Why do people have to suck....

sferguson524

sferguson524

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FormerSocalFlyer
Just needed a place to vent.. I'm at the end of my protracted divorce right now, one in which my ex wife has taken every opportunity to badmouth me to all of our mutual friends. In the interim between separating from my wife, and now, i have met someone else, fallen in love, and decided to get married. Out of my 3 closest friends, all of whom i asked to be in the wedding, one flat out said no (i don't know who you are anymore), one said yes, and agreed to be the best man, but as of now has backed out, and the other has not answered either way, saying that he wants to get to know my fiancee' better. I am sick of people who have been my "friend" for more than 15 years just up and bailing. So, for a wedding with 5 bridesmaids, i have one groomsman. :mad2::mad2::mad2::mad2::mad2::mad2::mad2:
 
sferguson524 said:
Just needed a place to vent.. I'm at the end of my protracted divorce right now, one in which my ex wife has taken every opportunity to badmouth me to all of our mutual friends. In the interim between separating from my wife, and now, i have met someone else, fallen in love, and decided to get married. Out of my 3 closest friends, all of whom i asked to be in the wedding, one flat out said no (i don't know who you are anymore), one said yes, and agreed to be the best man, but as of now has backed out, and the other has not answered either way, saying that he wants to get to know my fiancee' better. I am sick of people who have been my "friend" for more than 15 years just up and bailing. So, for a wedding with 5 bridesmaids, i have one groomsman. :mad2::mad2::mad2::mad2::mad2::mad2::mad2:
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"friends" even bail during life changing illness. I thinks it better off tho. No mistaking them for a friend....
 
He has to get to know her better before he's in the wedding.. Uhh he knows yiu that should be it!! Sorry to hear your wife is poising your friends at least you found a new wife already..
 
Maybe your friends are actually being your friends and trying to tell you something. If they just went along with everything you wanted, then they would be useless friends. Oh well prolly didn't help. Good luck to ya.
 
So she got your friends in the divorce too? I was happy to let some of "our" friends go honestly.

Easy solution, visit the local FBO or bar...you'll find new friends :).
 
Maybe the bridesmaids can pick their dates to be groomsmen?

Sorry, you've experienced this.. Maybe write to the "friends" about your perspective or maybe blow them off? People do change over the years... I don't have the same friends I had 15 yrs ago except for a couple.

What's with the sand in the vagina thing? Wouldn't open, sounds rather um, odd.
 
Life is to short to have FAKE friends. Friends will come and go. Dont sweat the small stuff.

Good Luck.
 
Shoot, you could find 100 people just on this board who would love to stand up with you and your bride-to be.

Especially if the bridesmaids are cute! :D
 
OK I'll be the A-hole here. You are at the end of a long protracted divorce, which I take to mean it is either not final or the ink isn't dry yet on the final papers. You are planning a wedding before the old one is completely dissolved, right? If I were your friend I would take you aside and smack the crap out of you!:no::no: WTF are you thinking, you haven't had time to process being single, because you're not, why would you get married AGAIN!!:mad2: We have all seen rebound relationships, some work some don't, but why rush into something?
I am sure your ex is a horrible woman and is spreading lies about you and your infidelity, which probably aren't true, BUT now you are marrying someone you "recently met". What do you think your friends think now?
All that being said, good luck with the new relationship, I hope she likes airplanes! :D
 
Some folks feel a need to choose sides in a divorce, then realize doing so cuts them off from the other partner.

They often regret it but are too proud to apologize, explain and see if you accept the apology, or explanation.

Before long it's been so long, neither wants to bother, so you all lose.
 
N747JB said:
OK I'll be the A-hole here. You are at the end of a long protracted divorce, which I take to mean it is either not final or the ink isn't dry yet on the final papers. You are planning a wedding before the old one is completely dissolved, right? If I were your friend I would take you aside and smack the crap out of you!:no::no: WTF are you thinking, you haven't had time to process being single, because you're not, why would you get married AGAIN!!:mad2: We have all seen rebound relationships, some work some don't, but why rush into something?
I am sure your ex is a horrible woman and is spreading lies about you and your infidelity, which probably aren't true, BUT now you are marrying someone you "recently met". What do you think your friends think now?
All that being said, good luck with the new relationship, I hope she likes airplanes! :D
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A point worth considering, may or may not apply
 
N747JB said:
Yeah, I just thought I'd throw it out there. :D
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No harm in a reality check

Who knows, this maybe the woman he always knew he should have married,

But from this side of the monitor it could also just be fear of loneliness.

OP do it for the right reasons and all will be right!
 
sferguson524 said:
Just needed a place to vent.. I'm at the end of my protracted divorce right now, one in which my ex wife has taken every opportunity to badmouth me to all of our mutual friends. In the interim between separating from my wife, and now, i have met someone else, fallen in love, and decided to get married. Out of my 3 closest friends, all of whom i asked to be in the wedding, one flat out said no (i don't know who you are anymore), one said yes, and agreed to be the best man, but as of now has backed out, and the other has not answered either way, saying that he wants to get to know my fiancee' better. I am sick of people who have been my "friend" for more than 15 years just up and bailing. So, for a wedding with 5 bridesmaids, i have one groomsman. :mad2::mad2::mad2::mad2::mad2::mad2::mad2:
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Friends would not put friends in this position. You got married once with all the pomp and circumstance, you don't get a do over. Fly to Vegas, Hawaii, where ever and get hitched. You don't need a best man now.
 
Geico266 said:
Friends would not put friends in this position. You got married once with all the pomp and circumstance, you don't get a do over. Fly to Vegas, Hawaii, where ever and get hitched. You don't need a best man now.
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Meh, I stand by my friends and would be happy to be in the wedding, even if I thought it was a mistake.

I don't keep the fact that I think it is a mistake a secret either though.
 
N747JB said:
OK I'll be the A-hole here. You are at the end of a long protracted divorce, which I take to mean it is either not final or the ink isn't dry yet on the final papers. You are planning a wedding before the old one is completely dissolved, right? If I were your friend I would take you aside and smack the crap out of you!:no::no: WTF are you thinking, you haven't had time to process being single, because you're not, why would you get married AGAIN!!:mad2: We have all seen rebound relationships, some work some don't, but why rush into something?
I am sure your ex is a horrible woman and is spreading lies about you and your infidelity, which probably aren't true, BUT now you are marrying someone you "recently met". What do you think your friends think now?
All that being said, good luck with the new relationship, I hope she likes airplanes! :D
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:yes:

After a divorce you need 5 relation ships with other women, and a 5 year "cooling off period" . Geez what's the hurry? You seem to trying to be replacing a bad relationship with another.

Yes, I am an expert. I taught "Living Through Divorce" classes after my divorce. Remained single for 10 years.
 
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Skylane81E said:
Meh, I stand by my friends and would be happy to be in the wedding, even if I thought it was a mistake.
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My definition of a friend is not even close to yours. :no:

Seriously? You would stand at the alter and support a friend knowing he is going into a bad marriage days after divorcing his first wife?

:mad2:

There are reasons his FRIENDS have declined. ;)
 
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flyingmoose said:
Maybe your friends are actually being your friends and trying to tell you something. If they just went along with everything you wanted, then they would be useless friends. Oh well prolly didn't help. Good luck to ya.
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I think you nailed it. :yes:
 
There are those that call a second marrige " The Triump of Hope over Experience"

In all seriousness its hard to comment when we don't know why the "friends" are backing out or saying no. The failure to respond is just rude.
 
Geico266 said:
:yes:

After a divorce you need 5 relation ships with other women, and a 5 year "cooling off period" . Geez what's the hurry? You seem to trying to be replacing a bad relationship with another.

Yes, I am an expert. I taught "Living Through Divorce" classes after my divorce. Remained single for 10 years.
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I should have not gotten married in the first place and just built an RV.
 
Geico266 said:
My definition of a friend is not even close to yours. :no:

Seriously? You would stand at the alter and support a friend knowing he is going into a bad marriage days after divorcing his first wife?

:mad2:

There are reasons his FRIENDS have declined. ;)
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My friends are their own individuals and entitled to make mistakes. I will tell them if I think they are making one, but won't run off and pout if they don't take my advice.
 
sferguson524 said:
I should have not gotten married in the first place and just built an RV.
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Thats what my coworker says, including spending $200K in school loans ending up working a near dead end job supporting a wife, kid, mortgage...
 
Don't get me started on my friends and flying.. Not one has flown with me in the 10 years i've had my cert. They all say those little planes are too dangerous.. My fiancee' on the other hand loves loading the plane up and going. I even gave her kids their very first airplane ride
 
I wish you the best. The advice to try to cool it for a few years is something that I would consider although you aren't asking for that opinion. Taking on a new wife and kids will be a challenge.
 
I know Geico's got some good advice in his post, but I have a counter-to-that thought...

Dump people out of your life who aren't supportive. It's not their decision as to whether you remarry, or even if you're acting like a moron.

REAL friends would walk up and SAY IT and then still stand with you in the wedding if you decided afterward to press on.

Anyone who can't be bothered to walk up to me and SAY SOMETHING if they disagree with me, knowing that I loathe political correctness anyway, will find themselves not in my core group of friends. FRIENDS call up and say, "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, MAN?"

And if you don't already have that type... now's a good time to dump those pansies playing their passive-aggressive games of not being in the wedding, and find some who'll just speak up if they think you're being a dip****. :)
 
denverpilot said:
I know Geico's got some good advice in his post, but I have a counter-to-that thought...

Dump people out of your life who aren't supportive. It's not their decision as to whether you remarry, or even if you're acting like a moron.

REAL friends would walk up and SAY IT and then still stand with you in the wedding if you decided afterward to press on.

Anyone who can't be bothered to walk up to me and SAY SOMETHING if they disagree with me, knowing that I loathe political correctness anyway, will find themselves not in my core group of friends. FRIENDS call up and say, "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, MAN?"

And if you don't already have that type... now's a good time to dump those pansies playing their passive-aggressive games of not being in the wedding, and find some who'll just speak up if they think you're being a dip****. :)
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A wise post. :yes:

**********

Now we find out you are marring a woman with kids!!!! And you call them "her kids" ? When you get married they are your kids!

Your fiancee has 5 bridesmaids? :eek: How many did she have for her first wedding? :eek:

Your friends are trying to tell you something!!!!!

Seriously, we need to talk. :yes:

Please tell me you have not put a deposit down on a tux. :nono:
 
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One of the heroes in my life -- ex-fighter pilot, test pilot, aeronautical engineer -- told me something many years ago that has always stuck with me: "Jim, people are no damn good." :yes:
 
Consider that perhaps your 'friends' are wimps who would like to support you but fear the wrath of their women who are probably on your ex's side.
 
I have to say, all the people advising you to "cool off" and give yourself some time before another relationship are correct, HOWEVER, I think some are not considering what a long, protracted divorce might entail.

My divorce was finalized just a few months ago, but I hadn't seen my ex in almost 2 years.

Perhaps I missed it, but maybe it's been a while for Steve and he's had plenty of time before diving into this new relationship... every situation is different.
 
Why the hell would you get married again? Don't you realize you can bang any chick you want now?
 
The only good advice I can give is to pray about it.

I wish you the best.
 
Neither of the three are friends, frankly. A real friend would tell you that they think you're making a mistake and they would be willing to support you if you still wanted them in your wedding. That way, the choice is yours. Friends would trust YOU to decide if you want them present after knowing how they feel. NO FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER HAS THE RIGHT TO FORBID THE ACTIONS OF AN ADULT. That's pure, self righteous BS, and furthermore, IT'S A WEDDING. You're not asking your "friends" to invest in a dodgy company or partner in a major purchase...."Show up and celebrate my happiness" Not a lot to ask of a real friend.

As far as the seemingly "rush to the alter", it would be a good idea to take inventory and to be completely honest with yourself. Make certain you're not being pressured to get this done by some subconscious timeline, trying to beat the ex back to matrimony to rub it in her face or trying to "atone" for guilt you feel from your previous marriage with the second. There could be a myriad of reasons in your self conscious and I'd dig them all up before you take the leap. If it's any reason other than you're in love and you've properly vetted the new bride, it's doomed. And even if it's doomed and you're divorced six months from now, it's your mistake to make.

Life is filled with blessings and lessons and the good news is, you are enriched by both.
 
SkyHog said:
Why the hell would you get married again? Don't you realize you can bang any chick you want now?
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He could when he was married too... But that doesn't mean that attitude is right then or now... Are you serious
 
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