Ahhh, but what about a dead person who wakes up again? Now, first, it didn't happen to me. But I flew with the pilot to whom it DID happen, and thereon hangs a tale…
A long time ago I worked as a charter pilot for an outfit called Kentucky Flying Service (since sold to others and renamed Triangle Flying Service, which eventually went under and their space was taken by Louisville Aviation) in Louisville (that's "Lou-a-vul", not "Lewie-vil") Kentucky. We were pretty cheap, and therefore popular with folks that wanted people or stuff flown, and didn't much care about amenities like coffee bars, leather seats, and sexy paint jobs, and didn't squawk much if the Janitrol heaters were a bit shaky -- that's what coats are for. For that reason, the local undertakers all had KFS's number scribbled on the wall by their phones. When someone died somewhere else and the family wanted the funeral in the River City, we got the call.
Now, undertakers seem to be pretty cost-conscious, and they do not like spending the extra bucks for the big twin when they can charter a C-182 for half the price (“Ain’t nobody we care about gonna get kilt if th’ engine quits.”). Further, they are not about to spend the bucks to transport any more weight or bulk than they have to, and there’s no way they’re paying for either a shipping crate or the return of a loaner. So they do not ship the body in a coffin, casket, or any other container. When you pick up a body, you pick up a body - that's it. We had our own body rack built that clipped into the seat tracks on a 182 when the right and rear seats were removed. And the shipping funeral director won't even give you the sheet he used to wrap the body, so you'd better have one of your own unless you like looking at some naked stiff next to lying next to you all the way home. Fortunately, they do understand that charter pilots simply will NOT handle the body, so I never had any trouble when I pointed them at the airplane, handed them the sheet, and told them I had to go get a weather briefing - please have the body on board by the time I get back. I'd get back in the plane with some six-foot sheet-wrapped lump strapped to the rack (feet forward, head aft), and head for home, where I would show the receiving undertakers the body, and announce the urgent need for a pit stop - please have the body out of the plane by the time I get back.
Now, one time, one of our pilots was sent out to the west end of the state to pick up some poor guy who fell out of a speedboat and drowned while on vacation. The family wanted the body back in Louisville as fast as it could be moved, and we got the call. What you may not know is that a lot of rules about corpse handling and processing change when the body is shipped across state lines. Federal law requires that bodies be "prepped" by embalming and such, before you send one from one state to another. However, intrastate body shipment has no such requirements - it's state laws only, and in Kentucky, you could send 'em "as is." And since this was intrastate, they decided not to spend the extra bucks on any of that preparation. Further, Willie apparently didn't make the strap-down procedure all that clear, and they only got the front (legs) strap on before they laid the sheet over him. Willie chose not to look under the sheet to check for security - smooth day, no turbulence, it wasn't going anywhere…
Well, we pilots know about trapped gases, and altitude effects and all that. And most folks know that dead meat tends to undergo some biochemical changes due to the bacteria and such still very much alive in the body unless cleaned out (see "preparation," above). About the time Willie got through 4000 feet or so, the pressure changes worked enough that some of those gases started expanding and moving into different parts of the body, and the body started to jackknife. You may remember that this one was strapped around the thighs, but not the chest, and the net effect was that the body began to perform a sit-up. Poor Willie was sitting there, cruising along, minding his own business, when he heard the rustle of the sheet falling away, and looked over to see the corpse sitting bolt-upright beside him. I understand Evansville Approach heard him even though he forgot to key the mike. Utterly convinced that the body was coming back to life, he declared an emergency, landed, and was met by the paramedics, who upon discovering the situation, laughed long and hard - insult added to injury.
Willie returned to KFS, delivered the now-completely-strapped down corpse, and informed the Chief Pilot that he was refusing to accept any future body runs. Me, I just made sure that both straps were wrapped AROUND the sheet - not under it. Hey, it's flying time, it's money in my pocket, and in that business, passengers who don't smoke, don't touch things, and don't complain are a pleasure.
