. I guess that I missed out. Should I worry?
 
James_Dean said:
Hi! I'm 2017, have we met?

James Dean
Father of 5, two of whom are girls 14 and 6.
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I think the point is that a doctor knows more than a Dad does about a particular medical condition and/or how to treat it. Sure, a father is more likely to understand his daughter, but may not completely understand the condition affecting her.

I have an 8 year old son and I damn sure know more about what he likes and how to make him happy, but if he's got a medical condition or he stops eating, or has a problem I'm not arrogant enough to presume I know more than a medical professional.

@Matthew already said the OP has already consulted with doctors, etc which shows me that they care enough to involve a medical professional and are also intelligent enough to realize when to start getting outside help.

TLDR, I don't really see the point of your post James? What exactly are you trying to say?
 
SkyDog58 said:
BMI was not a very well known measure when I was growing up if it was ever even done back then. I have never known my BMI. I'm a bit surprised that so many on here seem to have so much knowledge about it. I guess that I missed out. Should I worry?
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Do you know what the term Proana is? I cant believe that you do based on your post. I'll bet the OP's daughter knows what it means. People that are questioning this are way out of line.
 
Stewartb said:
I wouldn't force a teenage daughter onto a scale. Any dad of a teenager knows the more he pushes the more the daughter will push back. That's not a very good strategy. A 17 year old girl should already have a "girl" doctor. Let the doctor do the health care stuff. Dads should stick to dad stuff.
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That.

Helicopter parenting of teens, what's the worse that could happen
 
Caramon13 said:
TLDR, I don't really see the point of your post James? What exactly are you trying to say?
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I have a few thoughts -
1. A concerned father(anybody really, not trying to be exclusive) should be able to come to this community and voice a concern without being ridiculed for it. I view many people here as peers and respect their opinion even though I've never actually met them. To be blasted here for coming for advice is ludicrous and not neighborly.

2. In my opinion and experience, the idea that "dads should stick to dad stuff" is a very outdated way of thinking and is not how I or many of my peers parent today.

Many people have ZERO idea what kids are going through today and any signs of psychological behavior that trouble a parent must be taken very seriously. Anybody heard of the Blue Whale Challenge? I just got a note from the school and local sheriff today to be watching out for signs in kids. How about the netflix show 13 Reasons Why?

To the OP, well done for being engaged and I wish you the best of luck.
 
Mike Smith said:
Do you know what the term Proana is? I cant believe that you do based on your post. I'll bet the OP's daughter knows what it means. People that are questioning this are way out of line.
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I was questioning the amount of knowledge of BMI that some on here are exhibiting, both in general terms and their own specific BMI. Also comparing their knowledge of it to my total lack of knowledge of my own BMI. I was not questioning whether the OP's daughter had a problem or not. That is not my determination to make. Nor is it yours.

And no, I do not know what proana is though I did a quick search and found the terms pro-ana and pro ana. Interesting subject.
 
No ridicule, just a sharing of opinions. That's what discussions are made of. Is your opinion more right? Maybe to you. If you want to argue? I'll step out. All I've related is my experience with raising a teenage daughter. She's now a 29 year old mother of a really cool 15 month old boy. If she walks into a room every guy there notices. Not one would characterize her as fat or anything remotely close to it. Ask her? She's fat. I still deal with my kid all the time. But I do it very carefully.
 
SkyDog58 said:
BMI was not a very well known measure when I was growing up if it was ever even done back then. I have never known my BMI. I'm a bit surprised that so many on here seem to have so much knowledge about it. I guess that I missed out. Should I worry?
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I didn't know my BMI at the time but I more or less remember what I weighed, and my height hasn't changed. There are BMI calculators all over the internet. For me to have a BMI of 14.5, I would need to weigh about 85 lbs. I know I would be worried at that point. I would have been to the doctor well before I got down to that weight.

I can't believe all the people who are criticizing the OP for being worried about his daughter. Being thin is one thing, but this is something else. IMHO. But I would say that her father knows more than anyone here.
 
Stewartb said:
No ridicule, just a sharing of opinions. That's what discussions are made of. Is your opinion more right? Maybe to you. If you want to argue? I'll step out. All I've related is my experience with raising a teenage daughter. She's now a 29 year old mother of a really cool 15 month old boy. If she walks into a room every guy there notices. Not one would characterize her as fat or anything remotely close to it. Ask her? She's fat. I still deal with my kid all the time. But I do it very carefully.
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I was too harsh and apologize. I dealt with this subject with a close relative and it is personal and ugly. Again, my opinion, but social media has completely changed many parenting dynamics. It is a scary time to be a teenager. I can't believe what I'm seeing and I live in cloistered rural Iowa. Your 29yo thankfully missed this boat.
 
No teenage girl who attends public school misses that boat. Girls are mean to each other. My kid was expected to participate in family weekends and always did. Airplanes, boats, snow machines. It wasn't always easy to make it the fun option for her but that was my job as her dad. Every dad of a teenage girl will have some frustrations and with luck and love those girls will turn out just fine. I hope it works that way for the OP. There's nothing better than kids. Well, maybe grand kids!
 
James_Dean said:
I have a few thoughts -
1. A concerned father(anybody really, not trying to be exclusive) should be able to come to this community and voice a concern without being ridiculed for it. I view many people here as peers and respect their opinion even though I've never actually met them. To be blasted here for coming for advice is ludicrous and not neighborly.

2. In my opinion and experience, the idea that "dads should stick to dad stuff" is a very outdated way of thinking and is not how I or many of my peers parent today.

Many people have ZERO idea what kids are going through today and any signs of psychological behavior that trouble a parent must be taken very seriously. Anybody heard of the Blue Whale Challenge? I just got a note from the school and local sheriff today to be watching out for signs in kids. How about the netflix show 13 Reasons Why?

To the OP, well done for being engaged and I wish you the best of luck.
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1. I don't think anyone is ridiculing the OP. I'm certainly not. We got maybe a teaspoonful of information to make an opinion on, which included the BMI. Nothing in the original post suggested the OP did anything other than make an educated guess about the situation. It wasn't until post #7 that we even knew the OP had involved a doctor.

Now,having the full story it is EASY to sympathize with what the OP is going through.
 
Stewartb said:
No teenage girl who attends public school misses that boat. Girls are mean to each other. My kid was expected to participate in family weekends and always did. Airplanes, boats, snow machines. It wasn't always easy to make it the fun option for her but that was my job as her dad. Every dad of a teenage girl will have some frustrations and with luck and love those girls will turn out just fine. I hope it works that way for the OP. There's nothing better than kids. Well, maybe grand kids!
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Ok, you've missed my point because she didn't get exposed to what kids are dealing with today.
 
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