Offensive comment to CFI

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I was having a break-up with the my CFI over a number of mix-ups and general poor communication. The instructor (female) hit me with this as the final parting shot:

(background, I went on night XC with my wife in the backseat. So she was there after the flight when this happened)

The CFI tells me "When you told your wife that I would not cut the apron strings", that was sexist and very offensive.

I was referring to the fact that the CFI was relunctant to let me fly solo, even after I had already solo-ed.

Opinions of "offensive" statement?
 
I read the comment you made exactly as you meant it. Clearly your former CFI does not understand common sayings. A lot of people misconstrue what they don't understand. You can either ask her how she means that and then explain to her what it means or just let her go on her way and move on. I don't see that you have been offensive at all.
 
I would have lightened up the situation with a joke.

How many times do you have to tell a woman with 2 black eyes to change a light bulb?


It better be zero, she's already been told twice.
 
I'm a woman. I do not see that expression as sexist. If anything, you should be offended as she's implying men can't wear aprons.
 
bartmc said:
I would have lightened up the situation with a joke.

How many times do you have to tell a woman with 2 black eyes to change a light bulb?


It better be zero, she's already been told twice.
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Now THAT'S offensive!
 
There is enough sadness in life without flying with moody and insecure flight instructors. You made the right call. She's lame.
 
Be glad you are rid of her.......... hell hath no fury like a woman scorned....
 
Unregistered said:
I was having a break-up with the my CFI over a number of mix-ups and general poor communication. The instructor (female) hit me with this as the final parting shot:

(background, I went on night XC with my wife in the backseat. So she was there after the flight when this happened)

The CFI tells me "When you told your wife that I would not cut the apron strings", that was sexist and very offensive.

I was referring to the fact that the CFI was relunctant to let me fly solo, even after I had already solo-ed.

Opinions of "offensive" statement?
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I bet there is a bunch of the story we are not being told...but you decide where your money goes.
 
I would have upped it one and really made an offensive comment.
 
charris911 said:
I bet there is a bunch of the story we are not being told...but you decide where your money goes.
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That was pretty much acknowledged in his first post with " a number of mix-ups and general poor communication." I've heard that sometimes CFIs and students are just mismatched.
 
How can I do stuff in the kitchen? Even if I were barefoot, I could never be pregnant.
 
Unregistered said:
I was having a break-up with the my CFI over a number of mix-ups and general poor communication. The instructor (female) hit me with this as the final parting shot:

(background, I went on night XC with my wife in the backseat. So she was there after the flight when this happened)

The CFI tells me "When you told your wife that I would not cut the apron strings", that was sexist and very offensive.

I was referring to the fact that the CFI was relunctant to let me fly solo, even after I had already solo-ed.

Opinions of "offensive" statement?
Click to expand...

OK, it is sexist. You know this because it wouldn't make any sense, even comical sense if it had been about a man.

Since it is sexist, it is offensive. But, I'd only call it slightly offensive. There are many worse things you could have said.

The comment probably came as part of your frustration at being at this point in your training and the general poor communication you mentioned in your post. But, you could have said something else that expresses the same impatience and frustration that nearly every pre-solo student begins to feel as they approach their solo.

You are so close to your solo, it is a shame to have the relationship with your CFI falling apart now. But, the fact that you have come here to get some support and back slapping from your buds leads me to believe that you are beyond the point where a simple, "I apologize" would heal things.
 
AuntPeggy said:
OK, it is sexist. You know this because it wouldn't make any sense, even comical sense if it had been about a man.



Since it is sexist, it is offensive. But, I'd only call it slightly offensive. There are many worse things you could have said.



The comment probably came as part of your frustration at being at this point in your training and the general poor communication you mentioned in your post. But, you could have said something else that expresses the same impatience and frustration that nearly every pre-solo student begins to feel as they approach their solo.



You are so close to your solo, it is a shame to have the relationship with your CFI falling apart now. But, the fact that you have come here to get some support and back slapping from your buds leads me to believe that you are beyond the point where a simple, "I apologize" would heal things.
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So, how am I to take this comment? Background for me, the CFI who soloed me was a woman. On the day of solo she looked over at me and said "It's time to cut the umbilical cord".
 
Marauder said:
So, how am I to take this comment? Background for me, the CFI who soloed me was a woman. On the day of solo she looked over at me and said "It's time to cut the umbilical cord".
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Women are not all the same. Neither are men. You don't get along with this particular one so move on.
 
Everskyward said:
Women are not all the same. You don't get along with this particular one so move on.
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Move on? I loved that instructor! Unfortunately not long after she soled me, she was picked up by a regional. She was a great instructor.

My comment was a poor attempt of a joke back to Aunt Peggy, since us guys sometimes are the ones getting harassed. But in my case, I loved the umbilical cord comment. She had a way with words.
 
Marauder said:
Move on? I loved that instructor! Unfortunately not long after she soled me, she was picked up by a regional. She was a great instructor.

My comment was a poor attempt of a joke back to Aunt Peggy, since us guys sometimes are the ones getting harassed. But in my case, I loved the umbilical cord comment. She had a way with words.
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Sorry, I guess I was mistaking you for the OP.
 
AuntPeggy said:
OK, it is sexist. You know this because it wouldn't make any sense, even comical sense if it had been about a man...
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I'm pretty sure that I've heard the phrase "cutting the apron strings" used when only men were involved, without anyone getting confused about what was meant. However, given the history of sexism, I think it's understandable if someone thinks there was sexist intent behind the remark.
 
People look to be offended. There's someone in this thread proving just that.
 
AuntPeggy said:
OK, it is sexist. You know this because it wouldn't make any sense, even comical sense if it had been about a man.

Since it is sexist, it is offensive. But, I'd only call it slightly offensive. There are many worse things you could have said.

The comment probably came as part of your frustration at being at this point in your training and the general poor communication you mentioned in your post. But, you could have said something else that expresses the same impatience and frustration that nearly every pre-solo student begins to feel as they approach their solo.

You are so close to your solo, it is a shame to have the relationship with your CFI falling apart now. But, the fact that you have come here to get some support and back slapping from your buds leads me to believe that you are beyond the point where a simple, "I apologize" would heal things.
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No, it isn't sexist. If one is offended one is overly sensitive.
 
I cannot regard the "apron strings" comment as sexist; everyone knows what it means, and I have never heard it used in a gender-stereotype insulting way. Granted, "never" implies lots of life experience, and I am only 55...
 
It seems pretty mild to me, I'm thinking there was a little more to the conversation.

There's a difference between:

Wife: Why can't you solo again?
OP: That *********** over there won't cut the apron strings.
and
OP: Ahh, no big deal. I just need a little more work and my CFI doesn't want to cut the apron strings until then.
 
Palmpilot said:
I'm pretty sure that I've heard the phrase "cutting the apron strings" used when only men were involved, without anyone getting confused about what was meant. However, given the history of sexism, I think it's understandable if someone thinks there was sexist intent behind the remark.
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I agree with your first statement. With your second, I would have to say that it seems to me that if someone found it sexist it is because they are looking for something to get upset about.


All that being said, as a student pilot, I don't see myself making a statement like this within earshot of my CFI (regardless of gender), but only because I don't want to pizz off someone who has a lot of control over my flying. Not because the statement is sexist, but because it seems disrespectful. Of course, I am only 4 lessons in, so maybe after about 20 more, if I haven't been allowed to solo yet, I'll be griping to mine too. :wink2:
 
Seems to be a lot to do about nothing. Get over it and move on.
 
I did a checkout with a female CFI a few years ago, and I made a quip about how ground "always gets their panties in a bunch" about some bad radio calls we were hearing.

She said "yeah, but no worries - I don't wear panties."

I said "Too bad we're in a Skyhawk and not a Commanche then."

She asked "Why is that?"

I said "Next radio call would be 'Ground, Commando 72 Whiskey ready to taxi' "

She grinned, I blushed, checkout flight completed with no further flirting.
 
SCCutler said:
I cannot regard the "apron strings" comment as sexist; everyone knows what it means, and I have never heard it used in a gender-stereotype insulting way. Granted, "never" implies lots of life experience, and I am only 55...
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Same here. I've used it when referring to me. Maybe I've used it wrong, but I never thought it was a female-only saying.
 
I think the same words can often be used in either an insulting way, or a non-insulting way. The intent of a speaker can be hard enough to correctly infer in spoken speech; in writing it can be far more difficult.
 
How old is the CFI? I am betting very young. We have an entire generation or two of those that attempt to cover up poor performance with clamis of insensitivity, or offensiveness.
 
Palmpilot said:
I think the same words can often be used in either an insulting way, or a non-insulting way. The intent of a speaker can be hard enough to correctly infer in spoken speech; in writing it can be far more difficult.
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There's that whole part in the FOI about the message sent vs. the message received. In reading the first post there was probably a lot of that going on, and not just about perceived sexist comments. Best to move on and not dwell on this.
 
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