why did you have kids?

[Everskyward]

It's ok that you don't understand. But that is no reason for you to feel sorry for us. I don't understand the primal urge to want to have to put up with kids, but if that's your decision, you deserve what you get. And that can be taken in a good way if that is the way you feel.

I'm with you here. For years when I said I didn't want kids people would tell me I would change my mind when I was older. They don't say that any more!

 

[SixPapaCharlie]

You are right.
I grew up in a large family. Half my siblings have kids. The other half are enjoying life.

This is the mentality the non parents will never get past. I felt the same way before having kids. Keep enjoying life I guess.

 

[Matthew]

Both our kids came into the world in their own way.

Stewartb mentioned his experience when the nurse handed over his daughter - very similar to my first daughter.

There were some complications with our 2nd delivery, so I got to give that daughter a bath minutes afterward while the doc worked on my wife. Everything worked out, and it was nice that the nurse let me do that.

I remember nearly causing a SWAT team panic with my 2nd daughter. My wife was asleep, my daughter was a couple hours old, and I needed to take a walk. I figured, here's my chance to take my daughter for our first walk together. I picked her up and we walked across the hall to look at the other newborns in their cribs in the nursery. One of the nurses just about exploded her head - apparently I needed to keep her in the bassinet or someone would think I was trying to steal a baby.

 

[jhausch]

Nothing against those to have/want (actually a bit thankful).
Nothing against those who don't.

I admit our no-kid reasons are selfish and I am a little ashamed by that, but I'd never assume to know why someone elects to not have kids.

 

[SixPapaCharlie]

Both our kids came into the world in their own way.

Stewartb mentioned his experience when the nurse handed over his daughter - very similar to my first daughter.

There were some complications with our 2nd delivery, so I got to give that daughter a bath minutes afterward while the doc worked on my wife. Everything worked out, and it was nice that the nurse let me do that.

I remember nearly causing a SWAT team panic with my 2nd daughter. My wife was asleep, my daughter was a couple hours old, and I needed to take a walk. I figured, here's my chance to take my daughter for our first walk together. I picked her up and we walked across the hall to look at the other newborns in their cribs in the nursery. One of the nurses just about exploded her head - apparently I needed to keep her in the bassinet or someone would think I was trying to steal a baby.

Things are crazy now.
When my daughter was born, she had a bracelet that was electronic and was somehow paired to mom's bracelet and if the bracelet got a certain distance from mom or to a certain location in the hospital, it would disable the elevators and lock certain doors.

Are people really stealing babies from hospitals?
That had to be some expensive technology.

 

[Norman]

Never had kids and it's a good thing. If my kids pulled just half the stunts I pulled on my dad I'd be looking out from behind bars.

 

[write-stuff]

I admit our no-kid reasons are selfish and I am a little ashamed by that, but I'd never assume to know why someone elects to not have kids.

I've heard that "selfish" logic before, applied to those without kids. I don't buy it. People have kids for selfish reasons. It's programmed into their DNA. If anything, its less selfish NOT to have kids.

 

[JBHusted]

I really, really like having sex with my wife.


Who knew?

I do too (with my wife. . not with *your* wife). . .which is all the more reason for us NOT to have kids!

ETA: I have no doubt that as SOON as that kid pops out, kids are the greatest thing in all of the universe. You love them (or *should*) more than life itself.

 

[JOhnH]

This is the mentality the non parents will never get past. I felt the same way before having kids. Keep enjoying life I guess.

There you go. You think that since we don't think like you, we are wrong. That is just plain obnoxious. I'm 62 years old. I think you have a lot more to learn about life than I do.

Now, Get off my lawn!

 

[narchee]

We had our first kid because my wife wanted it. If it had been up to me we would have continued things the way they were. Then the little bugger came along and I wouldn't give him up for anything in the world. My wife wanted only one and because I had really appreciated my siblings (came from a large family) I then pushed for the second one (funny how the tables turned). Number three was an accident. Whoops! Like the other parents here I wouldn't give them up for anything in the world. Now to address the concerns same may have about the cost, yes it does cost a lot to raise kids properly but I do truly believe that they can inspire you and drive you to achieve more.

 

[Matthew]

Things are crazy now.
When my daughter was born, she had a bracelet that was electronic and was somehow paired to mom's bracelet and if the bracelet got a certain distance from mom or to a certain location in the hospital, it would disable the elevators and lock certain doors.

Are people really stealing babies from hospitals?
That had to be some expensive technology.

Wow - that's pretty extreme. Back in the day, we had 3 matching bracelets - one for mom, one for dad, and one for the kid.

And yes, around that time there was at least one case in KC of someone pretending to be a nurse and stealing a baby.

This happened in KCK in '98 ago, about 7-8 yrs after our kids were born:

http://www.spokesman.com/stories/1998/jan/30/newborn-stolen-from-hospital-couple-arrested-baby/

 

[txflyer]

Kids and ****ing just kind of happen ...

Not in that order...

 

[Stewartb]

Things are crazy now.
When my daughter was born, she had a bracelet that was electronic and was somehow paired to mom's bracelet and if the bracelet got a certain distance from mom or to a certain location in the hospital, it would disable the elevators and lock certain doors.

Are people really stealing babies from hospitals?
That had to be some expensive technology.

Hospital security is something I know about. What you describe is a HUG system. SOP for a post partum ward exit paths. More difficult in NICU but still in play. And when life goes full circle, the older folks get the same thing but it's called Wanderguard for them.

Some of the best ballistic proofing I know is in hospital ERs. It's a strange world.

 

[docmirror]

Of the ones who still have school aged kids..

80+ % are addicted to video games.... And most are fat and lazy... When our generation was growing up we were outside playing all day and when the streetlights came on we went home to do homework...... The kids nowadays never see any sunlight.....

Of the families who have 18+ year olds... I would say 60+% have those kids still living at home... Failure to launch is a proper term.....


Each to his/ her own but I have NO regrets for being childless... YMMV...

Video games are a serious problem but it's the parents fault, not the kids. for my generation it was the boob tube. I still recall whining when my parents would turn off cartoons on Sat at 11am and getting up and heading outside. It's no different with video games. Restriction is the rule. Parents need to be parents.

Neither of my kids were allowed to play video games(at all, I'm the bastard parent from hell). Both completed college with honors, and rarely/never play video games now. Here's an interesting story from college. My son's freshman year he had to stay in the dorm. His roommate stayed on his video game from noon to 2am every day. Finally my son got sick of it, and pulled the plug one night late. There was a 'confrontation', and the next day the roommate was gone. He never graduated, or even completed his first year. My son graduated and is looking at grad school now when he can fit it in with his full time job.

 

[narchee]

Things are crazy now.
When my daughter was born, she had a bracelet that was electronic and was somehow paired to mom's bracelet and if the bracelet got a certain distance from mom or to a certain location in the hospital, it would disable the elevators and lock certain doors.

Are people really stealing babies from hospitals?
That had to be some expensive technology.

Not necessarily stealing this also prevents mixups from happening. I had a neighbor who told me about when she had her first baby and when they brought her baby to her the next day she could see it was not hers. It was quite obvious because the baby they brought her had quite a different skin complexion. They quickly found out that another mother had left with her baby and was already home. It was a simple mixup but quite devastating obviously. This neighbor was older so probably this had happened in the 80s. This story had such an effect on my wife that she refused to have any of our children even leave her side when she had them.

 

[SixPapaCharlie]

There you go. You think that since we don't think like you, we are wrong. That is just plain obnoxious. I'm 62 years old. I think you have a lot more to learn about life than I do.

Now, Get off my lawn!

62? Hold on let me make this easier for you then

I never said you are wrong. Just that there is nothing a parent can say to a non parent to make them understand why they had kids.

I do have a lot to learn. I hope I live to be as old as you are.

But I know one more thing than you do
I have both had kids and I have not had kids.



I don't think anyone is wrong for not having kids.
And yes, I am totally obnoxious. I will take that.

*Sorry about the old joke I don't think 62 is old

And I completely respect your decision to not have kids. I think we have too many people in the world today.





* indicates a lie

 

[Dav8or]

I never wanted kids and am really uncomfortable around babies. When my friends started having kids, they used to get a kick out of handing a baby to me to watch me squirm. Anyhow, my wife always said "I might want children you know." and so when I married her I left it up to her. I told her that I really didn't want them, but if she did we would make it work.

The years went on and eventually it got to that time where you really have to make up your mind and she chose no. She came to the conclusion that you really should want kids (like her brother who was chomping at the bit to have kids in high school) rather than having them because you ought to, or that you should, or some stupid idea that you owe your parents. It should be a choice that you embrace 100%, not an obligation. I agreed.

So no kids and no regrets. Maybe one day I'll really regret it, but so far we're really enjoying life. It is what it is and the population on this planet is out of control anyhow and I am glad I don't have to add the stress of all the things kids today have to go through. My friends with kids have no life of their own at all anymore. It's kid management and scheduling 24/7. Not at all what I remember childhood being.

 

[docmirror]

I do too (with my wife. . not with *your* wife). . .which is all the more reason for us NOT to have kids!

ETA: I have no doubt that as SOON as that kid pops out, kids are the greatest thing in all of the universe. You love them (or *should*) more than life itself.

My wife, your wife - it's all good.

Kids don't slow down sex for more than a few months. After the kid is born, you might be a bit quicker, or have to be more spontaneous but the job gets done. By the time they are 2, you can go back to pretty much how it was before.

Strangely, it's kind of amazing that women have more than one kid. After the first was born, that was pretty harsh on the equipment. But - they do have more than one, so I guess it's worth it for moms too.

 

[Ted]

It's kinda like Harleys.

"If I have to explain, you wouldn't understand."

 

[Matthew]

It's kinda like Harleys.

"If I have to explain, you wouldn't understand."

Yeah, and even now that I have 2 kids I still don't understand.

It just seemed to work out that way. We were married, and had a great time with just the two of us. Then it seemed that a family was the natural next step. Don't know why, it just was.

 

[jbarrass]

No idea, I didn't want any, then I did. Now I got'em and couldn't be happier.

I spent a long time without kids and think it's pretty normal and logical so it seems like rational decision. Logically, to me, it does seem to make sense to wait to have them. I'm pretty libertarian so whatever people want to do works for me.

Having kids is not more or less fun, but it is quite different. I love it, but I was happy before too.

........and I completely reject the notion that kids these days are fat video obsessed couch-potatoes. At least all the kids I see are way more active and engaged than when I was a kid. (i.e. my kids are playing Hockey nearly 20 hours a week, in addition to the other stuff). I'm in the IT business and the youngsters I hire these days scare me with their brains. They are really smart, and when I let them out of their boxes they are off doing crazy active stuff....

But back to the OPs question. I don't know, just kind of sounded good at the time.

 

[weilke]

Are people really stealing babies from hospitals?
That had to be some expensive technology.

Happened at one of the hospitals I trained at. The system used at the time was not very sophisticated, more of a department store loss prevention tag. The kidnapper managed to slip the bracelet off the kids ankle. She had told everyone that she was pregnant, not fat. Took 2 days to find the kid, family gave her up.

 

[Bob Noel]

Seriously why did you have kids?

I don't have any and never wanted to be a parent. Sucked at babysitting. I watch america funny videos and all those baby things are disgusting! I don't think booger bubbles is funny, baby saying they are popping makes me gag, can't even imagine changing diapers. So its good I don't have kids. Yep I think some are cute but the world is tougher then it was in the 70s. Between the job market and schooling costs. For those that say "I want someone to take care of me in my elder years I'd like to introduce you to a couple who is raising a baby they adopted from a crack head... Who may never now walk.
So why did you have kids.
Flame suit is on.

(I admit to not reading the other responses)

I don't have kids. I haven't felt the desire to have kids. I have never felt the desire to hold a baby.

Having said that, there was a strange sensation (connection) when holding my nephew for the first time (he was all of 3 days old). Blood may indeed be thicker than water and all that... My nephew remains the only baby I've ever held.

 

[bnt83]

The only ones that baffle me are parents that want kids so badly they accept the high risk of passing a crippling inherited disease.

Having lived through a lot of medical issues myself, none inherited, I still can't imagine giving life to kids that could end up like me.

 

[Mrs. SixPapaCharlie]

I don't understand why this is seeming like a convincing thread, or why people are taking it as such.

I wanted kids my whole life, though I didn't want them till I was 'older.' B and I got married at 21, but I didn't want kids till I was closer to 30. I wanted to finish grad school, travel, etc. before I had to focus on kids. Our son was born when I was 28; our daughter when I was 30. Best decision ever, and the greatest thing I feel I've ever done. Much more fun and rewarding than I ever anticipated. You have not experienced Christmas until you have seen it through the eyes of your 5-year-old.

That being said, I would never try to talk someone into having kids. If you don't want them, then I think you are better off not having them. They are a total commitment and a lot of work.

To me, the decision to have or to not isn't something anyone should feel they need to justify.

 

[James_Dean]

My very best and absolute worst experiences as a human being have all involved my children.

I've had and done many of the amazing things there are to do in this great world. None of it matters as much to me as sitting with my youngest daughter, reading a book, and watching her eyes as the pieces coalesce in her mind. The kids are my greatest projects and my biggest reward. I can not imagine being happy in my life without the child rearing experience. I would be..... empty. I really don't know if that makes me selfish or selfless.

I certainly respect that not everyone will feel this way and am happy that we have the freedom to make our own choices in this regard. My wife and I were blessed to be able to start young and be financially able to take on the obligation of raising five children. That helps.

Eggman

 

[steingar]

It's kinda like Harleys.

"If I have to explain, you wouldn't understand."

Why is a baby like a Harley? It's loud, slow, leaks lots of fluids, and is the most expensive thing you will ever own.

I didn't particularly want children because I didn't feel like investing the larger part of my worldly treasure into another person who would then ignore me after a decade and a half. My thanks to those who did, though. Someone had to propagate the species.

Besides, any kid of mine would probably turn out just like me. My one regret in life is I didn't have the chance to hug my big sister and apologize to her that her one son turned out just like her bratty kid brother. I must carry a lot of dominant alleles.

 

[docmirror]

I'm prolly gonna derail this thread a bit but I was 30 when my daughter took her first steps. We were on vacation in the woods, and she hopped out of my lap and wobbled about 10 feet to mom. She was 9 months and a few days old. From that point on it was magic.

 

[MAKG1]

Worrying about diapers when having kids is like worrying about what color your socks are when doing acrobatics.

Yeah, there is some truth to that.

You get over the diaper thing in a couple of days. Really. It helps that newborn poo doesn't stink. Six months later, when you start feeding them solids, it does, but by then you have it DOWN.

And then no one will ever be able to gross you out again.

But, honestly, if you don't want kids, don't plan to have them. Nature may not cooperate (it is NOT foolproof -- well there is one way that is, but it's no fun), but there is no obligation to try to help it out.

 

[N801BH]

Why is a baby like a Harley? It's loud, slow, leaks lots of fluids, and is the most expensive thing you will ever own.

I didn't particularly want children because I didn't feel like investing the larger part of my worldly treasure into another person who would then ignore me after a decade and a half. My thanks to those who did, though. Someone had to propagate the species.

Besides, any kid of mine would probably turn out just like me. My one regret in life is I didn't have the chance to hug my big sister and apologize to her that her one son turned out just like her bratty kid brother. I must carry a lot of dominant alleles.

.........

At least with Harley you can sell it to attempt to recover your expenses.... Put a kid on Ebay or Craiglist for sale and all hell breaks out..

 

[MAKG1]

.........

At least with Harley you can sell it to attempt to recover your expenses.... Put a kid on Ebay or Craiglist for sale and all hell breaks out..

Not if it falls over as much as a toddler.

 

[Henning]

They sell for good money.

 

[steingar]

Not if it falls over as much as a toddler.

Put a few chrome gee-gaws on it and nobody'll be the wiser. The bike, not the spawn.

 

[N801BH]

The only ones that baffle me are parents that want kids so badly they accept the high risk of passing a crippling inherited disease.

Having lived through a lot of medical issues myself, none inherited, I still can't imagine giving life to kids that could end up like me.

Agreed....

Usually the most extreme cases are the ones who we see on TV begging for money and help....

Ya know the ones... Mom had a bad heart, her family had a history of a bad heart... The father had medical issues and his family had medical issues...

So, They produce a baby with obscene medical problems.. Kid is a premie, needs a heart and lung transplant right after birth. Yada, yada, yada...

The networks get hold of the story, paints a sob story and the family gets medicaid and other financial aid... They end up getting ALOT of donated money from suckers.... Baby dies after spending a few million on it...

Next thing ya know, the idiot parents are preggers again with ANOTHER medically challanged baby......

This happens way more often then it should too....

 

[Dav8or]

I've heard that "selfish" logic before, applied to those without kids. I don't buy it. People have kids for selfish reasons. It's programmed into their DNA. If anything, its less selfish NOT to have kids.

Agreed. People that plan to have kids do so for selfish reasons. That's OK, I have no problem with it. I do have a problem when people call others that chose not to have children selfish. There might be an argument for selfishness if the human race were headed in a numerical decline and baby production was our salvation, but that is not the case. Just the opposite. The world is becoming over crowded and soon there will be wars for resources. To me, having kids just because you want them in such a situation is far more selfish, but again, I'm OK with it.

 

[Fearless Tower]

Agreed. People that plan to have kids do so for selfish reasons. That's OK, I have no problem with it.

Sounds like you do if you need to label people that choose to have kids as being selfish.

Truth is people have kids and people choose not to have kids for a variety of reasons. There are selfish reasons on both sides, but hardly all.

 

[Jay Honeck]

Agreed. People that plan to have kids do so for selfish reasons. That's OK, I have no problem with it. I do have a problem when people call others that chose not to have children selfish. There might be an argument for selfishness if the human race were headed in a numerical decline and baby production was our salvation, but that is not the case. Just the opposite. The world is becoming over crowded and soon there will be wars for resources. To me, having kids just because you want them in such a situation is far more selfish, but again, I'm OK with it.

Agree, to a point.

However, I do worry that, as a species, we are witnessing something that has never happened before. Within the last 40 years, all over the world, the most highly educated women in human history have simultaneously decided to stop having babies.

This isn't just true in a few places. This is true EVERYWHERE. Russia. Britain. France. Germany. Australia. The U.S.. Canada. Look at the birthrates of the most successful women the world has yet created, and you will see that it is insufficient to maintain itself.

In a very strange, rather disturbing way, we are witnessing a mass extinction of the world's most intelligent women. This seems like an evolutionary dead end.

That said, I can't imagine my life without my kids. In the end, when you're at the end of your life, and you add up the pluses and minuses, there really is nothing else you could have done that was more important than raising your children.

 

[Ghery]

No rational explanation for why you want 'em, or for why you don't just kill 'em as soon as they turn 14 or so, but I love the boy and that's just that.

Oh, there is a rational reason why you don't kill them when they are teenagers - eventually they grow up, get married and give you GRANDCHILDREN!

Wait til you have grand kids. Even better.

Amen to that!

You have not experienced Christmas until you have seen it through the eyes of your 5-year-old.

Wait until you see it through the eyes of your grandchildren. You've got a few years to go, but that's great fun, too.

 

[Henning]

People are selfish regardless. Nearly every decision made is a selfish one, that's why humanity is failing to evolve and will populate itself into a hateful extinction.

 

[N801BH]

People are selfish regardless. Nearly every decision made is a selfish one, that's why humanity is failing to evolve and will populate itself into a hateful extinction.

Truer words were never spoken.....