Would your parents let you move back home if your life goes south?

N918KT

N918KT

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I have a question for all you guys in your 20's out there. Do you guys have a safety net of being able to move back home with your parents if things do not work out when you moved out? Or would your parents say "Sorry, but we can't help you. Figure it out on your own" or something along those lines?
 
I am almost 40 and my parents would let me move home if I needed help getting back on my feet after a problem.
I doubt it would be an open ended deal..

My kids are too young for me to answer but I would assume, I would always be willing to open a room for someone in need.
Some circumstances might lead me to add constraints but I don't think anyone in my family would turn their back on anyone else in my family that needed help.

Family is the most important thing I have.
 
I would certainly let them move back, if needed. As someone else noted, I would do so trusting it wasn't a long-term deal.

I would also impose a 10pm curfew so everyone could get up for work.
 
When I was single, I moved in and out of my parents place a couple of times. The longest I was there, was when my company was trying to transfer me to a new location. I put everything in storage and moved back in as my lease was up and I was supposed to go within a month. It ended up stretching to 10 months and I gave up and got another place. Mom and Dad didn't mind me being there, as I did the lawn and all the car maintenance on their vehicles and house sat while they spent several weeks in Australia, and New Zealand.

When I got married, my wife, mother in law and myself spent three weeks with them while we found a place to lease. Got married on a Saturday and got the recall to my former employer on Sunday, I moved back to Texas on Wednesday. The wife and MIL moved down two weeks later.
 
I am long past my 20s, but the deal my 5 brothers and I had was we could stay at home for free as long as we were still university or technical school students. After that it was pay room & board, and enough parental nattering (deliberate I am certain, looking back on it now) to encourage "independence". I can't imagine living with the parental units for any extended length of time quite frankly...it would be stifling. But these days I can certainly see the need for some short-term family support at times.
 
I am well past my 20's but for the past 10 year my folks have been trying to convince me to move up to Washington State and live on a second unit they have on their property.

In my 20's I actually went back home right after finishing college for a while and always had that as an option if I needed...but never did once I flew the coop.

Just knowing I had that safety net allowed me to take some more risks early in my career while not be as panicked about money and making ends meet which has paid off exponentially now as an adult.
 
I would have to move in with my children - or grandchildren. I've been assuming that my mother-in-law will be moving in with us one of these days. I've already provided a home for a son and his wife for awhile. Along the same lines, the children or grandchildren have a home with me as needed as long as we can afford it together. I assume the same is true if I need to move in with one of them.
 
Looking back through the decades, yes, my parents would have let me move back in with them.

Perhaps if the alternative were homelessness, I might have. But I really doubt it. I find it hard to imagine saying to my father that my life hit rock bottom when I think of what he went through on his own.
 
My parents are in their 70s. They let my deadbeat, won't-work brother move back in, so I'm sure they'd let me do the same. My brother vapes, stares at his lap-top, vapes, exercises his vast intellect on the superiority of lefty politics, vapes, takes lengthy naps, vapes, and even carries out the trash if begged and cajoled to do so. I say "carry out," but for him that means carry it out to the garage, where it sits until the yard guy takes it the extra 60 feet to the dumpster.

But, yes, they'd let me move in.
 
When my house burned down I stayed with them until it was rebuilt and I could move back in.
 
ETres said:
My parents are in their 70s. They let my deadbeat, won't-work brother move back in, so I'm sure they'd let me do the same. My brother vapes, stares at his lap-top, vapes, exercises his vast intellect on the superiority of lefty politics, vapes, takes lengthy naps, vapes, and even carries out the trash if begged and cajoled to do so. I say "carry out," but for him that means carry it out to the garage, where it sits until the yard guy takes it the extra 60 feet to the dumpster.

But, yes, they'd let me move in.
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I think nearly every family has a family member like this...My unemployed brother blogged about how teachers make too much on their pensions, while he leached off my parents, who were retired teachers.
 
I spent a month with my parents when I was between houses on a job. On the other hand, I purchased a condo so my son wouldn't end up living with me.
 
I was talking to my buddy about this yesterday. His 22 year old son lives with him, though is planning to move out (may Odin will it). He said though that he made it clear to his son that he could move back at any time for any reason. He wanted his son to have a safe place he could go at need. I actually thought that was really cool.
 
when I totally @#$%ed up in college my parents basically said "you're on your own now, good luck" which looking back was the best thing that ever happened to me. whipped me into shape real quick. now, yeah, I'm sure if I really needed it they'd welcome me, because I'm slightly less of a tool than I was in college.
 
I lived with my parents for a 1.5 years while I was getting my MBA. Went straight from my Bachelors to my Masters, so I was still in my early 20's.

My parents are living with me. :eek: I'm not in my 20's though.

It's short term. They finally sold their home in Chattanooga, and it had a short closing time. They couldn't find a house in the area they want in time, nor an apartment with a very short term lease. So, they are living with us. They have an offer/purchase agreement on a house that is under construction. Originally planned to finish on July 12, but now is backed up two weeks to July 26. I knew the first date was unlikely when I saw the house a few weeks ago. Oh, it could be done, but was unlikely to get done by July 12.

When our oldest graduated college she was originally thinking of moving to Chicago with friends and finding a job there. That didn't pan out and she decided to move back to Atlanta and find a job. We (her mother & I and her father) asked her where she was going to live. ;) That set the right expectation. Her father manages apartments (typically smaller, older ones) and rental storage. He gave her a good deal on an apartment in an old building, but a very hip location. Yes, she found a job quickly and has been doing very well.

The two younger kids know we are downsizing our house, most likely in two years. They know there won't be as much room then. Oh, we'd take them in if something went sideways, but they know we won't be very forgiving of slackers. Not that we have to worry much about that, they have a pretty good competitive streak in them.
 
If you were in the service you learned to take care of yourself or should have. This does not include those wounded and in bad shape who deserve all our help and shelter we can provide.
 
I'm in my 30s, but not too far off. When I was in high school, my mom made it clear that at 18 I was going to be kicked out the door. The reality ended up being that I lived with her in the summers when I was home from college. I then lived at home the summer after graduating before I found a job, other than a month when I was working at the motorcycle shop in Long Island and living out on the island with my friend who owned the shop.

I'm not sure if she'd let me move in now, but the question is moot because I wouldn't. No matter how south things went, I would find another way. I'd buy an old beat up motor home, just live on my boat, or pitch a tent somewhere. I've figured out how to survive on my own starting with $0 before, I could do it again. She and I do not have a good relationship and never have (we were ready to strangle eachother when I moved out), and she purposely makes her guest accommodations uncomfortable so as to discourage visitors from staying for any significant period of time. No, that is not exaggeration - she has preached at great length why it's important to keep guest accommodations uncomfortable. I don't understand that concept, but it one that all my family I've stayed with employs... except us. Add to that my hatred for NYC where she lives... no. Just no. The rest of the family is the sort that is never there for eachother should something actually go wrong, so obviously they're out.

With my kids being a couple decades off it's hard to say what we'll do. My general thought is that we'll let them live at home so long as they are in school, working on finding a job so they can move out, etc. This will include helping with chores and the like if they're living at home, the expectation that they don't trash the place, etc. And certainly if they fell on hard times, they'd be welcome back. If we do our jobs right, they'll be self-sufficient and it will also be a moot question for them, but also hopefully they'll have a better relationship with us.
 
It's hard to judge. Today's young are not able to get decent Jobs as they were thirty yers ago. Millions of decent non skilled ojt jobs were transferred overseas thru nafta and are gone for good. They are now done by child labor and very low paid workers as in China, living in huge dormitories and making around fourty bucks a month. I feel badly for our young people today as they have very limited horizons compared to back then . It's also a big reason GA is dying. The young simply cannot afford to buy and correctly maintain an aircraft.
 
Jimmy cooper said:
It's hard to judge. Today's young are not able to get decent Jobs as they were thirty yers ago. Millions of decent non skilled ojt jobs were transferred overseas thru nafta and are gone for good. They are now done by child labor and very low paid workers as in China, living in huge dormitories and making around fourty bucks a month. I feel badly for our young people today as they have very limited horizons compared to back then . It's also a big reason GA is dying. The young simply cannot afford to buy and correctly maintain an aircraft.
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I realize you are correct that many manufacturing jobs are gone, but I don't see things quite the same. What I mostly see are a bunch of young people who are told "Follow your dreams!" without an understanding of whether or not those dreams will equate to being able to pay the rent. I've seen a number of kids make poor career decisions. You can't outsource a plumber or an electrician, for instance. Add to that the fact that parents have set an expectation that kids go to college rather than figure out the appropriate training for a career path, which may not involve going to any school.

Mike Rowe makes some great points about this.
 
Look it up. It's easy to find the answer if you study it. I did because baltimore , now a crime ridden city like so many others lost thousands and thousands of good jobs when Beth steel closed , GMs big plant closed, and many other smaller manuf plants, resturants, service centers , on and on , closed as many depended on these two large employers! ( there were others also like Procter and gamble, lever bros, but you get the drift. If you've been to buffalo, Cleveland , Detroit,etc, ( the rust belt) it's easy to see what happened) if you recall , the proponents of nafta claimed there would be MORE jobs when it was enacted. They lied. My home town in western ny state , at one time, was called the furniture manuf. capital of the world at one time with a total of 36 factory's. Today there are none,the town is toast, run down, ruined. most U.S. Furniture is manuf. in China, or other Asian country's.
 
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I moved in and out of my parent's house a couple of times in my 20s. My family is very close and we would do almost anything to help each other out.

The first time I moved back in was after a motorcycle accident and really could use the help getting around. I ended up staying there a couple of years that time. Once I was better and had a good job I got an apartment and moved out.

The second time I moved back in with my parents was after they had moved to a different city after my dad had taken a new job. I ended up getting a job offer in the same city that I decided to take and moved in with my parents until I could find a house I wanted to buy.

Neither time was a big deal. My parents and special needs brother (who lives with them) all loved having me around again. I'm sure I could move in with them at any time if I decided I needed to, although living 600 miles away from them now might make that a bit challenging. Retirement is now on the horizon for my dad, and the roles may soon be reversed. There has been talk of them moving in with me, but I'm not sure that I'm living in a place that is really where they want to be at the moment.
 
eman1200 said:
when I totally @#$%ed up in college my parents basically said "you're on your own now, good luck" which looking back was the best thing that ever happened to me.
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My brother ended up in the same boat. He went 1st semester to college, failed everything, well except for wine, women, and song. My Dad was actually pretty fair in offering a second chance spring semester, but, same results. Dad told him he had 30 days to be paying him rent or he was out the door. Thirty days later my brother was on the bus off to Navy basic training. He's been good since.

Ted DuPuis said:
I realize you are correct that many manufacturing jobs are gone, but I don't see things quite the same. What I mostly see are a bunch of young people who are told "Follow your dreams!" without an understanding of whether or not those dreams will equate to being able to pay the rent. I've seen a number of kids make poor career decisions.
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Yeah, I know a lot of young kids out of college with history, French, religious studies, etc., type degrees and wonder why they can't get a high paying job.
 
For me, the shoe was on the other foot. My mom often hinted or outright asked me to come back and live with her even though we were both financially independent.
 
Bill Jennings said:
My brother ended up in the same boat. He went 1st semester to college, failed everything, well except for wine, women, and song. My Dad was actually pretty fair in offering a second chance spring semester, but, same results. Dad told him he had 30 days to be paying him rent or he was out the door. Thirty days later my brother was on the bus off to Navy basic training. He's been good since.
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That would be the sort of situation where I could see kicking the kids out as making sense. Obviously it was for his own good and it worked out. Some kids need that.

Yeah, I know a lot of young kids out of college with history, French, religious studies, etc., type degrees and wonder why they can't get a high paying job.
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One of the problems with education these days is that they talk to kids too much about dreams and not enough about reality. Yes, we all only get one turn in life and we need to make sure that we don't waste it. But, it's hard to accomplish your dreams if you can't pay the bills. You should enjoy your job, but it's a lot easier to enjoy your job if it also meets your other needs. Kids need to get told these sorts of concepts. Colleges are also to blame to some degree here, since they eagerly lure kids in for degrees that they know full well have no job prospects.
 
My wife would love for our kids to move back in, including our married daughter! Actually my youngest is this in college, so he still has a room and stays here during breaks on and occasional weekend, our middle one would like move to a homeless shelter before moving back in with us! :)
The issue I have seen lately is parents moving in with kids, not elderly or disabled, just financial hardships or one friends dad was just lazy and liked hanging out doing nothing all day, he finally tossed him out, which I think would be very hard to do, but he did it.
 
N747JB said:
The issue I have seen lately is parents moving in with kids, not elderly or disabled, just financial hardships or one friends dad was just lazy and liked hanging out doing nothing all day, he finally tossed him out, which I think would be very hard to do, but he did it.
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Depends on the parent/child relationship. My mom wouldn't be allowed to move in in the first place. If, for some reason, she was in my house and overstayed her welcome, we'd get her out.
 
I'm in my 30s and beyond this as well... and my parents are now both gone. There wouldn't have been any question though, at age 18 I moved out as quick as I could for a number of reasons one of which was I couldn't stand living under my dad's rules anymore. He made a point of telling me I could stay and I told him I knew and that's all there was to it. In perfect hindsight it might have been a better way to go financially speaking but that's a hard call.

My parents started saving for my college tuition pretty much as soon as I was born so I had a pretty easy ride of it, I just had to be careful what I spent. Knowing what it cost to live and go to school back then plus how little a typical part time job paid I don't blame the kids who go home. Going to school and working at the same time ain't easy either... you can do it but I think it's hard to keep up with the typical swing shifts those types of places have and study and show up for class in a fresh enough state to learn anything.

I was able to get a decent.. not great but decent paying job right out of school because I studied something in demand and was willing to relocate a long distance away. Not a reasonable choice for everyone... most of my friends with degrees ended up much worse off. One guy in particular was salaried in the 20k range and working 6 day weeks and 12 hour shifts. He's doing slightly better today, only having managed a job in his field 5 years after college.

I've been told in some of the coastal areas rent for even a cheap apartment can be into the 2k/month range. I don't blame some of these kids, my rent was in the $300-$500 range until I bought a home. I have no idea how you are supposed to make it without parental support in some of these places.
 
The first time I went back home after I started my first semester of college (half the country away), I realized, "No way, no way can I ever live at home again." I think I'd have rather lived under a bridge than go back - my folks and I always got along, but it was a pride and independence thing. Yeah, I did stay there summers until I graduated and moved out for good. My folks would have let me, but *I* wouldn't have let me, move back.
 
Matthew said:
The first time I went back home after I started my first semester of college (half the country away), I realized, "No way, no way can I ever live at home again." I think I'd have rather lived under a bridge than go back - my folks and I always got along, but it was a pride and independence thing. Yeah, I did stay there summers until I graduated and moved out for good. My folks would have let me, but *I* wouldn't have let me, move back.
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I found my mom and I got along much better after I moved out and only came to visit for weekends. Basically, we generally do alright so long as our exposure to eachother is limited.
 
Ted DuPuis said:
I found my mom and I got along much better after I moved out and only came to visit for weekends. Basically, we generally do alright so long as our exposure to eachother is limited.
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Dynamics change, you aren't a "parent/child" relationship anymore, you are "adult/adult". Possibly, the more time you spend together, the relationship starts to revert back. I dunno.

My folks are 80 now, it's more likely they'll move in with me than the other way around.
 
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In our family, it goes both ways. After my father died, my mother lived independently for a couple of years and then started needing help due her decreased cognitive ability. My daughter and grandson moved into mom's house and provided care for her. When the dementia progressed, my wife and I moved there too ... we had four generations in one home until my mother died.
In the future, should there be some need for my daughter or son or grandson to move in with my wife and me, they will be welcome.
 
It is interesting - for many years, it was custom to move out and get on your own. And we always looked oddly whenever a family from a different cultural background moved into the neighborhood and brought their extended family with them.

Maybe things in this country are changing? Or maybe we're just more aware of it?
 
My parents have told me I'd be welcome back but yeah like others have said that would not be open-ended. I'm in my late 30's.

They gave my brother free reign to a condo they owned for almost a year. He didn't have to pay rent or anything, basically just lived there for free. Now, he still lives there, but is paying rent/mortgage so at least he finally got that right.

I don't want to go back to living at home. If I did hit rock bottom I guess I'd take it over sleeping in an open field or in the street, but I'd want to get out of there as quickly as I could. Not sure what rock bottom would look like for me, but as I'm married with a 7 year old son I can't imagine it would be pretty. I think my wife would have it a bit harder off since she has zero relatives anywhere nearby.
 
Matthew said:
Dynamics change, you aren't a "parent/child" relationship anymore, you are "adult/adult". Possibly, the more time you spend together, the relationship starts to revert back. I dunno.
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Our dynamic has always been closer to adult/adult. She was not a willing parent, but apparently nobody ever explained to her how babies are made. So she put in the minimum and focused it on tasks that would make me useful to her.

That said, my situation isn't comparable to most. My mother is a narcissist (this is not just my supposing, it has been agreed upon by multiple professionals). For her, this means that I can deal with her in small doses where I can have a one-on-one conversation with her (because I'm paying attention to her and only her), but too much time or in a situation where she's not getting 100% of what she wants gets very annoying, very quickly. It goes beyond that, but nothing worth discussing.
 
Dad would take us in in a heartbeat. My family has always been that way. Likewise, I would take him into our house without a second thought. He just turned 80 and his health is starting to turn south...I hope it doesn't get to that point, but anything I could do to make things easier for him. As for my kids, as long as they're productive and contributing they would always be welcome home. My daughter just turned 18 last week and her lease starts next month...she is ready to spread her wings and I am anxious for her to have the opportunity. The bright side is that she needed a guarantor for her lease (me), so if she quits paying rent I get to move in with three college coeds.
 
For the record, I would let you all move in with me.
 
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