Bullying

There was one bully in 7th grade that one day kept swearing at our gym teacher. The teacher slammed him up against a locker. That shut him up. If that happened today, i bet the parents would be suing everyone in the school system.

Thankfully, at least in Parochial schools as of 2002, teachers are still permitted the "laying on of hands". It happened in my HS. Once.
 
I grew up out in country as an only child so when I got into school I really didn't know how to interact with kids my own age. To add to it, I was a smart kid and a little smaller than average so put those things together and yeah I got picked on.

I never really got that worried about it though. I always saw the bullies as idiots and losers who didn't really understand they weren't accomplishing anything and hurting themselves through their own actions. Also by the time I hit 4th grade I had a small but really good group of friends- most of whom I still keep up with in adulthood.

Also developed some good defense mechanisms... ignore them when possible, if they punch you somewhere swat the spot with your hand and mutter something about mosquitoes. Or when they try to trip you in line if you have good balance you can make them fall over instead. Also if you find yourself running, a full and abrupt stop just throws them off... sent one kid sprawling head first into a muddy ditch with that little maneuver.

And I always had my friends, always knew who I was, always had faith in myself... yeah doubt at times but everyone has that. I also never really took grade school or high school social stuff seriously... or had much emotional drama(until discovering girls). So it was just never all that important what a few fools thought.



I see parents these days trying to control their kids whole childhood experience. Get rid of the sharp edges, the pains, the bullies. Make sure they have all the "right" experiences, buy them right clothes and music so they fit in with the "right" crowd and so on.

I say that's all futile, just set an example and instill your kid with the right attitude, encourage them in what they're interested in and good at, and just make them a good kid. The rest WILL fall into place eventually. All those little pains, mistakes, and troubles will teach them lessons that will make them far stronger in life.
 
There was one bully in 7th grade that one day kept swearing at our gym teacher. The teacher slammed him up against a locker. That shut him up. If that happened today, i bet the parents would be suing everyone in the school system.

The vice principal snatched me out of the lunch line for something I didn't do. As I tried to explain that it wasn't me, it made him more furious, he threw me against the lockers and hit me in my hip HARD with the paddle. I was ****ed. I walked off, went to the office, picked up the phone, called my father. My dad about tore the door off the hinges getting into the school, marched to the VP's class room (while he was lecturing), grabbed him by the throat, pinned him to the chalk board with his feet about 2' off the floor and said "If you ever lay a hand on my kid again, I'll finish this" dropped the teacher on the floor and walked out. It was epic. I got a new science teacher out of the deal.
 
I thought everybody carried a knife until I started spending time with city kids. To this day the only time I haven't carried one is when commercial travel is required.

Me too, Wayne. I'm lost without it. I don't know how anybody can get by without a pocketknife :).
 
During today's grandkid YMCA FB team practice today, another coach was making play call notes for tomorrow's game when he broke the pencil lead. After a few quick whacks with the Gerber 4" it was good to go. Maybe I was lucky no cops were there.

Me too, Wayne. I'm lost without it. I don't know how anybody can get by without a pocketknife :).
 
During today's grandkid YMCA FB team practice today, another coach was making play call notes for tomorrow's game when he broke the pencil lead. After a few quick whacks with the Gerber 4" it was good to go. Maybe I was lucky no cops were there.

At my current job I've gotten a few weird looks when I've had my standard Swiss Army Knife. "No weapons allowed on premesis."

Sigh...
 
At my current job I've gotten a few weird looks when I've had my standard Swiss Army Knife. "No weapons allowed on premesis."

Sigh...

Does that no weapons thing include a BIC pen or a butter knife????:mad2:
 
When I was around eight or nine years old, my step dad saw me run from a bully, he beat the living crap out of me with an ironing cord. He said that you do not run from bullies, ever.

In jr high school, a very large kid was constantly bulling me in electric shop, one day I had enough and laid into him. I was scared to death of that overgrown ass*ole and was terrified about what he would do to me, so I just kept slugging him as hard as I could. I ended up by beating the crap out of him and getting thrown out of school for five days for fighting.

When I came back to school the big clown still looked like he had been hit by a train. Nobody ever bullied me again until I was in the Army. A guy in my outfit tried it and my step daddy's training once more saved the day for me. Nobody ever messed with me again, I made sergeant in record time, just before my 20th birthday.

What I can not understand is that it seems like they are raising kids to be absolute psuseis in school, zero tolerance for bulling, fighting, talking rude, to be terrified of firearms etc. etc. Yet all these young people are walking the streets all pumped up, tattoos, shave heads, mean.....nasty looking people....where is that coming from?

-John
 
Does that no weapons thing include a BIC pen or a butter knife????:mad2:

We have some brand of ballpoint pens besides BIC, so apparently those are allowed.

But we are allowed to have our hands which, last I checked, could be used as weapons.
 
What I can not understand is that it seems like they are raising kids to be absolute psuseis in school, zero tolerance for bulling, fighting, talking rude, to be terrified of firearms etc. etc. Yet all these young people are walking the streets all pumped up, tattoos, shave heads, mean.....nasty looking people....where is that coming from?

-John

I think I have a very likely answer. You start out with an understandable mistake or oversight leading to a tragedy. Maybe a teacher didn't take one student's threat seriously, or maybe they saw a couple of kids fighting and didn't intervene to let them "get it out of their system" and there's an accident and a tragedy. In a big enough sample size... like say the entire US school system it's going to eventually happen.

But then you have something horrible- something that's never ever supposed to happen. A child is dead.

Heartbroken parents and community members meet up with the school board and the PTA and other leaders. They all see that this thing shouldn't have happened, and in hindsight how easy it would have been to prevent. In hindsight, the warning signs, the opportunities to stop it are glaringly obvious. In the swirl of intense emotion surrounding a tragedy, nobody is really considering how the people involved probably acted as completely rational and responsible human beings. They don't consider that this is really in all likelihood a freak occurrence.

Action is demanded and of course the administrators and elected officials will have to make policy since that's all they really can do. So they ban all fighting, they ban all threats, they put nasty penalties on any teacher to ignore it. And it all makes sense- the problem was the teachers didn't respond to what was happening so we'll make them ALWAYS respond.

Now you've solved the problem- which is ultimately human foul-ability and replaced it with a system. No more thinking, there's a rule and procedure to follow. If it isn't followed we have a clear chain of blame- the teacher who didn't do it and all the administrators who didn't punish them for it.

The problem is solved all right, but you solved it by removing the best problem judging/solving device we know of- the human brain from the mix.

We've done it again and again. For drugs, for fighting, for racism/sexism, for bullying, and now even education. Kids aren't doing well enough on some subjects... human teachers aren't working clearly so we make another system.

And that's what we do now. We don't educate children we put them through the school system. And their teachers just follow the rules of the system, and they make the kids follow the rules of the system.

These kids are discouraged, discouraged from taking initiative, discouraged from taking responsibility, and discouraged from taking any risks. Yeah they can express themselves... we have defined the culturally acceptable ways for them to do so. Sports teams, clothing/hair styles, and music. They don't mean much anymore, just an echo of what the previous generations did... mostly just fashion statements.

So that's where you get all this. Lots of well meaning people trying to go in the world- trying to make it better and safer filling up the child's lives with so many rules that any true individuality is gone. They end up having no idea how to handle themselves and they're afraid to. I think that might be where some of these mass shootings come from- some kid who always felt ignored and insignificant finally looses it and decides to make himself matter in one final and deadly act.
 
I think the rash of school shootings and other events has caused a significant change in the perceived threat of almost any action.
 
Wow. Responding to a post in a thread from over 3 years ago?

Yeah, I screwed up. There was another bullying thread that, alarmingly, had a very similar comment. I missed that I had uncovered the wrong thread when I searched for it.
 
Since this got resurrected, I'll add something that occurred between the initial post and now. At my last company I had a boss for a while who I bet was a bully in grade school, and somehow ended up in a management position. Well, I say somehow, but it was pretty obvious. Much like the bullies from grade school, he knew how to put a different face on when the teacher (big boss) was watching. Appropriate reports were made at the appropriate times, but of course nothing was done even though several of us left his group because of him. I had some other misgivings with the job, so I took that as a good opportunity to leave. It's been a great move, so in the end I suppose I have a bit of thanks for him putting the final nail in that coffin. There were a few people in the group who felt they were stuck in the job and couldn't leave for some reason, so I was quite lucky in many respects.

Lesson for kids - bullies exist in the working environment, too. But you can't punch them in the face, so usually the best thing to do is grow a thick skin and walk away.
 
Kids today are all winners. There are no losers. Everyone gets a ****ing pizza party after the game. The pussification of today's youth. My 10 year old had a bully last year that picked on him and I told my boy that if the kid hurt him to whip his ass, to defend himself. I got a call that my child was involved in an altercation. I said great, he defended himself. No more issues with the other kid.

We used to settle our differences on the playground, had to run bleachers when we lost games, were disciplined when we f'd up at home. That was a different time but I'm tryin to raise my boys to be men and feminist society is not helping.

This

Dang, I gotta start checking dates before i post!
 
Lesson for kids - bullies exist in the working environment, too. But you can't punch them in the face, so usually the best thing to do is grow a thick skin and walk away.


Actually, you CAN punch them in the face, but there are consequences so choose wisely. Saw it happen two weeks ago. One punch ended both the bullying and two jobs.
 
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Actually, you CAN punch them in the face, but there are consequences so choose wisely. Saw it happen two weeks ago. One punch ended both the bullying and two jobs.

Of course you can. Just make sure there are no witnesses!

Or make it look like an accident. :p

I concede. ;)

But since for most of us, punching the boss (or other workplace bully) in the face isn't a good option, so my recommendation still has value.

Oh, and the best revenge is living well. :D
 
In real life I am a teacher( enter insult here.). Bullying is an issue that is delt with a lot in schools everyday by well meaning adults. When was the last time any of you walked into a middle school and faced a student? Probably not since you left middle school.

There is so much irony in people's posts here. Lots of people are saying "just beat up the bully." Sure, that will end the bully picking on you but they just go to another target and start all over again. It solves your problem but not the problem of bullying. I'm a weird combination of a teacher though because I'm also a believer in sticking up for yourself and, in reality, if a kid fought back against a bully, I'd applaud him or her, but I'd still need to follow up on it per school policy. Many teachers just look at fighting as violence that must be addressed equally it the truth is-- fighting fixes nothing.

The original question is why is bullying more life altering now then ever before. The answer is simple. Kids can't avoid the bully ever anymore. It used to be, if you wanted to confront your bully you met on the playground after school. If you wanted to avoid the bully you took a different way home or through the halls. Now, bullies just intimidate and harass through social media and texting and the school is virtually powerless to stop it unless they are informed. Similarly, no school allows bullying to go on- but much of the overwhelming nature of modern bullying occurs not within the schools walls but through the awful cesspool known as social media.

I'm sure people will blame the schools though. It's a common trend from those who are not involved in educating youth. Fairly soon, the only people who will be teachers are the ones who can't get a job anywhere else as the profession is truly becoming impossible. Wait till that happens, and then, by all means, continue to blame the teachers for all the problems.
 
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I've always wondered when topics like this come up - "Is xxx more prevalent now than it was yy years ago". Whether its bullying, robbery, kidnapping, pedophiles.. We all talk about how it was so much safe when we were a kid, and as kids we had the run of the town, could do anything we want.. go anywhere we want, as long as we were home by the time the street lights came on our parents didn't care.

So is life really so much different? The statistics say no, in fact, they say life is safer. So why would I not dare let my 10yr walk 3 blocks to the gas station that wouldn't have ever been an issue for me? I think its just the modern media/communication. I group up in a small town outside of Houston, so the only news we got was Houston. Rarely did you ever hear about anything outside of a few local counties. Now, with national media, you hear about every kidnapping, rape, murder, etc that has happened in every little small town city across the nation, so it seems as if its happening all the time. Reality is it was likely happening more "back then.." you just didn't know about it.

Might hold true for plane crashes too.. Seems like they're more frequent - are they? or are we just more aware of them now?
 
Yes, just more awareness. Stats show we are much safer now.

Previously you would have had to know the victim, or very near where you lived. Now, with multiple 24x7 news channels and the Internet you know of a crime across the country ik moments.

Is life now perfectly safe? No, absolutely not. But it is much safer than 40 years ago.
 
I don't remember much bullying at myself beyond the typical nerd vs popular stuff in grade school. I think most of the major bullies knew I had friends in both high and low places. I was also to busy dealing with science fair and yearbook to even think about it.

However I was taught, like most of y'all, to stand up for myself if I found myself getting jacked around.

Actually I've found College and Work to be worse then grade school. It took me my freshman and sophomore year to figure out why everyone disappeared when I walked in or didn't invite me to ****. I got made fun of and had insults thrown at me. Let just say I was that know it all kid who you wanted to choke. I learned quickly and had a great time once I chilled out. I'm now good friends with most if not all my college department peers.
 
Yes, just more awareness. Stats show we are much safer now.

Previously you would have had to know the victim, or very near where you lived. Now, with multiple 24x7 news channels and the Internet you know of a crime across the country ik moments.

Is life now perfectly safe? No, absolutely not. But it is much safer than 40 years ago.

This is really a good point. A book needs to be written about the ever increased awareness of the flaws of society and how that degrades societies belief in the potential for good and success. Essentially, American society experiences a form of bullying each day by the media who relentlessly bombards it's viewers/readers with negative stories pointing out a single act rather than focusing on the collective good that occurs each day. It's exactly the same as a plane crash report. The crash is the focus, but the 20,000 other flights that took off an landed safely that day are never mentioned. It takes an awareness on the public's part to know that we are being constantly sold a bill of goods about how bad things are. It's very easy to begin to believe this as truth--unless you have perspective that is.
 
In real life I am a teacher( enter insult here.). Bullying is an issue that is delt with a lot in schools everyday by well meaning adults. When was the last time any of you walked into a middle school and faced a student? Probably not since you left middle school.

There is so much irony in people's posts here. Lots of people are saying "just beat up the bully." Sure, that will end the bully picking on you but they just go to another target and start all over again. It solves your problem but not the problem of bullying. I'm a weird combination of a teacher though because I'm also a believer in sticking up for yourself and, in reality, if a kid fought back against a bully, I'd applaud him or her, but I'd still need to follow up on it per school policy. Many teachers just look at fighting as violence that must be addressed equally it the truth is-- fighting fixes nothing.

The original question is why is bullying more life altering now then ever before. The answer is simple. Kids can't avoid the bully ever anymore. It used to be, if you wanted to confront your bully you met on the playground after school. If you wanted to avoid the bully you took a different way home or through the halls. Now, bullies just intimidate and harass through social media and texting and the school is virtually powerless to stop it unless they are informed. Similarly, no school allows bullying to go on- but much of the overwhelming nature of modern bullying occurs not within the schools walls but through the awful cesspool known as social media.

I'm sure people will blame the schools though. It's a common trend from those who are not involved in educating youth. Fairly soon, the only people who will be teachers are the ones who can't get a job anywhere else as the profession is truly becoming impossible. Wait till that happens, and then, by all means, continue to blame the teachers for all the problems.

Fair points, but also a different perspective.

If I'm being mistreated (bullied, whatever), my priorities are as follows:

1) Stopping the personal mistreatment
2) Stopping the mistreatment of others

I've also been known to step in and aid others who don't have the backbone to stand up for themselves. In those situations, my priorities are:

1) Stopping the mistreatment of the person I'm helping right now
2) Leaving an impression strong enough that the sum'itch won't do it again

As a teacher, your primary concern is stopping the overall mistreatment issue, because moving it from one kid to another doesn't fix the overall problem, which you see.
 
While throwing a punch may work when you are kid, if you carry that over to your adult life, you may end up with an assault charge, or at the least the loss of your job, as @Matthew mentioned. I learned to deal with bullies and other harassers by not giving them the satisfaction of the reaction they were looking for, while thinking of them as pathetic losers. Throwing punches wouldn't work for me anyway as I was smaller than most.
 
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I learned to deal with bullies and other harassers by not giving them the satisfaction of the reaction they were looking for, while thinking of them as pathetic losers. Throwing punches wouldn't work for me, anyway as I was smaller than most.

I've dealt with a couple of bullies growing up. While I agree that "living well is the best revenge", dealing with the bully at that exact moment is difficult. Having the confidence to deny them the satisfaction of a reaction is good, but having the confidence in yourself is difficult as a child.

For my child (10 year old boy), I have him learning martial arts (Wushu Kung Fu specifically.) While he may not understand why I want him to learn (at least, not yet), he doesn't realize the confidence that he's starting to exude knowing he can defend himself. I rest assured knowing that he knows that fighting is the last option, that he has the ability to confidently walk away. But if he's attacked (as most bullies fight dirty), his training will give him the ability to defend himself.
 
I

Oh, and the best revenge is living well. :D

Frankie was a football jock, big dude, always the best looking cheerleader for a girlfriend, loved to bully us nerds. Of course, Frankie didn't have a lot going on upstairs and didn't leave the hometown. After I graduated college, I pulled into the gas station (full service back then) where Frankie worked: "Hey, Frankie, fill it up, and don't forget to check tires!" The car was brand new, a treat to myself after graduating and landing my 1st job.

It was a good day.
 
The whole "Just beat up the bully" theory also assumes that the victim is both physically able to do so, and isn't too terrified or timid to do so. That's usually not the case, since bullies are usually just (barely) smart enough to prey on those who they know won't or can't fight back.

I agree that the whole social media thing really complicates the issue, and makes it easy for bullies to make their victims miserable 24 hours a day. It appalls me that parents allow their children unsupervised, unrestricted access to the Internet and are then surprised when they discover that letting their little angels permanently wire themselves in with every lowlife on the planet isn't the best idea ever.
 
I agree that the whole social media thing really complicates the issue, and makes it easy for bullies to make their victims miserable 24 hours a day. It appalls me that parents allow their children unsupervised, unrestricted access to the Internet and are then surprised when they discover that letting their little angels permanently wire themselves in with every lowlife on the planet isn't the best idea ever.
No doubt. Even adults who did not grow up with social media engage in pack behavior on the internet.
 
I bought a Mossberg bolt-action shotgun with money from picking cotton in sixth grade. Horrible gun, hated it from day one but no refunds on firearms from Wards or Sears or wherever I bought it.

Hmmm, I bought a Mossberg bolt-action shotgun from my next-door neighbor when I was in 7th, with money I'd been saving from doing odd jobs. It's a .410 that takes 3" magnum shells, holds 2 in the internal mag plus one in the pipe, and has a very tight full choke. I loved it then and I still have it today.



And yes, I was bullied in school. Being the shortest, skinniest, littlest kid in my class had its downsides... until I got to high school and built the fastest hotrod car in town, they I was suddenly cool.
 
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While throwing a punch may work when you are kid, if you carry that over to your adult life, you may end up with an assault charge, or at the least the loss of your job, as @Matthew mentioned. I learned to deal with bullies and other harassers by not giving them the satisfaction of the reaction they were looking for, while thinking of them as pathetic losers. Throwing punches wouldn't work for me anyway as I was smaller than most.

True, and fighting back can also be with words if done correctly. Each situation is different.

About 16 years ago one of my cousins was being a royal ass to his sister-in-law. Bullying if ever I saw it. I was particularly annoyed that my other cousin (this woman's husband) wasn't standing up to his own brother and instead just watched as his wife was starting to cry. These were two "men" in their mid-30s. I knew my cousin's insecurities, and managed to throw out a few words that put his tail firmly between his legs for the remainder of the reunion. He tried to get me to take back what I said a few times, and I used the opportunity to twist the knife further. He got the message.
 
Fair points, but also a different perspective.

If I'm being mistreated (bullied, whatever), my priorities are as follows:

1) Stopping the personal mistreatment
2) Stopping the mistreatment of others

I've also been known to step in and aid others who don't have the backbone to stand up for themselves. In those situations, my priorities are:

1) Stopping the mistreatment of the person I'm helping right now
2) Leaving an impression strong enough that the sum'itch won't do it again

As a teacher, your primary concern is stopping the overall mistreatment issue, because moving it from one kid to another doesn't fix the overall problem, which you see.

Sure I agree that my role is to take a big picture stance on the issue of bullying but the truth is, schools are often asked to be the parents and the teachers, while parents often think they can be teachers but only really have to be parents. The reality is that a higher level of attention is placed on these issues because parents often blame others for their child's shortcomings. If you confront the bullies parents, they often have 100 excuses why the kid is not at fault etc.etc. etc.... It's simply blame shifting and, once a parent fails to confront their child, the school is left powerless to stop the bully because, without support from the parents, or worse yet, undercutting by the parent, the school is left with no recourse for any of this intense cyber bullying and social media bullying. Parents need to monitor these sites and share knowledge with the school. If that does not happen, then schools can't help.

In school bullying is a different matter all together. I can tell you that any bullying is not accepted and, while kids are not the same now as they were many years ago, they do tend to understand kindness more.

One thing that is sickening about the tone of many of these posts is the assumption that incompetence from the people responsible for educating others is at fault. It's absolutely absurd and incredible. Everyone thinks they can be a teacher because they have kids-- but overall, that's not at all true.
 
I tell our boys that if it comes down to it and they have no other choice then just punch, chop, kick, slam them in the throat. Don't matter how big you are if you get socked in the throat, you are going to curl up into a ball long enough for my boys to get away from there.
This whole "everybody is a winner" and "participation trophies" BS has had drastic effects on our children. I get to see it everyday. What a shame. I really liked life better before twitter as well. What a whiny, victimized society we live in where everything offends everyone and everyone must tip toe around so as not to offend everyone else.

Here is a great non story from today that has me wanting to drink bleach.
https://www.yahoo.com/beauty/professor-leaves-racist-note-students-152912088.html

Tiffany Martínez is a first-generation college student majoring in sociology at Suffolk University in Boston. She is a McNair Fellow, a Dean’s List recipient, and has presented at national conferences all over the U.S.

On the morning of Oct. 27, her professor handed her back a paper she’d written wrote and announced, in front of the entire class, "This is not your language." At the top of the paper were the words, “Please go back and indicate where you cut and paste,” presumably meaning the professor believed Martínez had plagiarized passages. On the second page, the word "hence" was circled, next to the note, "This is not your word." The word "not" was underlined twice.

Martinez responded by writing a blog post critiquing the racial biases apparent in such a judgment, and her disappointment at living in "a society where people like me are not set up to succeed":

My last name and appearance immediately instills a set of biases before I have the chance to open my mouth. These stereotypes and generalizations forced on marginalized communities are at times debilitating and painful. As a minority in my classrooms, I continuously hear my peers and professors use language that both covertly and overtly oppresses the communities I belong to. Therefore, I do not always feel safe when I attempt to advocate for my people in these spaces...My professor assumed someone like me would never use language like that. As I stood in the front of the class while a professor challenged my intelligence I could just imagine them reading my paper in their home thinking could someone like her write something like this?...There are students who will be assumed capable without the need to list their credentials in the beginning of a reflective piece. How many degrees do I need for someone to believe I am an academic?

Martinez’s paper did not have a grade, only the words, "needs work." Hence, Martínez ended her blog post with quite the literary mic drop: "Academia needs work."

BuzzFeed reports that Martínez "has not spoken with the professor since the incident, but has brought it to the attention of the chair of Suffolk University’s sociology department, who has launched an investigation." In particular, the department’s head read over her paper, Martínez added, and "had nothing but good things to say."
 
This whole "everybody is a winner" and "participation trophies" BS has had drastic effects on our children. I get to see it everyday. What a shame. I really liked life better before twitter as well. What a whiny, victimized society we live in where everything offends everyone and everyone must tip toe around so as not to offend everyone else.

Here is a great non story from today that has me wanting to drink bleach.
https://www.yahoo.com/beauty/professor-leaves-racist-note-students-152912088.html
FWIW I would interpret the professor's comments the same way the student did: implicit ethnic bias and completely outrageous.

And I agree with you in general, in particular as applied to universities where professors - especially in the social sciences - are forced to, in effect, allow students to micromanage their syllabi and course curricula to avoid being guilty of or condoning "microaggressions". This doesn't sound like a microaggression - this prof was IMHO several miles over the line.
 
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