Gainful Employment

timwinters

timwinters

Ejection Handle Pulled
Joined
Feb 23, 2008
Messages
13,732
Location
Conway, MO
Display Name
Display name:
LTD
Since I'm getting relatively settled into the new locale, I have sent numerous resumes out to various entities. I need something productive to do to keep me out of the bars donchaknow! ;)

So my doctor and I crafted a cover letter to highlight my skills and health. My doctor signed this letter as being the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth! It summarizes my attributes as follows:
  • Super Strength: strong enough to move entire planets.
  • Flight: have the power of true flight.
  • Super Speed: I can travel faster than light and can traverse great distances through space to other solar systems and distant galaxies and even other universes. I can cross our own solar system in minutes. I can also use this power to travel through time.
  • Invulnerability: I am able to withstand an atomic explosion and even fly through the core of a star. I am immune to non-Kryptonian diseases and all radiation except for that of a red sun or Kryptonite.
  • Vision: In addition to X-ray vision and heat vision, I have telescopic and microscopic vision, including infra-red and ultraviolet light.
  • Hearing: I can hear sound at almost any wavelength and at great distances.
  • Super Breath: My breath is capable of freezing objects and generating hurricane-force winds. I can also hold my breath indefinitely, allowing me to travel underwater or in space without breathing apparatus. And then I have even greater powers when I have beer breath.
  • Mental Powers: I possess genius-level intelligence and an eidetic memory. These enhanced mental capabilities are a direct result of my exposure to a yellow sun. This is also evidenced by my dog, Buddy. While under a yellow sun, Buddy's intelligence is boosted to greater than that of a typical human. I also possessed the mental ability to screen out the enormous amount of information received by my enhanced senses, and to focus on a single detail, such as a particular voice or location. As well, my speed reading abilities are unparalleled. I am able to absorb large amounts of information quickly.
  • Super Ventriloquism: I can throw my voice across great distances. This power is used to confuse enemies or protect my secret identity by tricking others into believing that I am in a different location.
  • Super Hypnotism: This power enables me to hypnotize anyone. I can make people forget incidents or obey my commands. This power is often used to safeguard my identity.
  • Stamina: I can survive indefinitely without food, water, or rest due to the yellow sun's radiation sustaining me.
  • Healing Factor: I can regenerate physical damage to my body at an accelerated rate.
And, just so you know, it's ALL true.

Slackards!
 
We have room for 1 more janitor with those skills.
Apply in person
 
timwinters said:
Since I'm getting relatively settled into the new locale, I have sent numerous resumes out to various entities. I need something productive to do to keep me out of the bars donchaknow! ;)

So my doctor and I crafted a cover letter to highlight my skills and health. My doctor signed this letter as being the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth! It summarizes my attributes as follows:
  • Super Strength: strong enough to move entire planets.
  • Flight: have the power of true flight.
  • Super Speed: I can travel faster than light and can traverse great distances through space to other solar systems and distant galaxies and even other universes. I can cross our own solar system in minutes. I can also use this power to travel through time.
  • Invulnerability: I am able to withstand an atomic explosion and even fly through the core of a star. I am immune to non-Kryptonian diseases and all radiation except for that of a red sun or Kryptonite.
  • Vision: In addition to X-ray vision and heat vision, I have telescopic and microscopic vision, including infra-red and ultraviolet light.
  • Hearing: I can hear sound at almost any wavelength and at great distances.
  • Super Breath: My breath is capable of freezing objects and generating hurricane-force winds. I can also hold my breath indefinitely, allowing me to travel underwater or in space without breathing apparatus. And then I have even greater powers when I have beer breath.
  • Mental Powers: I possess genius-level intelligence and an eidetic memory. These enhanced mental capabilities are a direct result of my exposure to a yellow sun. This is also evidenced by my dog, Buddy. While under a yellow sun, Buddy's intelligence is boosted to greater than that of a typical human. I also possessed the mental ability to screen out the enormous amount of information received by my enhanced senses, and to focus on a single detail, such as a particular voice or location. As well, my speed reading abilities are unparalleled. I am able to absorb large amounts of information quickly.
  • Super Ventriloquism: I can throw my voice across great distances. This power is used to confuse enemies or protect my secret identity by tricking others into believing that I am in a different location.
  • Super Hypnotism: This power enables me to hypnotize anyone. I can make people forget incidents or obey my commands. This power is often used to safeguard my identity.
  • Stamina: I can survive indefinitely without food, water, or rest due to the yellow sun's radiation sustaining me.
  • Healing Factor: I can regenerate physical damage to my body at an accelerated rate.
And, just so you know, it's ALL true.

Slackards!
Click to expand...

So it sounds like you didn't find something productive to do to keep you out of bars and you met a new friend who thinks he's a Doctor.
 
Folks, I have to apologize to you all - Tim's feeling eclipsed by my awesomeness, and his inadequacy manifests by braggardly posts.

He'll get over it...
 
Reminds me of the Larry Niven essay, “Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex”
 
And the OP once lost a bet with Chuck Norris. The decided to fight to see who would win. The bet was that the looser had to wear his underpants on the outside.
 
And the doctor in question got his credentials from where?
 
As Tim and I have actually met for beers, I can say unequivocally that he is extraordinary.
 
I’m pretty sure that X-ray vision thingy is going to require an SI. Contact Dr. Bruce before you go any further.
 
Did you subsequently raid your physician’s office and take your medical records?
 
ding, ding, ding! Give that boy a covfefe and $130k!
 
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