Non Sequiturs

SCCutler

SCCutler

Touchdown! Greaser!
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Spike Cutler
From time to time, I come across something that just makes me say, "Hmmm..." - that I like to share, but which (of itself) just does not call for a thread all its own.

So here is the "Non Sequitur" thread for your consideration. I'm gonna kick it off, and I hope you all will have contributions to it as well. It will never equal Dave's Friday Joke Thread, but may be good for some smusement.

Here goes:

---

My father-in-law in Houston loves his computer (although he never saw a malware link we would not click on).

Sometimes, he gets an email he thinks is especially funny, and wants to share it with my wife, Celia (his daughter).

So he prints it out. And he faxes it to her.
 
SCCutler said:
From time to time, I come across something that just makes me say, "Hmmm..." - that I like to share, but which (of itself) just does not call for a thread all its own.

So here is the "Non Sequitur" thread for your consideration. I'm gonna kick it off, and I hope you all will have contributions to it as well. It will never equal Dave's Friday Joke Thread, but may be good for some smusement.

Here goes:

---

My father-in-law in Houston loves his computer (although he never saw a malware link we would not click on).

Sometimes, he gets an email he thinks is especially funny, and wants to share it with my wife, Celia (his daughter).

So he prints it out. And he faxes it to her.
Click to expand...


Oh, dear....

LOL
 
SCCutler said:
Sometimes, he gets an email he thinks is especially funny, and wants to share it with my wife, Celia (his daughter).

So he prints it out. And he faxes it to her.
Click to expand...


OMG. Too funny!
 
Reminds me of a time....

We had just bought a company and I got a call from one of the assistants in that company. Her words: "Mark just sent you an email and asked me to call you and see if you got it. He sent it just this second."

The email read: "Bill, please call me."
 
One of my co-workers recently got a virus alarm on his computer.
He called the helpdesk and she told him to disconnect from the network.
Then she asked for his IP so she could connect to his machine.
 
My buddy works internal computer tech support for a major automotive supplier. We were talking on the phone one day, and he's telling me about the audio problem with his computer. He's telling me how he's uninstalled and reinstalled the drivers. Rolled back to a previous driver, installed the new motherboard patch. Messed with all the audio settings in Windows, enable, diasble, remove, find hardware...
Me: "Hey, are they plugged in?"
"Of course they are plugged in, I haven't touched them..."
"Just check them."
"I'm not stupid, I work in tech support."
"Just check them."
"Okay"
...
...
"Well?"
"Shut up!"
*hangs up*
 
I was having a problem making an outbound VPN connection from a hotel. Have had no problems from other hotels with the same provider and other hotels in the same chain.

Call support:

"Sir, I don't see your computer on the system. Are you running a firewall?"
"Yes, I am."
"well I need you to turn off all firewalls anytime you are in one of our hotels. We provide a firewall so you don't have to."
"So how am I protected from you and other guests"
"Well the firewall protects from outside threats, and I need you to turn it off so we can peer into your computer"
"No thank you. Do you understand about corporate firewall policies or hotels where guests can break into other guest computer?"
"Well, we firewall for you, but we need to access your computer anytime you're in one of our hotels"

I hung up.

I promptly bought an aircard and don't deal with those helpdesk morons any more.
 
My favorite was from my Comcast days:

Customer calls in, with a fuzzy picture. So I'd ask if their TV is on channel 3.

me: Is your TV on channel 3?
Customer: Of course it is, I'm not stupid.
me: Can you double check that for me?
Customer: *Sigh* of course....yep, its on 3.
me: Can you put your TV on channel 5 and see if you get a diagnostic message?
Customer: Ok, its on 5, and there's no message
me: Ok, can you put it back on channel 3?
Customer: Hey - it works now! What did you do?
me: I had you put your TV on channel 3.

:facepalm:

Really, there's no diagnostic on channel 5. Customers were just too stubborn to admit it was their fault.
 
My wife miss placed her cell phone, and so she called the hair salon she had just been to on my cell phone. The lady said I don't see it but if I find it I will call you what is your cell phone number? DuH!
 
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Several times our licensing division has received renewal checks in the mail with a note that say, "If you don't receive this letter, please call me at...":rolleyes:
 
My favorite one was from a list of weird letters the US government gets with the anonymous payments.

"I underpaid my taxes last year and I feel so bad I can't sleep. Enclosed is a check for $10,000, if I still can't sleep I'll send you the rest"
 
I submit: "Paperwork Reduction Act"
 
There was a supermarket (don't remember which chain) in my old neighborhood in Jersey City that had the most bizarre aisle signs (y'know, the ones that list what's in each aisle)... each word was followed by its phonetic version- but notated as you see it in a dictionary (symbols and all)!

I have never been able to figure out what good this was supposed to do, or for whom. The largest new-immigrant group in the area at the time was Indians and Pakistanis, but most of them didn't shop there, and they generally speak and read English quite well.

So... if you speak English, why would you need to learn how to pronounce "carrots" in the supermarket? And if you are learning English, how is the "Webster-ese" going to help you with that?

The dumbest possibility of all was that they were aiming for some air of sophistication or something. which is ridiculous in a supermarket under a bowling alley. :D
 
In a store in Canada - the tabloid display by the checkout - the sign behind the "National Enquirer" said:

"Sorry, National Enquirer sold out"

And below that, the same thing in French.

And


The key pad to open a vehicle gate at work - with Braille on the pad...
 
Another from awhile ago.

Getting ready for a computer traning session at a district office. A local technician was helping setup. He said it we were ready but nothing would power up. Everything pluged in? Sure everything..... So I crawled under the table and found that indeed everything was plugged into the surgestrip including itself. Didn't have the heart to tell him so I fixed it as just said something was loose.
 
Crew Lounge at MMU (in Braille)
 

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My personal favorite (and it's even aviation related) is the ground controller who -- in the presence of a stuck-on microphone that is blocking the frequency -- loudly and repeatedly announces into the clear "Everybody, please check your mikes! One of you has a stuck mike!"

:frown2:
 
chickenfriedsteak said:
That's so blind people don't mistake it for the restroom...
Click to expand...

You get off the airplane and walk into the terminal, need to go potty urgently. You scan up and down the terminal and see the overhead sign that says "RESTROOMS" with an arrow... you hustle down that direction, and see another sign pointing to where the restrooms are.

Now, imagine that same scenario, and you're blind. Just makes one appreciate sight. Can't imagine walking down a hallway, finding every doorway with my cane, then feeling for a wallplate (no standard on where exactly those are, either), trying to find the one that doesn't say "CREW LOUNGE", "JANITORIAL CLOSET", or "ELECTRICAL ROOM".

I think I'd just ask for someone to lead me to the restroom.
 
Overheard at airport:

Posted on: July 30, 2009 7:21 PM, by Greg Laden

"Here," dad to girl, "Get your ID out and have it with your ticket."

"Excuse me, sir," said the TSA officer, pointing to the young female, "She does not need to have her ID out, she's a minor."

Dad: "How do you know she's a minor if you don't look at her ID?"

.... (silence as everyone waits for answer)....

Dad again: "Kind of a hole in the system, isn't it?"

TSA Officer, voice lowered ... "There are a LOT of holes in the system, sir." ... walks away.

Young girl, "Good one, dad. Now tell her our name is LADEN and see what happens!"
Click to expand...

http://scienceblogs.com/gregladen/2009/07/overheard_at_airport.php
 
I love it when I call tech support becaue I can't get an internet connection and while on hold get a recorded message suggesting I e-mail the problem into their web site. (Of course that's after I get through the menu designating #2 if I want to use English).

Best,

Dave
 
Wife's employee hands her a report printed from computer. Said employee just completed the report on said computer. Wife reviews report, says "this is not right, please correct". Employee takes report back to office, returns moments later with corrected printout. . .corrected with whiteout.

Edit - I asked wife if employees screen had whiteout on it, too.
 
jhausch said:
Wife's employee hands her a report printed from computer. Said employee just completed the report on said computer. Wife reviews report, says "this is not right, please correct". Employee takes report back to office, returns moments later with corrected printout. . .corrected with whiteout.

Edit - I asked wife if employees screen had whiteout on it, too.
Click to expand...

Manager brings powerpoint presentation to his VP. VP loves it. 2 days later, VP say it's trash and tells manager to redo. Manager presents the original file as "redone" and VP loves it. :mad2:
 
wsuffa said:
Manager brings powerpoint presentation to his VP. VP loves it. 2 days later, VP say it's trash and tells manager to redo. Manager presents the original file as "redone" and VP loves it. :mad2:
Click to expand...

Joe Walsh did that with Don Henley with at an Eagles recording session. Joe was working on a riff and Henley said, "That's good, Joe but you can do better. Working it while we go out for dinner." Joe told the engineer to kepp replaying the riff real loud like it was live and went and played pool.

Don Henley gets back and says, "Let's hear it." They play the same recording and Henley says, "YOU NAILED IT, JOE!"
 
SCCutler said:
---

My father-in-law in Houston loves his computer (although he never saw a malware link we would not click on).

Sometimes, he gets an email he thinks is especially funny, and wants to share it with my wife, Celia (his daughter).

So he prints it out. And he faxes it to her.
Click to expand...

Not long ago we got an email instructing us to go to a web site to get a form which we were to print out, fill in, sign, and FAX back.

Now I would fax it by scanning it and emailing a properly formatted message to the fax server. :rolleyes2:
 
Okay, I got an application for an ACH setup for Chase Home Finance today. The instructions say that they've enclosed two copies of the (1-page) agreement. You are to fill out and sign both, return one to them, and retain the other.

They printed the application double sided!:loco:
 
gprellwitz said:
Okay, I got an application for an ACH setup for Chase Home Finance today. The instructions say that they've enclosed two copies of the (1-page) agreement. You are to fill out and sign both, return one to them, and retain the other.

They printed the application double sided!:loco:
Click to expand...

LOL. It was good even in paragraph 1, since your "copy" is different than their "copy". To make it double sided?! Priceless.

Rip it down the middle lengthwise and send them one copy.
 
(Chuckle).

Celia was on the verge of sending herself an email to remind herself to send an email to a friend.
 
SCCutler said:
(Chuckle).

Celia was on the verge of sending herself an email to remind herself to send an email to a friend.
Click to expand...

Oh, I do that to myself all the time! I send an email to myself from my work address to my home address to remind me of something I remembered to do at work that can only be done once I get home but which I know I'll forget about again by the time I get home! :yes:
 
People ask if our twins, Heather and David, are identical.
 
Company, in the Standards of Conduct, Internet Use, which everyone must sign and adhere to under penalty of dismissal, states very clearly "DO NOT CLICK ON LINKS IN UNSOLICITED EMAILS." then proceeds to send out emails supposedly sent "companyhr@company.com" which sends you to an outside site. Looking at the header, it's clear that the email originates from yet a third different address, unrelated to either "company" or the aforementioned link.
 
Company has policy: do not carry anything in foreign travel that outwardly identifies you as company employee. Disclose only to trusted business associates in private that you meet with. Keep business cards and ID badges covered and private except when on company property. Be particularly careful at the border.

Company hands out (as management meeting swag) passport holders with company name emblazened on outside.
--------------------------
 
My uncle just opined on Facebook about his frustration with doctors:

You know, doctors can be frustrating. You wait a month for an appointment and then he says 'You should have come and seen me earlier!!!'
 
ATM machines with video displays and braille keys.
Drive up ATM machines that say audio assistance for the visually impaired.
 
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