LongRoadBob
Cleared for Takeoff
I don't know if "freak out" is the right term to use, but I can think of three things:
1. I struggled with motion sickness BIG TIME as a student pilot. That's more about your body freaking out than your brain, but it still wrecked the end of my first dozen or so lessons. You just can't function as a pilot while barfing.
2. Closely related to that, I had a couple of student solo flights on those hot, turbulent Texas afternoons where my palms would start to clam up and I'd death-grip the yoke, trying not to get queasy and feeling nervous on landings after all the bouncing around. My brain would freeze up a bit thinking and worrying about it — if just for a few seconds.
Even today, motion sickness is in the back of my mind when I hit turbulence. I haven't had a bit of trouble with it since getting my license two years ago. But there's still a sort of Pavlovian response when the plane starts to bounce around and for a split second all those thoughts of barf bags come flooding in. "What if I get sick? Is the autopilot ready to go? What will I tell the controllers?" Probably a good safety mechanism in my brain, I guess.
3. I do get nervous when I first get in the plane, but I think it's a healthy kind of nervous. It's a "did I miss anything in pre-flight" kind of nervous. And it usually goes away as soon as I start the engine. Just butterflies in my tummy, as Mom used to call it. And I hope it never goes away.
Point one, have you actually thrown up, or just near?
I'm struggling a little with this now. I do feel some of it is the real feeling, but after the first time it is more the fear of it that sets it off.
I work in IT and since I grew up with planes (as passenger) I've always had a healthy respect for having to do things right. Just in general it seems like in our culture today people in all kinds of situations seem too eager to "rewrite the book" and drop all the procedures and checklists for mundane things. In flying I have s really healthy respect for the checklists that have been developed over time. It saves reinventing the wheel.
I've only had a short time flying with my CFI, no solo yet, but I got a new CFI recently and he was kind of pushing me on everything (I got a good review after the flight, but at the time felt like I wasn't doing anything to his satisfaction) and at the worst as he (it felt like) was throwing all kinds of instructions at once to me, like you I realized I had a total death grip, holding the stick for dear life, so I tuned him out, relaxed and did my best. I felt like just me realizing I was seizing up on the stick was a good thing, that I became aware of it and did the right thing by relaxing even through stressed out.
Not quite the same as soloing and realizing it, but I take it as a good sign.
It's encouraging that mostly you overcame the queasy feelings, I'm hoping that happens with me too.