I am a heavy drinker, I had 3 DUIs just last month alone and I can't function sober.
Though I am clean now, I haven't done meth or anything harder in the last few days, I only maintain my alertness with some puffing (twice or three times a day).
So I can get away with BasicMed, right? Although I should find a "friendly" doctor because mine is a douchebag, he keeps saying that my liver can fail any day if I keep it up and the four past strokes are just a hint of what's coming. Which is why I failed my 3rd class a few years ago but I'm still perfectly healthy to fly.
Thanks for the great news. I'll go get my BasicMed right now. Oh, that reminds me, I gotta pick up another Coors Light 12-pack on the way. And some "goodies" from the dude on the corner, he always has some cool samples. Maybe the doc will want some too.
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(Disclaimer for idiots: this is a joke/satire/comedy. *sigh* I can't believe I have to disclose it.)
(But if Br-Y-an taught me anything, it is that there are dumba**es out there. MANY!)