Your Dumbest Benign Moment

TMetzinger said:
and when I was in the DEA people just assumed I'd gotten shot at some time or another.
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Hey, that happened when you were a kid. We all and I mean all have done foolish things before the age of 45.

Oh oh, I have another. Can we share two dumb a** stories.

This was my first solo flight afterbeing cleared to fly the pattern where I did 5 touch and goes when my instructor told me to do three. Of course, he yelled at me but let me continue my learning. I was a member of the Fort Hood Flying Club which was located on the Robert Gray Army Airfield. The runway is only 200 feet wide by 10,000 long. My foolishness is centered around simple arithmetic. Not being able to subtract properly.

When we had flown together to the practice area we departed on a heading of 195 to the practice area and the reciprocal back to the airport. Too easy, except I sometimes practice fuzzy math and thought the reciprocal of 195 was something other than 015, See, I can subtract now. Anyway, I took a heading of something other than 015 and my instructor taught me to call Grey Approach when inbound and crossing the Lampasas River. We would then fly for about 5 minues and Gray would be very visible. Even I can spot a 200x10,000 foot runway. Well I crossed the Lampasas River and feeling very smug I called Gray Approach, Cessna NXXXXX inbound 15 miles SW. Uh OH 10 minutes elapsed and I thought Gray Air Field had to have moved. I could not see the airport. Just then a voice came over the radio Cessna NXXXX are you still inbound for landing?

If I were smart, and no one has accused me of being smart, I would have said I am an instructor pilot and I am giving my student some lost procedure work. Could you show him how to ask for vectors to the airport. I did not say that. All I could say is I think I am lost.

He told me to squalk something and we both discovered the transponder was not working so he had me fly 90 degree segments until he could pick me up. He told me to look down and what did I see. I told him an airport. I was dead smack over the Lampasas airport, but that was a good 15 miles from Gray. He then vectored me to the airport where I landed. After securing the aircraft, I went to Ground control to thank the gentleman for his assistance. He said, come on in, and introduced me to the controller that had actually done the plot to get me back to Gray. She looked to be about 14 years old and any macho I still had after being lost was completly destroyed. I wowed never to get lost again. this occured in 1980. So far, so good.
 
Flying into SNY (Sidney, NE) a few weeks ago to swap greenbacks for cool stuff at Cabela's, I could not remember nor say "Sidney traffic" ... instead it came out "Cabela's traffic" and I knew it was wrong as I opened my mouth ... three times!
 
OK, one happened Saturday. I was landing on 16 at O33...

http://grumpyoldgeek.com/images/O33.jpg

First time at this airport, first approach over water. The windsock was hanging limp but I still couldn't believe there wasn't a stiff breeze given the ten foot breakers on the beach. Landed with a wing down toward the ocean countering the non-existent crosswind and skidded a bit. Landing was slow and safe, but clearly not ideal.
 
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onwards said:
Ohhh... pretty. I gotta be planning a trip out to o33. Anything to do out there? is there an airport diner?
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No, it's too far to walk to Eureka or Arcata. There were some people flying R/C models, an old guy flying a real sketchy looking Part 103 ultralight, and people enjoying the beach. There's also zero security.

I had intended to leave that afternoon, but instead we repositioned the plane to EKA for the night. EKA has a chain link fence, fuel and a little cafe.
 
My nextdoor neighbor had been bugging me for a while to take her for a ride in my plane. I relented and we drove to the airport. We kept the plane in an inclosed hanger on the east side of the runway. Got it out of the hanger and we crawled into the plane. Everything was fine. Taxied out to take off and everything appeared to be normal. Took off without incident and flew over area lakes and she was having a great time. I let her handle the yoke, but kept my feet on the rudders.

As I was getting ready to come back I called for advisories and was told which runway was in use, but there was a 30 knot cross wind blowing from west to east. When we pulled the plane from the hanger, the hanger had sheilded us from the wind and no, I did not bother to look at the wind sock when taking off.

Back to the landing. The pucker factor was pronounced, but I did a one wing low approach and greased that sucker on to the runway. Best landing I ever did. I was sweating bullets, but had pulled off one fine landing. She pipes up and said "That was so much fun, Lets do it again." I told her not today, We will go flying another day when I have more time.
 
rainsux said:
I was inbound to Mad River .... And reported entering, "down river at Mad Wind."
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That reminds me of my flight with Mari from POA. We decided to fly up the coast to a tiny airport called "Little River." The whole time I kept calling it "Little Rock" even though she reminded me we are in California, not Arkansas.
 
When I was a brand new private pilot, I made the transition from a fuel injected 172 that I learned in to a carburated Cessna 150 Aerobat that had an aux fuel pump (to be used when inverted, but also on the T/O and landing checklist) and with that fuel pump came a fuel pressure guage that is supposed to read zero when. Well...There I was not too long after level off about to enter ABQ's Class C enroute to an airpark just south of ABQ (I turned off the fuel pump at the top of the climb) when I noticed the Fuel pressure down at zero. So what do you think I did? Yep, I diverted to ABQ. That was an awkward conversation with the mechanic...:mad2::mad2::D

Guess what I covered when I did an insurance checkout for a friend in that airplane not too long ago?
 
kimberlyanne546 said:
Did you download it from liveATC? That would be priceless.
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I downloaded a segment from LiveATC where COS approach asks me "are you declaring an emergency?" Needless to say I did not sound anywhere near as cool and professional at it as I remembered.
 
Tom-D said:
Forgetting what N number you are in tonight.

file under one and trying to open under another. Daaa
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Ted DuPuis said:
I've always filed the right plane, but tower has heard calls of "Az- er- Twin Ce- er- Navajo four eight- er..."
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Happens too often. 3 different planes in the club and I've started with the wrong tail number more than once.

gkainz said:
Flying into SNY (Sidney, NE) a few weeks ago to swap greenbacks for cool stuff at Cabela's, I could not remember nor say "Sidney traffic" ... instead it came out "Cabela's traffic" and I knew it was wrong as I opened my mouth ... three times!
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Fortunately (or not as the case may be) I can stop at Cabela's on the way home from work. Convenient, but tough on the bank account. :D
 
zaitcev said:
I downloaded a segment from LiveATC where COS approach asks me "are you declaring an emergency?" Needless to say I did not sound anywhere near as cool and professional at it as I remembered.
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I haven't had the guts to download any radio transmissions that I have made. :redface:
 
zaitcev said:
I downloaded a segment from LiveATC where COS approach asks me "are you declaring an emergency?" Needless to say I did not sound anywhere near as cool and professional at it as I remembered.
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Well... You don't want to sound too cool at that point.

If you make a smoking hole in the ground we'd all sit and wonder why you didn't sound more worried when we pulled the recordings later. ;)

LiveATC has strangely put us all on stage, in some respects. There are days when I listen to my feed and think, "I sure hope no one with a bone to pick with Aviation is listening to these idiots!" ;)

I've pulled my own feed when I wanted to figure out "what the hell happened?!" after a couple of weird controller calls too. They're on stage worse than we are. Every day.
 
This was actually a "smart moment" performed by one of my partners in our PA-24-180. However, when I get to the punch line, you may find this interesting. I had the plane for the two days before he was required to pick up a person in Houston and fly them around Texas to speak at several activities during the day.

This was January 1980. My first trip was to Victoria, TX and this was where I actually did my first (by my self) instrument landing. I was so proud. After speaking in Victoria, I left there early the next morning where the RVR was 0.0. Got the clearance and headed down the runway blind as a bat. Broke out about 700 AGL and it was severe clear from Victoria to Dallas, Love Field. Extremely cold when I landed and our poor airplane, usually hangered had to bear the brunt of a freezing Dallas night. I had agreed to have the plane back to our airport by 12:00 so my partner could leave by 1:00 pick up his passenger at Hobby in Houston. The airplane would not start. Cranked on the darn thing, it still would not start. Finally the great line crew at the FBO brought out a jumper set and it started. I was making my approach into KILE at 11:15 clearly 45 minutes before I had promised to be back when I see my partner walking back and forth on the tarmac. I explained that I had to have the plane jumped to get it started. Then helped him to full up the tanks. He left. All day long he flew his passenger around Texas and going back into Houston Hobby around 10:30 pm he could not electrically put his landing gear down. He declared an emergency and was given priority and was able to pump the gear down and he landed without incident. However, his passenger, George W. Bush who was stumping for his dad, then Vice President running for POTUS has not flown in our plane again. Rumor has it for 8 years he was flying in something a bit more prestigious.
 
Drove 25 or so miles to field to get some recon photos of remote trailer suspected to be used for brewing meth. Tactical Team planned to hit it that evening. Researched the crap out of the area. Get to the hangar, walk to the plane only to realize the keys were at home on my dresser. Palm to the head. Back home, got keys, back to field now getting to location with enough light to get pics was gonna be close. Got em and sent em to tac team commander in time. Now have a checklist for before leaving the house.
 
Danos said:
Coming back from Florida a few weeks ago we heard "We are lucky enough to have a uuhhhhhh rare opportunity today. If you look off to the left uhhhhhhh you can see the Atlantic Ocean, and if you're lucky enough to be seated on the the right, uuhhhhhhhhhh, you can see the Gulf of Mexico. At our destination there are light winds from the northeast and the temperature is a pleasant uuuhhhhhhh, 75 degrees. We'll be coming by with some refreshments so sit back, and enjoy the flight." This happened not once, but twice in the same day! The captain and I were in tears.
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Even funnier on Guard. :D

I have started many times with the plane chocked. But had a crew chief to pull the chock(s) when ready to taxi. :D
 
Old Geek said:
http://abcnews.go.com/US/pilots-ran...aught-open-mic/story?id=13903790#.TysxvVP4KX0
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Many years ago did a sightseeing flight with my GF and another couple to see the Blue Ridge fall colors. On the way back, I was monitoring Flight Watch.

An airliner has a stuck mic while the crew discussed the FAs, commenting on their physical assets and some details on favorite things to do and positions.

This went on for maybe 5 - 10 minutes. Then there was the "Oh S**" call. IMMEDIATELY there were several requests for phone numbers.
 
denverpilot said:
ROFL! "Welcome to Petersen AFB... the kids with the M-16s will be over to escort you off the ramp." :)

Gotta be careful at those mixed-use airports.
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Could be worse. Could land on a SAC base.

I was going flying in a flying club airplane at Barksdale (Shreveport, LA area). Had to go to base ops for weather briefing and file a flight plan. And there is a civilian C-172 sitting in front of base ops, with a person face down on the ramp with several M-16s pointed at him. And this is July in Louisiana.

A guy landed at the wrong airport. Did not notice that on final he flew over a number of B-52s. That the runway was almost 12,000 feet long and 300 feet wide.
 
My wife has the weird, but not totally unique, habit of reaching out and touching someone if they tell a joke that makes her laugh. No big deal.

Sooo, we're in Vegas and decide to do the cool night flight in a chopper (can't remember the type) to view the lights and strip. Wifey is in front seat with pilot. Pilot, being a very outgoing and competent pilot, decides to tell us all a joke as he is lifting off the tarmac.

I have no idea what the joke was as a result of the terrifying trauma about to occur.

You guessed it. At about 15 feet in the air he finishes the joke and wifey starts laughing and reflexively reaches out and grabs his arm. The one holding the cyclic. Helicopter immediately rotates and dives towards the runway with three screaming passengers.

I guess he really was a good pilot because he managed to avoid hitting the ground. The flight turned out to be spectacular.

I'm pretty sure the pilot never, ever, told a joke during take off again.
 
Oh dear… gonna need some more bandwidth again….

So there I was… 10,000 hr badas Navy JET pilot in my mid 50s taking my first batch of skydivers up solo in a little turboprop….

Start it up can’t get it to move… from waaaay back in the cheap seats I hear, “THE PROP IS FEATHERED”.

Oh, ya.
 
Working on my instrument rating 10 years ago, flying with a friend as a safety pilot. Flying with foggles to an unfamiliar airport in north GA and descending the step down from the IAF to FAF. It was a bit further between fixes than I was used to. I had dialed in step down altitude on the KAP140, dropped the C172 RPM to around 1500 RPM for the descent, and I was futzing with my iPad to recheck some information for the approach. After a couple of minutes, my safety pilot said calmly "Want to add some power?" We had reached the step down and we were losing airspeed in level flight. I sheepishly scanned the airspeed indicator that showed 70 knots, so I immediately shoved in the throttle. Still haunts me today as I could have easily created a trim stall had my friend not been astute. That's why we have safety pilots! I keep a list of past mistakes over the past decade and review them regularly to refresh myself on things NOT to do.
 
David Loftus said:
Working on my instrument rating 10 years ago, flying with a friend as a safety pilot. Flying with foggles to an unfamiliar airport in north GA and descending the step down from the IAF to FAF. It was a bit further between fixes than I was used to. I had dialed in step down altitude on the KAP140, dropped the C172 RPM to around 1500 RPM for the descent, and I was futzing with my iPad to recheck some information for the approach. After a couple of minutes, my safety pilot said calmly "Want to add some power?" We had reached the step down and we were losing airspeed in level flight. I sheepishly scanned the airspeed indicator that showed 70 knots, so I immediately shoved in the throttle. Still haunts me today as I could have easily created a trim stall had my friend not been astute. That's why we have safety pilots! I keep a list of past mistakes over the past decade and review them regularly to refresh myself on things NOT to do.
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That’s not a trim stall, that’s a landing configuration stall. You get extra credit for saying, “we’ll be there any minute, Mr. Wellstone.”
 
Some years ago as another airplane passed under me. I lowered the nose pressed the gun switch and went Ratatattat transmitting on the tower freq, Yes the tower knew me.
 
There was this one time that I read a 10 year old thread on POA for 15 minutes, laughing at the mistakes that had been made. But I didn’t catch it was 10 years old until the very end.

just to verify, I have also started up with chocks in, some things don’t change.
 
The Captain pointed out the windshield at a thunderstorm and said, “Tell Center we don’t want to go there.”
I asked, “where do you want to go?”
He responded, “I DONT WANT TO GO THERE.”
I didn’t key the mic and say, “The Captain is pointing out the window saying he doesn’t want to go there.”
 
Silly but I forgot to put on the ground wire while filling up. Only realized my mistake when I was done.‍. :ohsnap: Looked around and made sure no one saw me and got out of there wondering why that happened.
 
I always tell my students to scan final approach when you are on base, that someday there will be a Learjet coming in fast on the wrong frequency. So, one day we are on downwind, and I see a King Air on final and point out to the student that we have not heard one single radio call from that airplane. And then I look and realize he wouldn't be hearing us, either.... because WE are on the wrong frequency.
 
Where I got my PP, there was a very slight slope on the ramp. The FBO was also very adamant about NOT using parking brakes. I guess they had enough problems with planes being moved around with the tug and people forgetting to release the brakes. So procedure was to pull the chocks just before climbing in.

One day, the one day I forgot, I was doing my pre-start checklist and remembered. I was in a Warrior, so I had to ask my right seat passenger to get it. That happened to be my DPE on my private checkride.
 
Lndwarrior said:
My wife has the weird, but not totally unique, habit of reaching out and touching someone if they tell a joke that makes her laugh. No big deal.

Sooo, we're in Vegas and decide to do the cool night flight in a chopper (can't remember the type) to view the lights and strip. Wifey is in front seat with pilot. Pilot, being a very outgoing and competent pilot, decides to tell us all a joke as he is lifting off the tarmac.

I have no idea what the joke was as a result of the terrifying trauma about to occur.

You guessed it. At about 15 feet in the air he finishes the joke and wifey starts laughing and reflexively reaches out and grabs his arm. The one holding the cyclic. Helicopter immediately rotates and dives towards the runway with three screaming passengers.

I guess he really was a good pilot because he managed to avoid hitting the ground. The flight turned out to be spectacular.

I'm pretty sure the pilot never, ever, told a joke during take off again.
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So that's why that operator now has a sign on the panel, "Please do not touch the pilot!"
 
Last September we took our first long trip on vacation PYM-BBG for a week of R&R on Table Rock Lake. So we launch late on Thursday with IDI planned as our first stop and overnight. Everything is going great call approach airport in sight. Squawk VFR freq change approved have a good night. I jump over to CTAF and announce Plymouth traffic blah blah blah 8 miles east of the field (couple of guys playing in the grass in their cubs after work talking one says do you see him the other says yup) We fly along Plymouth traffic 7MC left downwind 11. Plymouth traffic 7MC left base 11. Plymouth traffic 7MC final 11. Grease it on just as the sun is going down the 2 taildraggers are waiting for us to land. One of them says beautiful landing. The other one says where in the world is Plymouth anyway.... We were at Indiana County airport. F@CK ME I still can't believe I did that. They got a chuckle out of it anyway, and my wife thought it was comical nobody corrected me after my 2nd call.
 
Knew perfectly well there was a POTUS TRUMP TFR near KPBI. Flying direct from KOBE to KPMP. Busted the TFR anyway because I was distracted on a Rockwell Commander sales-demo hop with two prospective buyers. Sensed a presence to my left and sure enough F-15 #1 soon joined by F-15 #2 to my right. The buyers were from the Dominican Republic and had no idea what was going on and were freaking out. Those F-15’s are HUGE especially with leading edge devices and flaps hanging out. The sidewinder missiles were impressive. Got the phone # to call and sat with a secret service guy for 2 hrs who had many questions. When he was satisfied and let me go with basically a “don’t do that anymore” I asked him, “Hey, btw, did I have to answer any of those questions?, he said “no”.
 
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I learned the hard way of the rule of the “sterile cockpit.”

As a newly minted pilot many years ago, I took a non-pilot friend for the $100 hamburger to Block Island one winter day. Typical weather for the day was stiff wind from the north, and as we did our downwind to runway 28, I was preparing for a challenging crosswind landing. I began to think out loud “more to the left, more to the right, raise the nose, lower the nose, blah blah blah.” When I turned final, on a quasi-stabilized approach, I really thought I was going to have to do a go around. So out of my lips came “I don’t think we’re going to make it.” But then I got the approach stabilized made a nice landing.

As we rolled out, I looked at my friend who had two huge eyes and an open mouth. I said “So what’s with you?“. He repeated my words to which I responded, “Oh that’s not what I meant.“ But he said, “BUT that’s what you SAID!“

So, while I still run my checklists out loud, I keep my thoughts to myself and my mouth shut when flying the plane.
 
In the 60's I was stationed in Spain. Work was a 40 mile drive from our quarters. I had purchased an Aeronca Champ from the Navy flying club at Rota. I was a guest member of a Spanish flying club at Tablada Air Base outside Sevilla where I hangared my Champ.
It was a perfect Spring day and I had Spring fever bad! I told my boss I was feeling poorly and needed to go home to bed.
As soon as I got through the gate I headed off to Tablada and my Champ.
I was having a blast. It was a perfect day for flying. At quitting time I was at 2000 feet watching all the cars starting their 40 mile drive home over the poor Spanish roads.
Hah ! I would land at Tablada and be home long before they got there.
Then it dawned on me. Everyone knew I had a blue and white airplane with big N numbers on the fuselage. In fact I had taken my boss flying.
I was in deep do do!
Eventually I was forgiven. In fact my boss swore me in when I was appointed a warrant officer. :)

That Champ is alive and well in England today. Many years later I put N2426E on another Champ which is still flying here in AZ.
Spain095.jpg
 
My very first Pt 135 revenue flight was in a C-207 (sled) from Aniak to Sleetmute up the Kuskokwim River in Alaska.

The chief pilot was riding with me doing a route check, and a fed was in the seat behind me checking out the chief pilot as he checks me out.

It was a load of mail and freight on the first leg, and that leg was routed so the fed could do a aerial observation of a crashed plane. So the chief pilot vectored me to the crash site and we looked at the plane. The plane had burned and it was very obvious to me that something had exited the pilot door and rolled downhill in the snow. I asked the chief pilot about that, and he casually remarked that it was were the pilot rolled down the hill in the snow to put out the fire on his parka. So much for building up my confidence to fly in Alaska...

Once at Sleetmute, I unloaded the mail and freight. We had one passenger going back to Aniak, so I loaded his bag with the return mail. I got the passenger seated in the plane, then gave him the safety briefing. After I finished, I closed the door and stepped back, tripping over the main wheel. As I fell backwards, my feet crossed and my feet became stuck between the tire and the mud flap. I mean STUCK.!!

I could not get my feet free. The chief pilot and the fed were in the second row, and the passenger was in the copilot seat. He opened the door and reached down to free my feet.

The flight back to Aniak was uneventful. After I unloaded the mail, the chief pilot called me into the office. He was sitting there with the fed. As I sat down, they both looked at me. The CP asked me how I thought the flight went. Before I could say anything, they both fell over laughing. The CP finally told me everything looked good, except tripping over the main gear and getting my feet stuck.
 
Rented a Piper Cherokee from GMU that had a recently installed av30 for the DG. I was told about it and warned that it liked to precess.

I go out to the plane, see the AV30, and get quickly familiarized with the display. Do the rest of my preflight, ground run, got VFR departure instructions on ground (Depart RWY01, right turn to 030, at or below 3k) taxi to the active RWY01. The altitude restriction is to stay under GSP airspace. GSP is to the right, if departing RWY01.

On RWY01 I look at the AV30 and see the heading is something like 310. So, being quick at math, I determined I needing about an 80* right turn on takeoff to comply with instruction to head 030 after takeoff.

So, after taking off of RWY01 (with its appropriate magnetic heading), I almost completed my 80* turn when that little voice said "Something isn't right". I immediately figured it out and scrambled to make a correcting left turn. As soon as I was stable on 030 by the mag compass and GPS, I reset the AV30. When I contacted Greer departure I was instructed to copy a number for "possible pilot deviation". I acknowledged the deviation.

Once I arrived at my destination, I made the call. The controller I talked to was very easy to talk with. He offered me opportunities to claim something else, but I had to stick to the "I'm just a moron who neglected to verify his DG matched the mag compass before departure" story. Nothing else was said, but I did complete an ASRS report just in case.
 
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