Wearing shoes in the house

RyanB

RyanB

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So we recently had some guests over to the house for a meal, a few of which have been over many times in the past, but up until this time, not recently. Protocol at our house is removing your shoes at the door. If you’re new to our place than we’ll politely ask you to remove them, although it’s usually implied when you walk in and see a variety of shoes at the door and nobody else is wearing any.

Needless to say, these individuals didn’t remove their shoes and go walking across the house and didn’t think anything about it. It didn’t strike them until near the end, that they probably should remove their shoes since everyone else did.

There’s been a few instances where people have asked why we don’t wear shoes in the house. C’mon now, it should go without saying...

I get it, some people choose to trek through their homes in their dirty shoes, that’s fine, but when you’re a guest at someone else’s home, and they don’t wear theirs inside, you shouldn’t either. Quite frankly, I’m not sure why people wear everyday shoes in their house. You walk through public places, restrooms, you name it, then take those same shoes and walk through your home - just nasty!
 
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Grum.Man said:
Did you ask them to remove them? If there is one thing I have come to accept is that most of the world isn't as observant as you would hope.
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They’ve been over to our house many times in the past, just not very recently, so we assumed they would remember that we don’t wear shoes in the house. Evidently our assumption was incorrect.
 
This is a cultural/regional thing. When I go to visit mt wife's family in maritime Canada I make it a habit to pack slip on shoes because we're constantly taking out shoes off to go in and out of people's houses. It seems to be the rule there because of constant rain and snow making everyone's shoes dirty. In some parts of the world its just a cultural norm. In much of the US it's nearly unheard of.
 
If they don't already know your rulez, you should politely inform them.

I don't typically wear shoes in the house, but more for comfort purposes than "germaphobia" or "protecting the flooring". Autumn and Jack track more stuff on to my flooring than any visitor.

But I will agree it's respectful to notice and follow the custom of the homeowner.
 
If I’m just stepping into grab something and go, I’ll leave my shoes on. If staying for a few hours then I’ll take them off. Dirt on carpet and scratched hardwood floors.
 
Triggered. In my experience most Americans don't do that, especially with tile/hardwood flooring.
 
Velocity173 said:
If I’m just stepping into grab something and go, I’ll leave my shoes on. If staying for a few hours then I’ll take them off. Dirt on carpet and scratched hardwood floors.
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WE have a dog, so no illusions of pristine hardwood floors.
 
Brad Z said:
In much of the US it's nearly unheard of.
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Interesting. Many people’s homes that I’ve been to over the years, friends, co-workers etc., all do the same thing. A few don’t, so I didn’t think it was that unheard of.
 
Ryanb said:
Interesting. Many people’s homes that I’ve been to over the years, friends, co-workers etc., all do the same thing. A few don’t, so I didn’t think it was that unheard of.
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Never did that growing up, still don't. I mean, I get it, it keeps the house a lot cleaner, but...

And it doesn't help that back when I was battling plantar fasciitis that the doctor told me to keep my shoes on all the time even when home. He was right, it helps.
 
I take off my shoes, but it's because I don't like to wear shoes. It's not a household rule. Things get dirty. Then you clean them.
 
We've had folks ditch their shoes at the door without being asked. And we'd never ask them anyway! But I wear slippers or flip-flops, rather than proper shoes, whenever I have on any footwear.
 
Bill Jennings said:
Never did that growing up, still don't. I mean, I get it, it keeps the house a lot cleaner, but...

And it doesn't help that back when I was battling plantar fasciitis that the doctor told me to keep my shoes on all the time even when home. He was right, it helps.
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Fair enough. I guess my point is that common courtesy should tell you to abide by what the homeowners requests are. I usually ask when entering if they want me to remove my shoes or not, most seem to indicate they would, others don’t have a preference. Not like it’s that big of a deal, it’s just having the couth to show respect in someone else’s home.
 
When we first inhabited the Steinholme the downstairs had white carpet. Definitely not our choice. We did the no shoe thing while the white carpet persisted, but we eventually got sick of it (at that point it was more a shade of off-white anyway) and went to hardwood flooring. Now we don't do the no shoe thing anymore.
 
way back in high school I was at a friends house. we were hanging out in the kitchen, which connected to the dining room. his mom says 'ok wash up we're having dinner'. so I turned around to the sink and started to wash my hands, you know, like people do. they started yelling at me and I was like WTF did I do, did I step on the cats head or something? they were like no, you wash your hands in the bathroom, not the kitchen. I had never heard that before (and haven't heard it since) but if they don't tell me how the eff am I supposed to know? I thought, you know, sink, water, soap, what's the problem. so, speak up if you got rules that you assume people should know.
 
My friends an family don't give a **** about the shoes thing, just isn't worth getting panties in a wad over it.
 

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Ryanb said:
Fair enough. I guess my point is that common courtesy should tell you to abide by what the homeowner's requests are. I usually ask when entering if they want me to remove my shoes or not, most seem to indicate they would, others don’t have a preference. Not like it’s that big of a deal, it’s just having the couth to show respect in someone else’s home.
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Although I do not habitually take off my shoes in the house, I agree with this. I have no issues taking them off when someone asks. But, if they haven't been to the house in a while, then I doubt they are just trying to be impolite, more likely they just forgot.

Having said that, most people who take off their shoes don't realize it is actually a wealth thing. There are some places (even in the US) where being barefoot isn't particularly safe. To this day, my dad will tell me to put on shoes if he sees me walking barefoot anywhere (including in the house), because when he was a kid disease resulting from walking around barefoot was common.

Most of these diseases are a result of unsanitary conditions, often from poorly maintained sewage infrastructure. A recent report by the UN found that some rural parts of the US were at the same risk for these diseases as many impoverished (aka Third World) countries. This report specifically cited Alabama, Georgia, Mississippi, and Tennessee.
 
Germophobes crack me up, yeah the world is really disgusting, you know what that smell is after it rains? Bacteria.
 
I never took my shoes off growing up, or much of my adult life, so unless someone says something or I happen to remember from another visit, I don’t. I know someone who has a sign by his front door and white carpet, so I never forget when I’m there.
 
I'm glad @Everskyward brought up the sign.

I've seen that, and I consider it tacky. Kind of like the "I don't swim in your toilet so don't pee in my pool" sign.
 
Ravioli said:
I'm glad @Everskyward brought up the sign.

I've seen that, and I consider it tacky. Kind of like the "I don't swim in your toilet so don't pee in my pool" sign.
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Heh, there used to be one of those next to the jacuzzi at the gym. Good thing there was a sign there telling us not to, or else I might’ve done it!

:)
 
OP, is it possible that some of your guests are so cheap (like me) that they wear socks with holes in them? In that case they may be reluctant to remove their shoes.
 
I shed my boots immediately when entering my home and go straight to the bedroom to change into shorts and a T-shirt. I don't like wearing shoes or clothes while in my castle, but I'll abide by anyone else's rules in their home.

Having an Asian wife also means also means I'll catch a shoe with my head if I walk on the floor with street shoes.

As a kid, we had asphalt tiles from the '50s on the floor, so shoes were cool. By the '70s we had carpet and we parked our shoes at the edge of the living room where the carpet began. We adapted and thought nothing of it, so it was not really a cultural mandate...

Speaking of washing up in the kitchen sink, that was encouraged in my childhood home. Keeping the crust off of kids should be an obvious good thing.
 
Ryanb said:
Interesting. Many people’s homes that I’ve been to over the years, friends, co-workers etc., all do the same thing. A few don’t, so I didn’t think it was that unheard of.
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funny, prior to moving up to DC, I don't recall anyone who insisted on removing shoes in their home when I lived in the Richmond area. But up here it's about half and half.
 
What was their socioeconomic station?
 
Ravioli said:
I'm glad @Everskyward brought up the sign.

I've seen that, and I consider it tacky. Kind of like the "I don't swim in your toilet so don't pee in my pool" sign.
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But if someone cares that much, then they should make it clear to their guests in some way, since it is not the cultural norm in this country.
 
My wife would have noticed your pile of shoes at the door.

I would not have. So please don't think I'm intentionally being rude.

I prefer to wear shoes all the time. Almost literally. I hate walking around barefoot or in socks - for one, shoes provide cushioning on tile and wood. I don't really like anything that's not "secure" either - slippers are for just before bed and first thing in the morning. Flip flops? No way. Sandals are fine if they have a strap around the heel. Which of course eliminates anything easy to slip on.

Also, if John McClane had kept his shoes on, he would have had a much more enjoyable evening.

Actually, there's some truth to that for me - with shoes on, I feel "ready" - ready to go get the mail, take the trash out, go for a walk, go shopping, whatever. That now seems silly having typed it, but oh well. we have some friends who do the "no shoes in the house thing", and when we're over there I hate putting on and taking off my shoes every time we go outside to check the burgers or the kids or whatever.
 
I have had 2 friends who had 'no shoe' homes. They were Japanese, and we ate sitting on the floor. Leaving our shoes at the door made sense in this way of life. They also provided cloth slippers to wear while in their homes.Do you provide this welcome feature at your house?

On the farm, if we worked in the barn yard or other dirty places, the foot gear came off in the garage, and we put on regular shoes indoors, unless we were going back out. On Sunday, when we returned from Church, unless it had rained, we walked right in with shoes on.

At home, if I have been doing dirty work, garage or garden, the shoes come off as I come in, and back on going out. Dress shoes, stay on.

A few years ago, advised airport security that I had bleeding Athletes Foot, and objected to removing my shoes.

So what? Take them off! So I did, then loudly advised those behind me to avoid the infected blood on the floor until security had it cleaned up. Every foot step left a pink smear.

The version of AF that I had picked up, WALKING BAREFOOT at the shower at the gym took several months to get under control.

I never walk barefoot outside my own house unless someone with a gun orders me too.

Strangers at my house do not walk barefoot unless they have been invited to spend the night.

The AF infections that I have had, 3 times, first occurred in the army, where walking on the same floor as every one else walks on is unavoidable.

The version from the army was in curable with all the external medications the army provided, as the organism was too deep in my skin. I went on Chemo for a month to kill it, at my expense.

Stuff like that may not exist in Tennessee, but it sure did in Georgia, Maryland, and Pennsylvania. At Fort Gordon, they instituted a mandatory step into disinfectant going in and out of the showers.

My opinions are strong for practical reasons.
 
I shed my shoes upon entering my house as well most days, unless I expect to go back out again. But I don't expect similar behavior from my guests. It isn't a commonly expected behavior here in the West. It is of course expected in many Eastern lands.

In the colder months I habitually wear slippers. The Steinholme is older than any of you, older than anyone you know, and older than any of your airplanes. It is a cold house.
 
Everskyward said:
But if someone cares that much, then they should make it clear to their guests in some way, since it is not the cultural norm in this country.
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I think that goes for any behavioral expectation. If it’s not communicated up front, any failures to meet expectation should be addressed with the people involved.

...but that seems to be extremely unheard of.
 
Just as an aside, there is a double-decker bridge carrying I-71 and I-75 across the Ohio River between Ohio and Kentucky. The bridge is arranged so that those entering Kentucky are on the upper deck, and can toss their shoes to those on the lower deck, who are entering Ohio.
 
Everskyward said:
I never took my shoes off growing up, or much of my adult life, so unless someone says something or I happen to remember from another visit, I don’t. I know someone who has a sign by his front door and white carpet, so I never forget when I’m there.
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Everskyward said:
But if someone cares that much, then they should make it clear to their guests in some way, since it is not the cultural norm in this country.
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No sign here, but as I said, we’ll politely ask guests to remove their shoes if it’s their first time over. If they’ve been over many times, it’s usually a ‘go without saying’ implied type of thing. Most of the guests that we have over, who have been here a time or two all know that we prefer shoes removed.
 
Ryanb said:
They aren’t pilots, so they’re a little further down on the totem pole, but otherwise the same.
:)
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Having lived among the Tlingit people of Southeast Alaska, I can tell you the position on the Totem Pole is not related to social station.

From Oscar Newman (2004). Secret Stories in the Art of the Northwest Indian:

"Those from cultures that do not carve totem poles often assume that the linear representation of the figures places the most importance on the highest figure, an idea that became pervasive in the dominant culture after it entered into mainstream parlance by the 1930s with the phrase "low man on the totem pole" (and as the title of a bestselling 1941 humor book by H. Allen Smith). However, Native sources either reject the linear component altogether, or reverse the hierarchy, with the most important representations on the bottom, bearing the weight of all the other figures, or at eye level with the viewer to heighten their significance. Many poles have no vertical arrangement at all, consisting of a lone figure atop an undecorated column."
 
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