What's the big deal here? The worst thing that can happen to the controller is he falls off his chair
Some of those chairs are pretty high!!!
or misses the last donut in the break room.
No worries here, the last donut is usually one no one wants anyway, and never the less been handled quite a bit. Missing the first one, on the other hand....
Whether or not you declare an emergency, the controller can and often times does, declare one for you. There are also lots of times we give pilots special handling without actually using the "e" word with the intent of keeping it from becoming an emergency situation.
Controllers do have a checklist of sorts to follow when dealing with an emergency, however we will, at times, modify and/or eliminate the list if we think it un-necessary or distracting. Certainly YOU can modify or eliminate the list if YOU find it distracting. Just tell us you're too busy to compile the requested information and just tell us what you can, when you can. Keeping in mind that there may never be a time when you can. Sometimes the checklist can really help. Suppose you have been wandering around for a while before you contact ATC to tell them you aren't sure where you are. Our asking you how much fuel you have might press you to discover that you have quite a bit less than you had thought.
As for any fear of copious amounts of paperwork after the fact. I don't ever remember hearing about anyone in ATC contacting a pilot for any reason, after they declared an emergency and safely landed. The Fire Department may ask a few questions, but it is probably just so they can include your incident in their justification for more and better equipment. Now, if you scream on the frequency that you are declaring an emergency because you have smoke in the cockpit, no gear down indication, minimum fuel and two sick passengers, then proceed to taxi your C152 to the far side of the field to be first in line for the pancake breakfast, you just might be requested to give the tower a call, not to mention a pilot lounge counselling session with all the pilots you beat to the head of the line.
Usually if a controller has an emergency situation, whether declared or not, they will get quite a bit of help from co-workers in order to provide as much help as they can to the pilot. Controllers understand that the pilot is in command and determines what happens next. If you don't want to change frequencies, the controller is not supposed to force the issue (unless, I suppose, you are in danger of leaving their area of frequency coverage). We generally have at least one spare frequency, besides 121.5 at our disposal, and can switch every other aircraft to the spare to dedicate the current frequency to your situation.
If the response is more distracting than helpful, just turn the radio volume down
Please don't do this. Besides the stress added to the controller because he thinks that yet another problem has been added to this scenario, you may forget to turn it back up when you decide you want to chat with ATC once again. Now you will think you have a radio failure in addition to whatever else went wrong.
This is far preferable. Call us when you can with updates. Let us know what you need/want.