Deferring Marriage and a Family to fly professionally

Advice to a new airline pilot: "Find a woman you hate, give her your house and half your money, and get it over with."

I was never an airline pilot. Got married when I was an Air Force pilot in 1969. I really can't imagine looking for marriage advice online, but this has been an interesting thread. And, yeah... still married to the same person and still flying airplanes.
 
Half Fast said:
Well, you know pilots; always looking for an alternate, just in case....
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I once worked briefly with a guy that was always chasing women. I asked him why he did that knowing he had a girlfriend. He replied, "every man has to have a plan B!"

A month later she left him while he was out of town at his mother's funeral and took a bunch of stuff with her including a nice check she wrote for herself out of his checkbook. :eek2:

Seems she also had a plan ... :rofl:
 
Ed Haywood said:
Nowhere in your post did you use the word love.

There is only one good reason to marry. Because you love her so much that you can't imagine life without her.

Been married 35 years. My life gets better every year.

Families are great, and kids are incredible. But I have friends with kids from failed marriages. At best, that situation is painful but manageable. At worst, it is a hell of custody and financial disputes.

Find the right one. It will hit you like a train when it happens.
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I agree. Early in our dating, my now late wife found out that I had a goal of moving to Alaska and becoming a bush pilot, a volleyball coach, and a rocket scientist. Her big objection was that it was cold in Alaska. I thought maybe she could handle the cold until she got chilled walking through the store’s frozen food section.

I knew in a heartbeat that it was either Alaska or her, and I chose her. I kept my flying dream alive by flight simulating and got my A&P as well as my avionics line maintenance certificate at Embrey Riddle. She also paid for some flying lessons while I was looking for work

You’ll know when you’re with the right one when you’re willing to pause flying so you can be with her. And she in return helps keep that dream alive.

Doesn’t sound like either of you are right for the other.
 
OP, tell this poor woman that you are very sorry for stealing years of her life. You were young and didn’t understand what you were doing to her.

As for you, you obviously knew what you were doing. Now you’re making excuses to justify dumping her. What, she was making big money then switched careers after meeting you? No, you both knew her plans for years.

I’m too busy to get engaged? I’m surprised the smart people here didn’t laugh at this. To plan the wedding? Ha. Stress from missing hobbies….. in your 20s?

The original post must be AI generated, some kind of trolling, etc.
 
She and her mom probably know that airline pilots make a good living. Thats okay, as long as they have a firm grasp on what it takes to get there. How will it look if getting married and starting a family is harder than SHE knew, and you being temporarily broke and gone all the time isnt her cup of tea? What other careers can you imagine doing that are more family friendly? Will those options make enough money for her to be happy when she planned on having airline income? It wouldnt be the first time a man sacrificed career goals for family and still got traded in.
 
The younger generation weighs in with the right answers to all the questions discussed above:
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

1. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
-You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10

-No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10

2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10

3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8

4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8

5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
-Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8

-On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10

6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
-When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7

-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
-- Curt, age 7

7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9

8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8

9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
-- Ricky, age 10
 
Also remember, over 50% of marriages end in divorce. And every one of them thought they had found the one and only person to spend the rest of their life with.

So the odds are, any one that you want to marry is NOT that person. :)
 
Pinecone said:
Also remember, over 50% of marriages end in divorce. And every one of them thought they had found the one and only person to spend the rest of their life with.

So the odds are, any one that you want to marry is NOT that person. :)
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And to make it more depressing, think about the % of people who didn't divorce but are unhappy in one way or another.
 
Flying for the airlines is a terrific career.

"But what about all those people that failed? Or all those people that are miserable in that job?"

...
 
Pinecone said:
Also remember, over 50% of marriages end in divorce. And every one of them thought they had found the one and only person to spend the rest of their life with.

So the odds are, any one that you want to marry is NOT that person. :)
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Widely stated but inconsistently applicable. For instance, people who live together before getting married are more likely to divorce. People who’ve been married and divorced already are much more likely to divorce than those marrying for the first time. I haven’t seen data, but I’d suspect alcoholics, narcotic addicts, narcissists, and schizophrenics get divorced at higher than average rates.

But in the end, statistics on everyone else’s marriages don’t matter; you’re only responsible for your own.
 
Gilbert Buettner said:
Advice to a new airline pilot: "Find a woman you hate, give her your house and half your money, and get it over with."

I was never an airline pilot. Got married when I was an Air Force pilot in 1969. I really can't imagine looking for marriage advice online, but this has been an interesting thread. And, yeah... still married to the same person and still flying airplanes.
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Face it, you are weird. :D
 
Oldest brother has been married three times.

Middle brother is on his first (I like her a lot, hope it lasts)

Me - Never been married. No kids. I've lived with 7 different woman over the years, three long term. Right now I have no desire to do it again. I would be way ahead of where am I now had I skipped all of them. Mens value only goes up as they grind through life & career, marry someone 10 years younger when you want to start the family and deal with the politics.

Men are in love and women are in business. Go ahead and go to your friends weddings and enjoy yourself. Start watching and notice when the divorces start coming. Also take note where those divorced women try to land.
 
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bnt83 said:
Oldest brother has been married three times.

Middle brother is on his first (I like her a lot, hope it lasts)

Me - Never been married. No kids. I've lived with 7 different woman over the years, three long term. Right now I have no desire to do it again. I would be way ahead of where am I now had I skipped all of them. Mens value only goes up as they grind through life & career, marry someone 10 years younger when you want to start the family and deal with the politics.

Men are in love and women are in business. Go ahead and go to your friends weddings and enjoy yourself. Start watching and notice when the divorces start coming. Also take note where those divorced women try to land.
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Ironically, I think your prescription of marrying older once you've made a success of yourself in life just increases the chances of attracting the businesswomen and thus increases your chances of validating your views on marriage and divorce with personal experience. If you want to follow that path, it's fine - I personally don't care how big of an age gap exists as long as both are over the legal age of consent - but that is a really good way to attract gold-diggers. Also, unfortunately for men, I think more attractive women are much more likely to engage in such behavior because they have a currency most men are willing to overlook really bad character flaws or history over - hotness.

I would be the last person to deny the existence of women marrying men solely for the alimony and divorce settlements, but I think it is extremely unfair to categorize all women as possessing that mindset. Maybe I am the last women on earth who didn't marry for money and you're right, but in my circle of average-earning men and average-looking women, there is still a lot of love going around in the decisions to tie the knot - and so far no divorces, either.
 
SkyChaser said:
Ironically, I think your prescription of marrying older once you've made a success of yourself in life just increases the chances of attracting the businesswomen and thus increases your chances of validating your views on marriage and divorce with personal experience. If you want to follow that path, it's fine - I personally don't care how big of an age gap exists as long as both are over the legal age of consent - but that is a really good way to attract gold-diggers. Also, unfortunately for men, I think more attractive women are much more likely to engage in such behavior because they have a currency most men are willing to overlook really bad character flaws or history over - hotness.

I would be the last person to deny the existence of women marrying men solely for the alimony and divorce settlements, but I think it is extremely unfair to categorize all women as possessing that mindset. Maybe I am the last women on earth who didn't marry for money and you're right, but in my circle of average-earning men and average-looking women, there is still a lot of love going around in the decisions to tie the knot - and so far no divorces, either.
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Fact is that 50% or more of the people on this planet aren't marriage material. A large pile of married people are miserable and may appear successful but have yet to eject.

Can't go wrong investing in yourself. People change. Conditions change. A wife's friends and family change and can poison her. Women file more than men for a reason.

I've watched COVID tear up one of the tightest families I knew of my hometown.

A 33 wife of 4 kids filed when her mom died. This woman was pregnant a lot of her young adult life, now that phase is over and she's splitting. They married young, bought an acreage, had a pile of pets and a horse. Now they are 33 years old dumping all the stuff, paying attorneys and have very little to show for it. They are set back 5 or 10 years.

That's just two I'm most knowledgeable of.

This stuff is everywhere.
 
bnt83 said:
Fact is that 50% or more of the people on this planet aren't marriage material.
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I disagree.

bnt83 said:
This stuff is everywhere.
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That I believe, but

bnt83 said:
A 33 wife of 4 kids filed when her mom died. This woman was pregnant a lot of her young adult life, now that phase is over and she's splitting. They married young, bought an acreage, had a pile of pets and a horse. Now they are 33 years old dumping all the stuff, paying attorneys and have very little to show for it. They are set back 5 or 10 years.
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Do you think that in another thirty years (being then in their 60s) both of those people would make the same choice they're making now? Or, put another way, would they say that the divorce was the mistake or the marriage? You and I have very different answers to that question. And the children might well have an answer different from both of us.
 
bnt83 said:
Fact is that 50% or more of the people on this planet aren't marriage material. A large pile of married people are miserable and may appear successful but have yet to eject.

Can't go wrong investing in yourself. People change. Conditions change. A wife's friends and family change and can poison her. Women file more than men for a reason.

I've watched COVID tear up one of the tightest families I knew of my hometown.

A 33 wife of 4 kids filed when her mom died. This woman was pregnant a lot of her young adult life, now that phase is over and she's splitting. They married young, bought an acreage, had a pile of pets and a horse. Now they are 33 years old dumping all the stuff, paying attorneys and have very little to show for it. They are set back 5 or 10 years.

That's just two I'm most knowledgeable of.

This stuff is everywhere.
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And I could easily tell you two stories of couples I know that have been through crazy struggles their entire lives and are still committed to living life out together and finding joy in each other's presence. I could choose to run away to Hawaii tomorrow and become a hula dancer, but I'm not going to because I have responsibilities and vows to uphold. Being "marriage material" is a choice you make every day of your life. The step that most couples skip is the "am I willing to make the choice to be marriage material every day for this person and is this person willing to make the choice to be marriage material every day for me?" step.
 
bnt83 said:
Fact is that 50% or more of the people on this planet aren't marriage material. A large pile of married people are miserable and may appear successful but have yet to eject.

Can't go wrong investing in yourself. People change. Conditions change. A wife's friends and family change and can poison her. Women file more than men for a reason.

I've watched COVID tear up one of the tightest families I knew of my hometown.

A 33 wife of 4 kids filed when her mom died. This woman was pregnant a lot of her young adult life, now that phase is over and she's splitting. They married young, bought an acreage, had a pile of pets and a horse. Now they are 33 years old dumping all the stuff, paying attorneys and have very little to show for it. They are set back 5 or 10 years.

That's just two I'm most knowledgeable of.

This stuff is everywhere.
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Fact is, you have a very warped perception of marriage. 50+% are not marriage material? Gonna need more than a mere couple of anecdotal stories on that.

The divorce rate has actually decreased over the past couple of decades. 200- 2022 per the CDC. LINK It went from 4.0 per 1000 in 2000 to 2.4 per 1000 in 2022.

You are really reaching if you're using an example from COVID times to illustrate how bad marriage is. COVID had so many screwed up issues going on, that your ignoring all the rest and pointing to a single point "SEE??? See how bad marriage is???" is ridiculous to the extreme.

A case can be made about marriage, but what you're presenting is absolute garbage. For every example, I can easily point to others that have made it.
 
I just came across this graphic and thought it might be appropriate here:
throughitall.PNG
 
Then there was the guy that worked with my ex.

He had a 5 year plan. He married a Ukrainian lady in her low to mid 20s. 5 years later, they divorced. She got a lump sum payout, no alimony. Then he would get a new one, also low to mid 20s. He did this at least 4 times my ex knew of.
 
SkyChaser said:
I just came across this graphic and thought it might be appropriate here:
View attachment 128362
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Now wait a minute, that's not all mutually exclusive. I think I have a cute kid:

IMG_0407.jpeg

She looks a little *too* much like the mailman, but I think I'm nonetheless very willing to fight for my marriage. :) :)
 
The best way not to end up divorced is to avoid hanging out with people who’ve divorced. It’s true. The interesting thing I’ve observed about divorces is that they seem spread like COVID. I’m not sure if that anecdotal or what, but it seems like there is a disincentive to split when all of your surrounding friend groups are still married. But once someone in a troubled marriage seeks advice from a divorced friend, that relationship is doomed…regardless of whether it’s salvageable or not.
 
Brad Z said:
The best way not to end up divorced is to avoid hanging out with people who’ve divorced. It’s true....I’m not sure if that anecdotal...
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I'll extend your statement to include "who are divorcing". How's this for anecdotal? 20+ years ago, a very good woman "friend" of my wife tried to convince her our marriage was troubled. Several months later, she and her husband divorced completely shocking my wife as she had given no indication. Apparently misery does love company and some people proactively attempt to make it happen.
 
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Brad Z said:
The best way not to end up divorced is to avoid hanging out with people who’ve divorced. It’s true. The interesting thing I’ve observed about divorces is that they seem spread like COVID. I’m not sure if that anecdotal or what, but it seems like there is a disincentive to split when all of your surrounding friend groups are still married. But once someone in a troubled marriage seeks advice from a divorced friend, that relationship is doomed…regardless of whether it’s salvageable or not.
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Absolute truth. There is no denying it. I've seen it at least a dozen times for couples I thought were solid and kind of rooted for them.

I'm 40 now, and I am a lot more aware of my influence on couples than back when I was 20. I've had older woman literally discussing divorce plans with me, and I just ask "why do you want to do that? The 15% you think your missing ain't going to fill the 85% you leave"

Even a divorced mom having a great time with a new boyfriend can poison things for her adult married children.
 
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SkyChaser said:
I just came across this graphic and thought it might be appropriate here:
View attachment 128362
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I certainly agree with you. The problem is that too many people don't get it, or weren't ready for it, talked themselves into it etc, and it just makes a huge mess that is difficult to recover from.

COVID ruined a lot couples emotionally and financially. Stack a divorce on that, maybe a bitter spouse hell bent on alienating the children from the other. Now what kind of shovel can dig a person out of that hole?

I'm watching a 15+ year married couple fighting (maybe not the best word) about moving for a job right now. He wants to move to further career. She doesn't. She need her Dad around. I asked "What's keeping your Dad here?" "Ever thought to ask if he want to go?" It was clear they had never considered that. Both grandparents on her Dad's side are gone now. I don't see anything keeping him here. These two have made it though a really bad spot that I thought was the end about 6 years ago. They have three daughters one is about to start driving.

A couple of nurses (male & female) worked on me in the Burn Unit in 2009. They were both divorced, had a couple kids from those marriages, they married each other and had a couple kids. the oldest daughter got killed in a head-on collision, and they could not recover from it, they split. These two were great for each other, family oriented and pleasant to be around. I imagine there are some bankruptcy filings in this one. She's on another continent now, seemingly abandon the kids.
 
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OneCharlieTango said:
And 100% of successful marriages begin with. . . .marriage.
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A marriage is only a success when? 10 years? Children grow up and get married? Or one spouse has died?

My grandparents (Dad's side) have been married some 70 years, they pulled it off, both are dead now. No remarriage when one was widowed. She lasted about 5 years after he died. Grandparents on Mom's side will do it too.

My mom & dad might do the same, IDK yet.

My brothers? No idea
 
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