Ease family concerns of flying small aircraft

CTLSi said:
She is concerned you will crash and burn in an aircraft? How terrible of her!

How about you take her out to dinner and explain your love of aviation and ask her to help solve the conflict... Maybe make a compromise of some kind.

Otherwise, you will eventually end up having to live with her anxiety and possible nagging. Or you will quit flying. Or you will get a new girlfriend and start the cycle all over again.
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If he compromises she will love him less. Aren't we supposed to be pro aviation here? Why does everyone fold to some wuffos silly perceptions? Be a man fly.
 
ClimbnSink said:
Be a man fly.
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Fly:man.jpeg
 
cocolos said:
Two months later the airplane went down with another member of our club on takeoff. Thankfully he had a 10k hour CFII next to him. They both got hospitalized but I believe that was mostly because we didn't have shoulder belts otherwise I believe they would have walked away.

NTSB Report

Thanks!
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Not on topic but I got a chill reading that NTSB report. Most of the time an accident like that results in a post crash fire, and they had 36 gallons of fuel on board.

Very happy to hear they survived.
 
lol wow...well lots of good advice here thanks! I wasn't expecting this much of a response!

I am planning on giving her more time. I will continue to fly and I will probably get her to get 10 hours of dual just to get a feel for flying and that all is not hopeless when you lose an engine.

Also I plan on continuing to get more ratings. Hopefully I'll reach to be CFI as I love teaching!

I hope by then she would allow me to work on my 2 seat experimental! She said she is worried but she understands that she just doesn't know enough about them. I understand because the name "experimental" sure does sounds scary.

Lastly, I found the perfect video that encompases a lot of what was talked about here in terms of safety:

https://vimeo.com/103092939

Enjoy! Fly safe!

EDIT: Haha I showed that video to her and she said they make it seem so fun...I was like that's because it is!
 
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Only 1% of the population are pilots. The public knows this. So trying to compare aviation to driving really does not work.

Also you do not see many fender benders as they call them in aviation. Not to often people walk away. It happens but not as often as automobiles.

Also when something Goes wrong in a car most of the time its the other guys fault. When flying its pilot error 90% of the time if not more.

This is why I always think, just how can I keep from being that pilot. The one who wakes up and that day is the last, because as we all know over 90% of the time its pilot error that will do us in.

So to me this falls at my shoes. It's all about safety and flying as smart as I can. Why I always say..Fly Smart and you fly safe.

Tony
 
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cocolos said:
lol wow...well lots of good advice here thanks! I wasn't expecting this much of a response!

I am planning on giving her more time. I will continue to fly and I will probably get her to get 10 hours of dual just to get a feel for flying and that all is not hopeless when you lose an engine.

Also I plan on continuing to get more ratings. Hopefully I'll reach to be CFI as I love teaching!

I hope by then she would allow me to work on my 2 seat experimental! She said she is worried but she understands that she just doesn't know enough about them. I understand because the name "experimental" sure does sounds scary.

Lastly, I found the perfect video that encompases a lot of what was talked about here in terms of safety:

https://vimeo.com/103092939

Enjoy! Fly safe!

EDIT: Haha I showed that video to her and she said they make it seem so fun...I was like that's because it is!
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Just give her time, invite her, keep coming home alive, eventually she'll go again.
 
My wife rides horses and has had multiple minor broken bones, a cracked vertebra, and a concussion all on different occasions.

She has no leg to stand on worrying about flying :D
 
MickYoumans said:
Fixed that for you. ;) :D :rolleyes:

As far as putting others at ease about flying, I'm not sure what you can say that would change their perceptions. All I can say is that I have had way more close calls driving over the past 30 years including three wrecks where other people ran into me (not my fault), but I've never even remotely had a problem flying. I realize there are risks in life that includes flying as well as driving and I accept the risk of both. Whether real or perceived, I actually feel safer flying than driving. I do consulting work and I'm currently working 130 miles from home. If I make the commute driving I have to drive through two large cities and it takes over two hours to drive. I usually make the commute flying and I pass over a class 'D' airport on flight folowing in sparse airspace. My flight is less than an hour. When I fly I'm just as relaxed and refreshed when I complete the trip. Not so when driving. I have seen far more accidents and near misses the times I've driven. Fortunately my wife came from a flying family. Her uncle taught me to fly. Any time I do fly she knows where I'm going and I call her right before I take off and when I land. Given the choice I'll be flying.
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That's because you've driven many more times than you've flown. Aircraft today, generally are so old that if they were a car they would only be seen in a place like Cuba! Old cranks, old cams, old carbs, old wing spars,lousy mechanics, on and on. If you follow the accident reports, you'll see a great many aircraft buy the ranch on take off, quitting and in many cases killing all on board. If you flew as many hours as you've driven youd probably already be dead. ( not to mention the idiotic mistakes made in weather situations, with pilots flying far beyond their abilitys. )
 
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JHW said:
It's a tough one. It may just not be her cup of tea. My wife isn't wild about flying either, she only gets in the plane to go someplace she wants to go.
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Yes. Some people will never like it, no matter what statistics you show them to show how safe it is.
 
jordane93 said:
Yes. Some people will never like it, no matter what statistics you show them to show how safe it is.
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Most people have no interest in riding in a small aircraft. Pushing someone on the subject won't solve anything. The passion is his, he should ask for a compromise. If he doesn't get one his choices are more limited, and less satisfying.
 
CTLSi said:
Most people have no interest in riding in a small aircraft. Pushing someone on the subject won't solve anything. The passion is his, he should ask for a compromise. If he doesn't get one his choices are more limited, and less satisfying.
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In the heyday of GA do you think those guys were taking their girlfriends out to the sock hop and discussing flying compromises? Gotta give old pilots props for being men. Can't be a manfly if you don't man up.
 
Mine cares as much about my flying as I care about her tap dancing.

At least she'll go flying with me.

I won't do the tap dancing. This Machete don't tap ... :nonod::happydance:


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MickYoumans said:
I was just joking around. It wasn't meant to offend.
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I understand, but this subject is no joking matter. One of the things that bother me about aviation. Its unforgiving. You take your eye off the ball and bad things happen.

This is why I fly solo and only in certain area's avoiding most anything on the ground but open ground. According to operating limitations on the EAB I fly.
That is harder to find now days but another story.

When ever someone has a mishap, I first look at the cause and if its pilot error and we all know 90% of the time it is. I wonder just what makes me think that will not be me someday.

Knowing this and going over it with my wife, she understands when I say, honey I need some money for some training. She knows this training keeps me safe and sharp.

Tony
 
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cowman said:
My wife rides horses and has had multiple minor broken bones, a cracked vertebra, and a concussion all on different occasions.

She has no leg to stand on worrying about flying :D
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I always tell friends I have the triple threat.
1. I ride horses
2. I ride street bikes including high performance
3. I fly ga airplanes.

Out of those the horse has put me in the hospital, but I feel the motorcycle is the most dangerous.


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mrindian said:
I always tell friends I have the triple threat.
1. I ride horses
2. I ride street bikes including high performance
3. I fly ga airplanes.

Out of those the horse has put me in the hospital, but I feel the motorcycle is the most dangerous.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk HD
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Add.....I fly Home Built EXPERIMENTAL airplanes with an auto engine then you have something to compare.
 
ClimbnSink said:
It is a test. If you stop flying you fail. Let her be uneasy, chicks love being uneasy. Logic BS, and stats, and Nall report this and that do nothing but make you look like a chump, do not invoke them. If you have to argue take a clue from Maverick and say 'that's right icewoman I am dangerous.'
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+1

There is a good chunk of truth to that. The woman's brain doesn't really deal in logic over emotions like a mans brain.
 
My wife calmed down considerably when I demonstrated a dead stick landing to her. Showing her that a plane can successfully land without an engine was a huge confidence builder for her. She gained even more confidence when I bought an STOL plane (a Maule), and then showed her how little space I needed to land the plane. She still doesn't enjoy flying for the sake of flying, but she will happily join me if the destination is someplace she will enjoy. You can't convince anyone that flying is absolutely safe; there have been way too many fatal GA accidents this summer. What you can do is demonstrate you are doing everything within your power to manage your flying risks.
 
If you read enough flying forums you will find lots of stories about how the first wife didn't like to fly, but how her replacement is great. :D
 
My wife and I went up for a scenic flight while we were dating and before I got my license. She did pretty well, just a few muffled screams on the approach, which was a bit breezy. She encouraged me while I obtained my license and we flew together quite a bit. After our two daughters' were born she didn't want to fly so much. She never restricted me from it, or me bringing our daughters' along. She did not like excluding herself from our adventures so she started coming along. I am very thankful for her trust in my aeronautical decision making. It is all about risk management. I like to keep my risk envelope very small, especially when passengers are involved.

Many accidents are caused when the risk envelope is enlarged to the point that it almost appears “it’s an accident waiting to happen”. Flying in marginal weather conditions, fuel mismanagement, and lack of proficiency are all MAJOR factors that contribute to accidents. I try to fly often and keep these other KILLERS in check at all times.
 
1600vw said:
When ever someone has a mishap, I first look at the cause and if its pilot error and we all know 90% of the time it is. I wonder just what makes me think that will not be me someday.

Knowing this and going over it with my wife, she understands when I say, honey I need some money for some training. She knows this training keeps me safe and sharp.
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Same here. I look at accident reports and try to figure what, if anything, in my decision-making process would have kept me out of that accident. For many of them, it is seemingly easy. The pilot did something I wouldn't normally do. So i try to think of what situation might make me do something abnormal. What kind of pressures, ya know?

I have discussed stats with my wife to a degree. I just talk about how the "statistics" include a lot of aircraft that are crappier than mine, pilots that did stuff way dumber than what I do. I talk about how I plan to mitigate risk on each flight if there is something of concern. Like wx. "We are going to go by way of Goodland, KS because there is a bunch of rain in the TX panhandle - keeps us in the clear" or whatever.

But I remind her that I am an n of 1. Why won't I be the next entry in the NTSB database? Why will I be?
 
cocolos said:
Well she does voice her concern but always gives a statement along the lines don't let me stop you from doing what you like. She said she does want to go flying but just not now. I guess I just need to give it time.


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Like others have posted, logic isn't likely to help. You might be better off just acknowledging that flying has risks, that you understand her concern, that you appreciate her willingness to pursue your aviation interests, that you hope she'll eventually be able to share the fun and convenience of flying your own plane, and that she can do so when she's ready.

There is one somewhat "logical" argument that combines an emotional aspect. Try explaining that while flying small planes is statistically less save than driving, a mitigating factor is that those same statistics show that a large majority of accidents are caused by pilots making bad decisions and doing things like low level maneuvering (buzzing houses), flying VFR into IMC (give an example), and stretching fuel too far. Promise her that you simply won't do any of those thins, then tell her that if she accompanies you, she gets 100% veto power on anything that she feels might be unsafe, even if you're certain you can handle it.

That little bit of control might just be what she needs.
 
I find that whenever there is a small plane crash in the news my wife gets very nervous and questions me about it. The way I usually handle it is to find out as much as I can about why that plane crash occurred and either point out mistakes that I do not believe I would make (fuel starvation for example or VFR into IMC) or to use it as a learning experience and review how I should handle whatever situation they were in and that makes her feel a lot better about it.
 
James331 said:
+1

There is a good chunk of truth to that. The woman's brain doesn't really deal in logic over emotions like a mans brain.
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Dude. You will never be happy in a real relationship with your attitude. If you do find a woman, you will no doubt find a passive one who may as well be a toaster in your kitchen.
 
Lord Muck said:
I find that whenever there is a small plane crash in the news my wife gets very nervous and questions me about it. The way I usually handle it is to find out as much as I can about why that plane crash occurred and either point out mistakes that I do not believe I would make (fuel starvation for example or VFR into IMC) or to use it as a learning experience and review how I should handle whatever situation they were in and that makes her feel a lot better about it.
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My wife used to give me the daily crash report too and a small plane does crash somewhere in the country everyday. Nearly all get reported in the press at some level. I do as you have done and explain what happened and why and when it almost always comes down to stupid pilot tricks, she feels a tiny bit better.

Also ask her what she thinks it would take for a car crash to make the paper. Ordinary crashes, even those with fatalities don't usually get reported. Only when they are spectacular. Cars and airplanes are apples and oranges of course, but it does illustrate the magnifying and amplifying effect of the press.

I'm going on 16 years flying now, so she pretty much doesn't mention the daily crashes anymore. Only if it's one close to home, or it involves an airliner. Basically, she's getting really used to me going up in the air and safely coming back again. It's my job to make sure that doesn't change.
 
I don't know about you guys, but if I tell my wife I have a 99.9% chance of survival, she hears a .1% chance of death.

Women are just wired like that I think....
 
The thing that scares her is that the airplane I flew crashed...just hits closer to home. I believe she will get over it. She just needs a bit of time.
 
I hope I never have an engine out or a rough anything in any airplane, especially one I'm flying.

I know from other wrecks on horses and motorcycles and general things in life that it can have a psychological effect on you.

They say to get back up on the horse, but if you've ever been thrown from one for real, and it was hard and you got busted up pretty bad, getting back in the swing of things can change. What makes it go sideways is that from that day forward, it's not the same on any horse forever.
 
I think it pays to acknowledge the truth. Flying in small planes is dangerous.

I approach it like motorcycling and try to avoid the obvious heavy hitters. Don't run out of gas! Don't overload the plane or fly with CG out of range. Don't fly into IMC as a VFR pilot. Do a preflight inspection! Know your limitations.
 
Some of you guys sound like you are trying to convince yourselves it is safe moreso then your families.
 
1600vw said:
Knowing this and going over it with my wife, she understands when I say, honey I need some money for some training. She knows this training keeps me safe and sharp.

Tony
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Sounds like a good hustle.
 
To the OP:

If it's your time, then weather you're on the ground or in the air, it's your time....if you believe in that sort of thing.

My wife and I had "the talk". I told her that most accidents are "pilot error" and have a chain of events of errors or omissions. She understood. She asked me to promise and I did, to do my part and since there is little I can do about the things I don't control, we agreed to minimize those risks and control the ones under my control as is reasonable.
 
I had no idea that horseback riding was riskier than motorcycle riding. This is an interesting and useful data point.
 
Just say "yeah, it is dangerous, but it's what I do".
 
Eeeyup, whistling past the graveyard, they are

Flying is not safe - period
And motorcycles are actually better on an hours or miles per accident basis
And cars are vastly safer
And you guys trying to convince your fearful family that it is just wonderful to go flying with dad - better hope you perish in the crash right with them because the guilt will be horrible if you don't
If they like flying that is a different matter

Now having said that - am I going to stop flying?
Hell no.
But I don't entice people to go with me
My wife goes if I am taking her to see the grandchildren. Nothing will stop her from seeing her grandchildren. Otherwise she won't get near the plane and this is after more than 50 years
Fine by me

What I do is balance the odds. I don't ride motorcycles. And I drive an 8000 pound 4X4 like a maniac
(theory is that it is the cautious driver who gets run over and dies, and the maniac walks away without a scratch)
So if you see someone in a big red truck who looks older than Methuselah go blasting past you on an icy highway at midnight grinning from ear to ear while dogs run yelping and women faint - it's just me balancing the odds
 
GeorgeC said:
I had no idea that horseback riding was riskier than motorcycle riding. This is an interesting and useful data point.
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Lol, there is a reason that Equine Events have a liability free status, no one could afford the insurance and they don't want to clog the courts.
 
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