If you can only average about two days a week flying time, how long should it take to get a PPL?
As long as (but no longer than) necessary. There's too much focus on time, when so many other factors are at play.
What do you guys think the average should be?
I think the average should be, uhhhhh... Considered completely irrelevant.
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At what point should you just decide you don't have what it takes to accomplish the task?
What Ron said: When at least two instructors, preferably more, tell you that there's no way you're ever going to finish.
How much money should you reasonably expect to spend to become a private pilot?
More than you planned on, or "if you have to ask..."
I wanted to fly long before I could afford to fly. I spent a lot of time reading about flying: Magazines, Web sites, and the old AOPA "Yellow board" where many of us from this board used to hang out. I learned a lot of things from instructors like Ron and from other students who were student pilots at the time. By the time I got in an airplane, there weren't a whole lot of surprises.
I had a difficult schedule: I was only home about every other weekend. So, when I got home, I flew like mad. For example, one weekend I did a dual flight Friday afternoon, first solo Saturday morning, first dual cross country Saturday afternoon, first solo cross country Sunday. The next weekend I was home, it was a solo cross country Saturday morning, long solo XC Saturday afternoon, ALL of my night training Saturday night, and a "just for fun" solo XC to visit a friend on Sunday. One thing that helped immensely with a schedule like this was that I went to the airport every single time I had a lesson scheduled, and flew some actual IMC (I had about 2.4 actual prior to getting my private). It was GREAT training. There were a couple of instances where we just did some ground as well, but there is no reason to not go to the airport and use that time you have scheduled. Fly when you can, do ground when you can't.
I ended up being able to do my Private in 42.6 hours and just a hair under 3 months, and spend less than $4,000 all-inclusive (2003, rental 172 was $69/hr and CFI was $30/hr, many of my materials were gifts, and I used a $50 headset). I didn't do the same things I described above (other than flying every chance I got) for the instrument rating, and when I finally took the IR checkride I had around 100 hours of instrument time and over 250 hours total time (which of course included plenty of fun flying as well). No idea what I spent on the IR, but I don't particularly care any more.
Now John, so far the "you" has been general, I've mostly posted this for the benefit of the next person who searches for this topic. For you specifically, it sounds like you still haven't found the right instructor. I would check out the guy Ron suggested, and if you don't click with him he'll hopefully know someone else with lots of teaching experience. (The teaching experience, not the flying experience, is the most important thing.)
Also, if your CFI signed you off for the checkride - GO take the checkride! If he signed you off, then he has certified that you are ready, no matter what his e-mails say. Go up and get some solo practice time in just to keep yourself sharp. Honestly evaluate yourself, but don't beat yourself up - Nobody flies perfect, and it's *judgement* that is the most important thing in flying. If you get a hair outside of PTS standards but you recognize it, correct it, and make safe decisions, you will probably still walk away from the checkride with a new certificate in your pocket.
Whatever you do, DON'T walk away for a couple of months like it sounds like you're saying you will. If you really are close, and you must be if you got a signoff, all that another break will accomplish is to allow you to get rusty and make this take that much longer. If you don't want to take the checkride now, you should at least keep flying twice a week to maintain the skills you have, and then maybe take a few days to fly a bunch to polish things up and take the ride when you feel you're ready.
Whatever you do, I wish you success.