I have 2 of these. The is the first.
Now Roofing company comes over and says yatta yatta, we can do this and we will forgive a portion that would be near or equal to your deductible. It is worded in such a way that it doesn't go against the way the Texas law is written. Lets just say it is a loophole that really saves me 4k out of pocket.
Let me make sure I understand what's going on here. Using example numbers, the insurance company said, "We'll allow a $20,000 job, and your deductible is $4000, so we'll give you a check for $16,000."
Now the contractor says, "We'll give you a $20,000 job but only charge you $16,000 for it." In other words, a huge discount.
But then he backs up and says, "Oh well actually give me another $800," apparently because he found out you're getting settlements for the other items and will come out a little ahead because you're doing some of the work yourself.
Is this about right? If so, that would leave a bit of a bad taste in my mouth. I see where you're coming from. However, by itself doesn't necessarily mean he's unethical. But once he made the deal with you about the roof (if only verbal) he should not have backed off from it, just because he discovered new information. That doesn't generate good will, as you found out because it made you uncomfortable.
In my mind whether it's actually unethical depends on the real value of the job. If you are only getting a $16,000 job but both the contractor and the insurance company are trying to tell you it's a $20,000 job, then that's fishy. But if it's really a $20,000 job, then the contractor is taking a hit in profit for whatever reason, (maybe generate good will and word of mouth business) in which case he shot himself in the foot by backing up and asking for the $800.
I told the insurance company, I will give them back the money I don't spend if it comes in under. I am not out to scam anyone. However, I suddenly don't trust this roofing company. They were referred to me by my father. They did a fantastic job on his roof. So I trust they will do good work but I feel like they are making up numbers and that bothers me a bit.
How long ago did he do your father's roof? If not recent, I'd put less weight on it.
I did my mom's roof a year and a half ago. It was about $6000 for 2600 s.f. shingles two story, steep slopes, and included ridge vent, flashings, valley membranes, and removing a chimney and covering it over. Before giving me a proposal the guy spent an hour crawling over the roof, took pictures and included them in the proposal telling us exactly what he was going to do. He was great to work with, and they cleaned up every single nail and piece of trash when they were done. That was in NC, don't know how that compares.
Personally I'd feel a little bothered by your situation, especially after I got such a thorough proposal from the guy doing my mom's roof, and you say this guy didn't even look at your roof.