Flying issues with the other half..

My wife doesn't fly, hunt, fish, or has any interest in sports in any way. We have three sons, so I have plenty of family to keep me company. We have been married for 34 wonderful years so I think our arrangement works pretty well! Maybe because we spend alot of time apart?!
 
ScottinIowa said:
Any advice? Anybody else have this problem?
Click to expand...
Yes:
1.)
Kelvin said:
Take her somewhere...not just "up" .
Click to expand...
My wife came with me a few times when I got my license many years ago but she really didn't see the point of it. Climb into a hot, cramped, noisy 172, wear a bulky headset, and why? Just to see the view from 3,500 and burn a few hundred dollars to land in the same place you took off? Two things changed that: A) upgraded to a Cirrus which is the most comfortable GA plane I've ever sat in.. and was the first plane she was actually comfortable in, and B) she never comes on local flights, only the longer distance trips where flying ourselves means avoiding an 8hr car ride or avoiding the airlines; there flying for her has a convenience utility and allows us to spend more time at our destination. From San Diego this means places like Sedona, Vegas, Prescott, Napa, San Francisco, San Luis Obispo, Catalina, even Palm Springs, etc.

2.) Why does she have to like flying with you? Most of the pilot friends I know have wives (or girlfriends) who either have a similar situation as me, or who's wives / gf's actively avoid flying. Unless you have a mission where flying would really help you out.. like "if we fly I can be at the lakehouse in 1hr 45 minutes vs 6 hrs by car" then I think it's important to retain your individuality with *your* hobby without needing her to like it in order to enjoy it. Yes, it's awesome to share hobbies with a loved one, but I don't think there's anything wrong with having a hobby to yourself.. nothing wrong with flying being *your* thing. I have many friends where only one ski's, sails, flies, has a thing for horses, etc. OR..., and I'm not sure how long you've been together, married, gf, etc., but if this really is something that is important to you to share together (which, if it is, that's totally fair.. everyone has their special "comparability" metric be it politics, religion, etc) then even though others have said it sort of tongue in cheek, then you may want to consider if you are a good match. If your aviation hobby gets more and more serious where you are flying 100+ hrs per year, then this *could* be a point of contention down the line regarding how you spend your time, finances, etc. And at some point, if you do plan to fly a lot, it would be nice to have her along and enjoy it / support you

My $0.02, or whatever you paid for it

PS, being past 30 now and flying north of 120 hrs per year I'm more in tune with what's important to me.. any future relationship I have my flying "hobby" will be on the table up front. If something is very important to you (like flying is to me) then having spousal support is important. You don't want to be getting nagged for how much you spend on flying, why you spend all your time at the airport, how it's dangerous, etc. etc.
 
Stephen Shore said:
Maybe because we spend alot of time apart?!
Click to expand...
Actually there's a lot of value in that. Not to get off topic, but Esther Perel is a relationship therapist and has a few good books, etc., on this. Basically, there's a "closeness" zone that is perfect for a romantic relationship. Too much time together and you psychologically stop seeing this person in an intimate way, more like a sibling, etc., and you basically friend-zone yourself.. and too much time apart and the relationship doesn't have enough to build on. There's a perfect "arm's length" distance. Sounds like you have a good balance there!
 
Stephen Shore said:
My wife doesn't fly, hunt, fish, or has any interest in sports in any way. We have three sons, so I have plenty of family to keep me company. We have been married for 34 wonderful years so I think our arrangement works pretty well! Maybe because we spend alot of time apart?!
Click to expand...
I work on the road Mon-Fri, so we spend a lot of time together on the weekends. We've been married 25 years, and I think that's a big part of why.. :D
 
Tantalum said:
You don't want to be getting nagged for how much you spend on flying, why you spend all your time at the airport, how it's dangerous, etc. etc.
Click to expand...

You have a fly on the wall at my house or something? That's been brought up a time or two.. :rolleyes:
 
Man, I feel for you. My wife loves to fly with me and loves the utility of the plane. We just got back from Oregon. Took about 9.5 hrs each way and she loved 85% of it. Leg three was really bumpy. I didn’t like that part either.

Only advice I guess would be to make her as comfortable as possible, explain what you’re doing, no hot / bumpy days, go somewhere.

Good luck!
 
My wife has major motion issues. No flying with me unfortunately. We might try some strong meds when we move back to the States.
 
My wife has never been a fan of flying, either commercial or general aviation. For the first several years, she never went on a single flight with me. My first few airplanes were largely used by me in my business.

She didn’t really start flying with me until we started using the airplane for personal travel. As others have mentioned, a two hour plane flight is far better than a 12 hour drive with three kids. Now, the kids would much prefer a quick trip in the plane to a car ride.

She still does not enjoy flying. To her, the airplane is simply a convenient way to get from point A to point B. She will never understand my passion for aviation, but at least she is willing to get into the airplane. She is still very concerned with weather, turbulence, and of course, safety. However, after several years of flying, she is starting to get used to it. She now just gets into the plane and immediately starts reading. She doesn’t stop until the engines shut down.

I have other friends that get the passion for aviation, and those are the ones that I take flying when we are just having fun!

Abram Finkelstein
N48KY
 
Banjo33 said:
My wife isn’t a fan either. She tolerates it because we can get there quicker, but she prefers to ride in the back when we go. Interestingly, she gets serious vertigo just touching the yoke, lol. However, she also relented and let me purchase a plane, as long as she got to dictate what it was (Twin).

My mother was scared to death the first time I took her flying. She was so excited up until the wheels left the ground. Until I could get the plane back on the runway, I seriously thought she was going to jump out. She felt she was better off plummeting to her death vs flying in the -172 we were in, lol. Something about hanging off the bottom of the wing didn’t sit well with her. She pesters me frequently about taking her for a ride in our new plane. I continue to stiff arm her as I don’t want to have to deal with a panic attack in a plane I’m trying to fly.
Click to expand...
High wings give me vertigo. Try a low wing, might help.
 
That's a good point. A lot of people are more comfortable sitting on a wing rather than hanging from one, including me.
 
My wife doesn’t li,e commercial flight so much. She is slightly clastrophpbic, so riding in a big metal tube is not her favorite thing to do. Now, flying in the Tiger with lots of visibility she is ok for about 5 hrs total flight time. She won’t go up around the patch or for lunch, but if we are going somewhere, and staying for a while, she is ok with it. I try to fly in the mornings, and when it isn’t to bumpy. She did know I was a pilot 38 years ago when we got married.
 
Go early in the morning when the air is smooth and the wind is dead calm. Iowa gets hot and bumpy early this time of year. Sweaty and bumpy is not well tolerated outside the boudoir.

Also, when she's in the plane, you're flying for her, not you. So, limit your control travel to nice smooth shallow inputs and keep the ball centered. Some people are really attuned to uncoordinated motion. And, non-pilots interpret this as being out of control.
 
My wife is very adventurous so she doesn't have a problem with flying. My friends wife though hates flying in small airplanes but she can get in her SUV, Late for work, Driving two and a half times the speed limit with the sun visor down doing makeup while driving...she considers that perfectly "Safe"
 
I hope this is instructive. When I go the Mooney, Mrs. Steingar hated it. After getting back from D.C. in two hours, she likes it just fine. If you take your spouse on a trip that they normally do in a car, they'll love the airplane. That, and those little FAA bracelets really do the job for airsickness, at least for Mrs. Steingar. We've even done the appropriate control experiments.
 
Took my fiance up in the Diamond 40/20.. not an issue. Took her up in an old Cherokee and she said "If its not a diamond im not getting in" so I feel like airplane age has a lot to do with her decision. We saw a few Cirri on the ramp on our last trip and shes all like "oOOoo shiny". I feel like any composite airplane would be a yes in her book.
Even then shes not 100% at ease. Slight bumpiness used to bother her, now it almost goes by unnoticed... she sleeps 80% of the time we fly..I used to keep waking her up to see things on the ground until I realized.. yes she think flying is cool but to her its mostly transportation and she does not enjoy it nearly as much as I do.
She's open to the idea of buying something in the next 5-7 years though :)
 
saracelica said:
How about get her a discovery flight or pinch hitter course? Understanding what my husband was doing helped me. If course I went on to get my instrument rating....
Click to expand...

My instructor offered to teach her all the way through getting a few decent landings, gratis! All I had to do was rent the 172. Nope, my wife would have nothing of it.

benyflyguy said:
Same exact boat!! In fact a trip today got scrubbed much to my pushing. Her words, “terrified” in a small plane.
So here is what I did.
1. She got some meds from her doc..that only gets you part way.
Click to expand...

Yes, she got a script for Xanax, that makes it tolerable for her.
 
Super lucky here, my wife loves flying commercial or with me. She sat in the back when I was taking lessons and even during unusual attitudes. She doesn't mind if it is bumpy and is the one passenger I don't feel like I have to apologize when it is a rough ride. She was my first passenger a couple hours after getting my private. She probably would be an OK pilot except she has no sense of direction AT ALL. I literally can put our home airport off the nose of the airplane and she still can't find it.

The only time she was hesitant was when I got back into flying and that was more what would our kids do if something happened to us both. They were both living at home at the time but are both young adults. I simply explained the math of the 401K and the value of our house and that they would have several years to "figure it out". After that she was good.
 
One woman told me she always took a blanket when she flew with her husband. I don't know if it was a temp control issue or a security mechanisim. I got the idea she would curl up under the blanket and tune out the environment.
 
Well, my wife used to joke how small the "toy" AA1A was and wasn't convinced flying was a useful or safe activity until we took an impromptu trip to Washington DC to see my sister who was there for a short time. We got up, had breakfast, tootled to DC, had lunch there, visited, did the sights, had dinner, and flew back the next day in time to enjoy Sunday afternoon. Just over 2 hours each way. SOLD. Since that time she took pinch hitter training which turned into getting a private certificate, and we got a larger, IFR capable aircraft. 3 hours to Maine beats the heck out of a 9-12 hour drive.

Something about a 5 minute drive to the airport, no TSA or overfilled luggage bins (or lost luggage), and no crazy drivers.
 
My wife is indifferent about flying. For her its all about the destination. Take your wife someplace she wants to go.
 
All great advice, and I thank you guys for that. She gave me permission to book a disco flight for her, so it's set up for Thursday morning. Hopefully it helps!
 
Timbeck2 said:
I have my plane and my friends who like planes and flying. My wife of 24 years has her horses and friends who like horses and riding.

It works for us.
Click to expand...

Wait, we are supposed to have friends?
 
eman1200 said:
dunno, are we supposed to have a wife?
Click to expand...

It's the 21st century, you can have a husband, or long term significant other. Won't promise about no judging though, it's a tough crowd here. :D ;)
 
My former co-owner’s wife screamed her entire first flight and never went up again.

They had an agreement. He went flying, she went shopping. LOL.
 
Like my wife used to say when taking her pets to a dog show....

Crate ‘em or sedate ‘em!
 
This thread really makes me appreciate my wife that much more. Right now she is looking at Aviationweather.gov to see if we can squeeze in a flight to St Petersburg before the storms start.

But here's an idea for all of you guys who's wife hates to fly. Get a mistress. It will be easy to tell your wife you are going flying for a few hours. Then everyone will be happy.
 
My wife was not a fan at first. I never took her up just to fly. I waited for a cool calm fall day and took her to KC, about an hour flight. Did that a few times and then she started asking me to take her to KC for a sale or something going on over the weekend. Now she will happily get in and go anywhere with me.


Some of it is likely her comfort level and some is her comfort level with me as a pilot. When I would fly, she would want a text or call when departing and arriving. Now she might not even know I flew unless I happened to mention it or if I tell her because I am going to be late. Her only concern then is what time I will be home, no different than if I were attending a late meeting.

Just take it slow and start with short trips when the conditions are near perfect.

Jim
 
@ScottinIowa, I think you've heard just about every possible way to make her flight less terrible but I think the real point here is that your expectations for her to fly and her not being comfortable with flying are colliding head on. To her it is pressure, mega pressure!!! You gotta let it go and slowly let her actually want it...and that may never happen. Not sure if she has any favorite hobby or routine, but if she does I'd be darned surprised she dropped it for you. So maybe this MAN up time.

Now I don't mean divorce or treat her crappy. Actually instead, be confident about flying. You are gonna fly. You might take up friends and family and even do an occasional trip. She will see that you are having fun and actually relax. At the same time she will either end up comfortable not going with you or start to want to be a part of it. Along the way, always make sure she is invited and welcome. In other words...remove all the pressure.

Regarding being pressured. I love scuba diving. When we met, my wife indicated a interest. On our honeymoon I took her snorkeling. It went so-so. So we tried just snorkeling again on another winter trip. Once again so-so but maybe worse. I could tell scuba isn't here thing. But she knows I love it and never gets in the way of me going on a trip or diving with friends. She seems happy sitting on the beach while I dive. At the root of the problem is that she does not want to put her head underwater. Period. When it comes to flying right now your wife does not want to be anywhere near that plane. There are ways to address it. I hope you can find one of them. But pinning your happiness on requiring her to be a part of it is actually asking her to put her head underwater. Image yourself in the same situation (eg. water, heights, etc). What would you want...

If it helps any my daughter (now 10yo) became a bit reluctant to fly. We tell her "Look out the window". Doesn't help. I have her sit up front...kinda helps. I ask her to fly...kinda helps. We go on a trip...HELPS!!!! But it is always there. One thing she has locked onto is the smell. The prior owner had to burn MOGAS and I think when it leaked or something it now forever has "plane smell" as she calls it. Maybe all planes smell. But she says it bothers her the most. So I am working on that next. So getting in a plane can be more than just the fear of dying, or locked in a tube, it can be other inputs you may not be thinking off.

Good luck, I can tell you want really badly for this to work. I actually believe you'll find an answer but only with patience and not pressure.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top