If Airlines Sold Paint :D

[Dave Siciliano]

From Dr. Jack Wheeler's News letter. Quite the commentary (g)

Best,

Dave
========================================

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint?

Clerk: Well sir, that depends on a lot of things.

Customer: Can't you give me an approximate price?

Clerk: Our lowest price is our introductory special at $12 a gallon. After that we have dozens of different prices up to $199.

Customer: What's the difference in the quality of the paint?

Clerk: Oh, there's no difference. It's all exactly the same stuff.

Customer: Well, in that case I'll take your $12 paint.

Clerk: Well actually the $12 variety is only available on our website. If you want to buy it here at the store you'll be charged an additional $20 Customer Convenience Fee.

Customer: So if I go home and get it off the website, its only $12?

Clerk: That's correct sir - plus a Credit Card Usage Fee of $6 and then there's standard Shipping and Handling of $15.

Customer: What? So in other words buying online would cost me almost exactly the same as what I'd have to pay here in the store?

Clerk: I suppose so, but if you buy it here you get to use it immediately. Online purchases take ten business days to get to you - unless you pay the optional $25 Express My Paint Fee.

Customer: You've got to be kidding me!

Clerk: Well no sir, but it's academic anyway as right now the $12 paint is completely sold out in both places.

Customer: That's BS. I'm looking at shelves full of the stuff!

Clerk: Ah, but that doesn't mean it's available for sale. We sell only a certain number of introductory priced cans on any given day. Oops, look at that! It just became available again - at $17.50.

Customer: C'mon! You mean to say it went up while I'm standing here?!

There's more (g)

Full article.
http://www.tothepointnews.com/content/view/5584/85/

 

[AggieMike88]

From a cartoon at my sales counter

"Pointing at the part doesn't mean anything. The computer says we are out of stock"

 

[astanley]

We have three main types of paint: luxury, classic, and standard.

Each paint has a base price. If you want your paint today, for use today, it's going to cost some multiple of that base price. The multiple changes based on how much paint I have left. If I'm selling you my last can, the multiple is higher. If I have lots of cans left, the multiple is lower.

If you want your paint two to six weeks from now, the multiple is slightly negative, again based on how much paint I have. The more paint I have available, the lower the multiple. The less, the higher.

If you want your paint six weeks to one year from now, the multiple is pretty much the same, and is slightly above one.

If you want to be able to return the paint, the multiple is above one. This multiple is in addition the multiples we discussed above.

If you want the paint to dry faster, the multiple is above one.

I may be willing to negotiate these charges, but you have to come around the back of the store and wait for William Shatner to show up. Maybe I'll negotiate, maybe I won't. We'll see.

After we settle on the price of the paint, there are some other paint related items we have to talk about. You can't negotiate them; these are "fees" and not the cost of paint per se. I have legal documents to prove this point if you continue to argue with me. These "fees" include, but are not limited to:

If you want brushes, drop cloths, and an extra wide lid to the paint can, that will be an additional, higher multiple if you buy a standard paint. These are included free of charge in the classic and luxury paints, except if you are buying certain paints for certain parts of your house; then we can't give you these things but we will still charge you for them.

If you want to pick your color, there is a flat fee, extra charge.

If you want the paint at the bottom of the can to be usable after taking 1.5 hours to stir and use the paint, there is a flat fee, extra charge.

If it costs me more to make the paint, because gas is more expensive, I'm going to charge you more but the paint isn't more expensive. It's a fee, and it can be almost double what you paid for your can of paint.

When you come in my store, I'll have to charge you extra for groping your genitals, because my paint is very special and I don't want you to blow it up. This has nothing to do with my love of your genitals, and I can assure you since this is private property that it is my right to charge you to grope your genitals. This is also not a form of prostitution, unless you want it to be, and there is an extra charge for that. No sex on the ladder while painting, though; that would be illegal.

I may have to charge you extra because you are bringing this paint to a place that is more expensive. Please contact your local paint authority for questions on these expenses.

I hope you enjoy your paint, and remember: our number one job is to make you happy (except when groping your genitals)!