Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

EdFred said:
CAT I, II, OR III ?
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CAT V

hurricane_facts-860x493.jpeg
 
That would be a joke on say, November 13th, but not so funny on September 13th, three days after the peak for Florida hurricanes. Ehhh, maybe I'm just old and cranky and can no longer take a joke.

Nice image, however.
 
I went to the doctor because my farts sound funny…every time I fart, it says “Honda.”

I farted in front of the doctor. “Honda.”
DR: Are you married?
Me: yes.
Dr: Happily married?
Me: very much so.
Dr: is your wife here with you?
Me: No, she’s visiting the grandkids.
Dr: well, there’s your problem. Absence makes the farts go “Honda.”
 
Now that I'm old and too sedentary, the gf and I end up watching a lot of TV. Sometimes I learn things I shouldn't. From Bill Engvall's routine, I learned it wasn't just me that had someone that liked to start talking to them from different rooms. That was good to know. From all sorts of home improvement shows, I've learned that women love houses with open floor plans.

So just yesterday it occurred to me - the reason the gf wants to knock the wall down between the living room and dining/kitchen area has NOTHING to do with making the place look nicer. It's entirely because she wants to be able to talk to me from wherever she is without paying attention to whether or not I'm actually in that room.

Somehow I survived saying that out loud.
 
Capt. Geoffrey Thorpe said:
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That would probably “work” against some thieves..Not as well as just having a full 5 gallon gas can in the back of the open bed pickup. ( 4 gallons of water and one of gas, remember, gas floats on water) and let karma cost them more than they would gain from stealing anything else in it. Cost of a garage sale gas can $5, cost of a gallon of gas, $3, seeing the only thing missing is the gas can…priceless.
 
A man and his trainer are preparing for a Championship Wrestling Match. The trainer tells the man, "You're lean, you're strong, and you're skilled. If you give him all you've got, you can win this. But beware; whatever you do, don't let him get you in the twisted pretzel hold. No one has ever gotten out of the twisted pretzel hold."
The competition begins, and wouldn't you know it: just ten seconds into the match and the man is locked up in a twisted pretzel hold.
The trainer, livid, turns and slowly heads for the locker room. When the bell rings about 10 seconds later, the trainer glances over his shoulder, and to his surprise, the referee is holding his fighter's hand in the air. Shocked, the trainer runs back into the ring and says, " What happened? He had you in the twisted pretzel hold, no one has ever gotten out of the twisted pretzel hold." The man replies, "Well, he had me all twisted up in that hold. I thought I was done for. I couldn't move my legs, I couldn't move my arms. I couldn't move my body at all. But just as I was about to give up all hope, I looked up and saw a big pair of balls in my face. I opened my mouth and bit as hard as I could. Two seconds later I had him pinned.
And let me tell you, you cannot believe how much strength you have within you until you bite yourself in the nuts."
 
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