since I'm sitting here with a production issue at work and just waiting on the vendor to call me back, here's the dildo story that I probably built up too much, but:
in my younger days I played hockey with a bunch of sick, twisted, crazy, insane freakin bastards. I mean none of us were (are) right in the head. two of the guys literally grew up on a farm and were animals......we called them pit bulls. they'd step onto the ice and just attack anything that got in their way. the best bunch of guys in the world. just plain nuts. you always had to be on your guard because at any moment someone was busting your balls or pulling some kind of extreme prank on you.
so every year we'd take a team whitewater rafting/camping trip. made several runs up to Watertown NY, just shy of the Canadian border. then we changed it up and headed south, to the gauley river in west virginia. well basically, west virginia was not prepared for a bunch of hooligans like us. we started out at a breakfast place, I don't know what it was called, but we brought a blowup doll with us, wearing our hockey jersey, into the breakfast place and sat her down at a chair and acted as if nothing was out of the ordinary. just another person, sitting at our table. the place got quiet REAL quick. picture (with faces of the guilty blocked out, except me) to prove it:
so, on to the dildo. wait, that came out wrong......and no I don't have a pic of said dildo. so back at the campsite, a bunch of other crazy sht went down, but fast forward to the last day, we're all packing up, getting ready to head home. well one of the dudes had brought this gigantic double-headed dildo, for what reason no one knew. as I'm packing up my camping gear, this guy, we'll call him 'Richard', thinks he's gonna be slick and while I wasn't looking he slipped the dildo into my rolled up sleeping bag, with the intent of me and whoever else discovering it on my next camping trip. yeah, I'd have some 'splainin to do. well little did Richard know, but one of the other guys saw him do this, and unbeknownst to Richard, he took the dildo OUT of my sleeping bag and put it into HIS foldup camping chair bag. you know the kind:
only this time, that's where long-dong stayed. until the following year when we got a long worded email from Richard telling us the story about how him and his wife went to a BBQ, toting a couple of foldup camping chairs.
now, maybe some of the ladies can chime in here (if any of y'all made it this far), but I simply can't imagine what she was thinking, even with whatever bizarre explanation Richard came up with.
so that's my dildo story. it's one I hope to tell my kids so they can tell their kids. wait, no, that's not true. but I'm happy to pass it on to you sick, twisted, crazy, insane freakin bastards.
