Can opener FAIL

Sac Arrow

Sac Arrow

Touchdown! Greaser!
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Snorting his way across the USA
Last night I had a requirement to open several cans for dinner. The two can openers in the drawer were INOP and the newest one broke. Knob sheared off.

1. Went to Target. Bought what I thought was a decent electric unit. Put it together. The magnet-thing on the top was held by a couple of TINY little plastic tabs that broke on assembly. Unit was now INOP and incapable of opening a can. Could not McGyver it in to working.

2. Went to the grocery store. No time for another Target run plus I was ****ed at Target because of their crappy products. They had two can openers. One odd plastic looking thing and another standard looking unit with a plastic handle. I figured, between the two of them, ONE had to work.

3. Got home. Applied the standard looking unit to a can. Clamped down. Turned the knob. The plastic knob rounded out and rotated around the square metal axle fitting. No dice.

4. Tried to use the other odd plastic looking opener. Could absolutely not get it to engage the lip of the can, and by the way no big deal if it did because it broke apart in my hands anyway.

5. That's THREE FOR THREE openers that were incapable of opening ONE SINGLE CAN!!. Went to Home Depot, thinking they might have some sort of industrial metal can opening tool there. Was so angry I threw the INOP openers out the car window on the way. No dice, said the Home Depot man. Try a restaurant supply house, or some bath place with beds or something like that. I said F it.

6. Went scrounging around in the tool box. A hammer and some wood chisels got my immediate attention. A power drill and a jig saw also came in to my field of view. Reviewing my last anger management refresher course material, I decided to take a deep breath and look further. Finally I found a 30+ year old C Ration can opener and took a small vice grips and clamped it to the tab to make a handle. Spent the next 35 minutes opening cans.

I'm at wits end. WTF can I find a decent can opener that works? My folks had some cheap little metal thing that worked for like 40 years. I want one of those! I can't find one!
 
This is the funniest thing I've read in a long time! I have one fo those cheap little metal openers and never had a problem....don't try going hi tech Sac...go to Goodwill or somewhere and find one like your folks have.

~Sara
 
It's called a hacksaw if you don't buy a decent quality opener.
 
Electric can openers are all crap. One is not present in the kitchens of Steinholme. The little manual ones work about as well as anything. I've one that I've been using for quite a few years. I wouldn't be surprised if it broke tomorrow.

I had the exact same experience with corkscrews. Mine broke, but we'd inherited several antiquated examples from my in-laws. I broke one after the other. Finally went to the local mart and bought one.
 
I guess the bigger question is, why in the name of Zeus's butt hole are you eating crap out of a can?
 
Funny.

Used to, you could buy a reasonably inexpensive Ekco branded hand-held can opener that worked fine. Not so much since production of all things consumer has moved to (principally) China.

Junk in, junk out.

---

Edit: Here's what you need! http://www.katom.com/158-HL020.html?CID=GoogleBase2
 
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EdFred said:
I guess the bigger question is, why in the name of Zeus's butt hole are you eating crap out of a can?
Click to expand...

Judging by the way things are going in your W&B thread, we may be asking the same question of you in a year....
 
magnet-thing on the top was held by a couple of TINY little plastic tabs
. One odd plastic looking thing and another standard looking unit with a plastic handle.
The plastic knob rounded out and rotated around the square metal axle fitting.
4. Tried to use the other odd plastic looking opener. My folks had some cheap little metal thing that worked for like 40 years.
Click to expand...


Problem isolated.
 
The Milwaukee Electric Tool Company has a solution for you...

sawzall.jpg


Sawzall. It's like the duct tape of power tools.
 
EdFred said:
I guess the bigger question is, why in the name of Zeus's butt hole are you eating crap out of a can?
Click to expand...

Lots of canned ingredients find their way into the cuisine of Steinhome. While I always prefer fresh, diced tomatoes give some of the desired taste and all of the desired color. Black olives can't be had fresh in this part of the country, and there are all kinds of canned beans and veggies that work well in things (I wouldn't eat them on their own though). And what other way would one get tuna, anyhow?
 
steingar said:
Lots of canned ingredients find their way into the cuisine of Steinhome. While I always prefer fresh, diced tomatoes give some of the desired taste and all of the desired color. Black olives can't be had fresh in this part of the country, and there are all kinds of canned beans and veggies that work well in things (I wouldn't eat them on their own though). And what other way would one get tuna, anyhow?
Click to expand...

Oh yuck. I only do fresh vegetables. About a year ago, I started to de-can my house, and by November all pre-made canned food was gone.. You are correct though, I do have some tomatoes in a can, but damn, I don't need to open of 5 of them to eat dinner. As far as tuna...a fishing pole! :D
 
Sac Arrow said:
5. That's THREE FOR THREE openers that were incapable of opening ONE SINGLE CAN!!. Went to Home Depot, thinking they might have some sort of industrial metal can opening tool there. Was so angry I threw the INOP openers out the car window on the way. No dice, said the Home Depot man. Try a restaurant supply house, or some bath place with beds or something like that. I said F it.
Click to expand...

Yeah, Bed Bath and Beyond is the place that you need to visit.

http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/product.asp?SKU=14332316
 
Dremel - it works for darn near everything:D
 
This is what happens in the modem China-TV-informercial age. The product doesn't have to work. It just has to look on TV like the ones that work. I while ago I went to the HSN outlet store and was amazed that every product was like that.

I got a West Bend electric can opener. Fromt he start it was more of an electric can label munger until I learned that you make 3-4 hacks at positioning the can to get it to actually get opened.

I've had decent luck with the Faberware hand can openers, which are just as China made as any other.

We're just lucky that most things come in microwavable boxes with plastic trays. I very rarely have to pen a can.

Maybe this is God's way of telling you that resistance is futile, you will eat only prepared meals and fast food meals and stop trying to make your own.

America, 2050:
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EdFred said:
Oh yuck. I only do fresh vegetables. About a year ago, I started to de-can my house, and by November all pre-made canned food was gone.. You are correct though, I do have some tomatoes in a can, but damn, I don't need to open of 5 of them to eat dinner.
Click to expand...

I can't denigrate your choice in any way, though fresh vegetables get scarce in winter. You've got to do something to preserve them, and canning is often the best method for taste, color, and nutrition. We certainly cook more fresh veggies in summer than winter.

EdFred said:
As far as tuna...a fishing pole! :D
Click to expand...

Good luck with that.
 
I have seen tuna steaks at the store. Grind em up!

During the winter I still find fresh carrots, celery, green beans, peppers, spinach, et al at the grocery story. There may be a veggie or two like corn on the cob that's out of season, but for the most part I've never found the produce section empty.
 
Oh I love fresh tuna - I won't even cook it, I'll just eat it raw. But I draw the line at ten bucks a pound. Somebody has to.
 
Go to a small town and visit a genuine second-hand store. Find one of these:


WALLCAN_MAIN.jpg


I have one around here somewhere. We have an electric opener that works right now, but I love the old stuff that just wouldn't quit and worked first time, every time. I use two ancient coffee percolators, one at home and one at work. No plastic other than tough Bakelite handles and bases. Very heat-resistant stuff. Both must date from the 1960s. 50 years old. None of this Chinese stuff will last a tenth of that.

Dan
 
Got your solution right here: :)

100823ZansForCans.jpg

At our house, we open cans.
We have to open many cans.
And that is why we have a Zans.
A Zans for cans is very good.
Have you a Zans for cans?
You should.


Dr. Seuss, "One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish"
 
gprellwitz said:
Yeah, but when their site offers a "free quote" instead of listing a price, i start to worry!
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You've just got to put things in the right perspective.

Sac Arrow went through three can openers, total replacement cost $25, to open one can. If he is part of a typical American household he will need to open better than 100 cans per year, at a total cost of up to $2500.

The S-11, on the other hand, costs a mere $405 (plus TAX and shipping). Sac Arrow stands to save $2095 in the first year!
 
What kind of pilot forgets there's a punch can opener on his Leatherman or Swiss Army knife?
 
ziege said:
You've just got to put things in the right perspective.

Sac Arrow went through three can openers, total replacement cost $25, to open one can. If he is part of a typical American household he will need to open better than 100 cans per year, at a total cost of up to $2500.

The S-11, on the other hand, costs a mere $405 (plus TAX and shipping). Sac Arrow stands to save $2095 in the first year!
Click to expand...

I have to tell you, I've heard that logic before from vacuum cleaner salesmen....
 
ziege said:
You've just got to put things in the right perspective.

Sac Arrow went through three can openers, total replacement cost $25, to open one can. If he is part of a typical American household he will need to open better than 100 cans per year, at a total cost of up to $2500.

The S-11, on the other hand, costs a mere $405 (plus TAX and shipping). Sac Arrow stands to save $2095 in the first year!
Click to expand...

Sounds like the kind of logic we use to justify flying airplanes. :rofl:
 
gprellwitz said:
Yeah, but when their site offers a "free quote" instead of listing a price, i start to worry!
Click to expand...

There are times when having the right quality tool beats the heck out of having a piece of cheap junk.
 
steingar said:
Black olives can't be had fresh in this part of the country, and there are all kinds of canned beans and veggies that work well in things (I wouldn't eat them on their own though).
Click to expand...
I get marinaded olives in the Safeway in Fairbanks,Alaska :rofl: Try kalamata in jars, taste much better too.
And what other way would one get tuna, anyhow?
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Good point.

Try this one. Neighbor has one from their wedding. Damn thing is the Howard Hughes solution to the problem.

http://www.cookingenthusiast.com/product.asp?pn=W1A26090&zmam=56192504&zmas=1&zmac=43&zmap=W1A26090
 
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