Lesson #4 today. It was also the first time I have doubted my abilities and resolve to finish training. Quit would be too strong, but I definitely had a "What am I doing here?" thought appear in my head. I'm only on lesson 4? Wow, what a winner I am!
The syllabus said it was going to be a three hour lesson (2 hr flight, 1 hr Pre/Post Ground), but it turned into five hour lesson. Before my lesson the ASOS was reporting 10-15 knot wind with peak gusts of 22 knots at 270-280 degrees. For reference the airport runways are 18 and 36 so you get an idea of the crosswinds I'm about to experience. A couple of dark looking clouds are west and southwest of the airport as we head northwest to the practice area. My instructor starts me off under foggles with turns to a heading and climbing / descending turns. Just like last time, since I'm having trouble keeping my head outside, I'm very comfortable flying by instruments alone. We have what I would consider some light chop (turbulence) starting and even though I'm under foggles I'm doing OK keeping it under control. I did get a little scolded for "wrestling" the airplane in the chop, I should be letting the airplane "walk" a little bit and not trying to force it to be straight and level. To the south of us a little pop-up thunderstorm builds and begins dumping rain. This storm is east of our home airport.
Next on the agenda was a new stall demonstration: a "turn to final" stall (I think this is called a Cross Control Stall?). My instructor demonstrates it by setting up for Power-Off Stall then putting the airplane in a bank like we were turning to final and raising the nose to a stall. Like the previous lesson, you really had to force the airplane to stall. Recovery was a non-event and it was my turn demonstrate it. Set up for a Power-Off stall, roll left into the bank and start raising the nose. However, I'm not giving enough back pressure with enough duration like I'm scared to let the stall break. To me, it's like the airplane will not stall, but I'm subconciously releasing back pressure to keep it from stalling (I know that now). Finally I put in enough back pressure and just as the stall starts to break the airplane starts to roll more to the left. What I feel as the airplane stalls is a sensation like it's going to roll all the way over and panic as I give a full right aileron input and PUSH (
BAD!) the yoke forward. I hesitate on the throttle also just to put a cherry on the best effort muck up and have to be reminded to firewall it.
I'm rattled. I desperately try to collect myself as I complete the recovery and in comes the adrenaline. As much as I'm trying to focus I just cannot get my feet under me. My instructor is talking but I can't quite make sense of what he's saying so I let him know that I'm rattled and having trouble focusing. He takes over and lets me rest for a minute. We must have skipped the other stalls because there were three others in the syllabus. He asked if I was ready to continue and we went on to a simulated engine out and emergency field selection. He demonstrated the procedures to establish the best glide, pick out a landing spot, run the emergency checklist which includes a engine restart, then the maneuvers you would use to make your landing spot like S-turns and slips. We spend a few minutes climbing back to altitude and he turns the airplane over to me. After a few turns to heading while dealing with more light chop he idles the airplane and says "your engine just quit, what do you do?" I blanked out. I mean, empty empty empty.
Glide. Oh yeah, nose over to 77 knots and trim for best glide. *crickets*
Landing spot? Uh, uh.
What about over here? Uh, uh.
Grounds getting close. What about your checklist? *crickets* I'm in a fog and no matter how hard I try nothing is working in my head.
"
Can you take the airplane, I need a break?" Right here is where I start to doubt my abilities as a pilot. I'd rather taken a punch in the face.
My instructor takes the airplane and we turn north and start climbing back to a safe altitude. I immediately admit that I was in task overload and I think that I'm still rattled from the botched stall. He says "OK, let me fly for a minute and you check on the weather since it looks a lot worse than it should to the south of us." I pull up the weather and confirm it is now a full on thunderstorm almost on top of our airport. He decides to continue on north for a little bit to let me rest and to see if the weather gets a little better. I look out the window and anger is just boiling in me. Of all the time I've spent dreaming of flying, reading about aviation, watching videos and airplanes fly overhead, here I am finally getting to actually do it and I'm questioning if I have the abilities to make it happen. I just rang the bell at Coronado because I got rattled when water got a little deep. Screw anger, now I'm ****ed! I spend the next few minutes trying not to fall on my pocket knife to save my honor. My instructor asks if I think I'm ready to take over again and I think "what the heck, get back on the horse." I take over and he pulls up ForeFlight on his iPad. Weather is really bad at home and we are encountering some moderate chop; it's time to divert. He gives me a heading and tells me an altitude to "stay in the vicinity" of and we start making our way to my first weather diversion.
As we start our descent my confidence is at an all time low and the chop is getting pretty strong, so I ask if he can fly the approach and landing. In my head I'm asking "Are you quitting or are you knowing when to say when?" Is there a difference? I don't know, but at this point all I want is down so I can get my bearings and try to make sense of what's going on. On a positive note I did get my first taste of airport hospitality. KGZS has a pretty unique (to me) approach to 34 because it goes right over a rock quarry. If you overran 16, you'd be in for a long fall. We came in close to closing time, but Mr. Randy Jones kept everything open for us while we waited out the weather. He even opened up the drink machine to get us the coldest ones at the bottom (he had just filled it as he was closing up) and made change for the snack machine because it didn't take dollars. We hung out in the lounge watching TV and occasionally getting weather updates from Mr. Jones. We stayed there about an hour and I admitted to my instructor my anger at myself over what had happened and my doubts about my abilities. There was good conversation that could be summed up as "stop being so hard on yourself."
With weather clearing at home we thank Mr. Jones and I have, from my perspective, one of my best takeoffs. No wondering around on the centerline, I use all the correct rudder and lift the nose so she flies off on her own. We climb and turn towards home. The return trip is smooth and the sun is setting so it's getting darker and the lights are coming on. Night flying on commercial planes has always been my favorite so I'm really enjoying the scenery even though this is not really "night flying" per the FAR/AIM. We enjoy a smoking tailwind and make it home in just 20 minutes. I feel like I'm doing better at keeping my head outside and flying the airplane. I fly the entire way home and feel pretty great about all of it. The pattern and landing still need a lot of work; a little too low in the pattern and I'm way behind on flaps, turns, and throttle changes. I turn final too late again and almost cause us to go missed. My instructor says it's his fault for not reminding me about the tailwind on base. I know he's just try save what's left of my confidence, but I know the real truth. We spend the next 45 minutes discussing the lesson and rehashing some of the discussion earlier about my introspection.
Even as I sit here and type up today's events I'm still mad at myself for what transpired, although I'm starting to feel better about it. I would be lying if I said I didn't sit in my car before leaving the airport and asking myself if being a pilot was something I could achieve. Without a frame of reference it's hard to determine if what I experienced today would be the worst point in my training. If it is, I think the rest would be a cakewalk. I think I may follow through with a friends suggestion: ask my instructor to take me up and only work on stalls until I either get it, or can't stand to do any more. My next lesson is tentatively scheduled for Tuesday afternoon depending on availability (because of work) and weather.
QT Halo mini-review: Today was the first day to fly with my new Quiet Technologies Halo "tubephone" headset. Before today I used a set of Bose X headsets my instructor loaned me. After he saw the QT's in my flight bag he inquired why I wasn't using them. I didn't want them to be a distraction, but he insisted I try them out. So before today's flight I test fit them at home and installed the gray triple flange ear plugs. Compared to the Bose X I think the QT Halo's are quieter. The Bose X's are fairly comfortable, but other than the ear pressure the barely know the Halo's are there. My instructor is still chasing a sideband issue in the airplane, but all other functionality was great. If you're on the fence about trying a set of Halo's you should give them a whirl!