Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

Ok, back to jokes.

2 tomatoes were taking a walk. They decided to cross the street. Instead of using the crosswalk, they cut across the middle of the street. As they were crossing, one tomato started falling behind. The other tomato looked back and yelled to his buddy, ''Hey come on, catch up''.....


the challenge: come up with a worse joke...
 
Dad jokes all around. Thanks to the internet, I have hundreds of them.
  • I was addicted to hokey pokey...but I turned myself around.
  • We all know about Murphy’s Law: anything that can go wrong will go wrong. But have you heard of Cole’s Law? It’s thinly sliced cabbage.
  • My friend gave birth in her car on the way to the hospital and her husband named the kid Carson.
  • Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere!
  • I begin to read a horror novel in Braille. Something bad is about to happen, I can feel it.
  • What starts with an “O” and ends with “nions” and sometimes make you cry? Opinions
Oops on that last one.
 
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Zeldman said:
Ok, back to jokes.

2 tomatoes were taking a walk. They decided to cross the street. Instead of using the crosswalk, they cut across the middle of the street. As they were crossing, one tomato started falling behind. The other tomato looked back and yelled to his buddy, ''Hey come on, catch up''.....


the challenge: come up with a worse joke...
Click to expand...
What’s yellow and points North? Magnetic banana. What’s purple and goes screech. Positraction Grape. Why do elephants have flat feet. To stomp out forest fires. What’s the stuff between elephants toes. Slow Pygmies.
 
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Zeldman said:
Ok, back to jokes.

2 tomatoes were taking a walk. They decided to cross the street. Instead of using the crosswalk, they cut across the middle of the street. As they were crossing, one tomato started falling behind. The other tomato looked back and yelled to his buddy, ''Hey come on, catch up''.....


the challenge: come up with a worse joke...
Click to expand...
.

When you are old
And think you are sweet
Take your shoes off
.
.
.
.
And smell your feet
 
Billboard out in the middle of Wyoming….

Eat more lamb.
(20,000 coyotes can’t be wrong)​
 
Today marks six months without drinking a drop of alcohol!
six months of eating seven fruit and veg a day,
drinking 10 glasses of water,
very few carbs and no red meat
30 minutes exercise a day,
8 hours sleep every night.
The change in my body has been fantastic!
I feel great, I lost weight and my way of thinking is very positive!
I'm looking to keep this up because I choose to!
(I don't know whose status this is, but I was so happy for them, I copied and pasted it).
 
Bob ran out of gas, and a bee flew in his car window ... 'are you out of gas' said the bee. 'Yes' said Bob. 'Gimme a minute' said the bee, and flew away. Minutes later the bee returned with the entire hive of bees who all flew into his gas tank. Moments later they emerged. 'Try it now' said a passing bee. Bob tried and the car started. Bob said 'wow, what did you put in the tank' ...
.
.
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.
.
.
.


BP
 
“An Old Biker”....

An 80 year old man went to the doctor for a check-up and the doctor was amazed at what good shape the guy was in....

The doctor asked, "To what do you attribute your good health?"....

The old timer said, "I'm a biker and that's why I'm in such good shape”....

“I'm up well before daylight on Sundays and out sliding around corners, "shootin" sand washes and riding up and down the steepest, wildest mountains I can find at the crack of dawn”....

The doctor said, "Well, I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your dad when he died?"....

The old biker said, "Who said my dad's dead?"....

The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your dad's still alive? How old is he?"....

The old biker said, "He's 99 years old and, in fact, he went riding with me this Sunday, and that's why he's still alive... he's a biker too”....

The doctor said, "Well, that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it”...

How about your dad's dad?....
How old was he when he died?....

The old biker said, "Who said my grandpa's dead?"....

The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living!”....
“How old is he?"....

The old biker replied, "He's 117 years old”....

The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, "I guess he went riding with you this Sunday too?"....

The old timer said, "No... Grandpa couldn't go this week because he got married”....

The Doctor said in amazement, "Got married!! Good Lord!!!”....

“Why would a 117-year-old guy want to get married?"....

To this the old biker smiled and answered,
"Who said he wanted to?"....
 
Lyle was hunting geese in the Northern Minnesota woods. He leaned his old 16 gauge against the corner of the blind to take a leak.
As luck would have it, his Labrador dog Ginger knocked the gun over, it went off, and Lyle took most of an ounce of #4 shot into the groin.
Several hours later, lying in a Duluth hospital bed, he came to and there was his ER doctor, Sven.
“Vell Lyle, I got some good noos and some bad noos. Da good noos is dat you’re going to be OK. Da damage vas local to your groin, dere was very little internal bleeding, and I vas able to remove all da buckshot.
“What’s the bad news?”, asks Lyle.
“The bad noos is dat dere vas some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your pecker. I’m going to have to refer you to my sister, Lena .
“Well, I guess that isn’t too bad,” says Lyle. “Is your sister a plastic surgeon?”
“Not exactly,” Sven says. “She’s a flute player in da Minneapolis Symphony Orchestra. And because all you have is Obamacare, she will teach you where to put your fingers so you don’t **** in your eye.
 
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