Acceptance as a gay pilot?

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Brian with an i

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Ok..I know this probably isn't the right forum to ask this question. But since it's the only one except Medical Topics.. (which I don't think fits), that lets you post anonymously, I don't know where else to ask (maybe someone could move the discussion to Hangar talk after I post it). I'll apologize to the management in advance if this topic is off limits here. I know this topic can get explosive sometimes.

I've chatted/posted with some of you guys off and on for years now, but none of you know that I'm gay (at least none that I know of). That having been said, I'd love to come to some of your fly-ins and gatherings, but I'm afraid that if I show up with my partner, it could get ugly.. and I don't want that to happen. Meeting me in person, most of you wouldn't have a clue, but I refuse to go to these things without my partner, who is almost as crazy about flying as I am. I think most of you would enjoy both of our company once you got to know us.

I know some of you have strong religious feelings about the whole gay issue (and I respect that), and I'm not bringing this up to get that "is it right or wrong" discussion going. My question is:

How would most of you react, or think you would react, if one of the semi-regular posters on here and the red board were to show up at a gathering and you suddenly discovered they were gay? Would you prefer they not show up, treat them the same as you would any other pilot without regard to their personal lives, ignore them, etc, etc. How do you think most of your fellow board members will react? How do you think the revelation would effect them later on the board?

I ask this because you never know what a group's reaction is going to be. A long time ago on the red board, one of the other posters got a clue, and I started getting hate email. I really don't want to go through with that again. Thankfully I haven't seen that person on that or this board for a long time. I don't really care what some other pilot's personal feelings are about my orientation. I care about what they think of my flying skills and my love of everything winged. There are gay flyer's groups out there, and I'm a member of some, but they are not as diverse, active, and have as many members as the "mainstream" flying groups/sites do.

I really like reading and chatting with you guys, but if showing up with my partner is going to put that in jeopardy, then I'll have do some serious thinking about whether or not to stay in the closet here, or not partake in the gatherings.

I look forward to your thoughts and comments (maybe :) ).
 
If you showed up to a fly in with another guy no one would care, or even notice. Many men fly with buddies all the time, but you already know that.

What is insultive to me is that you even bring it up. No one cares, I certainly don't. Most if not all pilots I know could care less. We want to talk about flying.

So you met a jerk on the red board. You let that taint your perspective of all pilots?

I smell a troll. :yes:
 
I'd shake your hand and your partner's. Doesn't matter even slightly.

There are at least two openly gay couples in the club. They go flying with their partners just like anyone else. To my knowledge, there has never been an issue.
 
While I don't care what you do when your not in the cockpit ( yes I know it's a lame joke :)) I think a more important question might be what your behavior in public is. Making out with your significant other at a flyin might elicit one group of responses while introducing him as friend/significant other/husband will give you a different set of responses. It will also depend on where you live and where the flyin is. I will assume you live in a area where your orientation is at the very least accepted if not normal. If you live in a area where it is not I would think you would move or hide your orientation but again don't know that for sure. Bottom line is that pilots reflect the area they live in and their reactions to your orientation is not likely to be different at a flyin then at any other gathering. That being said there will always be outliers in any group.
 
If you've been posting and chatting on here for years, there are likely many who have figured out you're gay, it really doesn't matter. I'd expect you to have the same level of problems as Grant and Leslie as a mixed race couple, and I haven't heard of an issue there and they attend flyins.
 
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Gotta say, the pilot thing trumps the gay thing every time.

Seriously, differentiating people based upon their sexual orientation or gender identity is just a waste of time, when there are so many genuinely important issues to deal with.

As for how you'd be treated at a fly-in, I imagine we'd shake your hand and say, "What beer are you drinking?" Or, perhaps, "did you bring any cookies?"

If it's getting late, we might ask you, "Are you sober? We need someone to drive us to the dam."
 
If you're not breaking the bounds of polite behavior, why would I care?

Although, if you're going to a fly-in, why would orientation even come up? :dunno:
 
Good thing this poster won't get confused with Bryan with a Y, why do you suppose some feel these distinctions are necessary in IDs???? :rolleyes:
 
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Most of the guys who express strong opinions about this issue here 'on the internet' would never be so boorish to express them face to face. If you show up with a friend, nobody would even make the connection unless you want them to. Even then, I would expect that nobody really cares. If someone was dumb enough to make your private life an issue here on the forum, I would expect a community backlash against that poster.

So much for my hypothetical response to a anonymous post.
 
In my opinion, no one really cares..

Personally, I am not a big fan of Public Display's of Affection regardless of the couple...
I can see how that might get an undesirable response at the local pancake breakfast if the wrong A-hole is around, but that really isn't different than anywhere else is it??
 
Makes no difference to me, and probably makes no difference to most pilots. I think what gets "normal" people riled up are the times when arguments over "equality" get brought up (ie - as long as differences are kept free of spin-zone material). Other than that, the pilots I've been around are pretty much a live and let live bunch.
 
PaulS said:
Good thing this poster won't get confused with Bryan with a Y, why do you suppose some feel these distinctions are necessary in IDs????
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Well, just guessing, but a "Y" represents female genitalia whereas "i" definitely represents male.

:dunno:

Like I said just a guess.

Anyway I would say it doesn't matter unless you're the type who likes to show affection in public. If you do, then don't come.
 
BrYan (with a Y), is that you?

The only thing that would bother me is that you kept it a secret. Of course I could understand why, but I can't think of any reason to lie about it these days. Why don't you just identify yourself and let us kid you about it like we would kid with any close friend. If anyone has a problem, it is THEIR problem, not yours.
 
weilke said:
Most of the guys who express strong opinions about this issue here 'on the internet' would never be so boorish to express them face to face. If you show up with a friend, nobody would even make the connection unless you want them to. Even then, I would expect that nobody really cares. If someone was dumb enough to make your private life an issue here on the forum, I would expect a community backlash against that poster.

So much for my hypothetical response to a anonymous post.
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Most of us who have lived in large gay populations have developed 'Gaydar':lol:
 
Brian with an i said:
I've chatted/posted with some of you guys off and on for years now, but none of you know that I'm gay (at least none that I know of). That having been said, I'd love to come to some of your fly-ins and gatherings, but I'm afraid that if I show up with my partner, it could get ugly.. and I don't want that to happen. Meeting me in person, most of you wouldn't have a clue, but I refuse to go to these things without my partner, who is almost as crazy about flying as I am. I think most of you would enjoy both of our company once you got to know us.
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I think damn few would care if you appeared at a fly-in with your partner. How would anyone know that you're gay? Do you make a point of telling people? Do you wear matching "We're Gay" t-shirts? Two guys attending a fly-in together is no more unusual than two guys fishing together.
 
Wait, I thought this was a gay forum.
Lots of dudes in here talking about sharing a "common purpose"

I must say I feel very sorry for you. I know it was not your choice and you have probably been dealt a horrible blow but you can always change it. Just go down to the DMV and tell them you would like to start spelling it with a "y" so you can start spelling it the right way.

As far as the gay thing. I don't think anyone cares. If I saw someone mistreating someone for their partner preference, I would happily get my ass kicked standing up for them.
 
So you think we don't know? Likely not.

Just come with your buddy. Most likely those of us who know you and like you will be fine with who you are....warts and all.

I see no need to make a big deal of it....nor do I see any reason to make a big coming out of the closet announcement with hey guys this is my "partner". Just be who you are. Oh, leave the PDA stuff for your own privacy.....just like I'd not be doing that stuff with my wife in public either. That's a big turn off for me....and I'd probably not talk with a hetero couple that's affectionate at a pancake breakfast either.....so no offense in advance if you are not welcomed doing the hand holding smooching stuff in public with your dude.

Be a pilot....be a friend....and all is cool for me.
 
roncachamp said:
I think damn few would care if you appeared at a fly-in with your partner. How would anyone know that you're gay? Do you make a point of telling people? Do you wear matching "We're Gay" t-shirts? Two guys attending a fly-in together is no more unusual than two guys fishing together.
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By the way they look at each other and treat each other. Some couples can pull the 'buddy' facade off, but typically they slip. Gay couples act like couples.
 
Since the OP started a thread with identifying features I feel compelled to do the same to shape my response. I'm a married middle aged white heterosexual Christian.

That said, I don't care if you're heterosexual or homosexual but I don't wish to see sexual behavior of either kind at a fly-in. The purpose of the fly-in is to laugh, learn and fly with other like minded people. I guess the answer to your question is: come with your partner and enjoy the common bond which is flying and nobody will care about your orientation.
 
warthog1984 said:
If you're not breaking the bounds of polite behavior, why would I care?
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+1. I know a number of gay and bi people and guess what?
They're......people!

As long as you're not making out on the flightline (and I would find it equally distasteful for hetero couples to be doing same), I'd say you're good.
 
Cool - another "Brian" that spells his name properly with an "i".

Meh - c'mon over for some terrible grilled hamburgers this Friday or some amazing deep fat fried bacon Saturday AM - assuming you are in central Arkansas. Few of us would know anyway - and the few that might figure it out - meh - be happy as life is short!

One friend of mine FINALLY found a partner. It's appears to be work finding a good partner with all the stigma attached to being gay.
 
Bill Jennings said:
+1. I know a number of gay and bi people and guess what?
They're......people!

As long as you're not making out on the flightline (and I would find it equally distasteful for hetero couples to be doing same), I'd say you're good.
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Now this brings up an interesting subject, what are the 'bounds' of polite behavior', what do we consider, 'making out' in public? Where do we draw the line? If a heterosexual husband or wife walks up to their partner in public, it would IMO be completely acceptable for them to exchange a brief kiss. Would this level of behavior be seen as acceptable of a homosexual couple? Would it make a difference if they were men or women? If it was a really hot lesbian couple as the only females at a fly in, what would you want them to limit their public display of affection to?
 
In the end, I think you would get more flak for being a cirrus pilot rather than a gay one. :)
 
Bill Jennings said:
+1. I know a number of gay and bi people and guess what?
They're......people!

As long as you're not making out on the flightline (and I would find it equally distasteful for hetero couples to be doing same), I'd say you're good.
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I wouldn't even say that. I (like most people I know) are fine with brief PDAs- like them even, because it helps remind us that there is love in the world. It's when it gets to the extended make-out session that things turn uncomfortable.
 
Henning said:
Now this brings up an interesting subject, what are the 'bounds' of polite behavior', what do we consider, 'making out' in public? Where do we draw the line? If a heterosexual husband or wife walks up to their partner in public, it would IMO be completely acceptable for them to exchange a brief kiss. Would this level of behavior be seen as acceptable of a homosexual couple? Would it make a difference if they were men or women? If it was a really hot lesbian couple as the only females at a fly in, what would you want them to limit their public display of affection to?
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Pretty much whatever you see with heterosexual couples is good in my book for gay or lesbian. I do admit it took me a bit to get over the kissing part - and I have several gay friends. I guess I really am the old redneck I grew up as ..

Then again, I had an uncle come out as transsexual a couple of years ago. Still getting used to that one ... Yup, I'm a redneck...
 
brian];1598603 said:
Pretty much whatever you see with heterosexual couples is good in my book for gay or lesbian. I do admit it took me a bit to get over the kissing part - and I have several gay friends. I guess I really am the old redneck I grew up as ..

Then again, I had an uncle come out as transsexual a couple of years ago. Still getting used to that one ... Yup, I'm a redneck...
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That doesn't make you a redneck.:lol:
 
Unregistered said:
If you like some hairy guy on your back side that is your business.
Your a pilot so we do have something in common. I just couldn't imagine having some guys wang up the Ahole.
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Considering the alarming number of staunchly religious pilots I meet, I'm surprised I didn't read more of the above nonsense in this thread. Kudos to the rest of y'all.

Also considering the ages of most pilots I meet -- if I have to imagine anyone getting their sex on, (and I don't), it won't be the gay guys giving me the heebie-jeebies. :yikes:

I don't care where anyone puts their genitals in the evening. Fly-ins, which are predominantly attended by the jowl squad, are some of the most asexual activities I go to. Show up in a plane. Hold hands with your partner. Dare them to say anything. They won't. They will criticize you if you bounce the landing though.

$0.02
 
A small amount of public affection is okay. A quick kiss would be okay but full on tonsil wrestling is definitely OUT :nono:

Unless the gay couple are hot lesbians. In which case... Go at it! :D
 
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