Corrupt my wish

Granted. You get to sleep in at your bed and breakfast. That's right... you go Bear Grylls on the camel and sleep in it. It's your breakfast when you get up too. (See--Bed and breakfast! )
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I wish there were a free casino in the basement of my dorm.
 
Granted, you have a free casino in the basement of your dorm:

(Ref: 18 PA CSC)

§ 903 Criminal conspiracy

§ 5513. Gambling devices, gambling, etc.
(a) Offense defined.--A person is guilty of a misdemeanor of the first degree if he:
(1) intentionally or knowingly makes, assembles, sets up, maintains, sells, lends, leases, gives away, or offers for sale, loan, lease or gift, any punch board, drawing card, slot machine or any device to be used for gambling purposes, except playing cards;
(2) allows persons to collect and assemble for the purpose of unlawful gambling at any place under his control;
(3) solicits or invites any person to visit any unlawful gambling place for the purpose of gambling; or
(4) being the owner, tenant, lessee or occupant of any premises, knowingly permits or suffers the same, or any part thereof, to be used for the purpose of unlawful gambling

Your dorm gets raided by the cops (remember that guy down the hall that always had it in for you because he thought you were banging his girlfriend? Well he ratted you out and claimed you were a terrorist training to fly big jetliners. You always talked about taking off and flying but never about landing. That was a big concern of his.) Well anyway, you and your buddies all get busted in the basement and charged with a misdemeanor crime.

Well, the pre-legal student Josh on the upper floor comes out with a rebuttal of "Hey, wait a minute, this is a free casino, so how could it be gambling?"

The judge sits back in his chair, reaches under his robe and adjusts himself, and thinks about it for a minute. "Okay smart ass, have you learned about the doctrine of implied consent? The instruments you used to exchange your betting transactions represented material value. People try to use this tactic all the time to avoid taxation. Clerk, add tax evasion to the list of charges, and have a court appointed accountant determine the market value of the bets placed."

Oops, tax evasion is a felony. Good luck explaining that on your medical. Good thing you don't drink.

But your buddies were, and so by connection it is also reportable on your next medical as an alcohol related offense. I'm not even sure Dr. Bruce can get you out of this one.

All this because you saw a show on cable about how cool it would be to have your own casino. Moral - get rid of cable. Get Dish TV instead.

I wish I remembered to bring an appetizer to the pot luck this morning. I guess I'll make a run to the store to get a platter of something that looks appetizing. I guess that's pretty much what an appetizer is, by definition.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted, you have a free casino in the basement of your dorm:

(Ref: 18 PA CSC)

§ 903 Criminal conspiracy

§ 5513. Gambling devices, gambling, etc.
(a) Offense defined.--A person is guilty of a misdemeanor of the first degree if he:
(1) intentionally or knowingly makes, assembles, sets up, maintains, sells, lends, leases, gives away, or offers for sale, loan, lease or gift, any punch board, drawing card, slot machine or any device to be used for gambling purposes, except playing cards;
(2) allows persons to collect and assemble for the purpose of unlawful gambling at any place under his control;
(3) solicits or invites any person to visit any unlawful gambling place for the purpose of gambling; or
(4) being the owner, tenant, lessee or occupant of any premises, knowingly permits or suffers the same, or any part thereof, to be used for the purpose of unlawful gambling

Your dorm gets raided by the cops (remember that guy down the hall that always had it in for you because he thought you were banging his girlfriend? Well he ratted you out and claimed you were a terrorist training to fly big jetliners. You always talked about taking off and flying but never about landing. That was a big concern of his.) Well anyway, you and your buddies all get busted in the basement and charged with a misdemeanor crime.

Well, the pre-legal student Josh on the upper floor comes out with a rebuttal of "Hey, wait a minute, this is a free casino, so how could it be gambling?"

The judge sits back in his chair, reaches under his robe and adjusts himself, and thinks about it for a minute. "Okay smart ass, have you learned about the doctrine of implied consent? The instruments you used to exchange your betting transactions represented material value. People try to use this tactic all the time to avoid taxation. Clerk, add tax evasion to the list of charges, and have a court appointed accountant determine the market value of the bets placed."

Oops, tax evasion is a felony. Good luck explaining that on your medical. Good thing you don't drink.

But your buddies were, and so by connection it is also reportable on your next medical as an alcohol related offense. I'm not even sure Dr. Bruce can get you out of this one.

All this because you saw a show on cable about how cool it would be to have your own casino. Moral - get rid of cable. Get Dish TV instead.

I wish I remembered to bring an appetizer to the pot luck this morning. I guess I'll make a run to the store to get a platter of something that looks appetizing. I guess that's pretty much what an appetizer is, by definition.
Click to expand...

Granted, you remembered you needed an appetizer for the potluck, however this made no difference in your actions. You still made a run to the store to get a platter of something that looked appetizing.

I wish Southwest had a first class section and they would upgrade me to that for free (double wish).
 
Well, granted, they do. If you've paid careful attention, you will have noticed that if you end up in the first ten rows you a) get peanuts instead of mini pretzels, and b) are eligible to score a set of plastic wings, stocks permitting. No added charge.

(hint: they usually run out of peanuts and plastic wings by the time they reach the middle third of the aircraft.)

I wish someone would build a non-sit down salad friendly restaurant along my long bicycle trip route.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Well, granted, they do. If you've paid careful attention, you will have noticed that if you end up in the first ten rows you a) get peanuts instead of mini pretzels, and b) are eligible to score a set of plastic wings, stocks permitting. No added charge.

(hint: they usually run out of peanuts and plastic wings by the time they reach the middle third of the aircraft.)

I wish someone would build a non-sit down salad friendly restaurant along my long bicycle trip route.
Click to expand...

Granted, you change your route to pass by a Fresh Choice restaurant and they even agree to let you stand against the wall while you eat.

I wish this flight were shorter.
 
John221us said:
Granted, you change your route to pass by a Fresh Choice restaurant and they even agree to let you stand against the wall while you eat.

I wish this flight were shorter.
Click to expand...

"Attention, cabin crew, prepare the aircraft for an emergency landing. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry to announce that beverage service has been temporarily suspended. It will resume one we are on the ground, or in the event we are clearly not going to make it."

Okay then, I wish someone would invent a way to transport either a lettuce wrapped hamburger or a tri tip salad conveniently within a bicycle jersey.

(Fresh Choice? Jeez dude)
 
Wish granted they develop/invent a way to transport a lettuce wrapped hamburger but the lawyers from Jimmy Johns don't like it. Because they have the "subs so fast you'll freak theory and the sly wording of "Burgers so fast you'll freak" was a trademark violation. The burger placed closed before they even opened.
http://www.jimmyjohns.com/findAJJs/map.aspx?city=San Francisco&state=CA. How about a delicious lettuce wrapped sub instead?

I wish I could do ATC read back for approaches like an expert already. I feel like I'm *mentally challenged* during that part of the IR training. (Hope mentally challenged is okay with the Politically correct group)
 
I couldn't think of another pay at the front salad place that would let you stand against the wall.
Granted, it is your lucky day. You discover that your flashy jersey has big pockets in the back. By coincidence, you also discover tinfoil (of course, being a guy, you should have had that part wired back in your 20's). Two layers of tinfoil and a layer of paper towels in the middle keeps the burger moderately warm.

Hey, I am in row 10 and the peanuts just made it back to me.

I wish they would bring me some water.
 
John221us said:
I couldn't think of another pay at the front salad place that would let you stand against the wall.
Granted, it is your lucky day. You discover that your flashy jersey has big pockets in the back. By coincidence, you also discover tinfoil (of course, being a guy, you should have had that part wired back in your 20's). Two layers of tinfoil and a layer of paper towels in the middle keeps the burger moderately warm.

Hey, I am in row 10 and the peanuts just made it back to me.

I wish they would bring me some water.
Click to expand...

"Here is your water sir, enjoy."

Gulp gulp "Ewww, where did you get this?"

"The water holding tank."

"That's not potable! I can't drink that!"

"Oh, you wanted to drink it?"

I wish it was drinking time already.
 
Sac Arrow said:
"Here is your water sir, enjoy."

Gulp gulp "Ewww, where did you get this?"

"The water holding tank."

"That's not potable! I can't drink that!"

"Oh, you wanted to drink it?"

I wish it was drinking time already.
Click to expand...

Granted. In fact, it's been granted like 5 times since you last wished it 5 days ago.

I wish Sac would come up with a new wish.
 
ebykowsky said:
Granted. In fact, it's been granted like 5 times since you last wished it 5 days ago.

I wish Sac would come up with a new wish.
Click to expand...

Granted, Sac wishes ebykowski would stop ragging on him.

(How you like that? Corruption and wish in the same sentence!)
 
Granted. I will no longer throw rags on you.

I wish people would spell my last name correctly.
 
ebykowsky said:
Granted. I will no longer throw rags on you.

I wish people would spell my last name correctly.
Click to expand...

Ugh, autocorrect coupled with a tiny screen. Granted, the respective PA and SC justice systems never get your name wrong again. Oh well, missed opportunities for all those speeding infractions, parking violations, and jaywalking tickets.

I wish I would have focused on maintaining "sky" instead of correcting "eyby".
 
Sac Arrow said:
Ugh, autocorrect coupled with a tiny screen. Granted, the respective PA and SC justice systems never get your name wrong again. Oh well, missed opportunities for all those speeding infractions, parking violations, and jaywalking tickets.

I wish I would have focused on maintaining "sky" instead of correcting "eyby".
Click to expand...

Granted, after a couple of Jameson's, you were very focused on the sky. You were riding your bike, but so intent on plane spotting that you end up laying it down under a truck stopped at an intersection.

I wish the weather had been this nice in Virginia.
 
John221us said:
Granted, after a couple of Jameson's, you were very focused on the sky. You were riding your bike, but so intent on plane spotting that you end up laying it down under a truck stopped at an intersection.

I wish the weather had been this nice in Virginia.
Click to expand...

Granted, but so what you aren't in Virginia now, and there isn't enough good weather to go around so you screwed it up for us all here.

I wish the hot little Latina that works the coffee stand at the store was here today.
 
Granted, she is there, but only to identify you to police as the guy she thinks robbed them (hey, with a hoodie pulled over your head, it is hard to tell). Anyway, circumstantial evidence piles up against you and injustice prevails. You find yourself bunking with Bubba.

I wish I didn't have to go to Cupertino tomorrow.
 
John221us said:
Granted, she is there, but only to identify you to police as the guy she thinks robbed them (hey, with a hoodie pulled over your head, it is hard to tell). Anyway, circumstantial evidence piles up against you and injustice prevails. You find yourself bunking with Bubba.

I wish I didn't have to go to Cupertino tomorrow.
Click to expand...

RRrrrrinnnnngggggg

"Hello, US221 speaking."

"Hi, this is Tim Cook."

"Um, okay, so......."

"Yeah, I'm uh... the CEO of Apple."

"Oh, okay. I haven't really kept up on things since Steve Jobs..."

"Yeah yeah yeah, Jobs this, Jobs that, now Wozniak is getting in my grill and nobody cares. Anyway, we heard you were going to be in Cupertino tomorrow."

"I was, but, now I don't have to go."

"Oh, that's too bad, you see, your name came up as an avid Apple user, you know, the Iphone, Ipads, all that. As a gesture of our commitment to our customers, we were going to give you Gates' old Beechcraft Bonanza, back with that little prick worked with us. He forgot about it once he bought his corporate jet."

"Oh, bummer."

I wish the Cookmeister or Bill the Gates would bestow some high value token of appreciation on me just because."
 
Granted; he takes a MASSIVE dump on your porch. And I mean MASSIVE. It has quite a bit of value in the fertilizer industry or if you're a bill gates stalker. I guess that's how much he appreciates you though.

I wish someone would land at this little airport, write the paper I'm working on for me, and tell me to fly his plane around until he's done.
 
ebykowsky said:
Granted; he takes a MASSIVE dump on your porch. And I mean MASSIVE. It has quite a bit of value in the fertilizer industry or if you're a bill gates stalker. I guess that's how much he appreciates you though.

I wish someone would land at this little airport, write the paper I'm working on for me, and tell me to fly his plane around until he's done.
Click to expand...

"Cessna 22IED, this is Detroit approach, did you intend on squawking 7500?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Say intentions."

"I dunno. There is this dude wearing this ragged head dress next to me telling me to fly his airplane around until he's done."

"In what activity is he engaged?"

"He's writing a term paper for me."

"Term paper? Excuse me, Southwest 221, descend and maintain 8,000, United 344, heading 185... Okay so what is this term paper on?"

"I'm not sure. It's in Arabic."

"Does he speak English?"

"It doesn't seem so."

"Then how is he telling you to fly around?"

"He keeps pointing and screaming things that sound like gibberish. And he has a gun."

"Hold on.... American 447 reduce speed to 200 knots... Cessna 22IED advise you attempt to disarm the hijacker, we are scrambling jets to intercept."

"Actually I have it right now. He needed both hands free so he could write the paper."

"Do you know his intentions?"

"I think he may be planning on flying the plane in to the White House, I'm not sure."

(long pause)

"Cessna 22IED, the President has been advised, and is asking if it is possible for you to communicate a request to the terrorist to target the assembly wing of the capitol instead?"

"Um, okay, I'll try..."

I wish someone didn't leave a big bag of Doritos in the break room. Nacho Cheese is my weakness.
 
Granted, but you did ask for nacho cheese. You finish and Bubba comes in--turns out it's his, nachos. He wants you to pay him back.

I wish I were on my way home now.
 
ebykowsky said:
Granted, but you did ask for nacho cheese. You finish and Bubba comes in--turns out it's his, nachos. He wants you to pay him back.

I wish I were on my way home now.
Click to expand...

Granted, you are on your way home now. Except that it's 10:19 a.m. EDT and you stayed up all night prepping for the trip. Zzzzzzzzz.

I wish I could find a flight-review mill here so I can just get the stupid thing over with.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted, you are on your way home now. Except that it's 10:19 a.m. EDT and you stayed up all night prepping for the trip. Zzzzzzzzz.

I wish I could find a flight-review mill here so I can just get the stupid thing over with.
Click to expand...

Are you in CA?
Granted, you find this review helpful and it inspires you to go see the movie, again.
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/flight_2012/?nopopup=true

I wish I could take this afternoon off.
 
John221us said:
Are you in CA?
Granted, you find this review helpful and it inspires you to go see the movie, again.
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/flight_2012/?nopopup=true

I wish I could take this afternoon off.
Click to expand...


You know, I actually bothered to read those reviews. They look exactly like every other generic movie review except that the names are specific. It's as if someone clicked "positive" on the web app, and a review-bot selected the appropriate set of five templates, scanned the cast from IMDB and randomly generated a couple dozen reviews and posted them. But I hate movie reviews and reviewers to begin with so I guess I'm biased. It seems that acclaimed movie critics are in diametric opposition of my tastes.

But anyway granted. I don't know how you swung it, but you hacked the international agency that controls time and calendaring and cut this year short by six hours by lopping off the afternoon of Friday, May 10th, 2013 beginning at 12:00 p.m. PDT. So you have no afternoon. Nor does anyone else on in the affected time zone. Of course everyone else in the world loses six hours of a portion of their day too, morning, evenings, etc...

This really puts a lot of people out and they are not happy with you.

I wish I could teleport myself to Thailand for a couple hours over lunch time (Friday night there) and then back.
 
You can teleport yourself to Thailand but you end up marrying your waitress. That gibberish they speak had you spell bound. You invite her back to the US and you live happily ever after.

I wish someone would've corrupted my wish from last week.
 
saracelica said:
You can teleport yourself to Thailand but you end up marrying your waitress. That gibberish they speak had you spell bound. You invite her back to the US and you live happily ever after.

I wish someone would've corrupted my wish from last week.
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Granted, but then you would have had nothing to wish for this week. Nope, not gonna fall into the trap of actually corrupting it--you missed your chance!

I wish my school wouldn't stupidly schedule all the exams on one week except for one on Monday that forces me to stay the weekend. Nearly everyone is gone but me--yet there was nothing for anyone on Wednesday. They should've just moved Monday to Wednesday.
 
ebykowsky said:
Granted, but then you would have had nothing to wish for this week. Nope, not gonna fall into the trap of actually corrupting it--you missed your chance!

I wish my school wouldn't stupidly schedule all the exams on one week except for one on Monday that forces me to stay the weekend. Nearly everyone is gone but me--yet there was nothing for anyone on Wednesday. They should've just moved Monday to Wednesday.
Click to expand...

Dude did you not read the results of John's wish? All bets are off. But granted, Monday and Wednesday merged so now there are only six days in a week. Now even God hates you because there is no seventh.

I wish Sara would link said wish to be corrupted.

Edit. God doesn't actually hate you, that was meant in the figurative sense.
 
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Sac Arrow said:
Dude did you not read the results of John's wish? All bets are off. But granted, Monday and Wednesday merged so now there are only six days in a week. Now even God hates you because there is no seventh.

I wish Sara would link said wish to be corrupted.

Edit. God doesn't actually hate you, that was meant in the figurative sense.
Click to expand...

Because I actually thought for a moment that God despised me until I saw that edit.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Dude did you not read the results of John's wish? All bets are off. But granted, Monday and Wednesday merged so now there are only six days in a week. Now even God hates you because there is no seventh.

I wish Sara would link said wish to be corrupted.

Edit. God doesn't actually hate you, that was meant in the figurative sense.
Click to expand...
Granted she does do a link but then the CIA comes and investigates and so she just reposts the wish she had from then and is happier

I wish I could do ATC read back for approaches like an expert already. I feel like I'm *mentally challenged* during that part of the IR training. (Hope mentally challenged is okay with the Politically correct group)
 
saracelica said:
Granted she does do a link but then the CIA comes and investigates and so she just reposts the wish she had from then and is happier

I wish I could do ATC read back for approaches like an expert already. I feel like I'm *mentally challenged* during that part of the IR training. (Hope mentally challenged is okay with the Politically correct group)
Click to expand...

Double wish (the hope counts)

Granted, you can do ATC read backs as well as most expert bowlers (you didn't mention what kind of expert). Your hope is also granted. Thanks to your guidance the PC term has reverted back from developmentally disabled to "mentally challenged".

I wish I didn't have to pack today.
 
Well, the word retarded just means, "Occurring or developing later than desired or expected; delayed" so I think that word would be fully acceptable. So, you gain tons of aptitude with IFR readbacks, and retard you retardation. You zip through the rest of the training and come out ready to fly for "Angel Flight". Well, your first assignment is... you guessed it... a child who was born with a severe case of mental handicappedation. (replace handicappe with retar and it flows much more nicely). Well, he really, really likes red things. REALLY likes them. When reading back your clearance, he notices that little red button on the back of the yoke. He squeezes that button and goes to town (did I mention he has a really, really bad case of Tourettes?) and the controller is NOT happy. You get a couple of telephone numbers to call, and head off into the sky. After entering cruise, the boy notices another red button, this one on top of the yoke. Overjoyed, he presses it, and a loud "disengage" siren goes off in both of your headphones. On top of being severely mentally deficient and tourettes-ridden, this kid flips when he hears loud noises from PTSD he suffered from being raised in Iraq (he's got a really crappy childhood). Flailing his arms, he manages to wrestle the plane from you and maintain -2G's as he noses over towards the ground. Not only does ATC get mad at you for the deviation and give you yet another phone number, you also lose your landing gear in the close scrape with a mountain that you barely saved yourself from last second.
Hope I didn't cross a line with all that^^ wouldn't want to get booked for an incursion.

I wish I had a few free hours of spin and stall recovery training in a Stearman.
 
John221us said:
Double wish (the hope counts)

Granted, you can do ATC read backs as well as most expert bowlers (you didn't mention what kind of expert). Your hope is also granted. Thanks to your guidance the PC term has reverted back from developmentally disabled to "mentally challenged".

I wish I didn't have to pack today.
Click to expand...

Alright, guess I'll do you too...

You decide not to pack heat today in get robbed in an alley. Shoulda brought the gun, as the robber's package ends up infringing on your territory as part of the "I won't kill you if ____" deal.

Wish stands.
 
Granted.

"This is a cool Stearman! I wish I could get some spin and stall recovery training in it!"

"Okay. First let's put it in to a spin. Slowly pull back in the stick as if you are doing a power on stall, and mash the stick to the side when it breaks. See the barn rafters above you? Well pretend that they are spinning."

"Um, okay, which way should I pretend they are spinning?"

"I don't care. Clockwise."

"Okay now what do I do?"

"Center the stick, give it full right rudder, and push the stick down."

"Um, okay."

"So was that good training?"

"Not really."

"Oh well we will work on it some more after dinner. Climb out of the cockpit and let's go wash those hogs down."

I wish the store had some better specials on meat today. I want to grill something.
 
Granted, the have a special on Spam, a popular meat product. Tough to grill it, though.

I wish I done my run this morning. It is getting warm.
 
John221us said:
Granted, the have a special on Spam, a popular meat product. Tough to grill it, though.

I wish I done my run this morning. It is getting warm.
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Oh my, how timely. Granted, you ran this morning. And got farted on.

I wish I altered my bike route this morning to the event described in the above link didn't happen.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Oh my, how timely. Granted, you ran this morning. And got farted on.

I wish I altered my bike route this morning to the event described in the above link didn't happen.
Click to expand...

This is strange, even for you...

Granted, you altered your route and instead were pulled over and cited for improper lane usage (http://www.pilotsofamerica.com/forum/showthread.php?p=1161798#post1161798 post #59). It was then, that your fart could be contained no more and the officer also cited you for being a gross polluter (could be a first on a bicycle).

I wish I had a nice fresh piece of Salmon for the grill tonight.
 
John221us said:
This is strange, even for you...

Granted, you altered your route and instead were pulled over and cited for improper lane usage (http://www.pilotsofamerica.com/forum/showthread.php?p=1161798#post1161798 post #59). It was then, that your fart could be contained no more and the officer also cited you for being a gross polluter (could be a first on a bicycle).

I wish I had a nice fresh piece of Salmon for the grill tonight.
Click to expand...

Granted. At least it was fresh last night. Should have maybe put it in the fridge or something. Oh well, feed it to the kitty or something. The smell has every cat within a half mile radius camped out on your lawn.

I wish I could quit sweating. I just finished up a 49 miler and I'm drenched with sweat.
 
Granted you have no way to cool off after doing a bike ride. So next time you go riding you keel over from heat exhaustion. For whatever reason no one stops to help you and you end up road kill. Which is actually good because there is a homeless guy who was on the brink of starvation and he grilled you up! :)

I wish I had something more productive to do then web boards.
 
saracelica said:
Granted you have no way to cool off after doing a bike ride. So next time you go riding you keel over from heat exhaustion. For whatever reason no one stops to help you and you end up road kill. Which is actually good because there is a homeless guy who was on the brink of starvation and he grilled you up! :)

I wish I had something more productive to do then web boards.
Click to expand...

Granted, you instead grab a Webster's dictionary and the Writing Handbook and brush up on your spelling and sentence structuring skills.

I wish my two most prolific wish corrupters didn't drop the ball for three weeks.
 
The two most prolific wish corrupters didn't drop the ball they were being productive in real life and chose real life over this crazy board that has gone on way too long.

Wish Sac knew how to spell "corrupters"
 
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