almost daily temper tantrums, kicking, stomping when asked to do homework, mild aggression toward Ma, lack of focus on work (home and school), excessive procrastination
Damn. All but the mild aggression toward ma sounds like my teenage years. I don't recall any temper tantrums either, but I bet my folks would disagree. To a teen it's just whining. To the adults it could be seen differently. Amusing even.
I was BORED with the garbage my school was teaching after entering public school at an "advanced" course level in every damned class -- after a short time in a hard academics private school in grade school.
Late Jr High I was dumped into the public school system and by high school I was completely "over it". They weren't teaching anything interesting nor offering application of any of it to "real life" which was approaching fast.
I highly recommend trying to find something that will actually challenge him and also have significant life application. Those things WILL keep his attention even if he's ADHD. ADHD people have a "hyper focus" ability on things that interest them.
I can't say whether I'd be "diagnosed" today if I were like that again as a kid, but having read up on ADHD from a layman's viewpoint, I suspect so.
My interests turned into a damn good career and I got really good at it. In troubleshooting scenarios I "intuitively see" root causes before I can *prove* them -- and an early boss disciplined that second behavior into me. "I know you can see what's wrong with it before a lot of other people and you're usually right, but if you show them and *prove* it, you'll win them all over."
Sure glad I ran into him completely by circumstance twenty years ago. He's a similar personality type with more of an analytical streak to him and his mentorship has proven invaluable over the years. He sent me out on some of the hardest troubleshooting assignments the company had back then and I only had to partially throw my hands up on one. I knew it was a power problem but we had to go back with me and another EE and a really expensive lab grade digital oscilloscope to find it on a second trip.
I didn't give a crap about homework in school. I showed up, did my time, aced the tests and annoyed the hell out of teachers who wanted me to step in line and turn in daily papers. I got it the first time they explained it and once I got it, homework was a waste of time for me. I wasn't brilliant, I just fully "got it" when it clicked and found any more time spent on it wasn't useful to my learning style. There's not much leeway from the curriculum for that sort of learner in our public schools. So you must challenge him with other things.
Find him a *difficult to master* *outdoor* hobby. Skiing was mine. Easy to ski. Hard to ski WELL. Tire him out physically on a regular basis. I got good and wore myself out beating the mountain and the terrain.
And model rocketry. And computers. And anything even remotely aviation related -- those things held my full attention. My family still makes fun of the time I rented a video camera with my own money and videotaped every small airport ramp for 100 miles one weekend just because I wanted to. My insistence that they watch my awful video has led to a repetition of my horrible voice over for decades at family gatherings, "It's a nice little airport!" I exclaimed over and over apparently. (Later I learned that voice overs are better done back at the studio with a quality mic and a script or you'd better have thought of something more interesting to say in the live shot than how "nice" the video subject is! Haha.)
School? Just doing time to make everyone happy and bringing home A and B grades just to keep everyone off my butt so I could do the other stuff. And parents who took the other stuff away if I got lazy. I only let that happen once. And I was TICKED.
I also intuitively knew by watching others I was lower middle class and nothing but busting my butt at something was going to work to change that. The school was in a well off neighborhood and I wasn't going to be traipsing off to out of state colleges and becoming the fourth lawyer or doctor in the family tree.
They had connections and cliques and insider info and the fast track to whatever they wanted in life. I was going to have to earn it, and Algebra II homework wasn't going to put any dollars in my pocket, if I already understood that week's concepts. I held a job as a dishwasher for two years of high school and it taught me more about the real world than the school ever did.
College brought me to aviation school eventually where I loved every minute. I just had to bail when I realized I had hit the industry at completely the wrong time and was going to be way too broke for way too long to make it.
Computers took over and here I am today, own a portion of an airplane and not a scrap of debt in my 40s. (That laser focus comes in handy on big goals.)
Find him things to DO until something utterly strikes his fancy and he'll dive into it so headlong you'll wonder what happened. Whether it's "normal" behavior or not, leave that to talking heads on TV and keep him off the drugs unless you really can't find something he goes ape for. Once you find that thing it's the lever to controlling his behavior. Completely.
I still can't thank my family enough for the Christmas at that age when they warned me that if I only have one present that it would be a whopper and everyone had pitched in to get it. That was the year (1984) when they bought my first computer. It took money from both sides of the parental tree (they divorced when I was young) and grandparents on both sides to pull that off in our not so rich family. I wouldn't have the career I have today if it weren't for that Christmas present. Absolutely *having* to know how that thing worked, down to the chip level, kept my interest for years.
You have to find *that thing* in his life.
Ok. I may be a skeptic too about how quickly kids are diagnosed but I think someone made the point to say that you are best to get an ADHD diagnosis from a psychiatrist, not a GP. I make a point to tell my GP when I'm complaining about something that a diagnosis could cost me my PPL so if there is an issue I need to see a specialist or be certain about a diagnosis. I may have gotten lucky but he understands and agrees. It may be worth explaining the ramifications to the doc of a diagnosis and meds. So if he thinks that is still the way to go you need to be 100% and need a specialists agreement.
