Funniest thing you've heard on the radio?

AWACSEng said:
Ghery, when you wanna listen to the Navy, you gotta monitor Navy Common...243.0!
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When you're riding a UAL aluminum mailing tube (sorry, Greg), you take what they feed on channel 9 of the IFE. And that's usually ATC VHF. And, had I heard this on any plane I fly, I would have been in the same boat as we don't have UHF on board. But, I will file that frequency away as I think I can receive it on my Yaesu amateur radio HT. Thanks.
 
Maybe you took me a little too serious. 243.0 is of course UHF guard. The Navy seems to think it is thier own personal company freq. Sorry 'bout the sarcasm. I do find it slightly bothersome when I here Elmendorf tower, or any contolling agency talking, and I only hear one side of the conversation. Wish I could hear the other side so I could use it to build SA.
 
While coming in through several bands of snow flurries with about 5 miles visibility, but no clear view of what was off in the distance, I tuned into the BOI ATIS while about 20 miles out and heard a visibility report of 1 mile in snow, which sucked since I was VFR. I decided that since ATIS might not have been updated recently, and wanting to get in, I decided to call approach:

Me: Boise Approach, this is Cherokee XXXX
Boise Approach: Go ahead
Me: What is the current visibility at the airport.
Boise Approach: 5 miles with 3000 foot ceilings, didn't you listen to the ATIS?
Me: Yeah, I did, and it said it was 1 mile in snow!
Boise Approach: Hold on
*** long pause ***
Boise Approach: (chuckling) Cherokee XXXX sorry about that, we'll get that fixed.
 
Dan Thomas said:
I once flew through Salt Lake in a 180. Being Canadian, our registrations are a little different. Let's call this one C-FICA.
"Salt Lake, Canadian Cessna 180 Charlie Foxtrot India Charlie Alpha 20 miles north at 6500 enroute Provo." (I don't remember the exact altitude or distance out. Long time ago.) You Americans, just try saying "Charlie Foxtrot India Charlie Alpha."

Salt Lake: Click. Female voice. "Canadian Charlia Indie Fox..." Click.
Salt Lake: Click. "Canadian Charlie Foxtrot Alphia Indie Char..." Click.
Salt Lake: Click. "Canadian Charlia Indie Foxtrot Charlia Alphi..." Click.
Salt Lake: Click. Laughter in background. "Canadian 180, cleared through the airspace..."

Just a week or two ago we were bringing a 172 From Florida back here to Canada, and ran into similar mixups in a few places. The controllers kept adding "November" to the C- sign, getting especially confused with the November already in the middle of the Canadian call sign. Hilarious. "Canadian November Charlie Foxtrot..."

Dan
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At least I am not the only one....today, you would have heard Information Oscar, and then it would have clicked over to information November....

Yeah, I didn't even notice until the TRACON called up and asked about the new alphabet....

--Matt
 
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Our standard routing brings us toward Newark on the RUUTH1 arrival. The end of the arrival is a RBV, the Robinsville VOR. From RBV, they usually assign a heading, but absent one we just go direct the airport. Yesterday we were flying from DCA to EWR. At RBV they didn't give us a heading, so I just pointed the plane toward Newark. As we made the turn, the Captain called New York Approach and asked if they wanted us on a heading.

NY: "Umm, no, present heading is fine."
Capt: "Ok."
NY: "I'm at a loss, what is it that you want?"
Capt: "Nothing, we're usually just given a heading by now, I just wanted to make sure we were where we're supposed to be."
NY: "Ya, present heading is fine."
Long pause.
NY: "If you want to negociate, though, I've got 359 other directions I can send you."
Capt, laughing: "That's alright, we're OK if you're OK."
NY: "Nahh, c'mon, make me an offer."
JBU: "JetBlue 389 will take direct, if you're offering."
NY: "Sorry JetBlue, the game just ended; you lose, advise when ready to copy holding instructions."
 
I was flying from El Monte, California to North Las Vegas. First time transitioning through Bravo airspace. We were all studied up and expecting the Rocks 1 arrival...and then the Las Vegas tower decided to give us vectors to fly.

Tower: Cherokee 6794J...fly heading 030...
6794J: flys heading 300
Tower: Cherokee 6794J, if you want to continue flying the heading you're on, that's fine...but look to your left, you see those shiney jets? They will HIT you. Suggest you fly the heading I told you...030...
 
One night flying from Yakima to WallaWalla:

Chinook App: "Southwest 1234, descend at pilots discretion to 9,500, expect ILS 21R approach."
Southwest: "9.5, ILS....Chinook, are you a military base?"
Chinook App: "Negative."
Southwest: "Ah Roger....are you located next to a military base?"
Chinook App: "Negative."
*long pause*
Southwest: "Then how did you get your name?"
Chinook App: "It's the name of a salmon."
Southwest: *very quiet and short* "Aaa Roger...."
 
webdaddy said:
Sorry I have a very different sense of humor.
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Webdaddy,

It is funny! I can't dispute that....but the first time I heard it, I was at air traffic control school so I was a different audience.

(My favorite part is still the part where he is telling Jetblue 'you can't just do whatever you want!')

--Matt
 
I was just told of this one this evening. 17L/35R was poured in 1999 before the airport was opened to civilian life and it apparently had to be repaired already. So, we've had numerous taxiway closures along with a partial runway closure at KAUS for the last few months. This is in addition to other closures near the 121 ramp.

They are finally done with all the work on that runway and closed it entirely to move the markings and displaced threshold back to its proper position. This precedes another partial closure on the north end of Taxiway Bravo earlier in the week.

On Thursday morning, the ATIS had so many closures listed someone thought it funny to add this line resulting in a computerized voice saying...

"In other words, if you can get to the runway, you can depart"

Apparently it was on an earlier cycle of ATIS before my day started.
 
I heard the following exchange driving home from work the other day, and listening to DFW departure on my handheld:

DFW: "Bonanza 3VV, climb and maintain 4000."

3VV: "Leaving 3000, climbing 4000... HERE WE GO!"

DFW: "Bonanza 3VV, turn right heading 250, intercept the Maverick 274, then resume own nav."

3VV: "Ok, right to 250 to intercept the 274, HERE WE GO!"

DFW: "3VV, contact Fort Worth Approach on 131.95. THERE YOU GO!"
 
TangoWhiskey said:
I heard the following exchange driving home from work the other day, and listening to DFW departure on my handheld:

DFW: "Bonanza 3VV, climb and maintain 4000."

3VV: "Leaving 3000, climbing 4000... HERE WE GO!"

DFW: "Bonanza 3VV, turn right heading 250, intercept the Maverick 274, then resume own nav."

3VV: "Ok, right to 250 to intercept the 274, HERE WE GO!"

DFW: "3VV, contact Fort Worth Approach on 131.95. THERE YOU GO!"
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I'm imagining the voice of the controller sounding like Dennis Weaver. :)
 
When I was flight trainning after a horrible landing that sent me slidding and bouncing I said to my instuctor "I think I may have **** my pants" he said" YOU ARE STILL HOLDING THE TALK BUTTON DOWN!!!!"
Tower just giggled at me over the radio:frown2:
 
Life is reeeealy boring out here in the sticks. No ATC, class D, C, or B. Sometimes just hearing the xyl from the kitchen is a challenge...
 
This is not the funniest thing I've ever heard, but it made me chuckle. On final for Santa Monica and someone keys the mike "Santa Monica Tower...er..." then silence.

and tower comes back with "That's me, don't be shy"
 
These are both secondhand:

Tower: Cessna xxx on final, check your gear.
Pilot: Gear is down and welded.

Pilot: Unicom, radio check.
Unicom: We read you proud and queer.
 
Kent will verify this....

Me : Madison Clearance, Skylane N271G with hotel. We'd like to do some practice instrument approaches.

Clearance : Piper 271G where would you like to do your photowork?

note this was around 5:30, and sunlight was more or less gone at this time.
 
vontresc said:
Kent will verify this....

Me : Madison Clearance, Skylane N271G with hotel. We'd like to do some practice instrument approaches.

Clearance : Piper 271G where would you like to do your photowork?

note this was around 5:30, and sunlight was more or less gone at this time.
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Yeah, what was it, the fourth exchange before we finally convinced her that we weren't taking any pictures and *only* wanted practice approaches? Somewhere in the middle there, it sounded like she thought we were going to do BOTH as well! :rofl:

And I think she called us Mooney once too!
 
Heard today - Actually over the intercom as I was sitting in the other seat! We were up shooting six approaches and a hold, and prior to the last approach:

MSN Approach: "Archer 41Echo, how will this approach terminate?"
41E: "Lunch!" :D

The controller told us to enjoy our lunch when she handed us off to tower. :yes:
 
flyingcheesehead said:
Heard today - Actually over the intercom as I was sitting in the other seat! We were up shooting six approaches and a hold, and prior to the last approach:

MSN Approach: "Archer 41Echo, how will this approach terminate?"
41E: "Lunch!" :D

The controller told us to enjoy our lunch when she handed us off to tower. :yes:
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You should have headed over to SBM if you were out flying today. Lake Perch fish fry for lunch!!!! Yummy!!
 
I've done it before without thinking, and I've heard it many times, too. Making a position report and giving distance in 10ths of a mile because I make a quick glance at the GPS. I'm just guessing that, for the most part, there's not a whole lot of additional help to be gained between saying "3 north, 3000, inbound, landing" and "3.1 north, 3000, inbound, landing"

Other than that, several years ago one of our calss D controllers was having one of his 'touchy' days. This particular guy seemed to have a bit of a chip on his shoulder and would get on pilots for sloppy radio work. One pilot, an old-timer by the sound of his voice, responded with "roger" after every tower transmission. Eventually, the controller came back with "I roger your roger". I didn't know whether to chuckle or cringe.
 
Matthew said:
I've done it before without thinking, and I've heard it many times, too. Making a position report and giving distance in 10ths of a mile because I make a quick glance at the GPS. I'm just guessing that, for the most part, there's not a whole lot of additional help to be gained between saying "3 north, 3000, inbound, landing" and "3.1 north, 3000, inbound, landing"

Other than that, several years ago one of our calss D controllers was having one of his 'touchy' days. This particular guy seemed to have a bit of a chip on his shoulder and would get on pilots for sloppy radio work. One pilot, an old-timer by the sound of his voice, responded with "roger" after every tower transmission. Eventually, the controller came back with "I roger your roger". I didn't know whether to chuckle or cringe.
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There are some flights I make where I also have to be talking on a marine band radio. The radio procedures a different than our ATC ones. We say 'roger' we will also say 'WILCO' (never roger wilco), and 'OVER' or 'OUT'. I hate when I just get finished doing something on the marine band then get on with ATC and say 'over' DOH!
 
smigaldi said:
There are some flights I make where I also have to be talking on a marine band radio. The radio procedures a different than our ATC ones. We say 'roger' we will also say 'WILCO' (never roger wilco), and 'OVER' or 'OUT'. I hate when I just get finished doing something on the marine band then get on with ATC and say 'over' DOH!
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I had the same problem when I started flying lessons because of the years of using a police radio. I had to fight the urge to use a ten code occasionally, and more than once used "received" to acknowledge a transmission. Most times they thought I was saying "repeat" and gave me instructions again. :rofl: The start of the transmission is backwards from what I was used to also, which used to screw me up. Our police procedures was to say your unit number first, then who you were calling. Totally backwards from the way it's done in aviation.
 
smigaldi said:
The radio procedures a different than our ATC ones. We say 'roger' we will also say 'WILCO' (never roger wilco), and 'OVER' or 'OUT'. I hate when I just get finished doing something on the marine band then get on with ATC and say 'over' DOH!
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The Roger and Wilco sound like good aviation phraseology to me! FWIW, I actually use Wilco a lot more than I use Roger, and never at the same time because:

Pilot/Controller Glossary said:
ROGER- I have received all of your last transmission. It should not be used to answer a question requiring a yes or a no answer.

(See AFFIRMATIVE.)

(See NEGATIVE.)

WILCO- I have received your message, understand it, and will comply with it.
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Wilco includes the meaning of Roger, so in "Roger Wilco" the Roger is redundant.

Though they're rarely used any more, Over and Out are still kosher:

PCG said:
OVER- My transmission is ended; I expect a response.

OUT- The conversation is ended and no response is expected.
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So Scott, technically you're not doing anything wrong, even if the rest of us think you sound like a weenie. ;)
 
flyingcheesehead said:
The Roger and Wilco sound like good aviation phraseology to me! FWIW, I actually use Wilco a lot more than I use Roger, and never at the same time because:
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I did not say it wasn't



flyingcheesehead said:
Wilco includes the meaning of Roger, so in "Roger Wilco" the Roger is redundant.
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Which is why I said you don't use them together.

Though they're rarely used any more, Over and Out are still kosher:
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They are used all the time in communications, very much still in vogue through out marine and military, MARS, and ham radio. But you would never say 'over and out'. The proword over means that you are done with your transmision and awaiting response. Out means that your transmission is over and no response is required. Using them together would be improper.


flyingcheesehead said:
So Scott, technically you're not doing anything wrong, even if the rest of us think you sound like a weenie. ;)
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Is that a Chicago style or New Yor style weenie? :D
 
smigaldi said:
They are used all the time in communications, very much still in vogue through out marine and military, MARS, and ham radio. But you would never say 'over and out'. The proword over means that you are done with your transmision and awaiting response. Out means that your transmission is over and no response is required. Using them together would be improper.
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Very similar to "Roger Wilco". :yes: I meant "over" and "out" as separate entities ("Over and Out are still kosher"), not being used together.

Is that a Chicago style or New Yor style weenie? :D
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Whichever kind has LOTS and LOTS of ketchup! :rofl: :D
 
FYI, IFR magazine is starving for submissions to those back-cover pilot-ATC exchanges; for a couple of months now Jeff has been intimating that he'll have to go start pulling from the archives (re-runs).

Submit them to Jeff Van West at ifr.editor@gmail.com
 
Two first-hand from my limited experience:

Me: Tower, Diamond N1234 5nm North, inbound full-stop with Kilo
Tower: Diamond N1234 cleared for takeoff, 17R

I didn't consider that "communications established. :) (And listening a little longer, we actually circled back away and called in about 5 minutes later...things became dangerously confused.)

As for funny...I've heard Houston approach ask for the FF details one item at a time per call from fast talkers. And also:

Plane: Houston Approach, N1234, <flight following request>
App: Ok, what's missing?
Plane: Umm. Altitude?
App: Nope.
Plane: Umm...
Plane: Umm...
<long pause>
App: What's your type?

(I paraphrase...wish I had recorded it...was strange to hear, as the frequency was otherwise quite busy.)
 
Once upon a time, while I was working on my Private and had been droning around the pattern doing bang-and-goes for a long time with nobody else on frequency...

"Tower, Citation 1234S, ILS 36."
"Citation 1234S, Runway 36, cleared touch and go."
"Uhhh, Tower, 1234S, can we be cleared to *land* please?" :rofl:
 
On the way from Newark to Raleigh-Durham at FL220 the other day:

Center: Company 1234, you might get a show; traffic your 1:00, five miles, opposite direction - flight of four F-16s at FL210.

Captain: As long as they're not coming for us...we've got them in sight.

Center: Thanks.

Distant Voice: Fight's on, baby!

Me: We surrender!
 
The other day in Detroit...

Among the completely normal flow of traffic...
Airliner 1234 (guy in very effeminate voice): Metro tower, airliner 1234 visual 4L

silence

click

silence

Tower (barely able to hold in laughs): Airliner 1234 runway 4L, cleared to land

Airliner 1234 (once again in very effeminate voice): Cleared to land 4L, big ol airliner 1234.

silence for minutes afterwards
 
bkreager said:
The other day in Detroit...

Among the completely normal flow of traffic...
Airliner 1234 (guy in very effeminate voice): Metro tower, airliner 1234 visual 4L

silence

click

silence

Tower (barely able to hold in laughs): Airliner 1234 runway 4L, cleared to land

Airliner 1234 (once again in very effeminate voice): Cleared to land 4L, big ol airliner 1234.

silence for minutes afterwards
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I don't get it.
 
stagecoachco said:
I don't get it.
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Yeah, its hard to get the same effect typing it out, but basically it was funny because in the middle of the normal, professional, quick pace of tower, here comes Richard Simmons on the radio. It just caught everyone completely off guard.
 
flyingcheesehead said:
smigaldi said:
Is that a Chicago style or New Yor style weenie? :D
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Whichever kind has LOTS and LOTS of ketchup! :rofl: :D
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Like this?

836.jpg
 
DCat22 said:
Plane: Houston Approach, N1234, <flight following request>
App: Ok, what's missing?
Plane: Umm. Altitude?
App: Nope.
Plane: Umm...
Plane: Umm...
<long pause>
App: What's your type?

(I paraphrase...wish I had recorded it...was strange to hear, as the frequency was otherwise quite busy.)
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I would have crashed the plane if I'd heard N1234 respond "I'm straight..." :rofl:
 
DCat22 said:
Two first-hand from my limited experience:

Me: Tower, Diamond N1234 5nm North, inbound full-stop with Kilo
Tower: Diamond N1234 cleared for takeoff, 17R
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I had an encounter like that and replied, "mind if I land first?".
 
Last valentines day I treated myself to a flight around town and as I was coming back in on the tower frequency there was a Citation departing. When the lady in the tower to him to switch to departure he responds, "over to departure, happy valentines day." Except when valentines day came out it sounded like happy helicopter. So I was sitting there thinking did he really just say happy helicopter and then the controller comes back and asks him the same thing. He comes back and clarifies happy valentines day. When she told me to switch to ground I got "switch to ground .9 and have a happy helicopter", I was almost laughing too hard to call ground up.
 
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