gkainz
Final Approach
Found a batch of new ones...
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Here then, are the glorious winners:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a
hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something
that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger
again. This time it worked *
And now, the honorable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine
and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company.
The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for
himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was
approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a
blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the
space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20
mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had
escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus
stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the
passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very
excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3
days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds
received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the
lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head
to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and
asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun
and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided.
The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter.
The total amount of cash he got from the drawer - $15. (If someone points
a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd
just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and
run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window.
The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking
him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event
was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her
purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give
them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police
apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store.
The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive
ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded
cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash
register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk
said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
******A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER*****
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a
Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the
scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled
sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal
gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by
mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it
was the best laugh he'd ever had.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here then, are the glorious winners:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a
hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something
that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger
again. This time it worked *
And now, the honorable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine
and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company.
The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for
himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was
approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a
blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the
space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20
mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had
escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus
stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the
passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very
excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3
days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds
received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the
lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head
to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and
asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun
and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided.
The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter.
The total amount of cash he got from the drawer - $15. (If someone points
a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd
just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and
run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window.
The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking
him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event
was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her
purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give
them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police
apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store.
The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive
ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded
cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash
register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk
said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
******A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER*****
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a
Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the
scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled
sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal
gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by
mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it
was the best laugh he'd ever had.
