Clueless pilot

gismo

gismo

Touchdown! Greaser!
Joined
Feb 28, 2005
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Minneapolis
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Display name:
iGismo
I was approaching a local reliever (KMIC) today and after I was cleared to land on 14R, I heard a Cessna 310 make his initial call about 15 NW of the airport. Tower told him to continue straight in to 14R and called me out as traffic for him to follow. The 310 came back with a wordy request for 14L and tower replied with "continue for 14R, I have your request". The 310 replies to that with "Roger, cleared to land 14L. While I was chuckling over the obvious case of a pilot hearing what he wanted to hear, the tower said "That's not even close to what I said. Continue straight in for 14R and you are NOT cleared to land on anything." I don't know what the Cessna driver was smoking, but his response to that was "OK, cleared to land on 14R, but I'd really like 14L". I was laughing so hard, I had to concentrate on my landing, I can imagine the controller was either laughing as well or turning purple and swearing to himself.
 
I love to hear stories like this. It makes me feel better about my completely pathetic radio skills in controlled airspace. I can always say to myself, "I may suck, but not as bad as that other guy."

Chris
 
The story can't end there. What did the poor controller say to his now thinking himself cleared to land on 14R? Hopefully it was 'remain clear of Class D'
 
smigaldi said:
The story can't end there. What did the poor controller say to his now thinking himself cleared to land on 14R? Hopefully it was 'remain clear of Class D'
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Seriously...

Or "Squawk 7600, you obviously have a comm problem."
 
wbarnhill said:
Seriously...

Or "Squawk 7600, you obviously have a comm problem."
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There is one, uh, lady controller here at CHA that is vicious in her responses to people like Lance describes. When she is on duty and some mealy mouth guy gets on the radio, we just bust out laughing because we know what is coming...:lightning: ZOT!
 
You must get out more often Lance, This type of exchange has become more common, almost expected and acepted.
 
We had a tower controller who had perfected the art of sarcasm while dealing with these things. One time he was trying to get the pilot of a Cessna single to read back her runway assignment correctly, sort of like the case you describe here. But she was also saying her N number as "five-oh-five." After things were finally cleared up, the controller said, "Well, we got that done. Now, I need your N number and by the way, there is no "oh" in aviation. It is either Oscar or zero. Which will it be?"

Another time, the pilot of a Bonanza was really confused. The controller worked the guy for at least ten minutes, trying to get him into the pattern. The rest of us were kept either on the ground or were moved a bit away to circle til it the plane was on the ground. The pilot could not locate the runway, flew across the field a number of times, CAVU and 9,000 ft. runway plus a 4,000 parallel. It happens. Finally, the controller said to the guy, "Turn due west. Due west, right now. [he'd issued numerous headings and the guy always turned to some other one]. The controller was attempting to work the guy around to the west side of the field so he could land into the wind on runway 11. In exasperation, after the guy turned due east, the controller said, "Can you see those 14,000 ft. mountains out your window [um, yeah] well turn directly toward those mountains just like you are gonna fly straight into them...] It went on and on, but ultimately the guy turned toward the mountains, descended immediately and landed on the taxiway going...west!. Downwind on the taxiway. He taxied on down the taxiway and parked on the ramp, didn't tie down his plane, went over to a waiting car and split.
 
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Baron 55 said:
We had a tower controller who had perfected the art of sarcasm while dealing with these things. One time he was trying to get the pilot of a Cessna single to read back her runway assignment correctly, sort of like the case you describe here. But she was also saying her N number as "five-oh-five." After things were finally cleared up, the controller said, "Well, we got that done. Now, I need your N number and by the way, there is no "oh" in aviation. It is either Oscar or zero. Which will it be?"

Another time, the pilot of a Bonanza was really confused. The controller worked the guy for at least ten minutes, trying to get him into the pattern. The rest of us were kept either on the ground or were moved a bit away to circle til it the plane was on the ground. The pilot could not locate the runway, flew across the field a number of times, CAVU and 9,000 ft. runway plus a 4,000 parallel. It happens. Finally, the controller said to the guy, "Turn due west. Due west, right now. [he'd issued numerous headings and the guy always turned to some other one]. The controller was attempting to work the guy around to the west side of the field so he could land into the wind on runway 11. In exasperation, after the guy turned due east, the controller said, "Can you see those 14,000 ft. mountains out your window [um, yeah] well turn directly toward those mountains just like you are gonna fly straight into them...] It went on and on, but ultimately the guy turned toward the mountains, descended immediately and landed on the taxiway going...west!. Downwind on the taxiway. He taxied on down the taxiway and parked on the ramp, didn't tie down his plane, went over to a waiting car and split.
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Sounds like an after flight test might should have been performed on this guy, either blood work or urine in a bottle, at the least I would be amazed if they didn't jerk his ticket for a taxiway landing?

KT
 
Baron 55 said:
But she was also saying her N number as "five-oh-five." After things were finally cleared up, the controller said, "Well, we got that done. Now, I need your N number and by the way, there is no "oh" in aviation. It is either Oscar or zero. Which will it be?"
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Controller should've boned up on his knowledge of aviation and N-numbers. No I's or O's in the number. So "five-oh-five" indicates five zero five. It simply cannot be five-oscar-five. ;)

As for the second guy, I concur with having a nurse waiting on the ground to take blood samples. But the guy landed fine on the taxiiway? Just plain odd.
 
Almost anyone is able to learn to fly. Some shouldn't. I tell people that there are two primary components to being a good pilot. One is stick and ruder skills. The other is good judgement. Adequate stick and rudder skills are easier to develop than a lot of pilots would like to have people think but the best stick and rudder skills, when not accompanied with good judgement just make you a hazard to yourself and everyone around you.
 
It probably would have worked out ok if he had only asked:

"Any traffic on the taxiway, please advise."
 
sorry for the hijack but this post reminded me of this incident......hear what they want or try to "lets make a deal"

Last week KILG was IFR conditions early one morning. I was on the road to Delaware airpark but had my airport radio tuned to ILG tower and the flip was dover approach. This guy calls to report his position x number of miles at 4000' for landing at ILG, looking for a hole to drop down through. The tower asks if he is IR. The gent says...ah....er......I ...um I am VFR over the top. Tower says remain clear of class Delta. she offers PHL app for vectors and again says remain clear of Delta airspace. The guy calls in I have visual r/w 19 she again directs him to remain clear of Class Delta.

While this is going on I hear her clear a citation for take off and another cleared to land. At this point the first guy calls in and asked if the IFR conditions were clear and if she could advise him when and if it would be.

I loose the tower at some point on I-95 but hear the guy call in on the tower freq. with a position report x number of miles from new garden for landing. He then says oh ok thanks, I guess the tower told him he was still on wilmington twr freq.

I'm glad I keep the radio on in the car and the scanner on in the office.
 
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smigaldi said:
The story can't end there. What did the poor controller say to his now thinking himself cleared to land on 14R? Hopefully it was 'remain clear of Class D'
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Once the plane was close enough that the controller could see it, he told him to switch to 14L and cleared him to land. I think this was one of those "...accept what I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference" moments. He might have asked the pilot to call the tower after I shut off my radios, but I think he let it slide since separation wasn't compromised.
 
Lance Fisher said:
Continue straight in for 14R and you are NOT cleared to land on anything." I don't know what the Cessna driver was smoking, but his response to that was "OK, cleared to land on 14R, but I'd really like 14L".
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It is exactly this sort of pilot about which we, the pilots, have to do something. It's not funny. It's dangerous.
 
bbchien said:
It is exactly this sort of pilot about which we, the pilots, have to do something. It's not funny. It's dangerous.
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Bruce is absolutley correct,in any of the stories above we would all hate to be on short final or base to final turn and have any of these boneheads causing havoc.

KT
 
Bill Jennings said:
There is one, uh, lady controller here at CHA that is vicious in her responses to people like Lance describes. When she is on duty and some mealy mouth guy gets on the radio, we just bust out laughing because we know what is coming...:lightning: ZOT!
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Best response I ever heard/read to such a tirade: "I think at one point I might have been married to you."
 
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