My Grandpa is not doing so well

SkyHog

SkyHog

Touchdown! Greaser!
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Everything Offends Me
I got word last night that my grandfather is not doing very well. He's expected to pass any time within the next 24-48 hours or so.

He's lived a very long life, made it to 90 years old. He had a heart attack about 9 years ago and fought back and made it. He's got Diabetes and made it. He has Colon cancer and that is what has finally taken its toll.

About 4 years ago (maybe 5), he was told he had 2 years to live. He's a strong, and very good man. This is tough for me.

The good thing is that I got my chance to say goodbye to him back in November (when we were certain he would not last another month), and I took him flying. He's a pilot from way back in the day, who stopped only because he got Diabetes. :(

The story of taking him flying is here: http://www.pilotsofamerica.com/forum/showthread.php?t=25575 . I'd like to think that memory will stay with me forever.

How do you deal with knowing that a loved person in your family is about to die, but you can't leave to be there until after he goes? Sigh.
 
Sorry to hear about this.

>
How do you deal with knowing that a loved person in your family is about to die, but you can't leave to be there until after he goes?
<

I think I've been in that situation about 3 times. I guess all I could hope for is that they knew how I felt about them, and not being there wasn't going to change that.
 
Can't answer that one for ya Nick it surely must be tough. The only thing I can say is if you feel you need to be there then go you will be happy you did. I'm sure the anxiety of waiting for the phone to ring is hard so try to distract yourself.My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

If it helps any I have two vouchers for $25.00 off a US Air flight I can send them to you if you like. not sure if you can use them both for $50 but why not. I know its not much but if it helps its yours.
 
AdamZ said:
If it helps any I have two vouchers for $25.00 off a US Air flight I can send them to you if you like. not sure if you can use them both for $50 but why not. I know its not much but if it helps its yours.
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Thanks Adam. In this case, the estate is actually paying for the entire family's airfare down for the funeral, so I really can't use it.
 
Nick,

Very sorry to hear that. Not much to add except sympathies and hopes for the best.

bill
 
nick, sorry to hear this news. however it sounds like he has had a good life living to 90 and I think there has to be some peace in knowing that your time has come.
 
I think prayers are in order. 90 is pretty good - hope you can be with him and his family at the end.
 
Nick,

I once heard a phrase regarding loss of loved ones that I found to be true. "You don't get over it, you get on with it."

The biggest comfort to me (for older people) has always been that their suffering is over, and that they are in a better place now.

Sending good thoughts your way, and hoping you can find comfort.
 
SkyHog said:
How do you deal with knowing that a loved person in your family is about to die, but you can't leave to be there until after he goes? Sigh.
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So sorry for you and yours, Nick. Your question is a tough one! "Been there - done that," as goes the saying. I saw Dad at night, knowing the end was not far away; but the next night I was in production in "Hello, Dolly!".
They(euphemistically) had the number at the theater. The "call" didn't come.

Oh, but it did. While I was removing my make-up the director came and said the call had come -- while the show was at Intermission. The "word" was held. Talk about a feeling of emptiness? Yeah.

HR
 
What you do is tell your employer you'd rather have it right with your family than with your employer. Make the absence short, and put an endtime on it.

Then leave. It might even command some respect.
 
bbchien said:
What you do is tell your employer you'd rather have it right with your family than with your employer. Make the absence short, and put an endtime on it.

Then leave. It might even command some respect.
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...and if it doesn't..you need to find a new employer anyways.
 
Nick...I am so sorry to hear about your grandpa. I loved reading that thread. Your grandpa sure doesn't look 90. He looks a lot younger. I'm thinking about you and your family.
 
Nick, really sorry to hear about your Grampa. Having gotten that phone call, I know how you feel right now and I'm sorry. If you can't make it home, don't beat yourself up about it, there is only so much you can do. I know it's hard though.
 
I'm sorry to hear your Gandfather isn't doing well. If you want to be there with him, just take some time off and go. It'll be good for you too.
 
It's never easy. You'll be in my thoughts, Nick. If you get to talk to him again let him know that all of your pilot friends said hello.
 
Hang in there Nick. Don't be bashful about leaning on those you love to help you through.
 
FlyNE said:
It's never easy. You'll be in my thoughts, Nick. If you get to talk to him again let him know that all of your pilot friends said hello.
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I did get to talk to him over the phone yesterday afternoon. He understood me, but I couldn't understand what he said back.

My aunt described it and said that he had "smiled," which is good.

I can't go before he dies because I need to be there for the funeral and such. My job has no bereavement leave, so I have to make it all fit within a 4 day block, which I think I can do.
 
SkyHog said:
I can't go before he dies because I need to be there for the funeral and such. My job has no bereavement leave, so I have to make it all fit within a 4 day block, which I think I can do.
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Take it unpaid. If they wont permit that -- screw em. Just my opinion :)
 
SkyHog said:
I can't go before he dies because I need to be there for the funeral and such. My job has no bereavement leave, so I have to make it all fit within a 4 day block, which I think I can do.
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Sorry to hear about your grandfather, Nick. Something that hasn't been mentioned is that you could take your 4-day block now and skip the funeral unless you are an essential part of it. What do they say about funerals being only for the living?
 
Nick, sorry to here about your Grandpa, you and your family are in our though and prayers.

I would try anything to get to see him even if it was for a day.
 
jesse said:
Take it unpaid. If they wont permit that -- screw em. Just my opinion :)
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I'm with Jesse on this one. There are many things that are more important than work, and this is one of them. If they don't respect you for it then you should find a job elsewhere anyway.

Two years ago, a friend of mine was shot and I ended up taking a few days off to go to the funeral. My boss at the time was a real jerk, and tried to make me feel badly about going, like I should be working instead. He would say in a condescending tone "I know, you want to go to your friend's funeral." I finally said "No, I am going. I don't want to go. If you don't like it, fire me." I'm still here today, and he's not.

Weddings are optional, funerals are mandatory. In my grandmother's case, I was there the weekend before she died (literally about two days), and I'm glad I went. The weekend of her funeral was bitterly cold with 7" of snow that had turned to ice with highways closed down, and I was in a 4x2 diesel pickup with a trailer. It took me 7 hours to do a normally 3 hour drive, but I made it and gave the only eulogy.

I'll do my best to make weddings, but I'll do whatever it takes to make a funeral. Sure, the person is dead, but it's out of respect for that person and to support the living.
 
HPNFlyGirl said:
Nick...I am so sorry to hear about your grandpa. I loved reading that thread. Your grandpa sure doesn't look 90. He looks a lot younger. I'm thinking about you and your family.
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Brook is right! Grandpa doesn't look 90. I'm glad you were able to make this memory with him last November. Hang in there, Nick... he smiled when you called, you're good with him. And don't beat yourself up if you can't make it. It is what it is, you've done what you can.
 
bbchien said:
What you do is tell your employer you'd rather have it right with your family than with your employer. Make the absence short, and put an endtime on it.
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+1

True friends and family before employers...always. If they can't understand that, then they're not the kind of people you want to work for anyway regardless of pay scale, benefits or anything else. Just MNSHO.
 
There is no update on my grandfather to this day. Apparently he's fighting all the way until the end, which is either a good thing or a bad thing, depending on how you look at it.

Of course, I want him to be around as long as possible, but not like this :(
 
SkyHog said:
There is no update on my grandfather to this day. Apparently he's fighting all the way until the end, which is either a good thing or a bad thing, depending on how you look at it.
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Nick, sorry about your grandfather. :frown3:
SkyHog said:
Of course, I want him to be around as long as possible, but not like this :(
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That's one of the things we were telling my Dad when he was passing. We knew it was over (pancreatic cancer), and wanted to let him go peacefully with some dignity. We were lucky in that we were down in the Bahamas with a rental plane, and he was in the Ft. Lauderdale area. We were able to get there and be with him at the end. And we didn't worry at all about getting the plane back by the original date, and didn't worry about work. Just be there with my Dad. It's amazing how understanding everyone was.
 
SkyHog said:
There is no update on my grandfather to this day. Apparently he's fighting all the way until the end, which is either a good thing or a bad thing, depending on how you look at it.

Of course, I want him to be around as long as possible, but not like this :(
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Much like my grandmother was. As I said in Barry's thread, I saw her shortly before she died. She looked me in the eye, we smiled at eachother, and I told her it was ok to let go. She passed within 48 hours. The last few years were miserable for us, and I can't imagine how she tolerated it. I would have willed myself to death.

Life is only life so long as one is able to live. Once that's done, it's over.

I'm sorry, Nick. I hope you all find peace soon.
 
SkyHog said:
There is no update on my grandfather to this day. Apparently he's fighting all the way until the end, which is either a good thing or a bad thing, depending on how you look at it.

Of course, I want him to be around as long as possible, but not like this :(
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It's hard to watch the decline...

Prayers are with you.
 
I just received word that my grandfather has passed away. The struggle is over.
 
Sorry, Nick. Our thoughts are with you. Glad you were able to take him flying in November, though! Memories to cherish!
 
Nick, I am really sorry. I remember how it felt when my Mom called me to tell me about my Gramma. You just don't believe it has happened.
 
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