why did you have kids?

Because my wife made that a condition of matrimony. That would have been my forward-looking answer right up until my daughter was born.
Looking backwards, I wished I'd had more faith and started earlier.

There is no way to fully express the parental experience to anyone who hasn't been a parent. It's like trying to explain "Starry Starry Night" to Stevie Wonder, or have Stevie try to explain how his senses work to me.

There's no right or wrong answer here. Some people never have children and have terrifically happy lives. If any of them are YOU, you can leave your airplane to ME when you go and I'll ensure it's appreciated until I pass it onwards myself.

And yes, some people are sucky as parents. But honestly, they generally sucked as being people first. By contrast, I've known folks whose only saving grace in my judgement has been that they've been fiercely committed parents. I may hate their politics/habits/hygeine/behavior but they are doing a good job of taking care of their kids.

Anyway, interesting topic.

Best wishes,
 
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Oh one more comment - on the whole "selfish" topic. I believe that I do everything I do, even the things that people consider to be altruistic - like clearing snow for my neighbors - to be selfish. I do it because it pleases ME to do it. Why it pleases me is a complex thing, and frankly nobody else's business.

Selfish as a word often conjures up negative feelings, implying that to please yourself you must somehow make someone else somewhere unhappy. If you happen to be a jerk, that may be true. But it isn't a universal law.
 
When my daughter was young it was kind of normal for us to put her to bed in her bed and wake up with her in ours. If you like Christmas through the eyes of a 5 year old try having your 3 or 4 year old explain what you missed on David Letterman because you fell asleep with the TV on so she watched it when she crawled into your bed. Funny stuff. The stuff that families are made of.
 
SixPapaCharlie said:
Things are crazy now.
When my daughter was born, she had a bracelet that was electronic and was somehow paired to mom's bracelet and if the bracelet got a certain distance from mom or to a certain location in the hospital, it would disable the elevators and lock certain doors.

Are people really stealing babies from hospitals?
That had to be some expensive technology.
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Yes, they are, and yes it is. That ****'s there because it's cheaper than the liability, and (more importantly) the insurance against that liability.
 
So a goat walks in to a bar followed by its offspring and the bartender asks.....
 
jbarrass said:
. . . and I completely reject the notion that kids these days are fat video obsessed couch-potatoes. At least all the kids I see are way more active and engaged than when I was a kid. (i.e. my kids are playing Hockey nearly 20 hours a week, in addition to the other stuff). I'm in the IT business and the youngsters I hire these days scare me with their brains. They are really smart, and when I let them out of their boxes they are off doing crazy active stuff....

But back to the OPs question. I don't know, just kind of sounded good at the time.
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Agreed. There are plenty of examples of lazy children. Video games are an easy thing to chastise as a source of that laziness, but there were plenty of lazy children from earlier eras. Children are almost entirely reflections of their parents. I grew up having a Nintendo game system, and we'd play for hours during a sleepover as a kid. However, I spent most of my time playing sports, playing outdoors, or helping my father build/fix/maintain things. I was pushed to excel in school, and did so with relatively little effort. I had many peers who had parents with lesser amounts of involvement, and their success level as an adult tended to mirror that lack of parental involvement.

I always knew I'd have children of my own one day, but have had nothing to do with them up until my nephew was born. He was the first baby I ever held, and I have no problems looking after him or having him drag me around the yard. Enjoying life is just as easy with children as it is without them.

Ex: The joy of a snow skiing vacation with just adults is usually in the skiing itself. The joy of snow skiing with children gets split between the skiing itself, and watching a child struggle to learn the skills. By the end of the trip, the children are following you down the intermediate trails and asking to go down the black diamond trails. It's all about the places you allow yourself to seek joy.
 
Jay Honeck said:
Agree, to a point.

However, I do worry that, as a species, we are witnessing something that has never happened before. Within the last 40 years, all over the world, the most highly educated women in human history have simultaneously decided to stop having babies.

This isn't just true in a few places. This is true EVERYWHERE. Russia. Britain. France. Germany. Australia. The U.S.. Canada. Look at the birthrates of the most successful women the world has yet created, and you will see that it is insufficient to maintain itself.

In a very strange, rather disturbing way, we are witnessing a mass extinction of the world's most intelligent women. This seems like an evolutionary dead end.
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Are you freakin' nuts?!! We as a species is at 7 billion and counting. Like the famous "debt clock"? Here, check this one out-

World Population Clock

Our species is in zero danger of extinction from negative population growth. Intelligence and education are not the same. When you say the world's most intelligent women, what you really mean is the world's most educated women. There are intelligent girls being born all over the world right now.

The only thing that threatens our species is our own natural tendency to kill one another and the fact that we now have runaway population growth. They say the planet can only support 9 billion people. We will very soon find out if that is true or not.
 
I had 2 kids. Just want to replace the wife and myself.

If you look at a family like the Duggers, and do the math, they are only about 4 generations from populating an entire city if most of the kids do the same.
 
Y'all ever watch the movie Idiocracy? Silly movie. Scary concept.
 
...was just looking at this picture, which lives on my credenza here at work. Makes me smile (he's in college, now). Always thought he had that look like, "I know stuff, stuff I am not gonna tell you until I am good and ready..."

And he ain't ready, yet. :D
 

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SixPapaCharlie said:
I had 2 kids. Just want to replace the wife and myself.
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Because of mortality before these kids breed themselves you need slightly more than 2 kids per couple. Probably something like 2.1. So every tenth couple needs to have three kids :D I did my part (accidentally).
 
SCCutler said:
...was just looking at this picture, which lives on my credenza here at work. Makes me smile (he's in college, now). Always thought he had that look like, "I know stuff, stuff I am not gonna tell you until I am good and ready..."

And he ain't ready, yet. :D
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That's a great picture :D
 
When my Father passed away and both my daughters overheard the news while I was on the phone, I received a hug from them that was indescribable. The love and trials that go with raising children change you in ways that you just can't define, let alone describe to a non-parent. It has been a blessing in my life, that's for sure!
 
Having kids ,or not having them is a personal choice. I have two and enjoy them ,now that they're adults. It was a choice ,that my wife and I made after looking at all the options. Wouldn't change for anything,but kids are not for everyone.
 
In reading the responses here it seems like everyone who has had kids is glad they did while everyone who chose "no" is happy with their decision. So much satisfaction! I can't recall ever having read a thread like this. :goofy:

Good thing she didn't ask the question about something like... marriage. :D
 
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frfly172 said:
Having kids ,or not having them is a personal choice. I have two and enjoy them ,now that they're adults. It was a choice ,that my wife and I made after looking at all the options. Wouldn't change for anything,but kids are not for everyone.
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True and some people who don't want kids would make terrible parents so I'm always greatful they made the right choice. :yes: And there is nothing wrong with that choice either.
 
here's one of mine playing a video game.

below that, one of the same daughter at a younger age, when she started her A&P training. She mastered the most important skill first.

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saracelica said:
Seriously why did you have kids?

I don't have any and never wanted to be a parent. Sucked at babysitting. I watch america funny videos and all those baby things are disgusting! I don't think booger bubbles is funny, baby saying they are popping makes me gag, can't even imagine changing diapers. So its good I don't have kids. Yep I think some are cute but the world is tougher then it was in the 70s. Between the job market and schooling costs. For those that say "I want someone to take care of me in my elder years I'd like to introduce you to a couple who is raising a baby they adopted from a crack head... Who may never now walk.
So why did you have kids.
Flame suit is on.
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Why did your parents have kids?
 
SixPapaCharlie said:
There is nothing anyone could explain to a non-parent that would really make it make sense or bring you to understand what it is to have kids.
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This right here! No need for any further explanation!


Without a single doubt in my mind being a father for me is the ABOSLUTE
BEST job on the planet. Scary and frustrating as hell but I can honestly say that I would give my last breath for my daughter.

I recall when I was young married and without kids the time my wife and I refer to as being single :) a much older gray haired attorney in my firm told me that I would not know true love until I had a child. I think he was right.

That said my sister and Brother in Law don't have kids but I think my sister would want some they just got married in their 40s. My wife's sister and her husband don't have kids and that's their choice not better or worse just a different choice. I do get angry when folks ask them when they are having kids. NUNYA!
 
geneseib said:
Why did your parents have kids?
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I'll have to ask. They must have had a good reason because they did it three times.

We did it once. I still don't know what I was thinking...
 
Kids are great... they are fun, they change your character. They expand your horizons, they are the future. I want them to have more opportunity than I had, to be able to make good choices, and to love them and find ways to really help them when they don't.
 
geneseib said:
Why did your parents have kids?
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It's that kind of condescending snobbery that causes problems.
When my parents had their kids, the "pill" hadn't been invented yet.

Why didn't YOUR parents have even more kids?
 
My wife and I have been talking about it. She actually loves children and I think she believes having her own will give her life more meaning.

I keep seeing what other couples we know go through- how everything they do either revolves around or is burdened by the kid. I have no idea what to do with children... really young ones especially. They're making some kind of noises, the women seem to be able to hear language... I only hear babbling. They look at me, they drool, they're just weird and creepy and irritating.

On the other hand, I have some interest in teaching an older kid what I know. How to rebuild carburetors, hunt, shoot, drive, etc... Also I don't want to become so elderly that I'm incapable of taking care of myself and having no blood relative who can step in.

But those early stages... and knowing that's gonna be several years... I won't lie it's scaring the **** out of me.
 
cowman said:
I keep seeing what other couples we know go through- how everything they do either revolves around or is burdened by the kid. I have no idea what to do with children... really young ones especially. They're making some kind of noises, the women seem to be able to hear language... I only hear babbling. They look at me, they drool, they're just weird and creepy and irritating.
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You may not believe me, but it's different with your own kid. You understand them. You learn what makes them tick, because you're with them day in/day out. You learn how to comfort them, because you figure it out with practice. You can tell when they are tired just by the look in their eyes. You comprehend the babbling, at least for the most part, because you are with them all the time. I can't decipher other children well, but I knew what mine were trying to say probably 95% of the time.

As for the early part lasting a long time: the first three months feel like an eternity, but these 7 years have flown. Our youngest will be six next month. I can't even believe it. I feel like she should maybe be turning four. Once they start sleeping through the night, everything time really speeds up.

Not trying to convince you, but just letting you know how it's been for me.
 
I'll tell you right now what that babbling means.
It means it's time to rock, paper, scissors the wife to see who changes it
 
Dav8or said:
Are you freakin' nuts?!! We as a species is at 7 billion and counting. Like the famous "debt clock"? Here, check this one out-

World Population Clock

Our species is in zero danger of extinction from negative population growth. Intelligence and education are not the same. When you say the world's most intelligent women, what you really mean is the world's most educated women. There are intelligent girls being born all over the world right now.

The only thing that threatens our species is our own natural tendency to kill one another and the fact that we now have runaway population growth. They say the planet can only support 9 billion people. We will very soon find out if that is true or not.
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So, you don't find it disturbing that the most educated women in world history have decided not to reproduce, all over the world?

The appreciation of the value of education, and the economic success that brings, are often built generation upon generation. Our species is breaking a very important bridge to the future when our highest achievers decide that their lineage and success ends with them.

But whatever. I did my part. :yesnod:
 
cowman said:
My wife and I have been talking about it. She actually loves children and I think she believes having her own will give her life more meaning.

I keep seeing what other couples we know go through- how everything they do either revolves around or is burdened by the kid. I have no idea what to do with children... really young ones especially. They're making some kind of noises, the women seem to be able to hear language... I only hear babbling. They look at me, they drool, they're just weird and creepy and irritating.

On the other hand, I have some interest in teaching an older kid what I know. How to rebuild carburetors, hunt, shoot, drive, etc... Also I don't want to become so elderly that I'm incapable of taking care of myself and having no blood relative who can step in.

But those early stages... and knowing that's gonna be several years... I won't lie it's scaring the **** out of me.
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One of the plans I had when we had kids was that my life couldn't change too much from what we were sans kids. Truth told, of course it changed some, and we had to make accommodations but the world didn't revolve around the kids. We were active with speed boats, and I had a sand buggy, and we went camping, and travelling before kids and we did all that stuff with the kids too.

It's amazing how resilient kids are if you can take a small bag with kid stuff along. I have pictures of my infants on our boat, going camping, riding in a backpack while we hiked in the Sierras, and many other activities. I say don't let kids change your lifestyle, but of course they will change your life perspective. We have lots of memories of great places visited, and great adventures taken with the kids right from a few months old, all the way to college years.

My daughter learned how to paint cars with me starting about 6, my son and I played various music instruments when he was five, and we skied together starting about 6 and 5.

If you aren't ready, don't do it. You'll know if you are ready, some are never ready, and that's fine too.
 
Why?

The expected and never ending joy, interlaced with the expected and never ending challenge, both of which have made us, the parents, better people.
 
N801BH said:
Sure it is......

Just get the "Jeffery Dahlmer" attachment.....


Cooking pot not included....:nonod:
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I believe that attachment is only sold in WY, MT, and WV...
 
N801BH said:
Good luck getting a kid nowadays to quit playing video games and actually go out and work..:mad2::mad2::redface:
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My 10 year old daughter surprised me when I got home from work by having shoveled 6" of new snow off the driveway without being asked. I was one proud daddy. :)
 
cowman said:
I keep seeing what other couples we know go through- how everything they do either revolves around or is burdened by the kid.
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you have it backwards, that's the good part. Kids are never a "burden". And yes you are going to move on to a new group of friends once you have kids, especially school-age kids. That's just part of life, your circle of friends evolves.
 
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