Funniest Passenger Briefing?

I think I posted this before, in another thread.
I was deadheading back from Vietnam in a C-141 to pick up an F-4E. Right in the middle of the usual boring blah blah blah safety stuff, during which we were all trying to get some zzzzzs, the pilot comes out of the cockpit screaming at the top of his lungs "We're all going to die! We're all going to die!". Two steps behind him were the copilot and the flight engineer, equally loud. I have never seen an airplane empty out so fast.
It turns out that halfway through the pre-start check list they found some serious problems and rather than try to explain to 40 odd non-pilots why they all had to get off, they expedited the process.
 
Shepherd said:
I think I posted this before, in another thread.
I was deadheading back from Vietnam in a C-141 to pick up an F-4E. Right in the middle of the usual boring blah blah blah safety stuff, during which we were all trying to get some zzzzzs, the pilot comes out of the cockpit screaming at the top of his lungs "We're all going to die! We're all going to die!". Two steps behind him were the copilot and the flight engineer, equally loud. I have never seen an airplane empty out so fast.
It turns out that halfway through the pre-start check list they found some serious problems and rather than try to explain to 40 odd non-pilots why they all had to get off, they expedited the process.
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Definitely wouldn't fly in todays Air Force but extremely clever nonetheless.
 
TK211X said:
I decided to make my own passenger briefing (PPL - SEL) per whats needed by regulations. However, I would love for it to have humor.

Can you chip in with your own experience/ two cents?
Click to expand...

I don't do anything funny, but my checklist has:

PASSENGER BRIEFING........S.A.F.E.T.Y.

That is to remind me all that I want to brief the passenger on:

S: Seat-belts and Smoking

A: Airsickness, Airsick bags and Air-vents

F: Fire extinguisher location and use

E: Exits

T: Touch nothing (rudders are a special point out); Talking (when and when not to); Traffic (I offer one dollar for any airplane they find before me)

Y: Your questions and Your safety (first aid kit, smoke hoods, life vests, etc.)

I have printed and laminated up a Briefing Card that I sometimes give to passengers to read. This reviews all of the above, in concise detail, and I tell them that is their checklist to review while I am performing mine.

Gene
 
I don't think I've had a pax with me since I left CAP. Just other pilots, and that briefing is real short. Passengers affect your rate of climb, clutter up the cockpit, and make odd noises. They can be useful ballast on gusty days, in a 172, but otherwise, usually not worth the trouble. . .
 
One thing I usually brief: "It can happen that your seat will slide backwards on takeoff. If that happens (it has never happened to me), do NOT grab the yoke. Just go for the ride." Low probability, high impact, risk.

On the commercial side, I remember a United stew (they were called stews back then) with a hilarious briefing. The only bit I remember is "in the event of an unexpected loss of cabin pressure, we will be serving free oxygen ... " The whole thing was like that.

The Air NZ hobbit briefing is pretty good. I flew Iceland Air last week and their video is good, too. I suppose it is on the web somewhere.
 
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