The key word is THEIR day to be pretentious. Dress how they want and dress their wedding party as well.
Guests where I come from are just that, GUESTS!
I've got no problem with their dream but I'm 62 years old and it will be a cold day in Hell when I let a 20 something tell me how to dress for a formal occasion. I've attended enough of these things to understand how to dress. My 87 year old dad was put off as well as his brothers and sisters, one of whom is the Mother of the Bride.
You've attended enough of your preferred variety, anyway.
Sounds like y'all like drama in that family. Haha. Wow. Oh no, someone was "put off"! Who gives a crap?
Sounds a lot like my wife's side of things. They like to harbor grudges for decades over stupid crap nobody will care about at the funeral. And the funeral will probably create unnecessary drama, too. LOL.
I'll go see family anytime and not give a **** what they are wearing or what they tell me to wear. We've lost enough of them already that I know it doesn't matter in the slightest.
They could be dead tomorrow. Trust me on this one. Either you like them enough to spend time with them, or you don't.
I went to a friend's wedding who asked us to dress to a theme. It was in Vegas at an Elvis chapel and I went as a pimp/gangster. Fake gold chains and rings and all. Big deal. He loved it and we all had a good laugh at the idea of my old ass being a rap gangster. He's still happily married so I guess it stuck. Everyone there was in similar costume. The photos are great.
(The cabanas at the Bellagio are quite a devine way to spend an afternoon by the pool, by the way. Would never have paid to do it myself, but it was fun with the wedding group.)
It's about the people, it ain't about clothes. I went from swim trunks to gangster all in the same day to hang with my friend. He'd happily throw on a cowboy hat and a parka and go stand in a snowball for me if I asked.
If it were family? I'd happily do more than that. Pink tutu? Sure. What time shall we be there?