Ok. The 2 million dollar question,

ChemGuy

ChemGuy

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ChemGuy
Have you ever had to drop a deuce in a "non standard" lag while in flight?
trash bag, paper bag, flight bag, etc. I know some of you old freight guys have to have some stories.

I plan on loading up on Taco Bell and Varsity (both well know "cleaners") prior to flying to Osh.
 
Depends bro..... No seriously. Depends.
 
I've never reached DEFCON 2 while in flight. However, I do keep emergency supplies in the plane "just in case". Change of clothes, trash bags, wet wipes, etc. So if you ever see me exiting my plane with a trash bag being held at arms length - clear a path! :D
 
Poop thread. Ban him!!!:)
 
No, but I did dive bomb once down to the field and flew the shortest final ever to avoid almost answering the 3 Million Dollar question!
 
No, I've never reached that point yet I still continue to drink coffee and eat bananas before longer legs. I was in a bit of pain after today's 4-hour leg.
 
Back in the 90s I rode a fair amount in the back of a falcon 10. We used to comment about what it would be like to use the mid-ship potty. Then it happened one flight with a well fed Arkansas beef eater....

Around went the shower curtain like thing.
Off went the cussion.
Followed by the dropping of the belt, etc

So while sitting next to this gentleman taking care of business, the stench began to grow...

With masks dawned, the pilot and copilot offered to vent the cabin.


Than GOD I missed that flight....
 
A friend of mine claimed to have dropped one while flying a Piper Chieftain. During winter in Alaska. For you folks out in no winter land, winter dress in Alaska usually consist of 5 layers or more.

He claimed to have unzipped the parka, dropped Carhartt coveralls, trou, long underbritches and silk underbritches, pooh in a sic-sac, not missng a log, using Jep plates and no mess. With the auto pilot on, of course.

Once I was flying in West Virginia with angry bowels. I was not going to make the destination airport. I spotted an abandoned runway, (several closed coal mines that had runways in their hey days), landed with door already open, stopped on the runway, out the door and bombs away. Right there on the runway.
 
Zeldman said:
A friend of mine claimed to have dropped one while flying a Piper Chieftain. During winter in Alaska. For you folks out in no winter land, winter dress in Alaska usually consist of 5 layers or more.

He claimed to have unzipped the parka, dropped Carhartt coveralls, trou, long underbritches and silk underbritches, pooh in a sic-sac, not missng a log, using Jep plates and no mess. With the auto pilot on, of course.

Once I was flying in West Virginia with angry bowels. I was not going to make the destination airport. I spotted an abandoned runway, (several closed coal mines that had runways in their hey days), landed with door already open, stopped on the runway, out the door and bombs away. Right there on the runway.
Click to expand...

dude i lold so hard
 
Some people (usually newbies) like to fly with those flight bags with a bazillion pockets. They are good for one thing: Dropping a deuce in an emergency. I've heard of it being done. You can then zipper it up, and when you get to the destination throw the whole damn thing away and good riddance.
 
Zeldman said:
A friend of mine claimed to have dropped one while flying a Piper Chieftain. During winter in Alaska. For you folks out in no winter land, winter dress in Alaska usually consist of 5 layers or more.

He claimed to have unzipped the parka, dropped Carhartt coveralls, trou, long underbritches and silk underbritches, pooh in a sic-sac, not missng a log, using Jep plates and no mess. With the auto pilot on, of course.

Once I was flying in West Virginia with angry bowels. I was not going to make the destination airport. I spotted an abandoned runway, (several closed coal mines that had runways in their hey days), landed with door already open, stopped on the runway, out the door and bombs away. Right there on the runway.
Click to expand...
We have a winner!
brian] said:
Back in the 90s I rode a fair amount in the back of a falcon 10. We used to comment about what it would be like to use the mid-ship potty. Then it happened one flight with a well fed Arkansas beef eater....

Around went the shower curtain like thing.
Off went the cussion.
Followed by the dropping of the belt, etc

So while sitting next to this gentleman taking care of business, the stench began to grow...

With masks dawned, the pilot and copilot offered to vent the cabin.


Than GOD I missed that flight....
Click to expand...
Doesn't that violate FAR 91.15?
 
ChemGuy said:
Have you ever had to drop a deuce in a "non standard" lag while in flight?
trash bag, paper bag, flight bag, etc. I know some of you old freight guys have to have some stories.

I plan on loading up on Taco Bell and Varsity (both well know "cleaners") prior to flying to Osh.
Click to expand...

This scenario is the very reason we teach "emergency descents" in private training. Sometimes you just need to GET ON THE GROUND RIGHT NOW.
 
Zeldman said:
A friend of mine claimed to have dropped one while flying a Piper Chieftain. During winter in Alaska. For you folks out in no winter land, winter dress in Alaska usually consist of 5 layers or more.

He claimed to have unzipped the parka, dropped Carhartt coveralls, trou, long underbritches and silk underbritches, pooh in a sic-sac, not missng a log, using Jep plates and no mess. With the auto pilot on, of course.

Once I was flying in West Virginia with angry bowels. I was not going to make the destination airport. I spotted an abandoned runway, (several closed coal mines that had runways in their hey days), landed with door already open, stopped on the runway, out the door and bombs away. Right there on the runway.
Click to expand...

That's what I'm talking about. An experience everyone can learn from. Don't wear so many clothes, fly with a bigger bag than a sic sack, etc.
 
I once had to declare a personal emergency at my local home field and ask others to clear the pattern for me to make a straight in . They agreed and when I screeched to a stop at the terminal the attendant was holding the door open and handed me a magazine for reading material as I ran past him. I made a landing that would have made a carrier pilot proud. Made it but just barely !!!LL
 
When ever folks walk quickly into the local fbo, we just point in the right direction...
 
Why am I having visions of a jump plane with one of those "step" thingies on the strut?
 
I just hope there's no "three million dollar" thread.
 
Zeldman said:
[Alaska story snipped] Once I was flying in West Virginia with angry bowels. I was not going to make the destination airport. I spotted an abandoned runway, (several closed coal mines that had runways in their hey days), landed with door already open, stopped on the runway, out the door and bombs away. Right there on the runway.
Click to expand...

Respect the X on closed runways folks. You just never know what's there...

;)
 
Nope. Close once... breakfast didn't agree with me before a dog flight. It was a 4 hour leg, and very unpleasant for the last 3 or so.
 
jsstevens said:
Respect the X on closed runways folks. You just never know what's there...

;)
Click to expand...


What X on the runway? Closed coal mine with an abandoned paved runway, probably 25 feet wide and 3000 feet long. More like a paved rural road without a shoulder. Not a single building or even a road leading to the runway. These places are not on any chart or AFD. No ramp and no paint anywhere on the runway. When the coal mine closed the runway was just left there. I found about a dozen such runways in West Virginia while flying fire patrol. Never know when I would need a good place to land.

Now if it was an operating and charted public airport with a big yellow X on the ends of the numbered runway, that would have been different.
 
I recall there being a very entertaining (and educational at the same time) thread here on PoA a while ago. I even sent it to the wife. She was crying before reaching page 2. Something about dropping emergency #2 in a flight bag full of charts and tools got to her. I made a mistake of asking her if, in the future, she would be nice enough to empty the bag first should she have an emergency. She busted out laughing and couldn't stop for a long time. We now have a great phrase to get us laughing every time: "emergency in a flight bag".

To answer your actual question: no, I have not had the need for #2. But I came close to needing #1 once. I had an empty Gatorade bottle (cuz anything smaller just won't do) and tried to just hold it to see how it would go if I actually decided to do it. It wasn't pretty. Small cockpit, seat in the way, yoke in the way, no A/P, single-pilot night-time VFR. Wasn't a safe option. Instead, I raced back to my home 'drome as fast as I could, ATC was bugging me about descending (but I politely declined, stating that I need all the fwd speed I could get - and I had a nice 15kt tail wind), then I reported "field in sight" about 5 miles out, canceled FF, chopped the power to idle and dove for the field out of 6k. This was the fastest taxi I have done in my life. After pulling up to the tie-downs, I shut down, pulled the brake and darted for the grass.
I have not learned from this episode. I should. I need to figure out a way to be able to use the Gatorade bottle easier. I'll work on it this weekend. :)
 
Durn, Lou! For my normal descents, I leave the throttle forward. If I'm in a hurry, I'll leave the throttle forward and bank 45°, the plane drops like a rock while maintaining cruise airspeed! :cool:

If you're reducing power to descend, you're NOT in a hurry . . . .
 
Flew with a group up to Mackinac. On the way back, one plane peeled off and went to land at Sugar Loaf Resort. When we all landed at Ludington they landed about 15 minutes later. Asked what the problem was. Apparently one of the pilots in the plane had to poo really bad. They stopped on the runway, left the engine running and one guy went off in the tall grass to..ironically...drop a loaf at Sugar Loaf. Said some lady walking her dog nearby saw the whole thing. Once done, he jumped back in and they took off.
 
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