Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
2. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.
3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.
4. It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
6. When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
8. I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.
10. If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"
11. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
13. I run like the winded.
14. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.
15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"
16. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
17. I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
18. When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."
19. Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.
20. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
21. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.
 
Capt. Geoffrey Thorpe said:
1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
2. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.
3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.
4. It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
6. When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
8. I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.
10. If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"
11. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
13. I run like the winded.
14. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.
15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"
16. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
17. I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
18. When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."
19. Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.
20. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
21. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.
Click to expand...
Sir, this is a Wendy's.
 
But the shoes that fit you are a mile away, and someone else has them.
 
1726156871559.png


Once upon a time,.....

I had designed a circuit card for a new targeting system and I was about to power up and test the first prototype. Unbeknownst to me, a friend (??!) who was watching over my shoulder had placed a sheet of bubble wrap under his foot. As soon as I threw the power switch on the test box, he rocked his foot onto the bubble wrap and I heard "POP-POP-POP-POP-POP!!" I almost broke my arm shutting things down. Then I almost broke his neck.
 
1. My wife and I decided to never go to bed angry. We've been awake since Tuesday.

2. Someone just gave me half a peace sign. Weird.

3. Growing up, we knew Dad had had enough when we heard the recliner slam down. Kids these days will never know that fear.

4. My wife said: "That's the 4th time you've gone back for dessert! Doesn't it embarrass you?" I said: "No, I keep telling them it's for you."

5. My wife and I started role-playing in the bedroom. Her favorite is The Sexy Librarian where I have to sit quietly while she reads a book.

6. Being old is when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go too.

7. I now know how it will all end for me, one of my kids will unplug my life support to charge their phone.

8. At a wedding reception, someone yelled: "All married people please stand next to the one person that has made your life worth living." The bartender was almost crushed to death.

9. I met my wife at a singles night. I was surprised because I thought she was home with the kids.

10. I want someone I can share my entire life with who will leave me alone most of the time.

11. Yesterday I bought a world map, gave my husband a dart, and said, "Throw this and wherever it lands, I will take you on vacation." We're spending 3 weeks behind the fridge.

12. As I walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death, I remind myself that you can't always trust Google Maps

13. I took my suit to the cleaners, who wanted to charge me $40, so I gave it to the charity shop next door. They cleaned and pressed it and put it in the window. I bought it back for $15.
 
Half Fast said:
View attachment 133448


Once upon a time,.....

I had designed a circuit card for a new targeting system and I was about to power up and test the first prototype. Unbeknownst to me, a friend (??!) who was watching over my shoulder had placed a sheet of bubble wrap under his foot. As soon as I threw the power switch on the test box, he rocked his foot onto the bubble wrap and I heard "POP-POP-POP-POP-POP!!" I almost broke my arm shutting things down. Then I almost broke his neck.
Click to expand...
I didn't realize we've worked together :D

A carefully hidden 100 ohm, 1/2 watt resistor somewhere on the 28V bus, preferably behind the fan that cools the box will also do the trick.
 
AV8R_87 said:
I didn't realize we've worked together :D

A carefully hidden 100 ohm, 1/2 watt resistor somewhere on the 28V bus, preferably behind the fan that cools the box will also do the trick.
Click to expand...

So will a polarized cap installed backward across the bus. It'll usually survive a few power cycles before letting go, just to make things interesting.
 
AV8R_87 said:
I didn't realize we've worked together :D

A carefully hidden 100 ohm, 1/2 watt resistor somewhere on the 28V bus, preferably behind the fan that cools the box will also do the trick.
Click to expand...

You can so something similar with auto mechanics if you have a two foot piece of angle iron in your hand to drop as they back a customer's car into the bay ...
 
Half Fast said:
I've reached the age where I wear memory foam insoles so I can remember why I walked into the next room.
Click to expand...
I'm proud to say that I had no problem remembering why I went into the next room just a bit ago. It was the bathroom, but still...
 
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