Many airpark properties, like many women, are simply way too expensive.
34, feeling lost, lonely
- Thread starter Sam7
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Ed Haywood
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My wife says that every woman not married by 30 is crazy. I asked her how that is different from other women. Lead balloon.
Sam7
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I think I read somewhere recently that at 50% of women 30+ are single and not married. I guess I've got lots of crazy people to choose from
Sam7
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I'll be the first to admit I'm not perfect. I've had a lot of issues I've had to handle by myself for many years. I stuck around a very toxic family for too long thinking that I could help them and put a lot of my life on hold because of that and it was all in vain.
I also spent too many years just focused on financial security to the detriment of my social and dating life which I now realize wasn't the best strategy.
At this point, the only way is forward, no sense in looking back, and to make the best of the here and now.
Matthew
Touchdown! Greaser!
Dude, all we have is the rest of our lives.
SkyChaser
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As a woman, I, too, wonder when a woman is not married and over 30, but that is mostly because almost every woman I've known has expressed a desire to be married by then. It does raise legitmate questions as to why she hasn't found a husband. There are also legitmate reasons why a woman over 30 might still be single that wouldn't also make her crazy, but I would be aware that most single women over 30 either have extensive past relationship issues that will significantly affect your relationship with her or have some sort of mental illness that has driven away all her previous suitors. Men don't necessarily carry that, though of course they can. A lot of men don't realize they want to be married until mid-twenties or later, so it's a little different (in my opinion).
One thing I will recommend is being okay with a larger age gap if you find a woman worthy of marrying. Marrying an 18 year old would probably not be what you'd want to do, but being willing to look eight or ten years younger would open up your options a little. One of my older sisters married a 35 year old guy in a very similar situation as you - he had gone in the Navy after high school (and stayed in for I think 8 years), then went on to college and grad school, and didn't start realizing he wanted a relationship until his early 30s. They are now happily married with two children - but she is 8 years his junior.
One thing I will recommend is being okay with a larger age gap if you find a woman worthy of marrying. Marrying an 18 year old would probably not be what you'd want to do, but being willing to look eight or ten years younger would open up your options a little. One of my older sisters married a 35 year old guy in a very similar situation as you - he had gone in the Navy after high school (and stayed in for I think 8 years), then went on to college and grad school, and didn't start realizing he wanted a relationship until his early 30s. They are now happily married with two children - but she is 8 years his junior.
Ed Haywood
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1/2 + 7
Zeldman
Touchdown! Greaser!
And I think I dated all of those girls.!!
Ed Haywood
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moparrob66
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Try a few different churches with young singles groups. They probably indicate on their websites. If you dont have a particular religious slant, I'd suggest non-denominational churches as they tend to be less pushy and militant about their particular interpretation. It can be a good place to meet friends of either gender with whom you might have common interests. You dont need to be a hardcore bible thumper to see value in the ideas and people.
Sam7
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I agree with you on this based on my experience with women so far past the age of 30. The few that I dated earlier this year were in a rush to get engaged -> married -> kids and they didn't like that I wasn't keen on rushing that process. Aside from that, I have a few single female friends past 30 and they all are generally angry, bitter, and man-hating.
I think only recently did I get the desire to be in a relationship (ideally with someone I'm crazy about that would lead to a marriage at some point) but prior to that, I thought I'd be happy being the single eligible bachelor having fun.
I'm absolutely okay with an age gap and would much prefer one but to my knowledge, most women aren't okay with it. They're the exception, not the norm from what I understand. I'd love to find someone in their mid 20s that want's kids before 30. That would give us a good amount of time to enjoy each other, travel, experience life, get married, etc. before kids came around.
SkyChaser
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To be fair to the 30+ year old women in a rush to get married and have kids, they really don't have time to date for two years, be engaged for another, and spend the first three years of marriage on travelling and having fun. Every year after 30 increases difficulty of conception, chances of birth defects/miscarriage, and chances of complications with mother and baby before, during, and after birth - and every year after age 35 exponentially increases those risks. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting that time together before kids, but those women aren't crazy for wanting marriage and kids so quickly when they're 31 or 32.
I don't have any ideas about the age gap issue, especially since I personally don't have issues with them. All I can say is women who are more mature for their age may be less likely to care about the age gap, as they'll probably feel like they don't fit in with their age cohort because they act too "adult" and thus may appreciate someone in a more adult stage of life and mind. Not very helpful, I know.
Zeldman
Touchdown! Greaser!
I got married for the first and only time at age 51. She was 35. I was really worried about our age difference, but so far no problems.
Before marriage I felt as if being single all my life would be Ok. Then I met the girl that would become my wife. While we are not perfect, I have never been happier. 13 June will make 14 years for us. 10 years earlier might have been better.
My wife keeps telling me we should have been married 20 years earlier. But I keep telling her that in America it is frowned upon for a 31 year old man to date a 15 year old girl...
All I can say is when the right one comes along, don't wait until age 51 to get married.
eaglepilot
Pre-takeoff checklist
Sounds like me at 36.. Spent way too much time in the Dance Clubs, had some "interesting" girlfriends, none were long term keepers. Only when I started dating with intention did I meet some real quality people, ended up marrying a good Italian girl. She's 12 years my junior (NOT recommended, too much of an age gap, helps that I'm immature ) Married 30 years, 2 adult kids, and still together.
It happens, I worked at a major hospital in Accounting, a target rich environment. Did not see this one coming, would have bet money against it working, but it has.
I wasn't lonely, but realized that there had to be more to "adult" life than the next party. There will be someone for you, you got to improve your odds by putting yourself in many positive situations. Not every encounter will turn into something, but often times they do.
A younger coworker met his wife at a bar! Yeah I know the odds are not in his favor. But he was the designated driver (DD) for his buds, and she was the DD for her friends. Ya never know.
) Married 30 years, 2 adult kids, and still together. It happens, I worked at a major hospital in Accounting, a target rich environment. Did not see this one coming, would have bet money against it working, but it has.
I wasn't lonely, but realized that there had to be more to "adult" life than the next party. There will be someone for you, you got to improve your odds by putting yourself in many positive situations. Not every encounter will turn into something, but often times they do.
A younger coworker met his wife at a bar! Yeah I know the odds are not in his favor. But he was the designated driver (DD) for his buds, and she was the DD for her friends. Ya never know.
Sam7
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To be fair to the 30+ year old women in a rush to get married and have kids, they really don't have time to date for two years, be engaged for another, and spend the first three years of marriage on travelling and having fun. Every year after 30 increases difficulty of conception, chances of birth defects/miscarriage, and chances of complications with mother and baby before, during, and after birth - and every year after age 35 exponentially increases those risks. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting that time together before kids, but those women aren't crazy for wanting marriage and kids so quickly when they're 31 or 32.
I don't have any ideas about the age gap issue, especially since I personally don't have issues with them. All I can say is women who are more mature for their age may be less likely to care about the age gap, as they'll probably feel like they don't fit in with their age cohort because they act too "adult" and thus may appreciate someone in a more adult stage of life and mind. Not very helpful, I know.
I definitely understand the rush that 30+ women are in and I don't think they're crazy for being in such a rush but I just can't wrap my head around the idea of ME rushing into marriage/kids just because she's on a biological timeline. I feel like that's setting up the relationship for failure down the line.
That said, I feel like I've put myself at a disadvantage by eliminating an entire age demographic of women so I'm in a tough spot. With regards to younger women, I know many couples/marriages with a large age gap but they weren't seeking an age gap so I feel like it's one of those things you don't necessarily pursue but in this case, I feel like I don't have much of a choice.
I definitely don't want to wait until 51! I'm just wanting a relationship first and foremost and hopefully it's with someone I see myself marrying at some point.
Sounds like me at 36.. Spent way too much time in the Dance Clubs, had some "interesting" girlfriends, none were long term keepers. Only when I started dating with intention did I meet some real quality people, ended up marrying a good Italian girl. She's 12 years my junior (NOT recommended, too much of an age gap, helps that I'm immature
It happens, I worked at a major hospital in Accounting, a target rich environment. Did not see this one coming, would have bet money against it working, but it has.
I wasn't lonely, but realized that there had to be more to "adult" life than the next party. There will be someone for you, you got to improve your odds by putting yourself in many positive situations. Not every encounter will turn into something, but often times they do.
A younger coworker met his wife at a bar! Yeah I know the odds are not in his favor. But he was the designated driver (DD) for his buds, and she was the DD for her friends. Ya never know.
I'm having fun but the casual stuff like the partying and clubbing does get tedious and like you said, you're left realizing there is more to life than stuff like that. I'm spread extremely thin right now due to all the hobbies and activities I have so I definitely feel like I'm putting myself out there. Other than join a church group or speed dating, I don't know what else I could possibly do to meet women
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N1431A
When I was a young Marine I met a girl who really impressed me. We really clicked. She was two years behind me in school and lived on the next street over.
Her name was Winona. That was 1956.
When it was time to go overseas I didn't commit and left for a tour in Japan.
I went crazy and brought home a Japanese woman 5 years my senior. That was a real disaster.
Years passed, Winona was on my mind enough that I named a daughter Ona, had I held out for naming her Winona my mother would have flipped. :-(
It's now 2003. I've retired from the military, from civilian life went back to school for a couple of years and am now faced with what to do with the rest of my life.
Daytime television or sitting on my butt swilling beer isn't gonna happen. I decided to put my Westie in my plane and the two of us just take off and explore.
I signed up for ClassMates hoping to hook up with people from my past that I could visit while exploring.
Bang!! Back comes a message from Winona. "I've been looking for you for over 40 years"
I was in Washington State and went down to San Diego shortly after making contact. It was like no time at all had past. We sold her San Diego house and lived in my WA house. While we were getting really settled in the doorbell rand. A chap I had worked with told my wife that he had heard about her so often through the years that he wanted to see her. I had mooned about a girl named Winona often enough while crying my beer he remembered.
We just passed our 20th. Winona had arranged for up moving out to the sticks to an airpark
The moral of the story is if you have and old flame you often think about, it might pay to do something about it. Ona and Winona get along well. My ex wife had a strange expression when she put 2 and 2 together.
Her name was Winona. That was 1956.
When it was time to go overseas I didn't commit and left for a tour in Japan.
I went crazy and brought home a Japanese woman 5 years my senior. That was a real disaster.
Years passed, Winona was on my mind enough that I named a daughter Ona, had I held out for naming her Winona my mother would have flipped. :-(
It's now 2003. I've retired from the military, from civilian life went back to school for a couple of years and am now faced with what to do with the rest of my life.
Daytime television or sitting on my butt swilling beer isn't gonna happen. I decided to put my Westie in my plane and the two of us just take off and explore.
I signed up for ClassMates hoping to hook up with people from my past that I could visit while exploring.
Bang!! Back comes a message from Winona. "I've been looking for you for over 40 years"
I was in Washington State and went down to San Diego shortly after making contact. It was like no time at all had past. We sold her San Diego house and lived in my WA house. While we were getting really settled in the doorbell rand. A chap I had worked with told my wife that he had heard about her so often through the years that he wanted to see her. I had mooned about a girl named Winona often enough while crying my beer he remembered.
We just passed our 20th. Winona had arranged for up moving out to the sticks to an airpark
The moral of the story is if you have and old flame you often think about, it might pay to do something about it. Ona and Winona get along well. My ex wife had a strange expression when she put 2 and 2 together.
Attachments
You’ve mentioned this several times. If you feel spread thin doing things, you’ve got too much going on. Everyone else sees it and honestly, it can be perceived negatively by others.
The mile wide/inch deep strategy is great if you’re into continuous learning and never mastering. In and of itself, it’s a sign about your ability to commit.
Take a step back, evaluate where you want to spend your time, talent, and treasure, and commit to mastery in those few areas. Those are areas that should provide intrinsic reward and leave you feeling physically and mentally/spiritually/wmotionally rested and fulfilled.
Sam7
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A huge amount of my time goes to horseback riding which is what I've been doing for a decade now. I've got guitar practice an hour a day (been playing for 12 years), I do improv once a week for three hours (been at that for 6 months) and I dance three times a week with my trainer (been dancing for over a year now), and I only recently started working on my sport pilot license.
All of these leave me feeling physically/mentally/spiritually/emotionally rested and fulfilled and I definitely don't have any issues committing to anything considering I've been doing most these for quite some time and they're are all lifelong endeavors. I'm spread thin because I have to fit these in on top of working full time and working out. I don't see that as a bad thing, I just don't have time to fit another activity just to meet women.
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RyanShort1
Final Approach
Google where this comes from:
At the end of the day, we are designed to play a role in a story bigger than our own personal run. If we only live to satisfy ourselves, we will actually lose everything in the end.
At the end of the day, we are designed to play a role in a story bigger than our own personal run. If we only live to satisfy ourselves, we will actually lose everything in the end.
Sam7
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I agree with you completely and that is why I want someone to share my life with: friends, a woman whom I can one day call my wife, and eventually kids.
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4RNB
I find it fascinating that a woman would suggest widening the age gap, but specifically mentions going younger.
I went older.
SkyChaser
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Well, he wants to have children of his own. I know there's a few edge cases of women having first children into their early forties, but if you want a family, going older is a stupid thing to do.
Ed Haywood
En-Route
Matthew
Touchdown! Greaser!
Yeah, do an interpretive dance, on horseback, while playing a guitar. Chicks dig that!
…are focused on you. You do not have a balance in your life that allows for another person to be a part of it.
Half Fast
Touchdown! Greaser!
Then I guess I was an idiot, but it’s worked out well anyway.
SkyChaser
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You didn't have a requirement to spend the first several years of your marriage travelling and having fun without kids.
(It also changes the equation slightly if the woman has already had a child, as conception of further children is easier at advanced maternal age than first conceptions.)That is very different than wanting to meet a 37 or 38 year old childless woman, spend five years travelling, and then settle down and have three kids. That is pretty dumb, as that is absolutely impossible for most women even if you had zero troubles with conception and you wanted each child a year apart. And while you might meet the woman who doesn't hit menopause and its preshows until her fifities and successfully pull off having those three kids in her mid-to-late forties, it is a huge gamble if having kids is important to you.
Half Fast
Touchdown! Greaser!
You didn't have a requirement to spend the first several years of your marriage travelling and having fun without kids.
That is very different than wanting to meet a 37 or 38 year old childless woman, spend five years travelling, and then settle down and have three kids. That is pretty dumb, as that is absolutely impossible for most women even if you had zero troubles with conception and you wanted each child a year apart. And while you might meet the woman who doesn't hit menopause and its preshows until her fifities and successfully pull off having those three kids in her mid-to-late forties, it is a huge gamble if having kids is important to you.
All true but I wasn’t considering any of that. I’d simply met a charming seductress and was powerless to resist her. Fortunately she had such low self-esteem that she was willing to marry me.
eaglepilot
Pre-takeoff checklist
To followup.
As I am fond of saying to my adult children, ad nauseam, nothing else in life is as rewarding as having kids.
Not flying, not financial success, not accolades from my peer group, not other accomplishments.
I had my epiphany when I was touring a Neo Natal ICU, and the nurse let me put my hand in the incubator, and the (drug) baby grasped my finger. I knew then that I wanted children. Truly changed my life.
Half Fast
Touchdown! Greaser!
Just wait until he's also a pilot.
Of course, then he won't be able to afford dates......
Half Fast
Touchdown! Greaser!
Okay, you're a busy guy, but aren't there any women involved in any of your activities? Frankly, in my experience, if you can't meet a woman at a horse show, you're just not trying.
When I was single (back when dinosaurs roamed the earth), I dated several women that I met scuba diving. I was active in a couple of dive clubs, and I dove in the Keys or the WPB area at least a couple of times a month. There were lots of women who liked to dive but didn't have a regular dive buddy.
Half Fast
Touchdown! Greaser!
Oh, I dunno. It's possible to commit to variety. Some people might go to a buffet and load up their plates with one or two favorite foods. I prefer to take many small portions of many different things.
Life is a buffet, with many different things to be tasted. I want to experience as much of it as I can. I might not master all of them, but I've mastered some and made myself competent at many others. And I still have a lot to go.
It's held true in my professional life as well. I specialized in servo control systems and in analog circuit design, and in my company I was considered a subject matter expert. But as a chief engineer, I needed to be a mile wide and an inch deep, having some basic knowledge of many other disciplines. That's an essential characteristic for a CE, as he needs to know when to consult experts and how to weigh their opinions and make technical decisions that may impact different parts of a design.
Matthew
Touchdown! Greaser!
Now that we’re relating this to food: “go big or go home!”
I never said one couldn’t. In about a @hindsight2020’s worth of words, I said a jack of all trades is a master of none.
And there’s nothing wrong with that, as even my life and career has shown. …
When I met my wife though, I became a husband and father and those are very selfless things with lots of compromises, that you willingly give up your time for.
OP doesn’t seem to be willing to make that commitment yet. Nothing wrong with that, but it takes a special kind of partner and relationship for that to work. Needless though, OP’s the only one that can drive this particular ship.
ja_user
Pattern Altitude
Stay away from RedHead's and HairDressers
Matthew
Touchdown! Greaser!
Heh - back in the day in the warehouse where I worked, the question was, “Tonya or Nancy?” Nancy was ahead by something like 6-0. Then one guy said, “Tonya.” Someone questioned him about it and he said, “Hey, if it’s just for one night.” A few minutes later someone else said, “I want to change my answer.”
flyingpreacher
Pre-takeoff checklist
Get a wife. She’ll get the dog for you.