SkyHog
Touchdown! Greaser!
- Joined
- Feb 23, 2005
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- 18,433
- Location
- Castle Rock, CO
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Everything Offends Me
I'm so happy. My biggest dream is coming true. I get to battle the RIAA. I received a notice (via email, believe it or not), that the RIAA is going to sue me. The text of the letter is as follows:
Well, this can't be true. I never, ever downloaded anything from BitTorrentUS (I don't even know what the hell BitTorrentUS is). So I was immediately thinking that this is a scam. The headers on the email are from NPG Cable, legitimately. The p2plawsuits.com is actually owned by the RIAA. The Case # gives me a settlement option of $3000. Holy crap, I think this might be real!
But wait, I'm still innocent, and by the way, even if I was guilty, the RIAA can go straight to hell.
Then I found this: http://www.wired.com/politics/onlinerights/news/2007/02/72834
Yep, its real, I'm being sued. So - since I hate the RIAA so much, I figured I'd pen a response to the e-mail address . I don't want to wait more than 40 days, right?
Harsh, yes. And if the moderators want me to edit out some of the language, I will, but I wanted to be fair and post the full contents of my response.
I hate the RIAA so very very much.
RIAA said:Dear Sir/Madam:
We have asked your Internet Service Provider, NPG Cable, Inc., to forward this letter to you in advance of our filing a lawsuit against you in federal court for copyright infringement. We represent a number of large record companies, including EMI Recorded Music, SONY BMG MUSIC ENTERTAINMENT, Universal Music Group and Warner Music Group, as well as all of their subsidiaries and affiliates ("Record Companies"), in pursuing claims of copyright infringement against individuals who have illegally uploaded and downloaded sound recordings on peer-to-peer networks.
We have gathered evidence that you have been infringng copyrights owned by the Record Companies. We are attaching to this letter a sample of the sound recordings you were found distributing via the BitTorrentUS (BitTorrent) peer-to-peer network. In total, you wer found distributing 50 audio files, a substantial number of which are sound recording controlled by the Record Companies.
The reason we are sending this letter to you in advance of filing suit is to give you the opportunity to settle these claims as early as possible. If you contact us within the next forty (40) calendar days, we will offer to settle the claims for a significantly reduced amount compared to what we will offer to settle them for after we file suit or compared to the judment amount a court may enter against you. If you are interested in resolving this matter now, please contact our Settlement Information Line at 913-234-8181 or, alternatatively, you may settle this matter immediately online at www.p2plawsuits.com using the CASE ID# found above [I ommited this info].
In deciding whether you wish to settle this matter, here are some things you should consider:
[REMOVED RETARDED LEGAL ADVICE FROM OPONENT]
This is a serious matter and to the extent you have any questions, we strongly encourage you to contact us to ask those questions. Finally, if you would like more information regarding music downloading/file sharing and peer-to-peer networks, please visit www.p2plawsuits.com.
IF WE DO NOT HEAR FROM YOU WITHIN FORTY (40) CALENDAR DAYS FROM THE DATE OF THIS LETTER, THEN WE WILL FILE SUIT AGAINST YOU IN FEDERAL COURT.
We are not your lawyers, nor are we giving you legal advice. We urge you to consult with an attorney immediately to advise you on your rights and responsibilities.
Sincerely,
Donald J. Kelso
Well, this can't be true. I never, ever downloaded anything from BitTorrentUS (I don't even know what the hell BitTorrentUS is). So I was immediately thinking that this is a scam. The headers on the email are from NPG Cable, legitimately. The p2plawsuits.com is actually owned by the RIAA. The Case # gives me a settlement option of $3000. Holy crap, I think this might be real!
But wait, I'm still innocent, and by the way, even if I was guilty, the RIAA can go straight to hell.
Then I found this: http://www.wired.com/politics/onlinerights/news/2007/02/72834
Yep, its real, I'm being sued. So - since I hate the RIAA so much, I figured I'd pen a response to the e-mail address . I don't want to wait more than 40 days, right?
Me said:Dear Sir/Madam/Monster:
I just read your letter, and I want to make sure that I understand it fully, so that I can properly prepare my battlements.
According to your letter, the RIAA is a super awesome company that does great things for anybody who's anybody in the recording business (hereafter referred to as "Giant Tools"). The Giant Tools pay you money to harrass people like me who have done nothing illegal so that you can try to get more 10 year old children to be forced to testify in court. You represent the Giant Tools in court, and therefore you are super powerful.
What's your court record? Have you won a single case yet? I've read that you haven't, and therefore, I feel I am ok defending myself against a 2-bit orginization that is only slightly less crippling to an entire industry than the Russian Government's controls over the Russian "Giant Tools."
I hate every bit of your company's being, and the actions you are forcing on me makes me actually want to download some of the Giant Tools horrible music so that I can go to court and give a review of the garbage you support. Unfortunately, I don't feel that would be a smart move on my part, since it is apparent that you would probably send me another OFFICIAL sounding letter warning me of lawsuit.
I can only wish that your company's headquarters are based somewhere near an upcoming natural disaster (Hurricane Dean would work nicely), and the money you have collected from the morons that actually settled on your site goes directly into the rebuilding of your office. I also hope that the destruction of your office leaves your organization liable for massive amounts of damages to other's property, and I hope they are smart enough to sue your mother for being such a horrible wench that she actually passed a disgusting excuse for slime out of her body. That's not any more frivilous than the crap you are pulling on me and thousands of others across the United States.
Since you felt it was necessary to include legal advice (although cleverly disguised it as NOT legal advice in the letter), I feel it may be necessary to do the same for you (hey, I'm a nice, fair guy!). Don't pursue these cases. You are making yourself look more evil than you have to be. Just keep suing the 80 year old women and the 10 year old kids. They'll probably cave faster than me.
In summary, I hope you get AIDS from an unclean hooker (your wife will suffice), and that every band you represent fails miserably in the next 10 years. You will not get a dime from me, as I spent all my money on your wife last night.
If the last part sounds a bit harsh, I have 3 words for you.
Suck my balls.
Nick
Oh - if this was a hoax - good job, you convinced me.
Harsh, yes. And if the moderators want me to edit out some of the language, I will, but I wanted to be fair and post the full contents of my response.
I hate the RIAA so very very much.
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