The Guy Code

Sac Arrow

Sac Arrow

Touchdown! Greaser!
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May 11, 2010
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Snorting his way across the USA
//begin rant

Scenario: I'm at the gym at zero dark thirty in the morning. There is a row of cardio machines. Six, to be exact. There is some guy on machine #5. I take my position on machine #3. This leaves the opportunity for girls to take their position on machine #'s 1, 2, 4 and 6, respectively. If you haven't figured it out by now, I'm fairly picky about my location choice at gyms and bars.

The way it typically works out is this - let's say there is a row of twenty empty exercise machines. I will pick one in the middle third of one end. The girls, as they start occupying the machines, will either be attracted by my animal magnetism, or repelled by it. There is no in between. No neutral. Those that are repelled will make a beeline to the machine furthest away from me. Those that aren't will occupy one next to me. The guys, they are playing the same game. They stay out of my space and I stay out of theirs, unless there is an extenuating circumstance like a shortage of machines or a requirement to conversate with a specific individual.

So fast forwarding, guy on #5 leaves. I have all the machines to myself. Some guy comes up and takes machine number FOUR, right next to ME. I try to give him a sublime but clear "dude, seriously" look but the message was apparently not received. THEN, on top of THAT, some other random guy gets on machine number TWO! I'm sandwiched by two MF's! And then, guess who takes machine number ONE?? You guessed it right. A GIRL!! You could have fried an egg on my head.

Dudes. It's like this. I don't know you. We've never talked. We've never exchanged glances. I don't even recognize you as a regular person here and I've been coming to this same gym for ten years. You don't have anything to talk to me about. AND I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU! You ignorant socially challenged cock blockers could have respectively taken ANY OTHER MACHINES and we would ALL BE HAPPIER!

I don't want to talk to guys on the cardio machine. I'm not in to guys. I torture myself mercilessly two hours a day at the gym so I can talk to GIRLS, not to GUYS. And by the way, both of you can stand to put a little more effort into your respective workouts as well. You on the right, ace that dyed brushed back semi mullet haircut. You're too old for that. You aren't fooling anyone. Dude on the left. Either shave your face or trim that semi beard stubble so it looks presentable. You probably have to pay for it too.

//end rant

Anyways, that the violation of the guy code I witnessed this morning.
 
You know what Neil Armstrong used to say...you only have so many heartbeats so why waste them on exercise. BTW...if you want to talk to girls why wouldn't you go to a flower show, an art exhibit or one of those exercise classes where you lay down on a mat. You know what is really funny about those mats... you use them so you don't have to lay on the floor. You know of course where they store the mats, right? On the floor.

Len
 
Sac Arrow said:
//begin rant......


I've been coming to this same gym for ten years. .... I torture myself mercilessly two hours a day at the gym so I can talk to GIRLS,//end rant

Anyways, that the violation of the guy code I witnessed this morning.
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You REALLY might want to rethink your concept of landing a chick..:yesnod::yesnod::D
 
Thank you for not sharing your philosophy on choosing your position in a line of urinals.
 
Change machines, then replace their water with Habenero Sauce. Problem solved.

Yeah, your not gonna meet women at gyms or airports. Maybe get into horseback riding, tennis or needle craft. :D
 
N801BH said:
You REALLY might want to rethink your concept of landing a chick..:yesnod::yesnod::D
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Seriously correct. :yes:

Op, I would not put too much weight on who stands next to you at the gym when there are only 6 machines. BTW, did you realize the men you attracted are gay right? :rofl:
 
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You're still single??

:rofl:

Just some gentle joshing :)

In all seriousness: your "buddies" might be living by an entirely different guy code than yours - something that your analysis failed to consider or at best glossed over :idea::nono:
 
alaskaflyer said:
You're still single??

:rofl:

Just some gentle joshing :)

In all seriousness: your "buddies" might be living by an entirely different guy code than yours - something that your analysis failed to consider or at best glossed over :idea::nono:
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Hard to imagine why he is still single isn't it? :rofl: Can you imagine the importance he puts into the time of day his potential gf calls? :eek: How about the clothes she wears? :yikes:
 
What kind of cardio machine? This is a very important point. I assume its not a treadmill because your story would have ended differently if you looked to one side for any length of time! :) Stationary bike? If so, upright or recumbant. I can understand on an upright bike. But if its a recumbant, you might was well have an apple-tini in one hand and a bag of poor one liners in the other because clearly you're not there to work out. If its a stair climber then thats probably a good choice because girls will think you care about what your butt looks like and therefore have no interest in them. Now, if its one of the those new Jacob's Ladder deals...well those things just wierd.
 
If you're going to the gym, at least go to the Zumba class. I hear there are women there...

Says someone who hasn't been to a gym in 20 years.
 
Everskyward said:
If you're going to the gym, at least go to the Zumba class. I hear there are women there...

Says someone who hasn't been to a gym in 20 years.
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Or yoga...
Or do cardio outside and save the gym membership fee for a burger flight. Scenery can vary a lot more than being stuck in the gym.:dunno:
 
Buy a puppy. Walk it.
 
Len Lanetti said:
You know what is really funny about those mats... you use them so you don't have to lay on the floor. You know of course where they store the mats, right? On the floor.

Len
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Hey Len! Good to see you on here again. Seems like it's been forever! How have you been?
 
Geico266 said:
Seriously correct. :yes:

Op, I would not put too much weight on who stands next to you at the gym when there are only 6 machines. BTW, did you realize the men you attracted are gay right? :rofl:
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Not necessarily. They might be normal, and married, and trying to stay away from trouble...
 
Anthony said:
Buy a puppy. Walk it.
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Can you imagine the quandary he would be in figuring out which dog is a better chick magnet? :rofl:


Go to the grocery store and ask chicks for help picking out foods. Then you can ask them over for dinner. ;)

OP, here is the best opening line ever. A little scam I use to use when I wanted to meet new ladies at the bar. You'll need a "partner in crime" you trust, and one that is not better looking than you. ;) and a clip board. Walk around the bar a few times to check out the prospects. Zero in on the women that have nice looking hair and point to them as if to show your partner. Then walk up to them and ask them if you can ask them a few questions about their hair and what products they use. Tell them you are Revlon field survey some bs. Your partner can now write down info or talk to the other gals. Of course it's lame, that is the point! Women love the "indirect direct approach" and they love to be complemented on their looks, hair, and clothes. They just spent hours getting their look on so tell them they look good. We had so much fun doing this, we actually had women thinking we were with Revlon. Those were the days! Pre aids. ;)

What is the clip board for? Writing down their phone numbers! :mad2:

Sure beats beating yourself up for 2 hours in the gym attracting the wrong sex. ;)

BTW, for years latter the women I "interviewed" would come up to me and ask if I was still with Revlon. :D
 
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What does a gym cost? What if you get lucky and land a date, what will that cost? What does a hooker cost? Why kill yourself, rent. :D

John
 
Anthony said:
Change machines, then replace their water with Habenero Sauce. Problem solved.

Yeah, your not gonna meet women at gyms or airports. Maybe get into horseback riding, tennis or needle craft. :D
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My cousin/roommate used to have this weird desire to go to Pier 1, Took me a while to catch on.
 
I tried the urinal test... and only got 20 out of 60... it said, Good God, you can't possibly be male... it was right.

Never new there would be peeing etiquette but I guess it makes sense. Do you suppose Jane Goodall would understand the subtle social nuances?
 
The best chick magnet I found was my daughter when she was about 6 mo old. My wife took night classes a couple times a week, so I'd take the kid to the mall, push her around in the stroller for a couple hours, and get some pretty good responses.

Borrow a kid for a day or three and go to a park.
 
Matthew said:
The best chick magnet I found was my daughter when she was about 6 mo old. My wife took night classes a couple times a week, so I'd take the kid to the mall, push her around in the stroller for a couple hours, and get some pretty good responses.

Borrow a kid for a day or three and go to a park.
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Dogs are definitely lower maintenance.
 
Ex military, never gave it any thought. The first one I come to usually does it for me. What difference does it make?

John
 
So two guys came up to work out on either side of you??????? Maybe you are attracting that type of attention for a reason. There are quite a few fellas that like other fellas at the gym I go to. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I go when my wife takes her Zumba class. That my friend is when you need to be at the gym!
 
Most women aren't at the gym to pick up guys. The last thing they want is some dude staring at them while they try to exercise.
 
Jeanie said:
I tried the urinal test... and only got 20 out of 60... it said, Good God, you can't possibly be male... it was right.

Never new there would be peeing etiquette but I guess it makes sense. Do you suppose Jane Goodall would understand the subtle social nuances?
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Now you know why we don't travel in groups to the restroom. I got 50 out of 60 (I even got the last one which didn't have a correct answer right, I missed #5 but I think he's wrong there. I picked 1, he claims 4, 4 puts you next to one dude as does 1 but if you go to one your maximum "next to" count is 1 whereas with 4 you could potential have 2, he does say it's a "Nuance that can't be explained" I reject that explanation.
 
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OMG you are the reason I haven't been to the gym in months. Even late at night guys would take the god damned treadmill next to me when all the machines were empty. Gross. I don't go there to have guys choose machines behind / in front of / next to me and then spin around pretending to have reasons to look BEHIND THEM EVERY THIRTY SECONDS while running.
 
Jeanie said:
I tried the urinal test... and only got 20 out of 60... it said, Good God, you can't possibly be male... it was right.

Never new there would be peeing etiquette but I guess it makes sense. Do you suppose Jane Goodall would understand the subtle social nuances?
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AT 35 out of 60, I was judged acceptable, but I thought questions 3 through 6 were BS. I think someone is WAY too worried about things that don't need to be worried about.
 
kimberlyanne546 said:
OMG you are the reason I haven't been to the gym in months. Even late at night guys would take the god damned treadmill next to me when all the machines were empty. Gross. I don't go there to have guys choose machines behind / in front of / next to me and then spin around pretending to have reasons to look BEHIND THEM EVERY THIRTY SECONDS while running.
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Exactly right Kim. Most women go to the gym to work out, most men go to the gym thinking they are going to end up in the Forums of Penthouse mag. :rolleyes:

The OP is proof that most men still just don't get it. :nono:
 
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I realy do not care who is next to the machine I want at the gym. I have my favorite treadmill it is the one under the fan so I stay cool.
I do not want or need to talk to anyone next to me. Most women at my gym either put on headphones or read a magazine. Plus I think my wife would get mad and she is ussaly there with me.
Sorry Kimberly but I will look at women at the gym. I will not keep turn around or look back that is what all the mirrors are for:D
 
Okay look, here's the thing:

1. I don't actually go to the gym to pick up chicks. I go to the gym to maintain weight and physical shape, and I have more ulterior motives to do so than the one I already stated. I do this two hours a day, seven days a week. If I skip one day, I feel really irritatable and restless, and people don't want to be around me. Or maybe I should phrase it they want even less to be around me. I go in the morning because that is when it is uncrowded and I can get a good workout. The actual pickup time is in the evenings. That's when the gym becomes a meat market. I don't need that.

2. If I'm THERE and there happen to be HOT WOMEN there, why wouldn't I want to look at them and perhaps engage them in conversation? I hate wasting good resources. If they aren't then NBFD. If they are there, then high testosterone levels and an overdeveloped sense of primal instinct takes over. Your poor OP lives in pain. Please understand and have compassion for your poor OP.

3. Men are always on point, to varying degrees. In any given social and/or professional situation, we will always, at least subconsciously, assess how best to get with the attractive females that we may encounter, and then intensely visualize what might occur after we got with them. "Oh my god, I feel violated just standing next to him!" Lady, you have no idea.
 
Jf1450 said:
I think the OP needs to get a life.
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I think the OP posts "tongue in cheek". I think the OP is funny as heck.

Maybe some self examination is in order for you? :)
 
Anthony said:
I think the OP posts "tongue in cheek". I think the OP is funny as heck.

Maybe some self examination is in order for you? :)
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Ok all you girls... cover your eyes......:yesnod::yesnod::yesnod:




I agree... then he will have the problem ( handled ) :yesnod::yikes::confused:
 
Anthony said:
I think the OP posts "tongue in cheek". I think the OP is funny as heck.

Maybe some self examination is in order for you? :)
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I was just sitting here thinking that the funniest thing about this thread were the posts taking him seriously and giving him serious answers or criticism. :D
 
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