And who is actually responsible for that ? Maybe the traveling public that think air travel is a constitutionally guarunteed right. If you want to shlep yourself and all of your crap from one side of this country to the other for less than the cost of driving it in a Prius then guess what - it ain't likely to be pretty.
The "bus people" have been accommodated with cheap tickets at the expense to those of us who value a less steerage-class experience and would be willing to pay a premium.
Paflyer covers my view of it. Try finding a carrier specializing in 1980s seat sizes and pitches on their entire fleet, you won't find them. Let's not even discuss the garbage known as "airline food".
So here's the story from last night. It's SWA. I have no problem with SWA. I know what I'm getting into. But someone, maybe Art, recently said "You make airline travel inexpensive enough for the common man, you get the common man..." or similar.
I got two common men. Two total idiot common men.
Idiot #1 was an A-Lister with an attitude. You're boarding first on SWA dude, you're not booking the Presidential Suite on a Crystal Cruise ship. You aren't exactly all you think you are...
Dude is black. I only mention it because it becomes important later. He's also big and athletic and did only ONE smart thing. He went straight for an exit row window seat. Bravo dude.
I've also got a high numbered A boarding slot so I know how this works. One FA even joked about it during the outbound leg:
A) Pick a great seat. Your carryon will definitely fit in the bin.
B) Still aisle and window seats available, bins are filling up. Plan wisely.
C) You're screwed. Jam whatever you have under the seat in front of you and hug your knees the whole flight in your middle seat.
Okay. A-Lister is cranking some tunes from his earbuds I can hear two rows away but I'm happy I've got an aisle exit row seat. Life looks to be the usual "good" for SWA.
I sit down and get a bit situated knowing someone is gonna want that center seat for the legroom.
Here's where the stupid starts. A-Lister is playing the "make the center seat look occupied" game with his backpack. His music is so loud he can't hear or doesn't want to hear he nearly continuous announcements that the flight is completely full and don't bother trying the hold a seat or act sick games. (The lead FA even just flat out says this on her PA announcements. They know the dog eat dog world of SWA seating and they're always nice enough to let everyone know when the game rules change. Seriously. It's a game. And it helps if you know the rules.)
The only black FA has our cabin section and here's where the SUPER stupid starts. A-Lister starts hitting on the FA.
Now I've done enough business travel to know this is about as stupid as it gets. A) She gets this BS all the time and B) you idiot, you just ****ed her off and the entire row is going to suffer for this. You're are a fffffing moron. He doubles and triples down. She tells him the seat will be taken, he says, "How about you slide over here in it, girl?"
Oh Fffffff. She's going to spit in his Coke. Hope she doesn't get mine for good measure or think I'm traveling with him.
So now we have a ****ed off FA and one HUGE muscular guy (did I mention he already doesn't fit in his seat and he's over the inner armrest?) and here's where I was mildly impressed. We get the B listers seated and we're about the middle of the C listers and seats are filling up.
FA *tries* to convince a relatively skinny tall decent looking girl that she'll enjoy the extra legroom of the center seat. She points and says, "You can sit there if *those guys* will move that bag since they're going to have to anyway."
Awwww sh... Yep. She's decided I'm with Stupid over there with his earbuds still cranked so loud he can't hear her. I joke, "I'm not holding it, he should move the bag." He can't even hear me snarking about him. Lost in his own ego world over there. Then all of a sudden, Idiot #1 pulls out an earbud and starts *hitting on the FA again*. Oh fffffffff me.
I'm seconds from just giving up the seat and heading for the back to fight my way to a center seat where my knees will have to be surgically removed from my forehead just to get away from the idiot. Karen is across the aisle in the other aisle exit row seat and I briefly think that she'd wonder why I moved. She's been reading and blocked from hearing most of this by the FA's butt.
I stay.
Tall girl is so unimpressed by this jack wagon that she not only retreats, she swims upstream back to a seat she saw *forward*. A sure sign things have really gone to hell in a hand basket during the standard SWA Seat Game. Wow.
I sit there figuring ok, at least I'm not in that center seat with idiot #1 pushing on my shoulder the whole flight.
FA finally reaches over and grabs the guy's backpack and tosses it in his lap. He yanks an earbud again and gets mouthy with her, "Whoa! Baby! Don't touch my bag! I got special *stuff* in there! Special stuff!"
OMG I want to punch him.
Airplane fills. And continues to fill. And... Completely fills.
And then Idiot #2 shows up.
I hear the FA say, "You'll have to sit there sir", as she points and someone is coming up from behind.
Something knocks me sideways toward the center seat and then before I can even get up, a dude the size and body type of an NBA power defender jumps over my legs, turning in mid-air and lands in the center seat, at which point he realizes his mistake as he crashes into idiot #1's arm and is shoved over halfway into my seat. I get pushed over the frigging armrest into the aisle.
Great. Frigging Larry Bird complete with basketball clothes and backwards baseball cap just showed up and is using half of my seat. My legs are great. But my upper body even as a not-small dude is no match for these two idiots on anabolic steroids. They're both wider than two Kardashian's asses combined and we now have a cozy arrangement where as long as half of my upper body is shoved into the aisle, we can all actually fit in the row. Ffffffffffffffff.
I look over at Karen who's across the aisle in a group of three normal sized humans and grimace. She hints that maybe we should switch but I realize even she won't fit with these two meatheads. I'll just stand for as much of the flight as possible and run my minor risk of being bounced off the ceiling by CAT. Seriously. I now officially do not care at all about this flight. I know at my age I'm going to hurt all flight from the awkward contortions to even sit in a frigging seat, and I'll be paying for it tomorrow when I wake up too, if I don't spent a half hour stretching when I finally get home.
Idiot #2's real mistake here is in not understanding the SWA seat game. If you're a big freaking human, pay the extra $40 and get in the A group, take an aisle or window and if you can get it, in an exit or bulkhead row, and get yourself situated before the little people arrive. Seriously dummy.
Okay so he's huge, but he's only shown himself to be a *partial* idiot. He doesn't understand the SWA game and now I'm going to pay for it with one hell of a backache later.
But he and the other idiot won't stop there... I should have known.
FA asks the required question about being willing to assist in an exit row and meathead #2 decides this is a good time to mouth off. YGTBFKM. "Are you willing..."
"No I'm not willing and I hate this damn seat!"
FA glares at him. She's now ready to punch someone too. He says one bad thing about her personally and they're going to have to take him off the flight because I'm going to say something to goad him into taking a swing at me to get rid of him. Seriously.
I'm folded halfway into the aisle anyway. What's a punch? Might as well turn this into the true SWA "experience"! LOL
He sees the glare and realizes by the look on my face and hers that he's about to have the hell beat out of him so he starts in with the "I was only joking, just a joke, but I really don't fit in this seat *m'aam* (oh boy... she's not that old and you just used the word... you really *are* idiot #2...)." Look dude... You don't know the SWA Seat Hunger Games rules and you'd better just shut up. You're already using half of *my* seat and I'm already glaring at you for it. STFU and sit there.
I think it's over. Now I can just spend my $8 for slow internet and enjoy distracting myself with PoA and keep standing up to slow the inevitable lower back ache and pinched nerves this lovely experience will bring. Sip a nice Coke Zero and ignore the two idiots and go home. I enjoyed my vacation and they're not going to ruin that for me. Just this cattle car ride for 3:45.
All is well until the first FA comes by taking drink orders. Anyone who knows SWA knows they pre-order it all and make up a chart and bring them on the next pass.
Idiot #1 pulls an earbud and loudly asks for a Coke and "You got them pretzels!? I need some pretzels!"
FA is beyond ****ed with him. "I'm taking *drink* orders! Snacks will come through later and yes there are pretzels.
"Okay but I need lots of pretzels! And you're supposed to bring them to me!"
I'm wondering if she'll outright poison his drink. OMG. What an ass.
Idiot #2 manages to order a cranberry juice without saying something stupid. He even says "thank you". Maybe there's hope.
Snack box comes by. Idiot #1 is now accosting FA 2 about pretzels, "You got my pretzels? I told the other *waitress* I needed lots of pretzels!" FA 2 starts out surprised and then instantly super ticked by the term, waitress.
I really want to kill one or the other of these guys now. Back is starting to bug me. I wonder where we'll divert into if I ***** slap one of them.
She gives him a bag of pretzels and another bag of something else. Idiot 2 wants cookies. This will be important later.
Well not that much later. To finish this up, *every single time* ANY FA walks by Idiot 1 hollers (he's now totally deaf from his music) that he wants more pretzels and another Coke, and Idiot 2 follows his lead and wants another cranberry juice and more cookies.
Around juice number three and cookie bag four is when I started this thread.
Total count was four cranberry juices, five bags of cookies, four Cokes, and I don't know how many pretzel bags.
Only part that made it worthwhile was after we landed and parked at the gate, I stood up to await the usual orderly offloading by row and just happened to notice meathead 2 was going to stand up. He's still in the middle seat. I opened the overhead bin and let it tap him in the baseball cap. Haha. Moron. I can stand up on the aisle. You can't yet. I caught the bin and didn't let it hit him hard. Just kinda positioned it as he stood up into it. LOL.
I put on my best "oops" face and smiled at him and the FA who they'd annoyed the whole flight as I grabbed a small box of treats we had bought for friends on our trip, all I had in he overhead, but small and light enough nobody would think I was messing with him, since you couldn't have pulled a roller bag out yet.
But I can play "dumb tourist who really wants his box of treats so he won't forget them" pretty well. Hahahahahaha.
I swear I saw the FA trying to stifle a giggle. I hope so.
Everyone made it safely to our destination, and that was that.
SWA only goes sideways when some idiots don't know how to play by the cattle car rules. I hope idiot 2 got thumped good by the nub on top of his baseball cap on backward the entire flight.