I've been through two major quakes (1971 and 1989), and a whole bunch of smaller ones.
If it's under 5, you won't notice it unless it's centered under your left butt cheek.
They happen, but they aren't fun. Big quakes happen with no notice and destroy things you depend on. It sucks to try to get over the mountains when all the roads are closed by slides. And of course all the inbound groceries have to come that way, too.
Little quakes are ignored by everyone. You might have felt one and not known it.
You're not missing anything.
I was at Presidio Monterey for the 1989 loma prieta earthquake. It felt pretty real. But for other reasons, I agree with your conclusions about Californians.
Our house in San Jose was about 6 miles from the epicenter of the Loma Prieta quake in 1989. No structural damage, but there wasn't anything left standing in that house. Shelves emptied in the kitchen. Lamps down. I think one saucer survived in our china set. Our son was home alone (12 years old) and when the house quit moving he went out, opened the main breaker in the power panel, grabbed a wrench and turned off the gas and then hopped on his bicycle to go look for his sister. Not a bad performance on his part at all. My wife was taking classes at San Jose State. She ran for the car and headed home. I was at work in Cupertino (Tandem Computers, for those who remember that grand company) and was the first person to check into the club amateur repeater. Within 5 minutes we had a better idea of the situation around the campuses than our security people did. Of course, it didn't hurt that the President of Tandem, Jimmy Treybig, was a ham, too (W6JKV). I didn't get out of there for about an hour.
Now, what did that quake do for me? The aftershocks allowed me to calibrate what it takes to wake me up. Anything less than a 5.0 and I'll sleep right though it.
During the Loma Prieta quake, I was the crew chief on a medivac flight from Visalia to Oakland. We had a patient who was going to Navy regional medical center for open heart surgery.
We were near Crow's Landing when ATC told us about the quake and said that the airspace was restricted to all traffic except EMS and law-enforcement participating in the emergency. We wound up diverting to a hospital in Fresno.
During the Nisqually quake of 2001, I was flying a Citabria 7ECA, near downtown Olympia when Seattle Center's radio frequency went dead silent for about 2 minutes. Soon after, I was handed off to Mcminville for following. That controller never said anything about the quake. But, he did seem unusually chatty, asking what kind of plane we were flying and what we were gonna be doing at Aurora state. When we landed, the line man told us about the quake.
I missed the Nisqually quake in 2001. I was on the east coast when it hit and heard about it from a seatmate on my flight from BWI to DEN (connecting to SEA). I violated rule #1 of financial behavior and swiped my credit card on the on-board phone. Called home. Got the answering machine. From that I figured the house was still standing and we had power. I hung up. When I got to DEN there were news crews at the gate for my connecting flight to SEA with videos running of some of the damage. By shear dumb luck I had a seat on United's first flight into SEA from DEN after they re-started and wasn't delayed a minute getting home.
One other thing that Loma Prieta (and all other other earthquakes in California) did for my wife is that she knows what one sounds like before it hits. When the Nisqually quake hit she had her class (6th graders) under their desks BEFORE the building started to move. In the middle of it one kid asks, "Is this a drill?"
And the other teachers who heard about her having them under their desks so quickly wanted to know her secret. "I know what one sounds like!" was her answer.
Oh, and about the KOLM tower after the quake? My CFI was in the air near KOLM at the time and they asked him to do a low pass down the runway to see if there was any obvious damage. He didn't see any and let them know. And there was a great Klyde Morris cartoon shortly after about the SEA tower (which was shut down due to damage) giving constantly changing numbers for the elevation of the runway and finally just saying to contact the USGS.