<NA-Another="rant"> I need a control tower for my body </NA>

SixPapaCharlie

SixPapaCharlie

May the force be with you
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Aug 8, 2013
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Sixer
Do you have a cushion of space in which you want 99.9% of people to require clearance prior to entering?

I am finding (especially in my workplace) more and more people with the following traits:
Unaware of a no fly zone around me.
Not picking up on my light gun signals (aka nonverbal communication).
Unable to Squawk VFR and change frequency (aka recognize termination behaviors).

As you attempt to enter my personal space (Class B), I start backing up subtly. I don't know how you back up subtly. I am moving. Its not subtle. How do you not notice we are having a conversation in a different location than it started and I am now standing with my back to a wall?

Seinfeld called them "Close talkers"
aaron.jpg

As I subtly shift (squirm in my head) They interpret that as some sort of dance whereby they must counter to maintain the same proximity. I, in their shoes would go "maybe I stink" and let them retreat but these coworkers are like "He must be really interested in what I am saying as he is taken aback by it. I will lean in and engage more" and then......... this one developer loves to put his hand on my shoulder when talking to me. I did not clear you into my space and I sure as hell didn't give you the option. Here's a number for you buddy.

Am I freakishly weird about my personal space or is this normal. I am only asking for like a 10 foot ring too. Kidding but maybe half an arm's length. That is normal right?

The other thing which has happened twice today is folks that cannot seem to pick up on the fact that the conversation is over.

Me [walking slowly toward my office] "M ok, thinks I appreciate that info. I will confirm its in the report and get it to you within the hour."

Carl: [following] "So after you get the report, can you show me the database diagram so I can learn the table relationships?"

Me: "Yup, put it on my calendar and I can walk you through it. Just let me get this report done and we can look at the database."

Phone [ringing]

Me: Carl, I need to take this call

Carl: Cool [Stands there watching me talk on the phone]

Carl: Sits in one of my office chairs while I continue the call.

Phone call ends

Me: Carl, I am really busy man, I need to knock these things out.

Carl: I can tell, man they never let you get any peace around here do they. Got any plans for the weekend?

I have rarely encountered folks like this before but my current office has a lot of em.
Naturally I start thinking I am a dick or some sort of freak. I don't want to have to say to someone "Hey, you're kinda in my personal space, I really don't like being touched, could you please leave, etc. I have never had to before. Human encounters have a natural cadence that both parties should instinctively pick up on and understand phases in and out and also whose space is whose.

Anytime I think 5 people are weird, I know I am likely the weird one but I really don't think so in this case.

You guys have personal bubbles? Everyone does right?


personalspace.jpg
 
This rant started out like it had legs and was going somewhere. Unfortunately the somewhere sideswiped Seinfeld then crashed in a boring description of a budding inappropriate office relationship with Carl. After crashing, it didn't even burn merely fizzling out and asking for affirmation and description of bubbles. Two out of ten and that is generous.
 
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Clark1961 said:
This rant started out like it had legs and was going somewhere. Unfortunately the somewhere sideswiped Sienfeld then crashed in a boring description of a budding inappropriate office relationship with Carl. After crashing, it didn't even burn merely fizzling out and asking for affirmation and description of bubbles. Two out of ten and that is generous.
Click to expand...

It was the best I could do. I'm really tired.
 
this one time, in college, this chick came RIGHT up to me, like IN MY FACE up to me and was like "HimynameisBethandIsawyoufromacrosstheroomandwantedtocomesayHIsoHiwouldyouliketostudytogethercausethatwouldbereallygreatOKthanksbye". and I was all like 'out of my space, freak' and she was all like in my space. I ended up dating her for like a year. so that was weird. but yeah, I'm with ya. stay outta my space. also this one time I dated this chick who had restricted air space, we'll call it Class Exit Only and I kept requesting access and kept getting denied and so that never happened.
 
I used to work with close talker. Worst part was when he'd cozy up when I was sitting down. Dude, no.
 
"Class B" = "Class Bryan?" :p

You would hate Asia. There is NO concept of personal space. Sit down on a bench? Someone will sit down touching you. Which in southern parts of Asia means that it's hot, humid, sticky and sweaty. The last thing I would want is another hot, sticky, sweaty body part touching mine (or my clothing.)

I stray...

Sometimes you have to be straight with people. "Carl - get the heck out. Really. I mean it." There's a reason why the term "Show them the door" still is relevant. Some people don't take the hint (and if you let it persist, they'll continue to not take the hint and wonder why you're making a stink about it now rather than the first time.) Literally show them the door if that's what it take to leave you alone.
 
Sometimes you just have to cough or sneeze without turning your head or covering your mouth or nose.
 
Strategies to regain your personal space:

1. Less frequent bathing

2. A productive cough followed by “wow, I must be getting the flu”.

3. A timely nose pick. Not a casual pick; we’re talkin’ knuckle deep trophy hunting.

4. A well timed sneeze resulting in a personal space saturating fine mist.

5. A timely expulsion of intestinal gas followed by “whoa boy”.

6. Furious head scratching followed up by “man, head lice are impossible to get rid of”.
 
I am really good at ignoring the four people who wandered into my office needing “things” who can’t plan further than five minutes ahead. It helps I share an office with two other people. “Oh, I thought you were looking for them. Did you open a ticket for this?”

I hate to be “that guy” but we’re a four person IT group. Priorities do matter and we revise them daily as it is. If you honestly can’t get your work done, that’s an outage and I’ll drop everything, but if this is you visiting me to say you want laptops or something in a week, open a ticket. It’ll get done.

Yesterday it was “we re-hired a guy who quit last Friday, are his accounts already destroyed?” Yes.

This morning it was, “Oh he decided he’s coming in today at noon.” Yeah, we already reprovisioned and gave away his laptop. Would you like us to use this other one for your person starting next week, and order another hoping it’ll be here in time?

We haven’t been able to maintain spares for months with your “we hired someone they start tomorrow ... planning skills” ... and even Dell has their limits on shipping overnight once in a while. We’ll let you know if they say they’re out of stock.

Did I mention I’m in the middle of major infrastructure upgrades and even the poor desktop guy is slammed right now? Not to mention I’m supposedly starting a security department with no staff in my “spare time”? LOL.

I’m getting real good at saying, “No, go away.” Especially if they hover.
 
Don't have that problem at my current work place, but this worked for me today: was invited to join a conversation, and I said "ok, but I'm going to stand back a little ways because I just came from the dr and I have strep." So everyone took two more steps back.
 
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I like to stretch my arms out in the general direction of people who get to close.

You can tell them straight up, or you can hit up HR, or you can just live with it.

Tim
 
I think someone needs to identify a device. Something similar to a dog cone, or perhaps a hula hoop like device held in place with supports radially attaching to the belt.

A personal space ring.

With it, you are guaranteed personal space.

The problem with it though is it might be hard to walk through doors and forget shopping at the mall. If you are in to shopping at the mall. I hate shopping at malls. I hate crowds. Another idea - an electronic distance sensor. You can have present distances, each triggering an audible warning that gets louder as the personal space offender moves inward.
 
I will hold my arm out and say keep your distance please.

Fortunately, one of the pills I am taking for my heart gives me super gas, which helps with the distance thing. Sort of like my own controlled airspace....
 
Sac Arrow said:
I think someone needs to identify a device. Something similar to a dog cone, or perhaps a hula hoop like device held in place with supports radially attaching to the belt.

A personal space ring.

With it, you are guaranteed personal space.

The problem with it though is it might be hard to walk through doors and forget shopping at the mall. If you are in to shopping at the mall. I hate shopping at malls. I hate crowds. Another idea - an electronic distance sensor. You can have present distances, each triggering an audible warning that gets louder as the personal space offender moves inward.
Click to expand...

Barbed or razor wire attached to that hoop might work. :popcorn:
 
Zeldman said:
I will hold my arm out and say keep your distance please.

Fortunately, one of the pills I am taking for my heart gives me super gas, which helps with the distance thing. Sort of like my own controlled airspace....
Click to expand...

Like a fog bank. I like that. Yeah that would be good.

 
tenor.gif
 
Sac Arrow said:
I think someone needs to identify a device. Something similar to a dog cone, or perhaps a hula hoop like device held in place with supports radially attaching to the belt.

A personal space ring.

With it, you are guaranteed personal space.
Click to expand...
Shark Tank is in your future!
 
I had a group of contractors that were this way. Over the weekend John and I went shooting and I saved my target with the nice bull's eye shot I had made. I brought it to work and the first time one of the gang walked into my office on that day, I got up and taped it to my door. One said "Nice shot", the next one said "why are you putting it on your door". My response was "that's for the next person that walks in my office uninvited." They all quietly went back to their office and left me in peace for several days.
 
I'm not a close talker, but our future meetings are gonna be a lot more fun from now on......for me. How do you feel about two-arm hugs from big hairy rednecks? How 'bout a friendly pat on the hiney?
 
OkieFlyer said:
I'm not a close talker, but our future meetings are gonna be a lot more fun from now on......for me. How do you feel about two-arm hugs from big hairy rednecks? How 'bout a friendly pat on the hiney?
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I didn’t know you played banjo. :)
 
denverpilot said:
I didn’t know you played banjo. :)
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I don't, but to watch 6PC squirm, yeah I'd go in for the hug and a butt pat. Sometime sacrifices must be made for fun. No touchy people are just such easy targets.

I work with a dude that refuses to shake hands. It's so comical and awkward to watch a person he just met stick his hand out and Greg just clamor and try to explain himself. He seriously feels that shaking a man's hand is gay.
 
OkieFlyer said:
I don't, but to watch 6PC squirm, yeah I'd go in for the hug and a butt pat. Sometime sacrifices must be made for fun. No touchy people are just such easy targets.

I work with a dude that refuses to shake hands. It's so comical and awkward to watch a person he just met stick his hand out and Greg just clamor and try to explain himself. He seriously feels that shaking a man's hand is gay.
Click to expand...

I think his definition of hand and my definition of hand is different.
 
OkieFlyer said:
I work with a dude that refuses to shake hands. It's so comical and awkward to watch a person he just met stick his hand out and Greg just clamor and try to explain himself. He seriously feels that shaking a man's hand is gay.
Click to expand...

All he has to do is say "No homo" as he does it. Jeez.
 
eman1200 said:
this one time, in college, this chick came RIGHT up to me, like IN MY FACE up to me and was like "HimynameisBethandIsawyoufromacrosstheroomandwantedtocomesayHIsoHiwouldyouliketostudytogethercausethatwouldbereallygreatOKthanksbye". and I was all like 'out of my space, freak' and she was all like in my space. I ended up dating her for like a year. so that was weird. but yeah, I'm with ya. stay outta my space. also this one time I dated this chick who had restricted air space, we'll call it Class Exit Only and I kept requesting access and kept getting denied and so that never happened.
Click to expand...
Was this you?

edit: start at 53 seconds
 
OkieFlyer said:
I work with a dude that refuses to shake hands. It's so comical and awkward to watch a person he just met stick his hand out and Greg just clamor and try to explain himself. He seriously feels that shaking a man's hand is gay.
Click to expand...

I’ve met a couple folks over the years who did not want to shake hands during cold & flu season in an effort to minimize disease transfer. That’s completely reasonable, but also unusual. Not too long ago, I injured my right hand and went a couple weeks declining to shake hands (and explaining the reason), but even with the explanation folks didn’t seem to know how to react.
 
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