- Joined
- May 11, 2010
- Messages
- 20,703
- Location
- Charlotte, NC
- Display Name
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Snorting his way across the USA
Okay, this is odd, and I'm not quite sure what to make of it. I'm all suited up in my biking clothes, ready to leave from the burger joint when a burger girl comes outside with a menu and says "Would you like to take a menu with you?" My response was "I'm not sure where I'd put it." I mean I suppose I could fold it over a couple times and stuff it in to my already stuffed jersey pockets, but I already know what's on the menu and I don't particularly need one. So I take off and ponder the question. What did she mean by that?
1. "My friend thinks you're hot and she asked me to give you my number, which is written inside the menu." Wishful thinking I suspect, horrid missed opportunity if it isn't. But let's analyze this - propositioning a customer in writing using Company material is probably at least a councelable offense, so it probably isn't one of the young hotties that thinks I'm too old for them anyway. It's probably the fat manager broad if that were to be the case.
2. "You order the same damn thing every single time you come here, and I'd just like to point out that we DO have other things on the menu. I realize you're a low carb guy. I get it. We have salads too. You might want to take this with you and study it for next time. Plus we take bets when we see you and I want an edge up." First of all missy, that isn't exactly true. I've had your salads before, and yes they are good. Furthermore, I've had several permutations of your lettuce wrapped burgers. Like, for example, a lettuce wrapped burger and a side salad. Just today I ordered my two burgers with Swiss AND added avocado. By the way they were yummy. Can't help you with your gambling problem.
3. I'm a complete and utter ditz, and I'm supposed to offer menus to all customers, which in fact I pick at random but you looked like a good candidate. It never really occurred to me that the reason you order your food for here instead of to go is because stuffing burgers and salads in your jersey pockets is messy at best and how would you eat them anyway.
4. I'm a trainee, and I really kind of feel stupid about this and I think my coworkers are picking on me but they ordered me to offer you a menu to go. The first two previous customers they picked were a setup. I can't wait until my job application for a Google internship comes back because I really can't stand this line of work. At least I hear when they f**k with interns over there it's less obvious and more creative.
5. We're all dentists at heart and we like to deliberately put you in awkward positions. There is a reason why we ask you if you want your order here or to go, even though we know you always order here plus we know you rode your bike here. Just wait until you come back next time. We have something extra special in store for you.
6. We like biker dudes and we think you guys in your tight spandex shorts look hot even though our cooks think you look gay. We're hoping that you will take this menu with you and spread the word among your friends so more of you will come by. Plus you guys eat so much after riding sixty miles with twenty more to go. Our profit margin is fairly good with you guys.
7. The local police department thinks you are in to illegal activities, and has asked us to help keep tabs on you by giving you a menu with an embedded GPS tracking chip. Nevermind that they can track your phone, we guess that by taking a menu willingly you have accepted an implied consent condition. They suspect you are using, if not distributing illegal performance enhancing doping agents. Look baby, I'm not the biggest, baddest biker on the block. I'm pretty good, but there are a lot of other guys out there that are better than me and they don't even dope it up. But yeah, I'm sure there are plenty of fast riders that do it though.
1. "My friend thinks you're hot and she asked me to give you my number, which is written inside the menu." Wishful thinking I suspect, horrid missed opportunity if it isn't. But let's analyze this - propositioning a customer in writing using Company material is probably at least a councelable offense, so it probably isn't one of the young hotties that thinks I'm too old for them anyway. It's probably the fat manager broad if that were to be the case.
2. "You order the same damn thing every single time you come here, and I'd just like to point out that we DO have other things on the menu. I realize you're a low carb guy. I get it. We have salads too. You might want to take this with you and study it for next time. Plus we take bets when we see you and I want an edge up." First of all missy, that isn't exactly true. I've had your salads before, and yes they are good. Furthermore, I've had several permutations of your lettuce wrapped burgers. Like, for example, a lettuce wrapped burger and a side salad. Just today I ordered my two burgers with Swiss AND added avocado. By the way they were yummy. Can't help you with your gambling problem.
3. I'm a complete and utter ditz, and I'm supposed to offer menus to all customers, which in fact I pick at random but you looked like a good candidate. It never really occurred to me that the reason you order your food for here instead of to go is because stuffing burgers and salads in your jersey pockets is messy at best and how would you eat them anyway.
4. I'm a trainee, and I really kind of feel stupid about this and I think my coworkers are picking on me but they ordered me to offer you a menu to go. The first two previous customers they picked were a setup. I can't wait until my job application for a Google internship comes back because I really can't stand this line of work. At least I hear when they f**k with interns over there it's less obvious and more creative.
5. We're all dentists at heart and we like to deliberately put you in awkward positions. There is a reason why we ask you if you want your order here or to go, even though we know you always order here plus we know you rode your bike here. Just wait until you come back next time. We have something extra special in store for you.
6. We like biker dudes and we think you guys in your tight spandex shorts look hot even though our cooks think you look gay. We're hoping that you will take this menu with you and spread the word among your friends so more of you will come by. Plus you guys eat so much after riding sixty miles with twenty more to go. Our profit margin is fairly good with you guys.
7. The local police department thinks you are in to illegal activities, and has asked us to help keep tabs on you by giving you a menu with an embedded GPS tracking chip. Nevermind that they can track your phone, we guess that by taking a menu willingly you have accepted an implied consent condition. They suspect you are using, if not distributing illegal performance enhancing doping agents. Look baby, I'm not the biggest, baddest biker on the block. I'm pretty good, but there are a lot of other guys out there that are better than me and they don't even dope it up. But yeah, I'm sure there are plenty of fast riders that do it though.
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