A couple of quick thoughts from someone who has used a home sim for a long time.
FSX out of the box stinks. The planes are crap, the weather is crap, the nav database is ancient...it's terrible. However, with a few add-ons it can be really good. Buy a decent 3rd party airplane that suits your needs, get a good weather program, buy some ground scenery, and an aftermarket GPS simulation, and voila. It takes a lot of time tweaking to get it to work like you want, and if your computer can't handle it, then you're not going to be happy with the choppy mess that ensues.
X-plane 10 is really really good. Default airplanes are equally ugly but the simulation is light years better. Scenery and weather are great out of the box, and the failure simulations is unmatched. They have a downloadable demo...I highly recommend it.
For controls, I've had them all. I typically don't like the yokes because the centering is very sloppy. I have a Thrustmaster T16000 joystick (like 30 bucks I think) that is stiff and has perfect centering. I fly with my left hand just like I do in the airplane, and the realism is about the same as a yoke. Tuning radios is the only thing that is more challenging vs. real-life, so I've ordered a 100 dollar radio panel from amazon...we'll see how that goes.
I happened across this video...it's long but certainly has some of the info you're looking for. Pilotedge also seems like a great way to practice ATC comms, and they offer a two week trail. Worth a look.
http://www.pilotedge.net/workshops/flight-simulation-for-primary-and-instrument-training
Hope this helps.