U
Unregistered
Guest
Only posting this as unreg to protect the identity of the passenger who may or may not be a significant other who may or may kill me in my sleep were I to tell this story...
We went on a $100 hamburger run. My passenger either over indulged or something hadn't quite sat right and they were puking their guts out in the FBO. After some settling they seemed ok and we agreed it was time to go. About 15 minutes into the flight the airsick bags came out. Gross, but that's what we have them for. Then maybe 15 minutes later...
No ****, there I was. 4500' up in the air, an hour from home, I look over and my passenger has removed their headset, is groaning in pain, then looks at me with wide, desperate eyes and says "It's going to come out the other end!"
I stammered "C-- can you make it?" and received a sheepish head shake in response. Then I knew what was at stake... my god my seat covers. My beautiful sheepskin seat covers! Can you even wash those? I don't know.... good lord what if it got into the seat. That's not just a seat- it's an airplane seat! We'd have to sell our first born. Panic began to set in...
I glanced at my ipad... there was an airport right behind us. It was dicey... several puffy white clouds slightly obscured the clear blue sky... but there it was. This is where all the training pays off, I thought. This is what separates the men from the boys. Filled with resolve, I put on my best batman voice, keyed my mic, and said "center, this is bugsmasher 123, I'm diverting... for a passenger request." (did not actually do batman voice but in retrospect should have as it would have been badass).
I pulled my throttle back, banked 30 degrees, and shoved the nose down. I was like a dive bomber of old... airspeed went 10... maybe as much as 15kts into the yellow... decent rate was too fast to comprehend... about 1,000fpm. I was determined I would drop my load... before the load was dropped onto me.
The controller terminated my radar services then... oh crap I'm already to pattern altitude. Did not need to descend quite so fast. Oh well.
I announced my presence to all who shared the airspace and entered the traffic pattern. It was hard to say but there are at least a dozen aircraft there... on the ground. Tied down. A madhouse I tell you! I landed the airplane in the standard manner, touching down perfectly on the numbers. It was such a perfect landing that anyone watching would have wept at the beauty of it... had there been anyone actually there.
With cautious haste I taxied right to the FBO door, instructing my passenger to exit immediately and stay behind the wing, away from the prop on the way out. I taxied over to a parking spot and shut down... oh but we were not done. No, not yet... I climbed out onto the wing like chuck yeager to see my passenger at the door yelling at me.
Apparently we'd found an airport with a beautiful FBO facility that was locked on a weekday during normal business hours and unattended. I tried the CTAF and it did not open the door... but they had left a phone number. I pulled out the phone and dialed, the local police department answered and asked for my information and a callback number... horrified I feared I would have to wait for someone to call back or come out but fortunately they gave me the code. I punched in the number and let my passenger inside.
There I was. Standing outside the bathroom door, taking in the sounds and smells of horrific gastric distress. It was then I knew I had made it. I'd had my first real emergency and I had handled it like a boss. I was an aviator.
We went on a $100 hamburger run. My passenger either over indulged or something hadn't quite sat right and they were puking their guts out in the FBO. After some settling they seemed ok and we agreed it was time to go. About 15 minutes into the flight the airsick bags came out. Gross, but that's what we have them for. Then maybe 15 minutes later...
No ****, there I was. 4500' up in the air, an hour from home, I look over and my passenger has removed their headset, is groaning in pain, then looks at me with wide, desperate eyes and says "It's going to come out the other end!"
I stammered "C-- can you make it?" and received a sheepish head shake in response. Then I knew what was at stake... my god my seat covers. My beautiful sheepskin seat covers! Can you even wash those? I don't know.... good lord what if it got into the seat. That's not just a seat- it's an airplane seat! We'd have to sell our first born. Panic began to set in...
I glanced at my ipad... there was an airport right behind us. It was dicey... several puffy white clouds slightly obscured the clear blue sky... but there it was. This is where all the training pays off, I thought. This is what separates the men from the boys. Filled with resolve, I put on my best batman voice, keyed my mic, and said "center, this is bugsmasher 123, I'm diverting... for a passenger request." (did not actually do batman voice but in retrospect should have as it would have been badass).
I pulled my throttle back, banked 30 degrees, and shoved the nose down. I was like a dive bomber of old... airspeed went 10... maybe as much as 15kts into the yellow... decent rate was too fast to comprehend... about 1,000fpm. I was determined I would drop my load... before the load was dropped onto me.
The controller terminated my radar services then... oh crap I'm already to pattern altitude. Did not need to descend quite so fast. Oh well.
I announced my presence to all who shared the airspace and entered the traffic pattern. It was hard to say but there are at least a dozen aircraft there... on the ground. Tied down. A madhouse I tell you! I landed the airplane in the standard manner, touching down perfectly on the numbers. It was such a perfect landing that anyone watching would have wept at the beauty of it... had there been anyone actually there.
With cautious haste I taxied right to the FBO door, instructing my passenger to exit immediately and stay behind the wing, away from the prop on the way out. I taxied over to a parking spot and shut down... oh but we were not done. No, not yet... I climbed out onto the wing like chuck yeager to see my passenger at the door yelling at me.
Apparently we'd found an airport with a beautiful FBO facility that was locked on a weekday during normal business hours and unattended. I tried the CTAF and it did not open the door... but they had left a phone number. I pulled out the phone and dialed, the local police department answered and asked for my information and a callback number... horrified I feared I would have to wait for someone to call back or come out but fortunately they gave me the code. I punched in the number and let my passenger inside.
There I was. Standing outside the bathroom door, taking in the sounds and smells of horrific gastric distress. It was then I knew I had made it. I'd had my first real emergency and I had handled it like a boss. I was an aviator.
